I have no purpose

[Xantippe]

Food pantry? If you send your kids to public school and sign them up for free lunch, they’ll get a hot lunch every day, and maybe even breakfast. There are also summer lunch programs and programs that send food home with school kids in backpacks for the weekend.

Everybody feels yucky after the GD test. See how you feel tomorrow.

Did your kids eat three times today? If they did, you are doing fine in one area of your life. Can you give each of them a hug and say “I love you!” and mean it? If you can, there’s another area of your life that is OK.

 

[DAML72]

OP, you state your religion as Christian, not Catholic. Should we read something into this?
I’d like to focus on your husband. How long have you been apart? I’m wondering how much he is truly aware of your current state, as from how you describe him he sounds like he has no true grasp of your desperation. How far away is he and how often do you see him and does he see the kids? This man needs to know in depth how dire your situation is and your fragile condition. You two need to fight through this together. If adoption is the only answer he can’t just say “no way” and then leave you to deal with this by yourself. I would bring in a pro bono lawyer and see if you can circumvent him or convince him to okay it. I’m thinking adoption would be a viable solution because I don’t believe you’re in any position to bear and raise this child.
But as you know abortion is condemned by the Church and right now your pain is doing the talking. Once you get past this you will again see clearly and be grateful you chose life.
It’s hard to muster up the energy to do anything - believe me I have been there. But I do think you should investigate the legal aspect and a lawyer could also fight for you to get more tangible help.
Praying for you every day. Please keep us posted.

Can you imagine what it would be like for the other children to see their parents adopt out a child? I honestly don’t think that adoption is a viable option here. I think the husband is right, and I think that if OP were not in such a dark place, she would realize it also.

TSB4 - hang in there. Some day, when you are through this, you are going to be horrified that you ever thought of aborting your precious child. I know because I have lived it. You have been blessed with a big, wonderful family. As an only child, I can’t tell you how precious that is. Think about 40 years from now and the family reunions you will have - the support your children will have in each other. In this harsh world, people need family.

Listen, your children are going to grow so fast, and it will get easier. Before long, they will be able to help you and your husband out a bit. You won’t be changing diapers forever.

I have an idea of what you are going through. My husband left 9 years ago when my youngest was a week shy of a year. I have been lucky to have a lot of help from family, but I’ve basically been living in poverty and digging a deeper and deeper hole every year. Some days I feel just like you do. But then I remember that my kids really need me. And, I see people in worse situations who are managing somehow to get by - their kids are in college, and starting to make lives for themselves.

I hope and pray things turn around for you soon, but until then, keep praying and hanging in there.

 

[pianistclare]

OK, we are all praying for you. You are well aware of this.
But we cannot offer anything if your constant reply is no, no, no.
There are food banks. You can go. Companies take fresh food to the food banks every day. EVERY DAY. They seldom run out.
There is St. Vincent de Paul. You DO NOT have to be Catholic to avail yourself of Catholic services.
If one agency turns you away, try a different one. Go to the nearest Catholic Church and ask to speak to the Deacon or the Family minister, family counselor, whatever they have. Plant yourself in their office and make your situation known. Call the Diocese. Ask to speak to the Director of Family Ministries.
They WILL help you. If you don’t have luck at one, go to the next one on the page.
Keep going. try the Lutheran Church, try the Episcopal Church, try the Baptist Church.
Please do not confuse your situation with your child’s right to life. It’s not his or her doing.
If you want to blame someone…ask your husband to go out and ask for assistance. Why isn’t he doing it with you? As Xantippe says…prepare for the move. Ask him to pack everything.
Giving up is not an answer. If you feel like you are going to harm yourself, call a hotline immediately.
Your purpose is to care for your children. Your husband’s purpose is to support you in all of this.
You can PM any one of us and we can make calls for you.
But you have to get out of the mindset that it’s all hopeless.

