I just can't take it anymore.

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prolifewife

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I can’t CAN’T take being infertile one more day. :bighanky: I had a total breakdown yesterday and I just can’t do this anymore. I’d rather be single than have to be infertile one more day. :crying: God would probably like that better anyways, at least I wouldn’t be “not bearing fruit” in His eyes anymore. I feel like God hates me and that he’s mad at me because I’m in a mixed marriage that is bearing absolutely no fruit. Physical or spiritual. 😦

And yes I’m seeing a counselor, psychiatrist, and am taking multiple medications for my “issues”. But they can’t make an infertile person bear children. My doctor said that if that is what is making me unhappy that no pill could cure that. 😦 So I’m stuck in this horrible place in life that I don’t want to be. :crying:
 
I’m so sorry to hear that. 😦 Pray, I’m sure God will answer you. Even if you don’t have children now, in His millenial kingdom I’m sure nothing will stop you from having all the children you want. I feel that breeze blowing over the horizon. But for now just pray, and I will pray for you, too. :hug1:

God Bless.
 
:console:

I don’t really have any advice to offer. (You’ve probably heard it all already, and it’s not very comforting anyway.) But I sort of know what you’re going through. I’m in a rough patch myself, and I’m yelling at God an awful lot too. :o

But…trust me…it’s not any better to be single and infertile. I can personally vouch for that. 😦
 
God doesn’t blame you for being infirtle, and you are not “not baring fruit in his eyes” in some capacity to which you are to be blamed. God in his wisdome has created us each with unique talents, abilities and weaknesses and limitations in accord with his divine plan. Take Zachary and Elizabeth, who walked perfectly in the law and his precepts yet were infirtal until they were “well advanced in years”, so that Elizabeth was called “barren”, just so she should have John the Baptist at the appointed time.

Not that God necessarly has such a grand plan for you, we don’t know for what reason you have this biological limitation. But God has called you to the vocation of marriage, with this limitation for his purposes. Perhaps he wants you to adopt a child, which is also a quite beautiful and extrodenary blessing.

I hope any of this helps you find some comfort, I wouldn’t be supprised if you’ve already thought about all this before, but hey it’s worth mentioning. Regardless, you’re in my prayers. That you discover the path God wants you to walk in your relationship with your husband, and for your happyness in that.
 
I just read a book eentitled the Divine Life of Virgin Mary andinterestingly St Ann Our ladys mother was said to be infertile and prayer to our Lord resulted in the removal of her infertitlity.This is a book written by Ven Mar of Agreda who had visions from our Lady and is a abridged version of Mystical City Of God.I suggest you pray every day to the Holy Spirit and have total faith in him and he will bring you out of your misery.Do you have the prayer to the Holy Spirit and if you do not I can send it to you.God Bless You.
 
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time emotionally and spiritually. :hug1: I know how depressing infertility can be. :hug1:

What you have to keep telling yourself is that this is part of God’s plan for your life. How could God be unhappy with what He has given you as a cross? I know how hopeless and difficult it is when you want a child more than anything and you just can’t get pregnant. I don’t know what God has in plan for your future but I think I can tell you what His plan is for your present. This is an opportunity to strengthen your marriage. I know how easy it is to think that you as the woman bear the majority of the pain of infertility but it is very hard on the husband too. This is the time for you to raise each other up, hold each other through the tears, try to laugh at whatever you can, and thank God that at least you have each other to get through this.

You’re going to be a mom, prolifewife. It may not be right away, but it’s going to happen either through fertility treatments, adoption, or a surprise miracle. What you have to do in the meantime is keep your marriage strong because this will make you guys stronger–and you’ll be making each other better people and preparing each other for parenthood in the process.

I’m praying for you guys,

KG
 
I’m sorry for your pain, my wife and I went through a similar situation for years.

