I just can't do it no matter how hard I try

[DasGood]

What is it specifically that is troubling you? Your last line makes me think you feel unworthy. That, my friend is the work of The Great Deceiver, The Accuser, The Evil One. He is the one that tells you if you had an IQ of 180 everything would be OK. He is the one that tells you that if you were just better looking life would be better. He is the one that tells you the Church is not what She teaches She is. The Great Liar is the one that says you are not worthy. Do not be deceived. Jesus is THE Way, THE Truth and THE Life. HE is LOVE and YOU are created in His image. Do not despair, do not be afraid. None of us are worthy on our own. We are made worthy by the Blood of The Lamb. You were washed clean on the day of your baptism. Maybe the only gift you can offer is your doubt. Surrender it to the Lord. Call Him to come to you. That gift alone may be more pleasing to Him than the works and prayers of all the rest of your friends and family.

Persevere through this time. Read the Gospel of John from cover to cover. Walk into a Confessional and confess your doubt. Its OK. You are loved. Say, “Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me a sinner.” The fact that you posted this shows the Spirit is at work in you! Don’t run looking for inspiration work to create it in your Parish.

Yours in the Love of His Sacred Heart,
Patrick

Patrick, thank you for the kind words and all the advice. I agree that Jesus Christ is our Lord and is the only way to salvation. That is not an issue here but merely my disconnect with my parish and perhaps even the greater Church. I make sure to count my blessings to the Lord daily and to read from His book consistently for inspiration. The Deceiver may have me in his grips but I’m not sure if that is the case or not. Too early to tell where my problems are taking me.

Thanks again.

 

[DasGood]

DasGood, your relationship with the Church sounds somewhat similar to my own. There’s no easy advice here. The fact is, if I left the Church, my entire family would never talk to me again. Such is their “love” for me, and so, sadly, is the way I view the Church’s love for me. Do what I say, believe what I say, and I will welcome you. Challenge anything, express curiosity, employ the human reason God has given you and… not so much. So that is a crisis. What is a man to do?

One is left with this decision: pretend to believe certain things which you do not, and thus violate one of the commandments… or leave the Church and thus violate even more of the commandments.

My one respite is that I trust Jesus to be more just, loving and welcoming of human reason than his Church on Earth. After all, his Church on Earth is, in the final analysis, composed of human beings. It is not Jesus himself.

God bless you, DasGood.

I agree with you on the outlook of our Lord and Savior. I find that He would be much more accepting and loving then the rules articulated within our faith. I don’t mean to lambaste our faith or criticize it but I do find it to be extremely harsh sometimes. The Lord I read about in our scripture sometimes doesn’t mesh with the Lord presented in my parish. I may be nitpicking though.

 

[DasGood]

You’re doing a good job. I think I understand what you mean. You might just be in a parish which is not your best fit right now. (Boy, this can really happen a lot at college. Even Catholic College. It was the same decades ago, take it from somebody who was there then.)

It must be extremely frustrating to have the equivalent of a class (and even parish) of Bart Simpson underachievers basically giving you a ‘so-what’ when you try to get them engaged in God’s word. But a lot of times people don’t really seem to react AT THE TIME, and then months or years later what they heard ‘clicks’. Don’t give up.

I like the points you bring up and a lot of what you say is what I’m currently experiencing. Just pray for me when you can! Thanks for helping.

 

[DasGood]

DasGood,

A wise person told me a long time ago that the Church is there for the sacraments. Some people like the church community, the classes, the social functions, the friendships, getting to know the priests. But that’s not for everyone. It’s true that every church has its “flavor”, especially if you are in a city. Try parish-hopping and find the church that you feel you click with in terms of the Mass. I go to church for confession and Mass (and the occasional interesting talk). I have tried other things but at this stage of my life it’s not for me. Even though I may believe the same things as the devout crowd, I haven’t found friendship naturally occurring there. But these aren’t the reason for the existence of the church. We go to church for the sacraments.

