I have no purpose

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Oh I do feel for you. How difficult. However, in difficult times when there seems no answer, I have often heard people say its time to think outside the square. Whatever that is. Do not lose hope. Desperate times can call for desperate measures. JK Rollings was a single mum on benefits when she wrote the Harry Potter series. Do investigate NFP, buy a lottery ticket and find out ways to make $$ as a stay at home mum. Is there any way you could get a tenant/flatmate in to help pay the rent? I don’t know how old your kids are, but can some of them work?

When my father was growing up, his father had 3 jobs because they had 9 kids, and my father slept on the verandah every night. Do you have things that you can sell?

Can you work on the weekends somewhere while your husband stays at home with the kids? - at least that way you might have enough $$.

Where there’s a will there’s a way - they often say. Pray Jesus gives you inspiration. :juggle::nunchuk::idea:
 
Joy2day said:
Oh I do feel for you. How difficult. However, in difficult times when there seems no answer, I have often heard people say its time to think outside the square. Whatever that is. Do not lose hope. Desperate times can call for desperate measures. JK Rollings was a single mum on benefits when she wrote the Harry Potter series. Do investigate NFP, buy a lottery ticket and find out ways to make $$ as a stay at home mum. Is there any way you could get a tenant/flatmate in to help pay the rent? I don’t know how old your kids are, but can some of them work?

When my father was growing up, his father had 3 jobs because they had 9 kids, and my father slept on the verandah every night. Do you have things that you can sell?

Can you work on the weekends somewhere while your husband stays at home with the kids? - at least that way you might have enough $$.

Where there’s a will there’s a way - they often say. Pray Jesus gives you inspiration. :juggle::nunchuk::idea:
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Joy, her children are young and she is 7 months pregnant. She cannot work.
 
Irishmom2 said:
Joy, her children are young and she is 7 months pregnant. She cannot work.
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Plus she’s got rising blood pressure.

The best possible thing she can do right now is to talk to social services and make arrangements for their move.
 
Tsb4 - I think I read somewhere awhile back that you are still in your 20’s. If that is the case, you have a lot of time. Your children will grow older, and eventually, you will get a job. When you are approaching retirement age, you will realize that it won’t be your job or career that is your greatest accomplishment. It will be your children. When you reach that age, you will be so glad that you had them.

You are not worthless. Your anxiety disorder is telling you that. Hang in there until you can get on some medication.

Now let’s think about the practical things. Being anxious about these things isn’t going to help you. Since you say you are on some kind of government aid, do you have a case worker? Please get in touch with him or her and ask what you are supposed to do about your late rent.

Also, please ask St. Vincent DePaul if they can give some help toward your bills.

As for late utilities, doesn’t your city have a discount program for those with low income? It would certainly be worth checking into.

My final idea is this: You seem pretty handy with your computer. I have never done this, but I do know of a couple of fund-raising sites. One is called GoFundMe, and the other one I read about is called YouCaring. There are probably others. Why don’t you set something up so people will be able to contribute to your family on-line?

The worst thing that can happen there is that no one will contribute, and you haven’t lost anything by trying.

Have you made an appointment with your priest to discuss this situation? He might have some suggestions that no one has thought of.

I will keep you and your family (and your landlord) in my prayers. Your landlord may be in a dire situation too, because with no rent, he may not be able to pay the expenses, such as the real estate tax, the insurance, and the maintenance and repairs.

I will keep you in my prayers.
 
Look to see if there is a Safe Families for Children ministry located near you. It’s temporary care so your children will have a safe place to stay. it’s voluntary so it’s not like foster care where you lose custody. All of the host families go through a training and background check similar to foster parents, and all of the families are Christian (although not all are Catholic) so you can at least have the assurance that your children will be in a moral home while you get back on your feet.
 
You’ve received so much great advice here; I’ll just echo everyone’s message to keep hope and not despair, this is a solvable problem(s.) It involves reaching out to access services and support and I pray you can do that. Isolation will lead to desolation and despair. Allow your supports from the formal, agency supports to the informal supports like friends and family to help. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need and to keep asking until you get it.

Remember that Jesus came that we might have life and have in abundantly. When you get caught it thinking and behaviors that are non-abundant (worrying and the like) take a breath and look for a solution that brings you to abundance. Again, seek those ppl and places that will help lift you and your family.

I’ll be praying for you.
 
Dear one, my taxes and charitable contributions go to people just like you, who need a break. That’s what these funds are for. No one begrudges people who are in a low spot to have assistance. You are worth it, and so are those precious children and the baby you are carrying. Please do not give up hope and let others help you.
Soon enough I know you will pay it forward.
I will pray for you.
 