Eventually we tried Chlomid, the first time we almost got a divorce at the end of the second three months, between the frustration of not getting pregnant, un-addressed family issues, a miscarriage, the temp taking and the hormonal roller coaster we almost called quits after 6 years (9 together).

We took a break, I went to my mom’s for 2 days then came back talked and worked out a lot of issues that had been building up. The loss of numerous family members, her parents divorce all kinds of things, it took some time and we even went spoke with our old minister and my friend about the issues (a month later) but had most of it resolved by then.

A few months later we decided we would try the Chlomid one more time with the understanding of what it can do to a women as it builds up in their system. I got checked out in multiple ways and changed some things to my side as well (had motility issues). If things didn’t work out, we would just consider adoption. Towards the end of the first month we did a washing technique and injection (we were Presbyterian at the time, I don’t think the Church approves of this) done. By the end of that month we were pregnant. While we did use that unapproved method we are unsure if that is when we got pregnant or it was the numerous tries the days preceding and follow but it was somewhere close to that date.

After getting pregnant that first time we have since been blessed with 3 more sons.

My point is to say… don’t give up, try everything the Church approves (the washing technique may be ok with a peforated condom, not sure) and keep praying. We had a LOT of people praying for us to get pregnant for years and we finally did and the we got lot of blessings (4 boys). Make sure your husband is getting checked as well, I even had an ultrasound to make sure there was nothing going on (which was an interesting experience I won’t go into on this board).

You guys are in my prayers, just don’t give up. I guess my point is two fold, I believe God knew when to give us children, there is not a doubt in my mind about that as it would not have been good to bring a child while we still had those unresolved issues. My best friend had kept saying it would happen when He wanted it too, and it did. So do everything you can but trust God and don’t blame yourself.

Interestingly enough it was the fact that our First born was heading to PreSchool, we chose the local Catholic Parish, that I decided to brush up on my Catholic theology since it had been many years. Those studies and attending Mass with my son on days when the Preschool went are what started us on our Journey across the Tiber.

If he had been born later or earlier we might not have decided on our Parish school and rather sent him to the one at our old Presbyterian Church… God knew when to bring him into our lives for His greater purpose! Trust Him.

Joe
 
I can understand why you are frustrated and angry. I can also understand being mad at God, and even yelling. Been there, done that myself.

Once the flow of anger has subsided, listen for that small voice telling you what his plan for you is.

The hardest thing for most of us is stopping to “hear” what God is really telling us. I am sure he has wonderous plans for you. We just need to stop, wait, and listen for him to tell us what his plan is.

You are in our prayers.
 
crazzeto said:
. Perhaps he wants you to adopt a child, which is also a quite beautiful and extrodenary blessing.
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No kidding. There are millions of kids across the world that need a loving mother and father and you’d be doing them a great service in taking on that role. You don’t take on the role of caregiver or temporary parent or something, you are the mother of that child, genetics aside.

I know it’s tough, and I’ve never had to deal with this, actually quite the opposite in the case of my wife and I and trust me that’s got its own challenges, but you would be best served by not making this the focal point of your life. Yes, you may be infertile but how does that change the kind of person that you are? No offense, but by the volume of posts you’ve had on the subject it seems to me that you sort of identify yourself as infertile. That’s not your identity anymore than my identity is that guy with no appendix or my wife as that woman with a blood clotting disorder. Medical challenges don’t define you, but how you respond to them certainly can reveal your character.

I don’t think I can give great advice since I’m not in your position and I’m not a woman. But I know that my wife said in the past that if she found out she probably wouldn’t have kids of her own that she would a) not stop trying, if you know what I mean, but never obsess over it and b) really look into adoption. Heck, we already have two at the tender age of 25 and she’s already talked about adopting a child or at least being a foster parent to disabled children when we’re in our 40s simply because she wants to help. There are a lot of kids who need your help and your love! Pray about that and then if you decide to go that route, share that love with them!
 