This might sound trivial, but going to an aesthetically beautiful church may also help. Being in an old church where the design is drawing your eyes upward, has a way of drawing the mind and heart up to God as well. Try going to the Mass with the fewest people, so you have more of a sense of being alone with God. These external factors help at the beginning.

I’ll keep your advice in mind. Maybe I’m just board with my local parish? Been going there all my life.

 

[Bill_7154]

I can’t do this Catholic thing. My family has been Catholic for generations and I want to uphold family tradition but I just don’t feel that I belong to the Church. I want to believe that the Church is true and that what it teaches are inline with my beliefs but nothing is materializing for me.

I do not want to let my family down at the sight of me not attending Church. Part of me is terrified at letting them down like this. I find the Church to be uninspired and lacking in enthusiasm for the word of God. How do I make amends with my family or how can I perhaps meditate on this longer from a Catholic perspective? Should I speak with my local priest?

And do I even deserve to be attending Church with this much doubt planted in my mind?

If you can’t do the Catholic thing, don’t. But don’t blame the Church for this. You don’t have much faith so your focusing on the negatives such as mass being ‘uninspiring’ and ‘lacking in enthusiasm’. I had the same views when I was not invested in being Catholic. Once I became invested I found strenght and hope, etc in the words spoken and the songs sung.

But the Church is not for entertainment. Don’t expect a dog and pony show when you go to Church.

God Bless,
Bill

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

This is a heartbreaking post. God is Love and He funnels His Love to Earth through His people, the Church. We are the hands and feet of Jesus. Praise God that you have persevered in your participation in the sacraments. Doubt and questioning are allowed. The Gospel is replete with doubt and denial. You have made a salvific decision in that you have decided to keep coming back. Praise Jesus!

God bless you, Patrick. There is yet plenty of love to be found in this life, and I have encountered many Catholics (including Priests) of your disposition. So God bless you and them in all your works.

 

[DasGood]

If you can’t do the Catholic thing, don’t. But don’t blame the Church for this. You don’t have much faith so your focusing on the negatives such as mass being ‘uninspiring’ and ‘lacking in enthusiasm’. I had the same views when I was not invested in being Catholic. Once I became invested I found strenght and hope, etc in the words spoken and the songs sung.

But the Church is not for entertainment. Don’t expect a dog and pony show when you go to Church.

God Bless,
Bill

I have faith in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ but I guess that doesn’t mean much when I don’t have that much faith in His Church right?

That’s the kind of talk and criticism that makes me weary of Catholicism. I feel we lose sight of what we’re really there for: to connect with Christ our Lord through the sacraments. I wish you wouldn’t come off so hostile to your fellow brethren brother Bill.

 

[Lucky7]

I agree with you on the outlook of our Lord and Savior. I find that He would be much more accepting and loving then the rules articulated within our faith. I don’t mean to lambaste our faith or criticize it but I do find it to be extremely harsh sometimes. The Lord I read about in our scripture sometimes doesn’t mesh with the Lord presented in my parish. I may be nitpicking though.

First, I guess I’m a bit disappointed that you didn’t respond to my post earlier but you seem to have posted to everyone else. Did anything I said touch a nerve/help/etc?

Second, regarding the “extremely harsh” comment…what exactly is too harsh? a specific teaching? I can’t really tell what is going on in your parish without more information. However, your comments again sound like you prefer your interpretation of Scripture/what the Lord wants from us over the Church’s…whcih again goes back to Church authority given to the Church by Christ Himself.

 

[Bill_7154]

I have faith in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ but I guess that doesn’t mean much when I don’t have that much faith in His Church right?

That’s the kind of talk and criticism that makes me weary of Catholicism. I feel we lose sight of what we’re really there for: to connect with Christ our Lord through the sacraments. I wish you wouldn’t come off so hostile to your fellow brethren brother Bill.