I appreciate all the advice and kind words. However, my situation is what it is. I am at a point where I honestly feel like I made the wrong choices and now I’m paying for it. Had I not decided to carry this baby, I wouldn’t be in this situation as bad, I would be able to help my husband financially. My relationship with him is nonexistent as he is never home. I feel l am being punished for some unknown reason. I hate myself. I really regret carrying this baby to term. How will I care for him? Where will he sleep? This situation is not ideal, nor fair for a new baby to come into. And now I’m stuck! Because my husband refuses to see the brighter side in adoption. So now I have to live with the fact I chose to carry a baby for selfish reasons, rather than to have a termination. I really am failing at everything in my life. Yes my post and responses sound depressing, my situation is depressing. I cannot find anything good in our situation. I hate myself… and my life… And couldn’t care less if I come or go…
 
TSB4, the reason why abortion is so in demand is because people do convince themselves that teminating the little life they carry will result in a better lifetime experience of living than struggling through the trials of nurturing him under the difficult current circumstances. In your heart you know that’s not true. You are obviously a sensitive and caring person to continue to remain devoted despite your difficulties, and to have to have carried the wound of aborting your little fellow would haunt your days for your lifetime.

How things are today isn’t how they will always be. Try and see the really admirable qualities that you have in making this tough journey of the moment. Lots of people do take off and leave their kids to fend alone and motherless. You haven’t. And do ask and take any help that’s around. Ring a crisis call line today and ask them to give you direction to help available in your area both practical and financial. Avoid the trap of self pity that poisons a person. I know you deserve self sympathy, but pity is just sterile and toxic and will take you further into despair.

Do something today towards getting help and taking a small step. God bless.
 
Thats just the way this world is set up. Its not pity, its truth. Its not designed for people to have families and have more than 1 or 2 kids. Anything more, without a silver spoon in your mouths, and it can spiral downward, very, very fast. I have reached out for help, there are limitations as to what organizations can do for you. Life sucks, and I have no desire for anything right now. Especially bringing another baby into this mess. I feel irresponsible and stupid for thinking NFP was the way to go. I will beg to have my tubes tied. I have to be more responsible. The dream that I have, owning a home, being financially settled with lots of little ones, is a fairy tale that I can no longer entertain. I have to live in the real world now.
 
TSB4 said:
Thats just the way this world is set up. Its not pity, its truth. Its not designed for people to have families and have more than 1 or 2 kids. Anything more, without a silver spoon in your mouths, and it can spiral downward, very, very fast. I have reached out for help, there are limitations as to what organizations can do for you. Life sucks, and I have no desire for anything right now. Especially bringing another baby into this mess. I feel irresponsible and stupid for thinking NFP was the way to go. I will beg to have my tubes tied. I have to be more responsible. The dream that I have, owning a home, being financially settled with lots of little ones, is a fairy tale that I can no longer entertain. I have to live in the real world now.
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I’m not sure what you are saying? Were you praciticing NFP and fell pregnant despite it? Did you attend an NFP instructor and get a good grounding in the methods and tools used? Could you go back to your instructor to help you get through your anger towards the practice because they are trained in helping nurture the whole way of life that NFP is. It is not like another form of contraception that failed… it is an attitude around conforming to nature and accepting what comes with that relationship as Gods will.

I understand your legitimate fears and exhaustion as one thing… but your anger at NFP isn’t reflective of a sound understanding of what it means as an all encompassing way of life.
 
TSB4 said:
… And couldn’t care less if I come or go…
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This is a passive death wish. If you’re feeling like this, medical support for your situation is urgent. You’ve mentioned a counselor in one of your posts. Does s/he know you’re feeling this way? Please call him/ her ASAP. If you’re feeling like harming yourself, please call 911 or present yourself at an emergency room immediately. None of the advice you’re getting is going to seem reasonable or feasible when you’re feeling this much despair.

Prayers going up for you.
 
TSB4 said:
Thats just the way this world is set up. Its not pity, its truth. Its not designed for people to have families and have more than 1 or 2 kids. Anything more, without a silver spoon in your mouths, and it can spiral downward, very, very fast.
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You’re right. Our society is not designed for big families, especially if you don’t have a lot of money. It’s tough.

I have to laugh whenever I hear NFP being presented as easy to follow. There are lots of people who still believe that. (Conveniently, most either have a small family or are beyond child bearing years). Thank you for keeping them (and me) humble.

Regardless of what you end up doing the rest of your life, this is your cross. You have followed the narrow path, and made the difficult decision to follow Christ, and this is the cross he gave you. For your kids, bare your cross and be the best damn mother you can be. You will be rewarded.

If you haven’t already, take a look at the PM I sent.
 
Xantippe said:
Plus she’s got rising blood pressure.

