T
TSB4
Guest
Good. BE done with it. This isn’t your life! I’m sure you’re at home with electricity and food. So excuse me for being down about that!! While pregnant with 4 little children. Whatever. I’m done with this post also.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
- Status
- Not open for further replies.
P
phil_at_dayboro
Guest
Pick the answers that you feel most positive about, then P M them,.
Maybe that would be better
Maybe that would be better
X
Xantippe
Guest
Yes!Pick the answers that you feel most positive about, then P M them,.
Maybe that would be better
C
crenfro
Guest
:console:
I don’t know what to tell you. I’m so sorry you’re having these troubles.
Have you called your church? Can they help? Perhaps they can help with the grocery bill and/or the rent or I don’t know… Or perhaps they know someone who can help?
I’m so sorry.
Please keep us posted on how you’re doing.
You’re in my prayers.
Placing you and your family in the enclosed garden of the most sacred heart of the Blessed Virgin Mary.
I don’t know what to tell you. I’m so sorry you’re having these troubles.
Have you called your church? Can they help? Perhaps they can help with the grocery bill and/or the rent or I don’t know… Or perhaps they know someone who can help?
I’m so sorry.
Please keep us posted on how you’re doing.
You’re in my prayers.
Placing you and your family in the enclosed garden of the most sacred heart of the Blessed Virgin Mary.
F
FLCathMom
Guest
As far as rental assistance goes, you probably won’t find help with rent for the place you’re in now, rather you will have to move into Section 8 housing. There is usually a waiting list for that, but if you are homeless with children, you can be put on an emergency fast track list. If there is a friend or family member that can give you a room to stay in, you would still be considered homeless. Otherwise, I would make arrangements with a homeless shelter as soon as possible - they often have a lot of information about available resources (my husband used to work for a homeless shelter.)
I am praying for you to find answers soon.
I am praying for you to find answers soon.
S
shepherd_girl
Guest
I sense there’s a lot more to this than what you’ve revealed here. How long has this been going on? I feel you are angry even more than the depression, that you are getting no understanding or support from family. What did you husband do before he left, and workng on friends’ cars arguably isn’t going to fetch the income your family requires. Is there no way he can find work in your area? I still believe this all centers around the fact that he is not by your side and, from what you indicated his absense is more than just physical. I sense you two are alienated emotionally.
The fact that your mother also isn’t taking you seriously is also a red flag. Does she help at all with the kids? She’s not concerned that your utilities may be off? Really we don’t know enough to accurately advise or even understand your situation.
You say you have a counselor but what’s needed, from what you describe is higher medical attention. A psychiatrist would be able to issue you meds that would significantly help, if that is part of the problem. If your income is low are you on Medicaid?
But to say you have no purpose when you have have four young children is indicative of something very serious. What would they do without a mother?
Still praying and please continue to explore all options.
The fact that your mother also isn’t taking you seriously is also a red flag. Does she help at all with the kids? She’s not concerned that your utilities may be off? Really we don’t know enough to accurately advise or even understand your situation.
You say you have a counselor but what’s needed, from what you describe is higher medical attention. A psychiatrist would be able to issue you meds that would significantly help, if that is part of the problem. If your income is low are you on Medicaid?
But to say you have no purpose when you have have four young children is indicative of something very serious. What would they do without a mother?
Still praying and please continue to explore all options.
X
Xantippe
Guest
That’s a very good point about needing a higher level of medical attention.I
You say you have a counselor but what’s needed, from what you describe is higher medical attention. A psychiatrist would be able to issue you meds that would significantly help, if that is part of the problem.
I believe the OP may already have been told that she can’t have any medication while pregnant, but having an evaluation with a psychiatrist so everything is ready to go when the baby is born would still be a very good idea. And, yes, feeling that your life has no purpose and is impossible is a symptom of mental trouble all in itself. Explain your mental symptoms to your Medicaid doctor’s nurse line and get yourself to whatever psychiatrist they send you to. I know that it’s hard to find a good psychiatrist (and you may go through a number of them before you find a good one), but that seems to be the level of care you need, particularly if you say that seeing the counselor you’re seeing does no good at all.
Also, as people were saying earlier, call the suicide hotline early and often.
Best wishes!