Don’t try and put it off on ME brother, this is what you said: ***I just can’t do it no matter how hard I try ***So why don’t you list all of the things you have done, and the periods of time you’ve done them (in minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years) so I can see if your view of ‘no matter how much you try’ comes close to my version of ‘no matter how much you try’? And we can go from there.

It’s interesting that you see it as me being hostile and I see it as you blaming things other than yourself for the purposes of justifying or whatever…

Peace,
Bill

 

[Bill_7154]

Another way to look at it is I see you as kind of expecting Sainthood behavior from others who are Catholics, while presenting yourself and behaving much less than this yourself.

Again, your focusing your attentions on the wrong things. Your valuing the wrong things the wrong way. How many hours per day do you pray Sir?

Peace,
Bill

 

[DasGood]

Another way to look at it is I see you as kind of expecting Sainthood behavior from others who are Catholics, while presenting yourself and behaving much less than this yourself.

Again, your focusing your attentions on the wrong things. Your valuing the wrong things the wrong way. How many hours per day do you pray Sir?

Peace,
Bill

The day will come when we act Christ like to others around us and focus on what is really important. Your hostility is unwarranted and I will be praying for your soul brother Bill. Whatever hardships you might be facing I wish you all the best.

 

[DasGood]

First, I guess I’m a bit disappointed that you didn’t respond to my post earlier but you seem to have posted to everyone else. Did anything I said touch a nerve/help/etc?

Second, regarding the “extremely harsh” comment…what exactly is too harsh? a specific teaching? I can’t really tell what is going on in your parish without more information. However, your comments again sound like you prefer your interpretation of Scripture/what the Lord wants from us over the Church’s…whcih again goes back to Church authority given to the Church by Christ Himself.

For the record, I don’t accord my interpretation of scripture over the Church’s. Interpretation is not what I am criticizing nor have a problem with. I currently teach a Bible Study that is overseen by a friar at my University and have no qualms with scriptural interpretation of any kind.

My issue stems more from my interactions of fellow Catholic’s in the Church. I never said that I felt I was better than them or more spiritual, or even more studied. I just don’t mesh with the people of my parish and it has come to the point where their attitudes and views are practically antagonistic to me. I find my beliefs to be out of line with theirs on a number of issues and feel that they treat me different for disagreeing.

 

[Lucky7]

For the record, I don’t accord my interpretation of scripture over the Church’s. Interpretation is not what I am criticizing nor have a problem with. I currently teach a Bible Study that is overseen by a friar at my University and have no qualms with scriptural interpretation of any kind.

My issue stems more from my interactions of fellow Catholic’s in the Church. I never said that I felt I was better than them or more spiritual, or even more studied. I just don’t mesh with the people of my parish and it has come to the point where their attitudes and views are practically antagonistic to me. I find my beliefs to be out of line with theirs on a number of issues and feel that they treat me different for disagreeing.

But I keep asking …what are those issues? If you are not agreeing with Church teaching then that is why this is happening. Perhaps they aren’t going about it in the most charitable of ways, but they should be correcting you if your beliefs do not mesh with the Church.

 

[Lucky7]

You are not feeling warmth and fellowship in your home parish I am so sorry for you that can be very hard. Even though intellectually you know that the Catholic church’s main focus is not to give us warm fuzzies and good feelings…you also have a very real desire for fellowship, love and passion! What you are feeling is normal I have been there myself. Times when I felt “nothing” from Mass, the music was not inspirational at all, people around me seemed cold, I felt as if I was going through the motions and left wondering why I even bothered to go at all. Your story is an inspiration to me because you are doing what I did not bother to do which is to seek advice and admit your struggles, this is a sign to me that you are a very caring person and your faith life is very important to you!

Normally I woudl agree with this, but I think there is more to the story than this.

 

[DasGood]

But I keep asking …what are those issues? If you are not agreeing with Church teaching then that is why this is happening. Perhaps they aren’t going about it in the most charitable of ways, but they should be correcting you if your beliefs do not mesh with the Church.