 

[DAML72]

OK, we are all praying for you. You are well aware of this.
But we cannot offer anything if your constant reply is no, no, no.
There are food banks. You can go. Companies take fresh food to the food banks every day. EVERY DAY. They seldom run out.
There is St. Vincent de Paul. You DO NOT have to be Catholic to avail yourself of Catholic services.
If one agency turns you away, try a different one. Go to the nearest Catholic Church and ask to speak to the Deacon or the Family minister, family counselor, whatever they have. Plant yourself in their office and make your situation known. Call the Diocese. Ask to speak to the Director of Family Ministries.
They WILL help you. If you don’t have luck at one, go to the next one on the page.
Keep going. try the Lutheran Church, try the Episcopal Church, try the Baptist Church.
Please do not confuse your situation with your child’s right to life. It’s not his or her doing.
If you want to blame someone…ask your husband to go out and ask for assistance. Why isn’t he doing it with you? As Xantippe says…prepare for the move. Ask him to pack everything.
Giving up is not an answer. If you feel like you are going to harm yourself, call a hotline immediately.
Your purpose is to care for your children. Your husband’s purpose is to support you in all of this.
You can PM any one of us and we can make calls for you.
But you have to get out of the mindset that it’s all hopeless.

I agree. Lean on your husband. He needs to be helping out here - if not being physically there with you, he needs to be coming up with a strategy.

 

[system]

God made everyone and everything for a purpose. That does not mean we will have our ups and downs and feel hopeless. Iv’e been there and have batteld for more than 10 years to find a purpose in life my purpose. I am almost there but one thing I do know is God answers prayers. You may have to accept support from the government for the basic necessities and please accept the support of your chaplain, counselor and others. I am financially stable, happily married and have a great job. You could have everything you need and still have days where you think about ending it. Why, I do not know. So please hang in there, love your children and pray. I tell you what, I will pray for you, please pray for me. So, you have a purpose, pray for me and you. Thanks.
Bill

 

[Xantippe]

An old friend of my husband (the friend is a very secular guy) advocates the use of what he calls “Hollywood Ethics.”

Here’s how it works:

Imagine that you are a character in a movie. If you were the hero of the movie, what would you do? When figuring out whether or not to do something, ask yourself if it’s something that the good guy in a movie could do and still remain the good guy.

Obviously, Hollywood being Hollywood, this is not always a useful rule, but I think it has a good deal of application to your situation. Imagine that you are the star of a movie about a heroic mother of a large family who takes care of her children against all odds. What does she do in your situation? Then do that.

 

[pianistclare]

you may have seen this before, but it’s worth a read:

**
God Will Save Me**
A terrible storm came into a town and local officials sent out an emergency warning that the riverbanks would soon overflow and flood the nearby homes. They ordered everyone in the town to evacuate immediately.

A faithful Christian man heard the warning and decided to stay, saying to himself, “I will trust God and if I am in danger, then God will send a divine miracle to save me.”

The neighbors came by his house and said to him, “We’re leaving and there is room for you in our car, please come with us!” But the man declined. “I have faith that God will save me.”

As the man stood on his porch watching the water rise up the steps, a man in a canoe paddled by and called to him, “Hurry and come into my canoe, the waters are rising quickly!” But the man again said, “No thanks, God will save me.”

The floodwaters rose higher pouring water into his living room and the man had to retreat to the second floor. A police motorboat came by and saw him at the window. “We will come up and rescue you!” they shouted. But the man refused, waving them off saying, “Use your time to save someone else! I have faith that God will save me!”

The flood waters rose higher and higher and the man had to climb up to his rooftop.

A helicopter spotted him and dropped a rope ladder. A rescue officer came down the ladder and pleaded with the man, “Grab my hand and I will pull you up!” But the man STILL refused, folding his arms tightly to his body. “No thank you! God will save me!”

Shortly after, the house broke up and the floodwaters swept the man away and he drowned.

When in Heaven, the man stood before God and asked, “I put all of my faith in You. Why didn’t You come and save me?”

And God said, “Son, I sent you a warning. I sent you a car. I sent you a canoe. I sent you a motorboat. I sent you a helicopter. What more were you looking for?”