One of the things I think of when I hear you talk is the real problems you’ve been having medically. Perhaps God is using this to seek out other children such as adopting special needs kids. There are so many children, even very young ones, who have autism and down’s who are are basically thrown away.

I firmly believe that not all who are called to be parents are called to be natural parents. My cousin had an aunt and uncle that she spent summers with. Her family had crumbled when she young and by the time she was 12 they’d gone through multiple relationships and other children and marriages and all that nonsense. And even though they only had her in their home for the summer she credits them for making her who she is today. They struggled with infertility and at her college graduation realized that God had let that happen to them in order to save this girl. If they had children of their own they wouldn’t of been able to pay for plane flights or take summers off, or devote all their time and attention to heal this very broken child. It was God’s will.

So, don’t dispair God has great plans for you. It’s His promise. They just may not be the plans that you have.
 
The_Bucket said:
a) not stop trying, if you know what I mean, but never obsess over it and b) really look into adoption. Heck, we already have two at the tender age of 25 and she’s already talked about adopting a child or at least being a foster parent to disabled children when we’re in our 40s simply because she wants to help. There are a lot of kids who need your help and your love! Pray about that and then if you decide to go that route, share that love with them!
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My fiance and I at least at the moment have no reason to believe we will suffer this particular medical disorder. That said, we certainly don’t know for a fact that we won’t. We’ve talked about it, and agreed that if we could not have childeren naturally for whatever reason we would certainly adopt.

I would just recommend praying on it, that is the best I can do. As always I recommend the rosary, I just love the rosary! And it’s so appropriate, since I know the Virgin Mary will understand your pain.
 
She was deeply distressed and prayed to the LORD, and wept bitterly.

And she vowed a vow and said, “O LORD of hosts, if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thy maidservant, and remember me, and not forget thy maidservant, but wilt give to thy maidservant a son, then I will give him to the LORD all the days of his life, and no razor shall touch his head.”

They rose early in the morning and worshiped before the LORD; then they went back to their house at Ramah. And Elka’nah knew Hannah his wife, and the LORD remembered her

1Samuel 1:10,11,19
 
purplesunshine said:
One of the things I think of when I hear you talk is the real problems you’ve been having medically. Perhaps God is using this to seek out other children such as adopting special needs kids. There are so many children, even very young ones, who have autism and down’s who are are basically thrown away.

I firmly believe that not all who are called to be parents are called to be natural parents. My cousin had an aunt and uncle that she spent summers with. Her family had crumbled when she young and by the time she was 12 they’d gone through multiple relationships and other children and marriages and all that nonsense. And even though they only had her in their home for the summer she credits them for making her who she is today. They struggled with infertility and at her college graduation realized that God had let that happen to them in order to save this girl. If they had children of their own they wouldn’t of been able to pay for plane flights or take summers off, or devote all their time and attention to heal this very broken child. It was God’s will.

So, don’t dispair God has great plans for you. It’s His promise. They just may not be the plans that you have.
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I love this post of yours.
It addresses everything.

It’s always better to accept God’s will and let Him lead you as your life unfolds.
Regrets cost one the presnt AND the future. Regrets are never worth it.
 
ProlifeWife, please understand that I am not saying this to be insensitive. I know you already know this. But I think you sometimes need to “hear” it from others.

Your inability to conceive children now is **not **what is making you unhappy. Your inability to conceive children is **not **disappointing to God. Your marriage to a non-Catholic is **not **causing God to be disappointed with you.

You are unhappy because you have OCD. Your OCD is behind your unhappiness because it is causing you to have disordered emotional responses to the normal stresses of life. (And yes, some of your stresses go beyond the norm.)

God LOVES you more than you can possibly hope to experience through feelings. You are far more important and worthwhile than you can possibly hope to experience through feelings.

I know that you desperately want to FEEL loved and appreciated by God (and by yourself) but that won’t happen even if you do become pregnant. You need to fix your emotions more than you need to fix your fertility. So for the time being you are going to have to experience God’s love through your knowledge rather than your feelings.