Well, I don’t enjoy discussing other people’s specific viewpoints or even talking about other people behind their back. I find gossip of every sort to be a bad thing and wouldn’t like it if someone went online saying how my views were terrible or out of sync with Church teaching. As much as I don’t like talking about people behind their backs I’ll go ahead and share with you and this forum my specific issue (s). I just hope God can forgive me for sharing this information and I mean no slight against my fellow brothers and sisters.

A substantial amount of worshipers that attend my local Parish make it no secret that they support and advocate for Gay marriage or pro gay marriage legislation. They find my view, which I would say is supported by the Church and by scripture, to go against their modern or contemporary assessment of equality. A lot of the worshipers have personal friends and family who are “gay” or even have wed in same sex marriages. When I share with them my objection (out of them asking, never of me telling or directing them) I am regulated as a bigot, homophobe, and outcast of many within my parish.

For the record I do not harbor any anti-gay stances against my fellow human beings. I merely advocate for the way God wanted marriage to be: one man and one woman. I support various traditional marriage causes (NOM, Family Research Council, etc) through donation and volunteering and this makes many of my fellow congregants hostile toward me.

That’s a large part of me feeling my beliefs don’t match up with the Church because my fellow congregants make it seem like if I don’t support gay rights I’m a terrible person. This is just one of the many issues that bother me within my Church and I struggle daily to come to terms with these problems.

I should also add that my parents are supporters of gay marriage and equality and I find a lot of criticism goes my way when I disagree with their views. It’s just very hurtful, overall, to stick out my neck for marriage equality and don’t understand why so many people are so critical of my view.

 

[Lucky7]

Well, I don’t enjoy discussing other people’s specific viewpoints or even talking about other people behind their back. I find gossip of every sort to be a bad thing and wouldn’t like it if someone went online saying how my views were terrible or out of sync with Church teaching. As much as I don’t like talking about people behind their backs I’ll go ahead and share with you and this forum my specific issue (s). I just hope God can forgive me for sharing this information and I mean no slight against my fellow brothers and sisters.

A substantial amount of worshipers that attend my local Parish make it no secret that they support and advocate for Gay marriage or pro gay marriage legislation. They find my view, which I would say is supported by the Church and by scripture, to go against their modern or contemporary assessment of equality. A lot of the worshipers have personal friends and family who are “gay” or even have wed in same sex marriages. When I share with them my objection (out of them asking, never of me telling or directing them) I am regulated as a bigot, homophobe, and outcast of many within my parish.

For the record I do not harbor any anti-gay stances against my fellow human beings. I merely advocate for the way God wanted marriage to be: one man and one woman. I support various traditional marriage causes (NOM, Family Research Council, etc) through donation and volunteering and this makes many of my fellow congregants hostile toward me.

That’s a large part of me feeling my beliefs don’t match up with the Church because my fellow congregants make it seem like if I don’t support gay rights I’m a terrible person. This is just one of the many issues that bother me within my Church and I struggle daily to come to terms with these problems.

I should also add that my parents are supporters of gay marriage and equality and I find a lot of criticism goes my way when I disagree with their views. It’s just very hurtful, overall, to stick out my neck for marriage equality and don’t understand why so many people are so critical of my view.

I’m glad you shared that because it sheds a different light on where you stand in the situation. It looks like YOU are the one who is inline with Church teaching. I was getting the impression that it was the opposite and I am sorry for that. It sounds like you are having an isssue with your church (small c, not capital C). Unfortunately, many Catholics are more like your fellow parishioners and you will find them in most Catholic parishes. However, I tend to think that the more orthodox the priest is at a particular parish the more likely you will find more parishioners that agree with Church teaching in these matters. Definitely look for another parish. Find an orthodox priest (and I know that it seems to be getting haarder and harder to find them).

God Bless.

 

[polki]

The Church does not support gay marriage and neither should your parish. It is not the Catholic Church you seem to have a problem with, but your liberal parish. If your pastor is pushing for gay marriage, then you should report him to your archdiocese, because that is causing scandal and it is your duty as a Catholic to defend the Church’s teachings.

