I haven’t been on the forum long, but I’ve read MANY of the NFP threads. I don’t find that EVERYONE on the forum has the idea it’s and ok subsititute for birth control. I actually find a surprising amount of posters who think it’s NEVER ok, no matter WHAT the reason. Some don’t think a “grave” reason even exists.
NFP can absolutely be used to space for just reasons. period. NFP can also be abused. period. NFP is not a stepping stone to those who cannot attain chastity or holiness in the discernment of God’s will. We are called to always follow Gods will in every process we have. Sometimes we fall, but we get back up again.so what are you trying to say that we should expect people to switch from abc to having as many as God will give us?Yes, what we are saying is accept Gods will. That is the call of any Christian. nfp is the middle ground there and has a way of changing peoples heart for the better but it takes time.I dont buy your logic here. Just because people may not conform to the will of God real fast does not mean that we can condone ANY sort of sin. If people were murdering we would not encourage them to only mame in the name of being a good Catholic until their hearts were right.both of you are bashing nfp and its a only moral option besides leave it up to God.You are completely misunderstanding NFP. No one has bashed it, however it isnt what some say it is. NFP is both Moral and safe. 98% of Catholics use abc.not true, you dont do any favors by inflating statistics to bolster your argument. Too many Catholics use birth control just as too many Catholics sin. That doesnt mean the catholic way should be to sin. I agree lets not promote nfp as easy as abc but lets not go crazy and then tell people nfp is bad too and leave them with no options like total abstaence or have a baby when your not ready!!! Sounds like you have a beef with the idea of what marriage calls us to be.are you leaving it up to God?Yes! are you ok with having kids every year for the rest of your fertile life?Absolutely! But that would be a rare and extreme situation worthy of a TLC show. are you are unmarried or inferitle if so your a hypocrite.No absolutely not. otherwise the Pope would be a hypocrite. Just because someone may not be in a situation does not mean that they cannot make proper moral judgments.
Yeah looking back at my own experiences worrying about all that isn’t going to help the OP get through it any easier. Even if he had been chaste before he was married, your not sleeping next to the person your madly in love with then and having to say no to that temptation. Being chaste before marriage would definitely give a person a leg up in overcoming that challenge, but its still going to be a challenge. Probably the best advice to give him would be to work on your prayer life. Maybe look into going to daily mass? You need to have a constant source of grace that sustains you and helps you overcome the challenges your facing and keeps you on course.
yes, it is true that the pendulum swings both ways. Those who question “grave” reasons sometimes are not being charitable. However, being involved with CCL I can tell you that the 2.5 kids 3 car garage mentality is finding resistance in the NFP world. Perhaps thats why so many Catholics contracept. Even I assumed a great many things when I questioned the OPs motives for using NFP. However, I wish he would post a clarification on what they are looking to use NFP for.
yes, but I would add that the work on the spiritual life needs to be within the marriage with both partners. And that is hard to do because so rarely are we on the exact same spiritual plane as someone else. But perseverance with prayer and patience on both sides of the bed should be a mandate.
No, I am not saying what we should expect of people, that is up to the couple. I can certainly understand why people switch from ABC directly to NFP, but I would think that certainly makes the process more difficult. It seems logical, to first go from ABC (a evil and unnatural state of marriage) to the most normal, natural state first. And recover one’s virtue and recover from the effects of sin in that mode,before going straight to NFP, which even its promoters stress,requires a greater degree of virtue.
You missed the mark entirely…I love my wife more than anything on earth. It’s not that I don’t want to be affectionate with my wife unless sex is available. It’s that being affectionate when trying to abstain makes abstaining infinitely more difficult. Take the Sin of premarital sex away…now put yourself in the same house as your boyfriend…hug, kiss, cuddle, go to bed together…could you abstain? Now do it again the next day…Every day abstaining gets harder…soon you realize that doing stuff separately, embracing less, kissing less, going to bed at separate times and making sure there is a blanket between you makes the time of abstinence easier. I love my wife thats why this is hard…if I didn’t love her NFP wouldn’t even be a consideration. Hopefully given time and growth the abstinence will be easier and the affection will too…we’re working on it together
Getting away from a selfish outlook that would be a start and not going nuts when someone doesn’t agree with you would be another. All I said was that I thought the general viewpoint among forum members ran a particular way which I find sad… the next thing you know I’m being called an infertile hypocrit by someone else who doesn’t know me. All I did was state an observation…hum wonder what Jesus would say.
Your account of your doctor is extremely odd. I don’t want to derail the thread but there should be no “pain” involved…
I apologize. I regreat my harsh hypocrit post. it bothers me when people complain about nfp and then don’t get involved to be a part of the solution. yeah “get away for selfish outlook” great but when your married and fertile and use nfp you are making a choice to conceive or not to conceive very time you have sex. its a daily choice we have to make. if you not on abc then nfp is a part of that whether you like it or not. so really your judging the op reason as selfish. there is no list of aproved reasons and we all need to talk to a priest about. the op didn’t come here for judgment on his reason for nfp but help with using it. you never gave any advice but just complained. I don’t know how to say it without being harsh. and just fyi when you come off as anti nfp you can come off as pro abc. if nfp is bad idea for you then what is a good idea? is a great question a “getting away from a selfish outlook” isn’t a answer to that question. we were wondering if you were suggesting abc as that good diea? the answer is one of four choices if you are sexually active. 1. nfp 2. leave it up to God (very posible pregnancy) 3. total abstaince 4. abc.
Kinda puts the way I’ve been acting in perspective…kinda…I don’t I get hostile toward my wife just toward nfp which is voiced to my wife. My wife keeps telling me It’s going to get easier but I don’t see how. Last month we had 15 days of abstinence(have to be more conservative coming off ABC) then my wife got a yeast infection which put us over 20 days. So far this month because we have to abstain during phase 1 we’re just over 20 days of abstinence. I got up this morning very excited because we had two days of temp rise…tomorrow we’re golden!..then my wife says I need to cross check with drying up and we need five days of rise coming off abc
…Pretty hard for that bit not to ruin your day…I felt awful I got up in a good mood…happy, ready to got to Mass a 7a.m. Then I get tossed that tid bit…it broke me. I hate that the abstinence is so unpredictable(wife says after a couple months it’ll get easier)It wouldn’t be bad if we had to abstain from this day to that day every month for x number of days but everything is random. If I have to wait for something I have to know when I’ll get it. It can’t be some random day or I go nuts. We bought a lady comp from Amazon hopefully that makes things easier predictionwise. I don’t know what average length of abstinence is but if it continues to be 20+ days…We average about 22 days here. I honestly think that makes it easier to ensure you are using NFP for serious reasons. I went to a Janet Smith presentation recently given at our church on NFP, and she was saying it was like 5-7 days. It would be EASY if it was only 5-7 days…