Take the help people offer. Keep trying. Your kids are counting on you. God bless.

 

[UbiCaritas]

An old friend of my husband (the friend is a very secular guy) advocates the use of what he calls “Hollywood Ethics.”

Here’s how it works:

Imagine that you are a character in a movie. If you were the hero of the movie, what would you do? When figuring out whether or not to do something, ask yourself if it’s something that the good guy in a movie could do and still remain the good guy.

Obviously, Hollywood being Hollywood, this is not always a useful rule, but I think it has a good deal of application to your situation. Imagine that you are the star of a movie about a heroic mother of a large family who takes care of her children against all odds. What does she do in your situation? Then do that.

Heh. Actually, I use a nearly-identical method pretty often. I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional and abusive family, and honestly have no personal experience with normal, loving family life. (Fortunately, my husband has a great family.) When I don’t know how to react as a wife, mom, sister, etc–I imagine what someone in the same position in a book about a good wife/mom/sister/whatever would do, and do it. Alternately, if I know someone who seems very good at a certain life skill that I’m lacking in, I imagine what she would do and do that. This helped me a LOT when I was living on my own as a college student and didn’t know much about well, anything–finances, making safe decisions, etc.

OP, I wish you lived near me; if you did, I could help in a much more tangible way. As it is, know that I’ve said a prayer for you.

pianistclare has a point: keep on pounding away until you get help. Squeaky wheel gets the grease, and all that. Go to your nearest church, Catholic or not, and explain your situation to the priest/deacon/minister/social worker. Wash, rinse, repeat. I can only imagine how overwhelmed you must be; only focus on the next task, not on all that needs to be done, or you’ll get even more overwhelmed. Your next task, if you’re reading this right now, is to get some sleep for you and your baby. Then it’s feeding yourself and your kids what you can tomorrow morning. Then it’s getting dressed and going to a church office. One small step at a time. You can do it.

 

[Xantippe]

pianistclare has a point: keep on pounding away until you get help. Squeaky wheel gets the grease, and all that. Go to your nearest church, Catholic or not, and explain your situation to the priest/deacon/minister/social worker. Wash, rinse, repeat. I can only imagine how overwhelmed you must be; only focus on the next task, not on all that needs to be done, or you’ll get even more overwhelmed. Your next task, if you’re reading this right now, is to get some sleep for you and your baby. Then it’s feeding yourself and your kids what you can tomorrow morning. Then it’s getting dressed and going to a church office. One small step at a time. You can do it.

Yes. Even if somebody says they can’t help you, ask them who to ask next.

Here’s the sort of thing you should be looking for:

“What are summer meals?
There are more than 1,000 places in Philadelphia that serve free meals and snacks to kids and teens age 18 and under. There are no income requirements, ID or registration in qualifying areas.”

hungercoalition.org/summer-meals

Here’s one for utilities:

philly311.phila.gov/default.asp?id=1401

You might even find that your utility company’s automated message service has something in the menu about emergency utility assistance.

I would key into google “thing-TSB4-needs area-TSB4-lives assistance/help/emergency” and see what pops up.

 

[cheezey]

Public Assistance saved me.
Public Assisted housing saved me. It was scary, but it saved me.
I am still flabberghasted that my church helped me as much as it did. Does!
Food, housing, money, moving me, packing my things when I ran out of strength, storage, transportation, medical help.
More cheezey angels came from CAF, in prayers suggestions, support and help. And Love.

I have never known such help.

Please please please! Take any and all help. Seek your parish’s help.

You are here to love and be loved.
To give and receive help.
It 's your time to receive help.
Take it from the many sources that will be found for you.

I am praying so much for you, your husband and you children.