X
Xantippe
Guest
Also, come to think of it, you’re going to start seeing the OB fairly often soon, so that’s an added layer of support. Slow your doctor down at your next appointment and explain your feelings, your situation, and that your current level of mental health care is not adequate.
L
Listener
Guest
TSB4 - I know you are becoming annoyed with what some people are posting here. I think that some people are worried that you might be considering suicide. It is really difficult to tell from reading your posts.
Another frustrating thing is that this is a forum where many people prefer to be anonymous. I don’t think any of us know what city or what state you live in. Help from the government will vary according to the state you live in, so we really can’t give you any practical help. That is why everyone keeps suggesting things for you to try. Help from the Church also varies a lot. At the Catholic parish I go to, they are constantly asking people to donate groceries to the food pantry. If someone in need comes to the parish asking for food, our parish will actually give them food.
You made a statement in one of your posts, and I will copy and paste it here: “The dream that I have, owning a home, being financially settled with lots of little ones, is a fairy tale that I can no longer entertain. I have to live in the real world now.”
I’m wondering if you grew up with a large family. If you did, you would know that having a large family is no picnic. It is hard for everyone - mountains of dirty dishes, dirty laundry, and hungry mouths to feed, with not enough hours in the day. It is obviously much worse when your’e behind in your rent, your electricity has been shut off, and the food in your refrigerator has spoiled.
You have realized part of your dream. You have lots of little ones. The problem is that you are not financially settled, and you don’t own a home. It must be hard that your husband is away, trying to get work. Many husbands had to do that during the depression. They had to travel to other towns or cities to pick up what little work they could find to feed their families, sometimes hitching a ride on a freight train. There was no welfare back then, and people could starve to death if they didn’t have enough food.
You haven’t written much about your husband, but he really doesn’t seem like a bad guy. I’ll bet he is a hard worker when he can find work.
I keep reading that the U.S. Economy is improving - there are more and more jobs. Perhaps your husband could find a job in a town that has cheap houses for sale, and you could buy a house with the money you’re now spending for rent.
With careful planning and help from a financial expert like Dave Ramsey, you may yet realize your dream of being financially settled, owing your own home, and having a lot of little ones!
Another frustrating thing is that this is a forum where many people prefer to be anonymous. I don’t think any of us know what city or what state you live in. Help from the government will vary according to the state you live in, so we really can’t give you any practical help. That is why everyone keeps suggesting things for you to try. Help from the Church also varies a lot. At the Catholic parish I go to, they are constantly asking people to donate groceries to the food pantry. If someone in need comes to the parish asking for food, our parish will actually give them food.
You made a statement in one of your posts, and I will copy and paste it here: “The dream that I have, owning a home, being financially settled with lots of little ones, is a fairy tale that I can no longer entertain. I have to live in the real world now.”
I’m wondering if you grew up with a large family. If you did, you would know that having a large family is no picnic. It is hard for everyone - mountains of dirty dishes, dirty laundry, and hungry mouths to feed, with not enough hours in the day. It is obviously much worse when your’e behind in your rent, your electricity has been shut off, and the food in your refrigerator has spoiled.
You have realized part of your dream. You have lots of little ones. The problem is that you are not financially settled, and you don’t own a home. It must be hard that your husband is away, trying to get work. Many husbands had to do that during the depression. They had to travel to other towns or cities to pick up what little work they could find to feed their families, sometimes hitching a ride on a freight train. There was no welfare back then, and people could starve to death if they didn’t have enough food.
You haven’t written much about your husband, but he really doesn’t seem like a bad guy. I’ll bet he is a hard worker when he can find work.
I keep reading that the U.S. Economy is improving - there are more and more jobs. Perhaps your husband could find a job in a town that has cheap houses for sale, and you could buy a house with the money you’re now spending for rent.
With careful planning and help from a financial expert like Dave Ramsey, you may yet realize your dream of being financially settled, owing your own home, and having a lot of little ones!
X
Xantippe
Guest
Yes–I don’t know about the OP’s area, but in our southern/southwestern area, there is a huge amount of new construction going up on what seems like every empty piece of dirt.I keep reading that the U.S. Economy is improving - there are more and more jobs. Perhaps your husband could find a job in a town that has cheap houses for sale, and you could buy a house with the money you’re now spending for rent.
With careful planning and help from a financial expert like Dave Ramsey, you may yet realize your dream of being financially settled, owing your own home, and having a lot of little ones!