Now this is going to sound REALLY harsh: But perhaps you are called to wait to have a baby so that you have the time and energy to heal.

We here at Catholic Answers would love to find out that you are going to be a mother. But maybe you have a job to do before you are ready for that task. I think your first job is to take care of yourself.

(And know that we are praying for you…)
 
Prolifewife, you know I’ve been there. No, I haven’t had the medical and psychological issues that you are facing, so I can’t truly understand the depth of your situation. And I have a feeling they certainly make the burden even heavier. But I have felt utterly lost, hopeless, and so useless. I have felt that my husband and I didn’t have a blessed union. That we were somehow flawed and unworthy of bringing a child into this world. I spent many, many days and nights locked in tears and sadness mourning all the things we will never experience…the innocence of simply deciding to try for a baby (and it happening!), a positive pregnancy test, feeling a baby move inside of me, giving birth, breastfeeding, looking at our child and seeing a perfect union of God, my husband and I. For a loving, Catholic couple with a desire to do right in this world infertility can feel a lot like a hopeless, dark, forgotten death. And it is lonely. Oh so lonely.
And I still have times I feel those emotions. It will never completely go away. But I realized one day that this is my life, this is our life. This is who we are. This is exactly how God made us. God brought us together knowing that we would bear this cross together. And that we would eventually move forward and continue to use our marriage to bring good to each other and this world.
For us, right now, fostering is our way to do this. We feel so much more alive, hopeful, and blessed to be at the start of that journey. One day we may adopt, or we may just live life as a family of two.
All of those things (and many more) can be good, true and holy things to do.
Mourning the impacts of infertility on a marriage is necessary and can take a long, long time. Some people never get through it. Most people never get completely through it. But I just pray and pray that you can begin to move forward.
It breaks my heart to hear you think He is punishing you and you’d be better off single. Do you really believe that? Is there no good that comes of the union God and the Church have blessed? Please don’t say that. Or think that. You have been given a kind heart, a mother’s heart, a wife’s heart. Let God heal you and lead you to a place where you can use all of that love and talent to bring forth goodness and hope and it will be returned to you tenfold.
 
prolifewife said:
I can’t CAN’T take being infertile one more day. :bighanky: I had a total breakdown yesterday and I just can’t do this anymore. I’d rather be single than have to be infertile one more day. :crying: God would probably like that better anyways, at least I wouldn’t be “not bearing fruit” in His eyes anymore. I feel like God hates me and that he’s mad at me because I’m in a mixed marriage that is bearing absolutely no fruit. Physical or spiritual. 😦

And yes I’m seeing a counselor, psychiatrist, and am taking multiple medications for my “issues”. But they can’t make an infertile person bear children. My doctor said that if that is what is making me unhappy that no pill could cure that. 😦 So I’m stuck in this horrible place in life that I don’t want to be. :crying:
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I will remember you in my prayers today. My husband and I are both infertile as well. I KNOW your pain. I will pray that God will give you and your husband peace in this no matter what happens. Infertility is a hard cross to bear.
 
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through another tough emotional time. I really hope these feelings pass by quickly.

With that, from previous postings it sounds like there are surgical options that are available to you that you haven’t tried yet due to fear, hestitation, whatever. Maybe now is the time to revisit those options and take a hard look at them again to see their potential. Of course, I’m not suggesting anything immoral but if there are options you haven’t taken yet due to fear of needles, maybe it’s time to rethink that. Who knows, maybe in the end you won’t be any different of a position, but you just might be.

Again, my sympathies.
 
To those who have “baby tickers or timelines” that appear with every post, it might be more sensitive and compassionate to disable those when posting on infertility.
 
Hey here is a thought - since you are very blessed to have more time and money since you were planning for children but not blessed - you could check out third orders. Your husband does not have to join with you but you could use that time to get involved in all kinds of ministry - that is what I did and later I will adopt. Right now I have a whole new extended family.
 
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