 

[TSB4]

I really have no idea why I keep waking up each morning. Everyday I try to be positive, then something bad happens. There is no hope… I’m glad you all have so much faith, but mine is gone. I really don’t want to be woken up anymore. My life is not worth living anymore. I feel like I’m in a hole that I will never come out of. I am a mean person now, I barely want to interact with anyone. What’s the use? I just want to scream from the mountain top, how much I truly hate my life. Why is that such a horrible thing? We have absolutely NO choice in being born, yet, we have no right to not want to live anymore? A twisted and unfair way of thinking.

 

[Irishmom2]

I really have no idea why I keep waking up each morning. Everyday I try to be positive, then something bad happens. There is no hope… I’m glad you all have so much faith, but mine is gone. I really don’t want to be woken up anymore. My life is not worth living anymore. I feel like I’m in a hole that I will never come out of. I am a mean person now, I barely want to interact with anyone. What’s the use? I just want to scream from the mountain top, how much I truly hate my life. Why is that such a horrible thing? We have absolutely NO choice in being born, yet, we have no right to not want to live anymore? A twisted and unfair way of thinking.

TSB4, it is so clear to everyone but you, that you are depressed. You mentioned in one of your other posts that you made an appointment to see someone. Have you done that?

 

[TSB4]

TSB4, it is so clear to everyone but you, that you are depressed. You mentioned in one of your other posts that you made an appointment to see someone. Have you done that?

I just love how there must be a diagnosis when someone doesn’t want to live their ****** lives anymore. Yes I do see someone, but guess what? When I leave her office, my problems leave with me. Maybe I am depressed, for good reason.

 

[Irishmom2]

I just love how there must be a diagnosis when someone doesn’t want to live their ****** lives anymore. Yes I do see someone, but guess what? When I leave her office, my problems leave with me. Maybe I am depressed, for good reason.

You know, I have tried to be helpful to you in this thread and others. Many people have tried also, but you seem to not really want any help. Maybe you just want to vent, because no matter how much people have offered you: prayers, researching help for you, offering to actually make phone calls for you; you turn up your nose, and are actually rude in your response to people that are trying to help.

Exactly what is it you want people to say? That you have been dealt a bad hand? Yes. That you feel hopeless? Yes.

Does sympathy change anything? No.

I don’t know what to do that would help you. So I am bowing out. I won’t bother or annoy you with any further suggestions.

 

[TSB4]

You know, I have tried to be helpful to you in this thread and others. Many people have tried also, but you seem to not really want any help. Maybe you just want to vent, because no matter how much people have offered you: prayers, researching help for you, offering to actually make phone calls for you; you turn up your nose, and are actually rude in your response to people that are trying to help.

Exactly what is it you want people to say? That you have been dealt a bad hand? Yes. That you feel hopeless? Yes.

Does sympathy change anything? No.

I don’t know what to do that would help you. So I am bowing out. I won’t bother or annoy you with any further suggestions.

being rude was not my intention at all… it just annoys me that there must be a diagnosis because we all handle situations differently. It wasn’t a comment made for you, it was a general statement about how the world views work. Yes, i appreciate the prayers and suggestions. But I wouldn’t be in this much despair had I not tried everything. Everywhere I turn, there is NO help. So, have I given up? Yes, I have. Can people understand this? No, because we all handle things differently. If you want to bow out, thats fine. I just wanted to clarify that I was not trying to be rude to you or anyone on this forum. And let you know that your prayers are appreciated.

 

[pianistclare]

being rude was not my intention at all… it just annoys me that there must be a diagnosis because we all handle situations differently. It wasn’t a comment made for you, it was a general statement about how the world views work. Yes, i appreciate the prayers and suggestions. But I wouldn’t be in this much despair had I not tried everything. Everywhere I turn, there is NO help. So, have I given up? Yes, I have. Can people understand this? No, because we all handle things differently. If you want to bow out, thats fine. I just wanted to clarify that I was not trying to be rude to you or anyone on this forum. And let you know that your prayers are appreciated.