I also notice that everybody seems to be hiring at the bottom end of the employment scale–all the fast food places I see have signs up. It looks like employment is finally tightening up.
Depending on conditions in your local area, this might be a very good time for your husband to go back to construction. It might even be a good time to do a major relocation, if your particular area is still depressed. You don’t sound like you’ve got a lot of support network in your area, so there would be little harm in relocating, perhaps sending your husband ahead to get a job and a rental. If he lived rough for a month or so while he was figuring things out, he could find something for you guys by the time your new baby is born.
I would definitely encourage him to start looking at construction again.
Best wishes!
G
gigi_mvn
Guest
Hi TSB4 -
Let me try to provide an example/illustration to support why many others and I have strongly advised for you not to talk to yourself in that manner b/c its detrimental - it sounds suicidal (we are not just saying this to be nice or throw meaningless words at you).
There was an experiment conducted where four individuals (combination of atheists and agnostics) placed in a crypt of a church. The individuals were told it was haunted.
Three of the four individuals freaked out or were shaky, and one remained well composed. The difference between the three and the one is the out loud self-talk they were giving themselves. Watch the video between 4:50 and 8:25.
youtube.com/watch?v=LksVbHxLRvY
Please be advise: this experiment was done for the Darren Brown (an illusionist) show, called Faith and Fear, it’s atheistic. Trying to disprove the existence of God, supernatural, and high forces (in a professional manner) based on behavioral studies and experiments. There are some really good behavioral demonstrations on this show, but it does not disprove.
Let me try to provide an example/illustration to support why many others and I have strongly advised for you not to talk to yourself in that manner b/c its detrimental - it sounds suicidal (we are not just saying this to be nice or throw meaningless words at you).
There was an experiment conducted where four individuals (combination of atheists and agnostics) placed in a crypt of a church. The individuals were told it was haunted.
Three of the four individuals freaked out or were shaky, and one remained well composed. The difference between the three and the one is the out loud self-talk they were giving themselves. Watch the video between 4:50 and 8:25.
youtube.com/watch?v=LksVbHxLRvY
Please be advise: this experiment was done for the Darren Brown (an illusionist) show, called Faith and Fear, it’s atheistic. Trying to disprove the existence of God, supernatural, and high forces (in a professional manner) based on behavioral studies and experiments. There are some really good behavioral demonstrations on this show, but it does not disprove.
S
system
Guest
TBS4, no one is judging you are tryiomg to annoy you. You are probably right, we all have electricity and I assmr you have electricity and a computer and an internet connection which that you are paying for. I am not saying this is wrong, maybe I am wrong – you can be at the library for all I know. All we can do for you is pray, there have been numerous suggestions on how you can get help. Food banks, the Salvation Army and other types of aid are out there, it is up to you to seek them out. Please have faith and with all the prayers being offered to you,God in his mercy will help you.
Bill
G
gigi_mvn
Guest
To add>>Hi TSB4 -
Let me try to provide an example/illustration to support why many others and I have strongly advised for you not to talk to yourself in that manner b/c its detrimental - it sounds suicidal (we are not just saying this to be nice or throw meaningless words at you).
There was an experiment conducted where four individuals (combination of atheists and agnostics) placed in a crypt of a church. The individuals were told it was haunted.
Three of the four individuals freaked out or were shaky, and one remained well composed. The difference between the three and the one is the out loud self-talk they were giving themselves. Watch the video between 4:50 and 8:25.
youtube.com/watch?v=LksVbHxLRvY
Please be advise: this experiment was done for the Darren Brown (an illusionist) show, called Faith and Fear, it’s atheistic. Trying to disprove the existence of God, supernatural, and high forces (in a professional manner) based on behavioral studies and experiments. There are some really good behavioral demonstrations on this show, but it does not disprove.
These thoughts you have will not just go away. You need to over ride these despairing thoughts/words with something else. If you are thinking such things, tell yourself in a low loud voice “It is going to be fine… I am going to overcome this… I am not going to think like this… No…”
For more examples and references, there is WikiHow (a lot of good tips on mental management), and/or google self-talk.
This is just one means to an end, not the holy grail. It will help adjust your disposition, which is very important in order to get out of these circumstances.
