Hey curtis,
I just wanted to say thank you for your question and that I know where you’re coming from. Belief in God is a matter of faith, and if anyone tells you it’s not a struggle they are fibbing. Even as a believer I still struggle with it. When I encounter questions such as yours, my first thought was to direct you to the writings of the 1st century Christians and beyond. I’d also invite you to look into the history of the bible’s formation, and check out the Catechism of the Catholic Church.
There’s nothing wrong at all with wanting to know. God is a God of reason, and wants us to ask questions. It’s how we get to know Him better. One Sunday I was listening to my priest’s homily and he talked about faith and reason. The two are not opposed but go together, and both come from God. He explained that we are born with an intellect. We have a natural desire to question things and explore; we want learn about ourselves and our world. We use our intellect and reasoning skills to accomplish this. It’s where science comes from and theology. He went on to explain too, that there does come a point where our rational minds reach their limit. We are only finite humans and simply do not have the ability to fully comprehend the infinite. There are just some mysteries that will always be mysteries to us until we move on to the next life. This is where our faith comes in. It helps us to accept truths that we may not immediately be able to understand.
I’ve also wondered, too, why doesn’t God just give us THE proof of His existence. It seemed it would put to rest a lot of arguements. I heard an answer from my father that I didn’t expect but made more sense than anything else I’d heard.
He said that if you notice in the bible, it says in many different places that Jesus showed the Apostles things that were not spelled out in scripture. He showed them signs, miracles, and so forth. The Gospel of John says that not everything Jesus did was written down. I can only try to imagine the things they saw. What my father pointed out was that Jesus based His Church on faith. He said that if you think about it, it is THE perfect way. If Jesus would have given the Apostles some rule or doctrine or equation or sign, anything, as the irrefutable proof of God and heaven and the whole sha-bang, then if someone wanted to disprove God, all they’d have to do is disprove whatever key doctrine or sign Jesus gave us and the whole thing would be over. Christianity has been around for 2,000 years. Given that scenario, the Faith would have probably been destroyed a long time ago. This is why God chose faith.
Faith can’t be destroyed or disproven. Faith lies within the heart. And it is through the heart that we understand and know love, which is what God is and why we were created. The only way to kill faith is to kill the person.
His comments answered a lot of things for me, and hopefully they will help you as well. The last thing I’ll leave you with, if you’re wanting something tangible, is to check out the heart and soul of the Church. Take some time and study the Blessed Sacrament, the Eucharist. It’s why I converted three years ago.
God bless.
