I have a question regarding hair

[Maria1993]

Hello fellow people!

I just got a quick question, and if possible I’d like to know if this is worth confessing.

If my parent does not like the color of my hair, is it a sin to keep it? Or am I just being scrupulous here .__. Now I know some will say it can be if it is for vanity. But, it’s not. I just have it because I really like the color and how it looks with my skin. I’m 19 I think I’m old enough to take care of my hair, i could be wrong. (I also remember my father saying ‘when you are 18 you can dye your hair’ to my sister, and when I told him he stayed quiet ) I’m not pierced or anything lol. I’m not putting myself on a pedestal. I just really like the color, (it’s red) and it’s two streaks. I don’t dress extreme, just normal.

Is it a sin to keep my hair even though my dad does not like it, and do I have to confess this. (I’m being serious) no rude answers pls

(I’m not going to lie I really want to keep it, I like it. )

 

[Carina20]

It depends, a lot, if you live with your parents. If they have a rule about these things, and you live with them, it could be disobedient to them to keep it. But, if they don’t have any specific rule about dying your hair and they just don’t like it based on preferences, then it is not sinful. They just don’t care for it.

 

[Jala]

My mother was MARRIED at 19! You are certainly old enough to decide for yourself what color to dye your hair!!

Jala

 

[Maria1993]

He says he likes my original hair better. It’s pretty much only for prefference.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

At 19 you’re not sure if you’re old enough to take care of your own hair? My 11-year-old stepdaughters have been taking care of their hair for more than two years, and by the time they’re your age they’ll be able to do what they please with it.

You’re an adult woman, OP. It’s high time to start thinking and acting like one.

 

[Maria1993]

At 19 you’re not sure if you’re old enough to take care of your own hair? My 11-year-old stepdaughters have been taking care of their hair for more than two years, and by the time they’re your age they’ll be able to do what they please with it.

You’re an adult woman, OP. It’s high time to start thinking and acting like one.

I didn’t mean taking care as in washing or stuff like that .__. I’m a big girl

Im refferring to coloring. I just wanted (name removed by moderator)ut if I was being scrupulous.

 

[R_C]

A reply to the remark of those who are going along the lines “I’m big enough to take care of myself”: it doesn’t quite work that way. Even if you were 50 years old, you’d still be called to honor your parents, which often can mean to chose obedience even when we are not bound to obey, and even when this means a sacrifice.

I don’t think it is a mortal sin in any way, because I don’t think you are bound to obey your parents on this matter, and you don’t seem to break the fourth commandment here.

However, let’s address something: how do you define vanity? “I really like the color and how it looks” sort of fits into it

Fr. John Hardon’s Modern Catholic Dictionary:

vanity primarily seeks to show others what a person has …] More commonly, vanity is associated with an exaggerated importance attached to multiple details, especially external appearances, which in no way contain the value attributed to them. Vanity is attributed to hings without solidity and permanence (such as physical beauty). It is an inflated pride and, as such, is venially sinful.

You are very sweet when you honestly admit that you really want to keep it because you like it. Let’s go over what the Catechism has to say about the family and the fourth commandment - a few of these teachings may help us determine what is more appropriate when we are no longer bound to obedience.

As long as a child lives at home with his parents, the child should obey his parents in all that they ask of him when it is for his good or that of the family

As they grow up, children should continue to respect their parents. They should anticipate their wishes, willingly seek their advice, and accept their just admonitions. Obedience toward parents ceases with the emancipation of the children; not so respect, which is always owed to them.

Filial respect promotes harmony in all of family life

In short: it boils down to just how much trouble this is causing Just how much does your parent dislike the color of your hair? If to the extent of causing big disagreement and breaking peace in the household, he/she may not be fair in this behavior, but it may ultimately depend on you to restore familiar harmony, even if this means sacrificing something, giving up something unjustly.