X
Xantippe
Guest
I would suggest trying to say something like this as self-talk, to replace your current script, which is harming you:
“I am doing the best job I can right now, and some day my kids are going to be proud of how I handle today.”
When I was a kid, there were times when we found ourselves staying for long periods of time with my grandparents. At the time, I was a kid, and I thought it was great–grandma had cable and marshmallows and Kool Aid in her kitchen!!! What didn’t really register on me at the time was that the reason we were staying for extended periods of time with grandma and grandpa was that my parents were short of funds.
Now that I have a family of my own (and a mother-in-law and father-in-law of my own), I realize what it must have been like for my mom to wind up crashing with the in-laws with two or three kids when my dad’s work was not paying the bills. However, I was a kid at the time, and my mom had a stiff enough upper lip that I didn’t realize that it was probably deeply humiliating.
As long as you don’t act humiliated by what you need to do right now, it won’t be a big deal to your kids. And if it isn’t a big deal to your kids, it will be less difficult for you.
Best wishes!
“I am doing the best job I can right now, and some day my kids are going to be proud of how I handle today.”
When I was a kid, there were times when we found ourselves staying for long periods of time with my grandparents. At the time, I was a kid, and I thought it was great–grandma had cable and marshmallows and Kool Aid in her kitchen!!! What didn’t really register on me at the time was that the reason we were staying for extended periods of time with grandma and grandpa was that my parents were short of funds.
Now that I have a family of my own (and a mother-in-law and father-in-law of my own), I realize what it must have been like for my mom to wind up crashing with the in-laws with two or three kids when my dad’s work was not paying the bills. However, I was a kid at the time, and my mom had a stiff enough upper lip that I didn’t realize that it was probably deeply humiliating.
As long as you don’t act humiliated by what you need to do right now, it won’t be a big deal to your kids. And if it isn’t a big deal to your kids, it will be less difficult for you.
Best wishes!
C
cheezey
Guest
True.I would suggest trying to say something like this as self-talk, to replace your current script, which is harming you:
"I am doing the best job I can right now, and some day my kids are going to be proud of how I handle today."
When I was a kid, there were times when we found ourselves staying for long periods of time with my grandparents. At the time, I was a kid, and I thought it was great–grandma had cable and marshmallows and Kool Aid in her kitchen!!! What didn’t really register on me at the time was that the reason we were staying for extended periods of time with grandma and grandpa was that my parents were short of funds.
Now that I have a family of my own (and a mother-in-law and father-in-law of my own), I realize what it must have been like for my mom to wind up crashing with the in-laws with two or three kids when my dad’s work was not paying the bills. However, I was a kid at the time, and my mom had a stiff enough upper lip that I didn’t realize that it was probably deeply humiliating.
As long as you don’t act humiliated by what you need to do right now, it won’t be a big deal to your kids. And if it isn’t a big deal to your kids, it will be less difficult for you.
Best wishes!
I agree. Really do.
For some it is profoundly difficult, if not impossible, to do what one must while overriding negative thoughts. And adding a family to this? And a growing one at that? I can’t even imagine.
No one can imagine the mind of another. Perhaps she has no more strength to do *anything *, even if she has to. This, I would understand.
I’d say something more, but this is not my thread.
X
Xantippe
Guest
cheezey,
Obviously, the OP’s is a case for serious psychiatric help. But, given that she’s not getting serious psychiatric help right this minute (and perhaps can’t, given her pregnancy), what else can one advise?
The OP says, my life is worthless, I want to die, and we say talk to the suicide line, try to cut down on the destructive negative self-talk, your kids need you, etc.
What else is there for internet strangers to say? With more local knowledge, one might be able to point to good local resources, but without local knowledge, one can only offer advice that may not be at all helpful or relevant.
I think that the OP’s situation will be better soon after her baby is born. She’ll be able to take medication, she’ll feel physically stronger and probably more mentally alert, etc. There is every reason to believe that her mental and physical state will be dramatically better soon, if she is just able to do the minimum for a couple of months.
Obviously, the OP’s is a case for serious psychiatric help. But, given that she’s not getting serious psychiatric help right this minute (and perhaps can’t, given her pregnancy), what else can one advise?
The OP says, my life is worthless, I want to die, and we say talk to the suicide line, try to cut down on the destructive negative self-talk, your kids need you, etc.