The best possible thing she can do right now is to talk to social services and make arrangements for their move.
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Well a person always needs to plan for the future. If she is healthy after the baby is born,
say in 6 months time, she could go to work. The husband will have to return for the weekends & help out or get a 2nd job himself. I think my suggestions are worth considering. But if u have depression u generally cant see the options. I think anyone who can raise 5 children is already a survivor/ miracle worker, so
she has it in her to surviv.
Of course u should also.access as much of the social security that u can, but that never covers more than 1/2 a persons needs. The best it can do is stop u from starving so u can look for work etc.
 
OP, you state your religion as Christian, not Catholic. Should we read something into this?
I’d like to focus on your husband. How long have you been apart? I’m wondering how much he is truly aware of your current state, as from how you describe him he sounds like he has no true grasp of your desperation. How far away is he and how often do you see him and does he see the kids? This man needs to know in depth how dire your situation is and your fragile condition. You two need to fight through this together. If adoption is the only answer he can’t just say “no way” and then leave you to deal with this by yourself. I would bring in a pro bono lawyer and see if you can circumvent him or convince him to okay it. I’m thinking adoption would be a viable solution because I don’t believe you’re in any position to bear and raise this child.
But as you know abortion is condemned by the Church and right now your pain is doing the talking. Once you get past this you will again see clearly and be grateful you chose life.
It’s hard to muster up the energy to do anything - believe me I have been there. But I do think you should investigate the legal aspect and a lawyer could also fight for you to get more tangible help.
Praying for you every day. Please keep us posted.
 
Joy2day said:
Well a person always needs to plan for the future. If she is healthy after the baby is born,
say in 6 months time, she could go to work. The husband will have to return for the weekends & help out or get a 2nd job himself. I think my suggestions are worth considering. But if u have depression u generally cant see the options. I think anyone who can raise 5 children is already a survivor/ miracle worker, so
she has it in her to surviv.
Of course u should also.access as much of the social security that u can, but that never covers more than 1/2 a persons needs. The best it can do is stop u from starving so u can look for work etc.
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And how exactly do you propose she pay for childcare for a newborn + 4 other kids? Even if the older ones are in school, I doubt the OP will find work that will pay to cover childcare for 2 kids per month.
 
UnCatholicBride said:
And how exactly do you propose she pay for childcare for a newborn + 4 other kids? Even if the older ones are in school, I doubt the OP will find work that will pay to cover childcare for 2 kids per month.
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.

There are childcare subsidies available for children age 6 weeks up until kindergarten. The income limit in my area for a family of 7 is $54,045.
 
Also, check out the Salvation Army. They help a lot of people to pay their electric/heating bills. Food banks also provide a lot of help to people in your situation.

You have to be real about where you are now, not where you see yourself in 10 or 20 years. Can you get to where you want to be with another child in tow, especially, if you can’t afford the ones you currently have?

Do you have relatives that you can send the children away too for awhile? Send the kids to the grandparents for the summer…type of thing. Send them to live w/an aunt or uncle for awhile until you get on a better financial footing. Even if it’s just one or two of the older ones. These things happen more often than people care to admit.

It is tough being the only parent on-duty and available to the kids. Also, if your husband is young enough, then I’d encourage him to consider enlisting in the military or find a trade. Skilled tradesmen are in great demand. Your family needs a steady paycheck. Even if you do decide to keep the child, you will have to work after it is born. So, realistically, there will be clothing, mileage and child care expenses to take into account. Apparently, there are subsidies you can get for child care.

I agree with the poster who talked about finding a pro bono lawyer to assist with an adoption, considering your situation. Also, you could consider having an open adoption, where you give up your parental rights, but still visit the child on a regular basis. I know a lady who did that because she couldn’t physically care for another child because her first child’s needs were so severe and required constant attention. There are pros/cons to that option, but it’s something to consider.
 
Well, I went today to social services near me, and there is no help. No help for our light bill, no help for more food stamps seeing as how our power has been off and food spoiled and I have literally .62 cents in my food stamp account until next month. And last but not least, there is zero help with rental assistance. I am at my wits end and I know I have done all I can do. This is so disheartening.

My husband will not agree to the adoption, so I can’t even consider it anymore… I am beyond tired. I had my GD 3 hour test today, and I haven’t been feeling well since. Everything is just messed up in every aspect of my life right now. I can’t stress enough how tired I am of living my life.
 
Dear friend, even if you are not Catholic please contact your local Catholic parish, ask for the priest and ask him if the St. Vincent de Paul society can help you. SVDP in our parish help people just like you, many not Christian. Call Catholic Community Services and tell them what you have told us. Find out if there is a convent of Catholic nuns in your area and call them. I am praying for you even though I am thousands of miles away.
 
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