I have asked you to call the suicide hotline. They can explain this roller coaster to you.
Obviously you refuse to do that. If you are looking for permission to think your life should end, you won’t find it here. Our concern is for you, your unborn child who deserves none of this, and your other children who will be irrevocably harmed if something happens to you.
I know what I am talking about. My first husband took his own life. At home. My daughters fight a continual battle as to why daddy chose death over supporting them. Why daddy didn’t love them enough to stay with them, no matter what. He suffered from chronic unemployment, and alcohol abuse. He was paranoid. He thought us Catholics were not in touch with reality. He thought he knew better. We don’t want you going down that fatalistic and horribly harmful road. It’s been 8 years. They still cry. They are 21 and 23. How do you think this thinking affects small children? Don’t think that they don’t sense something is wrong.
So, we get it. Honest. In spades. We get it.
You list yourself as a Christian. Do you honestly believe that Jesus Christ would condone your thinking? Or do you think He want you to use His strength to pull through. It can be done. I’ll wager people on CAF can give you 1000’s of stories of how they survived all kinds of life problems.
I’ll keep praying for you. I will.
What you do, is up to you.
The person that specializes in helping people with thoughts of harming themselves is waiting for you to contact them. You have that screen name.
God bless.

 

[Dorothy]

I have asked you to call the suicide hotline. They can explain this roller coaster to you.
Obviously you refuse to do that. If you are looking for permission to think your life should end, you won’t find it here. Our concern is for you, your unborn child who deserves none of this, and your other children who will be irrevocably harmed if something happens to you.
I know what I am talking about. My first husband took his own life. At home. My daughters fight a continual battle as to why daddy chose death over supporting them. Why daddy didn’t love them enough to stay with them, no matter what. He suffered from chronic unemployment, and alcohol abuse. He was paranoid. He thought us Catholics were not in touch with reality. He thought he knew better. We don’t want you going down that fatalistic and horribly harmful road. It’s been 8 years. They still cry. They are 21 and 23. How do you think this thinking affects small children? Don’t think that they don’t sense something is wrong.
So, we get it. Honest. In spades. We get it.
You list yourself as a Christian. Do you honestly believe that Jesus Christ would condone your thinking? Or do you think He want you to use His strength to pull through. It can be done. I’ll wager people on CAF can give you 1000’s of stories of how they survived all kinds of life problems.
I’ll keep praying for you. I will.
What you do, is up to you.
The person that specializes in helping people with thoughts of harming themselves is waiting for you to contact them. You have that screen name.
God bless.

Thank you for sharing that “pianistclare” ! Blessings to you!

There is always, always, always hope! TSb4! Blessings to you too - many of us are praying for you!

 

[EasterJoy]

I really have no idea why I keep waking up each morning. Everyday I try to be positive, then something bad happens. There is no hope… I’m glad you all have so much faith, but mine is gone. I really don’t want to be woken up anymore. My life is not worth living anymore. I feel like I’m in a hole that I will never come out of. I am a mean person now, I barely want to interact with anyone. What’s the use? I just want to scream from the mountain top, how much I truly hate my life. Why is that such a horrible thing? We have absolutely NO choice in being born, yet, we have no right to not want to live anymore? A twisted and unfair way of thinking.

I just love how there must be a diagnosis when someone doesn’t want to live their ****** lives anymore. Yes I do see someone, but guess what? When I leave her office, my problems leave with me. Maybe I am depressed, for good reason.

I was depressed and have thought about not living any more. This helped me, and maybe it will help you.

#1: You are not God. No matter how much you hate that some particular person is alive, you have no right to kill them. You do not get to decide who lives and who dies. You have no more right to end your own life than you have a right to end anyone else’s. God owns the universe, God has the right to decree everything, and we don’t.

#2: There are a lot of people who love you and need you. If you kill yourself, you are going to scar your children forever. They may learn to rise above it, but they are never going to get over missing you. You husband will carry the guilt, shame, and yes, anger at you through his entire life. You have no right to do that to them. You have decided to have children, and you have the duty to care for them. They didn’t ask to be brought into the world, but you’re going to bring them into the world and then strand them with no mother? Who gets to take care of them, once you make your exit? Really?