You are not in the wrong, your fellow parishioners are. Do not give up on the Catholic Church, because you are the one who seems to have the correct understanding of the Church’s teachings.

I was in a very similar situation several years back, with regard to the gay marriage issue as well as the sex abuse scandal. I decided I had a choice: either leave the Church, or take my religion back from those who want to harm the Church. It sounds like your fellow parishioners need some lessons on why the Church teaches what it teaches.
Maybe you can join some online conservative Catholic communities. There are FB pages, blogs, and websites for traditional Catholics that might help energize you and make you feel not so alone. Keep the faith! Sadly, it is difficult to be a practicing Catholic, even in one’s own Catholic community nowadays, because of the cafeteria Catholicism culture.

 

[DasGood]

The Church does not support gay marriage and neither should your parish. It is not the Catholic Church you seem to have a problem with, but your liberal parish. If your pastor is pushing for gay marriage, then you should report him to your archdiocese, because that is causing scandal and it is your duty as a Catholic to defend the Church’s teachings.

You are not in the wrong, your fellow parishioners are. Do not give up on the Catholic Church, because you are the one who seems to have the correct understanding of the Church’s teachings.

I was in a very similar situation several years back, with regard to the gay marriage issue as well as the sex abuse scandal. I decided I had a choice: either leave the Church, or take my religion back from those who want to harm the Church. It sounds like your fellow parishioners need some lessons on why the Church teaches what it teaches.
Maybe you can join some online conservative Catholic communities. There are FB pages, blogs, and websites for traditional Catholics that might help energize you and make you feel not so alone. Keep the faith! Sadly, it is difficult to be a practicing Catholic, even in one’s own Catholic community nowadays, because of the cafeteria Catholicism culture.

I’ll listen to your advice and seek out more conservative communities. It just is a shame because I grew up with my parish since my birth and I really would not like to leave.

I also plan to participate in a volunteer programming soon. Either for one or two years, which should really help invigorate my passion for the Church and our Lord.

 

[DasGood]

I’m glad you shared that because it sheds a different light on where you stand in the situation. It looks like YOU are the one who is inline with Church teaching. I was getting the impression that it was the opposite and I am sorry for that. It sounds like you are having an isssue with your church (small c, not capital C). Unfortunately, many Catholics are more like your fellow parishioners and you will find them in most Catholic parishes. However, I tend to think that the more orthodox the priest is at a particular parish the more likely you will find more parishioners that agree with Church teaching in these matters. Definitely look for another parish. Find an orthodox priest (and I know that it seems to be getting haarder and harder to find them).

God Bless.

Yes, it does sound like a good idea to find another parish that hold views more in sync with what the Church teaches. I’ll be sure to do that. As I noted to an other poster I do plan to volunteer for a Catholic affiliated organization soon and that should help energize me on the path to Christ and his one true Church.

 

[CPC]

Perhaps the Spirit has placed you in that parish to be a witness to the Truth. An New Evangelist. Do not be afraid. Persevere. I have found that the Truth often wins many converts if the messenger returns scorn with charity and withstands the buffets and insults with a smile a responds in charity with the Truth. All prophets and reformers were reviled in their own communities. You can be an example. Call on the Virgin Mary, St Michael and St Thomas Aquinas to aid you when at your parish. You can find reinforcement, refuge and support from those of use here.

If you must leave for your own sanity, so be it. I would recommend you speak to the one your Bishops or their representatives.

I am aware of a parish like that near my doctor’s office. I often visit it and leave leaflets and pamphlets behind about the teachings of the Church on sexuality and respect for life, etc.

Every day I pray for the unity of all Christians. Lately, in addition, I have been asking for the unity of all Catholics, first! If we cannot be united. how can we unite with our separated brethren? Sometimes I think the most tragic sin on Earth is the pride that has separated Christians. It is the lance that pierces Jesus’ heart.