Question: have you spoken to your dad about it? A big difference as we become adults is that we boldly take responsibility for our actions: we choose and we defend our choices. Perhaps it would be nice to discuss what does he dislike of your hair, and mention the reasons behind your choice. Then you can weigh his reasons and your reasons, and have more ground to maybe make a new choice, or instead reaffirm your own.

I wouldn’t say you need confess this - whatever your parent does, even if he gets really upset, is his responsibility. You may, perhaps, ask a priest’s advice on this matter

 

[R_C]

I thought you may benefit from this article by Fr. John Bartunek, LC, STL, regarding identifying one’s root sin (which is harder than it seems, since it is rarely obvious, but then most sins spring forth from the root sin).

here are the three possible root sins: pride, vanity, and sensuality. Pride, in this sense, refers to a disordered attachment to our own excellence. The proud person tends to seek meaning and fulfillment in their own achievements and conquests. Vanity is a disordered attachment to the approval of other people. The vain person tends to seek meaning and fulfillment in being appreciated or liked by other people. Sensuality is a disordered attachment to comfort, ease, and pleasure. The sensual person tends to seek meaning and fulfillment in taking it easy and simply enjoying life. Notice that each of these root sins is a disordered attachment to something. The things in themselves – achievements, relationships, pleasures – are not evil. The problem comes when we seek meaning and fulfillment in those temporal, created realities.

Again, it is important to realize that we each have tendencies that spring from pride, vanity, and sensuality. None of us is exempt from any of them

But in each of us, one of the three is usually dominant. If we can identify which one, we can better aim our efforts to grow spiritually; we can strive to develop the virtues that counteract the cause, the root, of our falls and faults. We can identify this root sin, also called “dominant defect” by some spiritual writers, by looking at the common manifestations of each. The manifestations which are strongest in your life can clue you in to your root sin.

 

[kmmb_68]

I agree with Carina20 in that, if you are still living with your parents–or are still financially dependent on them, you should respect their rules. On the other hand, if you are totally supporting yourself, you are an adult, and yes, you have the freedom to do whatever you want, but keep in mind there is a delicate balance to be maintained: In any relationship (with parents, siblings, boyfriends, husbands, etc.) it’s important to respect one another and one another’s opinions and wishes/preferences. Sometimes, and it’s usually pretty rare in strong loving relationships, the opposing parties can respectfully “agree to disagree”. But RESPECT is the key here. I don’t see how it could be considered a sin unless you are still basically living as their child–then it would be disobeying your parents, and yes, that’s morally wrong. However, the line between “child” and “adult” is a little blurry; just reaching your state’s legal age doesn’t automatically deem you an adult. If you are fully supporting yourself, as I said earlier, AND making other adult-type decisions AND taking on other normal adult responsibilities, then just a couple red streaks, which doesn’t sound overly immodest in today’s culture, wouldn’t be a sin, just a decoration of your physical being. Just remember to let your parents know you fully respect their opinion/preference.

I have two teenage daughters and a twenty-something daughter, and have been through several hair-dyeing situations. HTH

 

[1ke]

Yes, you are being scrupulous.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

He says he likes my original hair better. It’s pretty much only for prefference.

It’s hard to go against a parent’s opinion. It’s also very good training for the rest of your life, because whatever you do, someone is bound to react against it! Treat your dad with understanding, and make sure there is no hint of rebellion against him in this issue, but your hair is your hair, and just because he gives his opinion does not mean you need to change it back to the original coloring.

Example: My younger son decided to pierce his lip. He’s 19 BTW. I hated it when I saw him on Skype and told him that I don’t think it suited him. But it’s his lip. He ended up taking it out a week later. He had VERY long hair until 2 weeks ago; most of the family told him it was too long, but it’s his choice to wear it that way. He finally got it cut. But if he wanted to die it blue and wear a mohawk, IT"S HIS HAIR! There are consequences to every action, so it might get a reaction from people he’d like to have a relationship with, which I would point out to him, but

Our older son decided to grow a goatee. I actually liked it and thought it made him look much older and more mature. He’s 21. His dad didn’t much care for it. We both gave our opinions, but it’s his face! (He shaved again last week. I still think the goatee suited him and added something to his look, but again It’s not my business.)