#3: Suicide is a mortal sin. We ought to have good hope for those who take their own lives, but we also have to realize that someone who commits suicide may be liable to judgment for what they did. If you don’t have a “diagnosis,” by what excuse could you commit such a crime against God and against those who need you?

The last thing is to ask yourself if you are not guilty of ingratitude. Do you still have a husband who loves you? Do you still have beautiful children? Do you live somewhere that is not a war zone? Are there people who are concerned and want to help you in your distress? Do they have the resources to help you? Are you going to be too proud to allow them the privilege of helping someone less fortunate, or is that only praiseworthy when the person in need is not you?

I would stop “trying to be positive,” if you mean that you deny that your present situation causes you real suffering. Your situation is hard, and there is nothing wrong with saying, “This situation stinks, and the sooner I can be out of it, Lord, the better.” The psalms don’t say, “Make us better people by all this suffering.” The psalmists ask to have the suffering taken away. They ask “how long, Lord? how long? Where ARE you?” Try just being faithful to the people around you. Let yourself agree that your situation stinks, but refuse to let it beat you. If you need to get a little feisty and tell God to get on the stick, God can take it. Be honest in your prayer, that is OK, but give up this idea that throwing in the towel is your call. It isn’t. Stick it out with all you have. As for rating your days, “Any landing you walk away from is a good one.” If you get through a day and you got in there and did some of what you could, count it more good than bad. Worry about doing better the next day.

I’ll tell you this, too: Even when we’re depressed and the pessimism is oozing out of the chemicals in our brain and maybe we can’t help it, we get tiring to be around. People can only take so much of that; it wears them out. Do not forget to thank anyone who tries to help you. Let them know you are going to get through it, and that they are helping just by wanting to help.* IOW, say something you know by your intellect is both true and positive, even if you don’t “feel it”. *True is true, and true is good enough, even if it is “read off the instruments” instead of seen by “looking out the window.” They need a little encouragement, too.

If that doesn’t help you, then don’t feel any concern about dumping it. It is something to try.

 

[z_0101]

Originally Posted by TSB4 forums.catholic-questions.org/images/buttons_khaki/viewpost.gif I just love how there must be a diagnosis when someone doesn’t want to live their ****** lives anymore. Yes I do see someone, but guess what? When I leave her office, my problems leave with me. Maybe I am depressed, for good reason.

TSB4: You have asked a question and been given the answer.
You just don’t want to hear it
This is typical of people that suffer from depression and addictions because you want to feel validated and we’re not going to do that for you…

quit looking at yourself and start looking at Jesus on the cross for you .
quit looking at yourself and start looking at your children
quit looking at yourself and start looking at your husband

Your life isn’t some sit-com in which all of the problems of the day are solved in an hour by some magic chant or Mr. Mc. Dreamy… so quit having a pity-party and go get the help you need… and it is there, you just have to work for it so quit expecting people to do the work for you and get up and help us to help you by being an active participant in your life.

and I’m done with this thread…

 

[TSB4]

z_0101:
TSB4: You have asked a question and been given the answer.
You just don’t want to hear it
This is typical of people that suffer from depression and addictions because you want to feel validated and we’re not going to do that for you…

quit looking at yourself and start looking at Jesus on the cross for you .
quit looking at yourself and start looking at your children
quit looking at yourself and start looking at your husband

Your life isn’t some sit-com in which all of the problems of the day are solved in an hour by some magic chant or Mr. Mc. Dreamy… so quit having a pity-party and go get the help you need… and it is there, you just have to work for it so quit expecting people to do the work for you and get up and help us to help you by being an active participant in your life.

and I’m done with this thread…

I’m just going to leave this post. I’m done here. For people to continuously tell me I haven’t looked for help and I’m having a pity party, is just beyond me. It was wrong coming here in the first place. I never said I was looking for validation, I said I was venting. Since you and some others believe I’m sitting around waiting for help to come to me, instead of trying to find help, I’m done. Please, let this post die. Thanks.