What else is there for internet strangers to say? With more local knowledge, one might be able to point to good local resources, but without local knowledge, one can only offer advice that may not be at all helpful or relevant.
I think that the OP’s situation will be better soon after her baby is born. She’ll be able to take medication, she’ll feel physically stronger and probably more mentally alert, etc. There is every reason to believe that her mental and physical state will be dramatically better soon, if she is just able to do the minimum for a couple of months.
C
cheezey
Guest
Agreed.cheezey,
Obviously, the OP’s is a case for serious psychiatric help. But, given that she’s not getting serious psychiatric help right this minute (and perhaps can’t, given her pregnancy), what else can one advise?
The OP says, my life is worthless, I want to die, and we say talk to the suicide line, try to cut down on the destructive negative self-talk, your kids need you, etc.
What else is there for internet strangers to say? With more local knowledge, one might be able to point to good local resources, but without local knowledge, one can only offer advice that may not be at all helpful or relevant.
I think that the OP’s situation will be better soon after her baby is born. She’ll be able to take medication, she’ll feel physically stronger and probably more mentally alert, etc. There is every reason to believe that her mental and physical state will be dramatically better soon, if she is just able to do the minimum for a couple of months.
What else can we advise? I’ve no idea. I am just as baffled. And frustrated. For her.
I do not normally reply to such threads, not for lack of love or charity, but for lack of keeping perspective. I also have issue of discussion of serious subjects without the OP. Again, not my thread. Invisible internet people makes this more challenging, you are correct. If we knew her in person, we could help practically. And still, we would not know know what is in her mind.
We can, however, pray. Pray that she receives His strength to give others the gift of helping her. She needs it.
May God bless her abundantly in His way.
H
HollyDolly
Guest
I do hope we hear back from the OP,I’m worried about her and her family. It might have been a situation where do to whatever income they had, it might have been over the amount for assistance and yes,this does happen regardless of the families situation.If she was here in San Antonio there are various agencies like Samm’s Ministeries which helps families like hers and even rpovide assitance and a place to live for homeless families.
S
shepherd_girl
Guest
HollyDolly, I too wish we’d hear from her. I think beyond everything, she feels that no one gets how desperate and disconsolate she feels. That the entire burden of raising these kids, undergoing a pregnancy and absolute fear of losing everything lies solely on her shoulders. And no one can bear that alone.
I would like to know more such as when the downhill spiral began and how the family got to this point. I cannot even comprehend being late term with utilities about to be turned off, eviction on the horizon and apparently utterly alone.
I still think the key is the husband being gone. If he could manage to get some local work at least equal to what he’s earning out of town that would be a start.
But we don’t know either beyond social services what avenues for aid she has searched out. I can’t believe there aren’t sources who could help, if only the word gets out. But it must be incredibly difficult being pregnant and caring for 4 kids just to get the time and energy to investigate. Maybe if the OP could state where she lives we could better p(name removed by moderator)oint possible solutions.
I would like to know more such as when the downhill spiral began and how the family got to this point. I cannot even comprehend being late term with utilities about to be turned off, eviction on the horizon and apparently utterly alone.
I still think the key is the husband being gone. If he could manage to get some local work at least equal to what he’s earning out of town that would be a start.
But we don’t know either beyond social services what avenues for aid she has searched out. I can’t believe there aren’t sources who could help, if only the word gets out. But it must be incredibly difficult being pregnant and caring for 4 kids just to get the time and energy to investigate. Maybe if the OP could state where she lives we could better p(name removed by moderator)oint possible solutions.
T
TSB4
Guest
I don’t know what I’m suppose to respond and say…
I called catholic charities, churches, social services, housing link etc… NONE have funding. So right now, we are waiting to be thrown out for good. Oh, and the shelter has a waiting list a mile long, so pretty sure we will be homeless. There really is nothing else to say. So, I guess my attitude is solely based on depression and I need psychiatric help. Has nothing to do with my situation.
I called catholic charities, churches, social services, housing link etc… NONE have funding. So right now, we are waiting to be thrown out for good. Oh, and the shelter has a waiting list a mile long, so pretty sure we will be homeless. There really is nothing else to say. So, I guess my attitude is solely based on depression and I need psychiatric help. Has nothing to do with my situation.
- Status
- Not open for further replies.