The larger issue is when does a parent let go of their son or daughter and let him/her be themselves. And, how does the older “child” listen with respect to Mom and Dad, but still become themselves.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I agree with Carina20 in that, if you are still living with your parents–or are still financially dependent on them, you should respect their rules.

Really, a parent shouldn’t have that sort of rule for a 19 year old almost-adult child. It’s one thing to expect them to let you know where they will be and what time they will be home, and to have consideration for others in the house, but their own hair, clothing, etc. is something that is entirely their own business. (We’re not talking totally dysfunctional kids or someone walking around in kabuki make-up.) A parent can say, “I sure don’t think that look is very flattering on you, dear daughter,” but that’s where it should end. If a parent is making rules about hair color when the daughter or son is 19, wow.

 

[cmscms]

He says he likes my original hair better. It’s pretty much only for prefference.

Of course you are being scrupulous. When I was your age, had I listened to my dad and dressed the way he prefered, I would have been the laughing stock at school. Different generations (or simply differenc peopel for that matter) have different tastes. There are a lot of major issue in the world. If we can’t live in harmony with people who prefer different hair colours, how on earth are we going to learn to live with people with different political and world views ?

CM

 

[Carina20]

He says he likes my original hair better. It’s pretty much only for prefference.

Well, then it looks like you’re good! As long as he is not outright declaring that you do not have permission to dye your hair or that he wants you to change it back. Sometimes it takes people a while to get used to a new color. My sister dyes her hair a lot, so everytime I see her I forget what color her hair is!

 

[ilySHJ]

Whatever you decide … how nice that you’re considerate of your father’s opinion!

It sounds as though you are a close family. That’s something to treasure.

Coming from a very close family myself, I don’t see your thoughts as odd or scrupulous. As you go through life you’ll notice most families don’t have the same level of closeness. I have 30+ years on you and wouldn’t trade mine for anything.

It’s not like I was always in tune w my parents, and we’re not perfect by a long shot, but we all know how much we mean to one another.

God bless!

 

[Aggies08]

It didn’t sound like you broke a rule- just that you decided to color it, and Dad didn’t care for it.

If that’s the gist of it, I wouldn’t give it a second thought- no sin.

If it WAS a rule you knew of, and you did it anyway, there may be some issue. If it’s causing a HUGE argument admits the house, there may be some issues.

 

[thomasf]

You are supposed to obey your parents, but sometimes rebelling against them is part of growing up. Small things like this is okay, imo. If you like your hair with the red streaks, then do it.

 

[anp1215]

Yes, you’re being scrupulous. No, it’s not a sin of any sort.

 

[Luvz2travel]

Hair color should be your own personal choice as long as you’re of legal age no one should tell you what to do with your hair. Now if your in grade/high school with a dress code it might be a problem. I notice lately the fad seems to be for neon colored hair such as bright pinks and I just saw a young girl at my friends Christmas party with bright purple hair. She cringed but said it’s was her daugter’s choice. Actually I didn’t think it looked that bad on her. I think if the worse someone does is dyes their hair so what. I’d even say that it they were 7 or 8 as long it it didn’t cause issues with school or work. We all need to try something new and be a little rebellious at times.

 

[RACJ]

Maria, it sounds as if you have a wonderful dad, and he is very fortunate to have YOU as a daughter. You value his opinion highly at 19, so to me, this speaks well of him. But on this issue, he is 180 degrees out of line. I have four daughters, and I am very passionate about long hair on women. But I never foisted my own tastes on my girls. This is an issue the everyone must decide for oneself. Yes, at times I HATED their choices, but everyone survived, and we all love each other still! :blushing: