" I know too much about life to be optimistic"

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george92

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i’m a pessimist. i really do’t know why anybody can be optimistic. i’m 22 and in grad school and its just constant misery especially working two other jobs to afford to go through it… the world is so cold and everybody is so desensitize to each other… i don’t mind grad school but i know life is just going to get much harder…but whats the point: you wake up, go to your s*it job 9-5.come home alone. bed then repeat.

that just life: just s*t because in the grand scale of time we are nothing but a blink of an eye and in 100 years from now we will all be buried underground rotting away. sigh…i really don’t know why i get out of bed anymore … i really don’t see it getting better. advice?
 
Three quick thoughts for you.

One, your perception isn’t really all that delusional. After all, it is a fallen, disgusting, perverted, demented world, fraught with sinners and evil deeds. In fact, if it was in fine shape, Christ needn’t have come down here, right?

Second, I think there’s the “answer.” Christ, who was guilty of nothing, still accepted suffering. So without going into a long analysis of the meaning of suffering, we have the confidence of faith that there must be some value in enduring suffering as Christ did. After all, he showed that after Good Friday comes Easter, right? Even if we can’t fully “see” the value in this “currency” of suffering, we can see his example.

And third, that brings me to the last thought. Consider this. What requires more love? Is it easier to love one’s spouse when everything is flowers and rainbows? Or is it easier when one’s spouse is sick or troubled or in difficulties? Certainly, the latter requires the “greater” love, so to speak. This fits with Christ saying “no greater love hath a man than to lay down his life for a friend.” You see how love finds its pinnacle in suffering? Thus, in a mysterious way, great love can only “materialize” in the face of suffering, of adversity. So one tip you can try is to offer the Lord every breath, every mundane beat of your heart as you endure these days. We, as the bride, the Church, may be called to this greater love to offer to the bridegroom.

And I pray it gets better for you, of course. Even Christ went to feasts and napped and got away in the desert for a while. :o
 
Three quick thoughts for you.

One, your perception isn’t really all that delusional. After all, it is a fallen, disgusting, perverted, demented world, fraught with sinners and evil deeds. In fact, if it was in fine shape, Christ needn’t have come down here, right?

Second, I think there’s the “answer.” Christ, who was guilty of nothing, still accepted suffering. So without going into a long analysis of the meaning of suffering, we have the confidence of faith that there must be some value in enduring suffering as Christ did. After all, he showed that after Good Friday comes Easter, right? Even if we can’t fully “see” the value in this “currency” of suffering, we can see his example.

And third, that brings me to the last thought. Consider this. What requires more love? Is it easier to love one’s spouse when everything is flowers and rainbows? Or is it easier when one’s spouse is sick or troubled or in difficulties? Certainly, the latter requires the “greater” love, so to speak. This fits with Christ saying “no greater love hath a man than to lay down his life for a friend.” You see how love finds its pinnacle in suffering? Thus, in a mysterious way, great love can only “materialize” in the face of suffering, of adversity. So one tip you can try is to offer the Lord every breath, every mundane beat of your heart as you endure these days. We, as the bride, the Church, may be called to this greater love to offer to the bridegroom. God may permit our condition because He needs this kind of love to permeate the world, which has lacked it.

And I pray it gets better for you, of course. Even Christ went to feasts and napped and got away in the desert for a while. :o
 
I’d recommend Matthew Kelly’s book “Perfectly Yourself: 9 Lessons for Enduring Happiness”. It has some great tips on becoming what he calls “a better version of yourself”, and probably the best piece of advice is the first of the 9 lessons: celebrate progress.
I don’t want to go too much into it because it reads way better in his own words, but basically, just try to recognize moments where you’re becoming a better person; it gets you out of the “work, sleep, repeat” mindset.

I’ve had some hard times with pessimism myself, and another great piece of advice I can give you is this: even if a day is filled with mundane and routine things, you’ll feel just a bit more fulfilled if you do them with all your heart and with a love God wants you to live. There are a million things to be unhappy about at any given moment, but finding the things to be happy and thankful for will help you get through it.

Hope this helps, good luck with everything, and may God bless you and protect you! 🙂
 
You do not have much trust in God, do you? God has a plan for everything. No wonder Browning wrote: “God is in Heaven, all’s right with the world.” Pray a lot and have faith in Him who created you. You will find life is easier.
 
Ricky_C said:
I’d recommend Matthew Kelly’s book “Perfectly Yourself: 9 Lessons for Enduring Happiness”. It has some great tips on becoming what he calls “a better version of yourself”, and probably the best piece of advice is the first of the 9 lessons: celebrate progress.
I don’t want to go too much into it because it reads way better in his own words, but basically, just try to recognize moments where you’re becoming a better person; it gets you out of the “work, sleep, repeat” mindset.

I’ve had some hard times with pessimism myself, and another great piece of advice I can give you is this: even if a day is filled with mundane and routine things, you’ll feel just a bit more fulfilled if you do them with all your heart and with a love God wants you to live. There are a million things to be unhappy about at any given moment, but finding the things to be happy and thankful for will help you get through it.

Hope this helps, good luck with everything, and may God bless you and protect you! 🙂
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Well said and I’m ordering a copy of the book you mentioned from Amazon for myself.
Thanks for the link. The book has received wonderful amazon reviews.

Mary.
 
It is counter-intuitive, but even though a pessimist will guess the correct outcome of a scenario more often than an optimist, researchers have found that optimists succeed more often than pessimists. You do better if you aim for success instead of merely satisfying “reality.”

I’ve been in graduate school. It wasn’t always fun, but it wasn’t constant misery. It is also not an end in itself. Your dissertation is not your magnum opus, some ultimate expression of yourself. It is a proof that you can approach a problem in a professional and original way. That’s all. That is OK. If you come up with anything truly world-changing in your dissertation work, you’re going to re-do it for a publication that your colleagues will read. The dissertation itself is just to convince your committee that you ought to be given a PhD, with all that goes with it.

Now, many people I know keep working in their field even after they could retire. Why? Because by going to graduate school they got to do work that they’d do even when they didn’t have to. They got to do it for decades. That is worth a few years of hardship.

OK…after the thought experiment that reminds you that the misery won’t last forever, I want you to close your eyes and image a violet blossom. What a beautiful, delicate thing that is! Violets are annuals. They live less than a year. They are beautiful, though. People will remember the violets their mother used to grow when they are old themselves. They grow violets themselves because their mothers grew them, and they enjoy both the violets and the memories of their mothers.

Your PhD work is preparing you to create something lasting. Your life gives you opportunities to be and do things that are beautiful. Beauty lasts. Civilizations are destroyed, buried, and forgotten, but if someone digs up something beautiful that they did, it is beautiful all over again. The beauty we leave behind speaks to those who come after of our humanity. Do you remember how Our Lord told us to consider the lilies of the field? Consider the flowers, and know you are loved, you are thought by your Creator to be more an image of God than the most delicate flower, you do count, and you are loved.

Finally, nothing in the long hard days you are describe include love or friendship. Why not? Do you think you do not have time? You must have time for love, for friendship, for beauty, for God. The busier you are, the more you need these.

On that note, I’d remind you that the stress of graduate school can leave students very vulnerable to clinical depression. Clinical depression warps our view of the world and insulates us from happiness. I dare you to get online and take a screening test for depression. If your results say you may be depressed, use your head and get some help. You are too smart to squander your best chance at a happy, satisfying and productive life because you didn’t think you had time in your travels to stop and change a flat tire, right? You can’t think…“oh, I’ll get gas when I run out.”

Be smart. Think about how to travel through this thing called graduate school in good condition. You’ll get through it better, not to mention happier, and you’ll probably even get through it faster. (Most universities offer free mental health services, so no excuses!)
 
It’s hard to enjoy life when you are working so hard, but you have reason to hope. When you graduate and get a job, it’s going to be better. With a little luck, you’ll work only 40 hours a week and have lots of free time in which to enjoy yourself and pursue outside interests. Maybe you could read about the meaning of life and discover that it is good and worthwhile, even if it is rather short on the grand scale. If you consider the prospect of eternal life, it may not be so short after all.

Advice? Life is too short to waste on social media, television, alcohol/drugs, or self-absorption. Connect with people in the real world. Enjoy the simple pleasure of treating other people with respect and even love. Build self-respect by living virtuously. Strengthen your relationship with God. Be thankful.
 
george92 said:
i’m a pessimist. i really do’t know why anybody can be optimistic. i’m 22 and in grad school and its just constant misery especially working two other jobs to afford to go through it… the world is so cold and everybody is so desensitize to each other… i don’t mind grad school but i know life is just going to get much harder…but whats the point: you wake up, go to your s*it job 9-5.come home alone. bed then repeat.

that just life: just s*t because in the grand scale of time we are nothing but a blink of an eye and in 100 years from now we will all be buried underground rotting away. sigh…i really don’t know why i get out of bed anymore … i really don’t see it getting better. advice?
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I think it depends. I mean man you have a lot going for you and you don’t care. That’s really too bad. Because one day when that stuff is taken away from you you’ll look back and say, “Wow, I wish I hadn’t been such an ungrateful **** when I was younger. Because now I don’t have anything that I once had, like my health and my good looks.”

So what if we die eventually? The point of the afterlife is that it goes on forever. So what’s a few miserable years on earth compared to an infinity of fun-life? I don’t know. I mean I think you’ve got to stop looking at all the bad and start looking at the good.

Yeah work sucks, but the stuff it lets you buy doesn’t. And yeah getting up and going through a routine is a pain, but at least you’ve got a chance every day to meet someone new. You’ve got a chance to bring happiness to one more person.

And buddy that’s what this life’s all about. You bring happiness to one person a day and they do the same and so on. That’s what makes life worth living. Make it all about you and of course it’ll suck. Who wants that? Who wants to live a self-absorbed existence? I mean even your friendly-neighborhood drug addict knows that. Being self-absorbed is no fun. Break out of it man. Or else you’re going to go through life with a scowl. And that scowl will make sure you get one in return. From everyone you meet. Life’s just a reflection of what you put out. So if you’re a sad, self-absorbed guy that’s the only kind of company that will be able to stand you. That’s the only kind who’ll want to listen to your long sad story about how you woke up late and then had to skip breakfast–again!–and then almost missed your bus and then had to sit next to a really big guy who smelled like cigars and then had to run from your stop to your office building in the rain and then missed getting a promotion because you never get there on time and then you left work, but forgot your wallet in your desk so you couldn’t buy your favorite frozen meat-pie (even pessimists have favorites) for supper and then you dropped your key in the mud and got your shoes dirty and stepped on one of your laces and lost your balance and almost fell, but then had a run-in with a neighbor that delayed you long enough to miss your favorite show–I mean this goes on, right?

So you’ve got to make the sunshine in your own life. You’ve got to be that ray of hope for someone else. You’ve got to love those other guys who seem to walk past you without thinking. You’ve got to care about more than work and death. You’ve got to actually *live * your life.

Or something.

Peace.

-Trident
 
MaryT777 said:
Well said and I’m ordering a copy of the book you mentioned from Amazon for myself.
Thanks for the link. The book has received wonderful amazon reviews.

Mary.
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Great read! We saw him speak live! Awe-inspiring does not do it justice.
 
Trident_H said:
I think it depends. I mean man you have a lot going for you and you don’t care. That’s really too bad. Because one day when that stuff is taken away from you you’ll look back and say, “Wow, I wish I hadn’t been such an ungrateful **** when I was younger. Because now I don’t have anything that I once had, like my health and my good looks.”

So what if we die eventually? The point of the afterlife is that it goes on forever. So what’s a few miserable years on earth compared to an infinity of fun-life? I don’t know. I mean I think you’ve got to stop looking at all the bad and start looking at the good.

Yeah work sucks, but the stuff it lets you buy doesn’t. And yeah getting up and going through a routine is a pain, but at least you’ve got a chance every day to meet someone new. You’ve got a chance to bring happiness to one more person.

And buddy that’s what this life’s all about. You bring happiness to one person a day and they do the same and so on. That’s what makes life worth living. Make it all about you and of course it’ll suck. Who wants that? Who wants to live a self-absorbed existence? I mean even your friendly-neighborhood drug addict knows that. Being self-absorbed is no fun. Break out of it man. Or else you’re going to go through life with a scowl. And that scowl will make sure you get one in return. From everyone you meet. Life’s just a reflection of what you put out. So if you’re a sad, self-absorbed guy that’s the only kind of company that will be able to stand you. That’s the only kind who’ll want to listen to your long sad story about how you woke up late and then had to skip breakfast–again!–and then almost missed your bus and then had to sit next to a really big guy who smelled like cigars and then had to run from your stop to your office building in the rain and then missed getting a promotion because you never get there on time and then you left work, but forgot your wallet in your desk so you couldn’t buy your favorite frozen meat-pie (even pessimists have favorites) for supper and then you dropped your key in the mud and got your shoes dirty and stepped on one of your laces and lost your balance and almost fell, but then had a run-in with a neighbor that delayed you long enough to miss your favorite show–I mean this goes on, right?

So you’ve got to make the sunshine in your own life. You’ve got to be that ray of hope for someone else. You’ve got to love those other guys who seem to walk past you without thinking. You’ve got to care about more than work and death. You’ve got to actually *live * your life.

Or something.

Peace.

-Trident
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If I can add to Trident’s great post…let me offer a little perspective from people around me. The son of my besties has, oh, maybe 3-4 months to live. He’s 44. My son has no really best friends because of a developmental disability. Very sad. But he knows his suffering on Earth will get him to Heaven.

Then, there is the refugee crisis in the Middle East. What if you walked in their shoes for a while?

One of the greatest gifts I found was offering the “least of us.” They are so appreciative, so humble, so needing an act of kindness. Try one act of kindness to a stranger each day. It will do wonders. I did it for the month on August, just to try to make my little space a happier place. It was infectious! Just try…
 
Well I’m the eternal optimist ,the opposite to you I guess,
Things DO get better, the Glass is Half full not half empty ,
I have had some really tough decades,but being optimistic helped me through…
Your only 22 , with an education which you are pursuing ,the world will soon be your oyster .
 
And what was it that Mother Teresa said?
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
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        If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.
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        If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway.
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       If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.
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        What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.
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        If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.
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        The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.
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     Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.
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     In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.
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george92 said:
i’m a pessimist. i really do’t know why anybody can be optimistic. i’m 22 and in grad school and its just constant misery especially working two other jobs to afford to go through it… the world is so cold and everybody is so desensitize to each other… i don’t mind grad school but i know life is just going to get much harder…but whats the point: you wake up, go to your s*it job 9-5.come home alone. bed then repeat.

that just life: just s*t because in the grand scale of time we are nothing but a blink of an eye and in 100 years from now we will all be buried underground rotting away. sigh…i really don’t know why i get out of bed anymore … i really don’t see it getting better. advice?
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Please see a mental health professional.
 
Christians don’t have to all be optimists. But we do all have to have hope. I knew a priest who would wryly refer to himself as a “hope-filled pessimist.” 🙂

As MarcoPolo said, the answer really is Christ.

Yes, there’s lots of bad stuff out there. But there is also lots of good. It’s just as dishonest to gloss over life’s good things as it is to gloss over the bad.
 
1ke said:
Please see a mental health professional.
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Having been in graduate school, I second this. Many if not all graduate schools offer mental health services to students, either included with the price of tuition or as part of a mandatory-buy-in health insurance package. They do not want any hurdles between their students and competent mental health care, especially for depression. The student’s academic advisor does not need to be notified about the care the student is receiving. If you have a good relationship with your mentor, however, I would say most are eager to keep their grad students on a positive trajectory towards graduation and a successful academic career.

Depression does not just rob a person of quality of life. It greatly reduces a graduate student’s ability to be academically productive and intellectually original. The habit of pessimism about life is a symptom of and a risk factor for depression, a real physical condition that can be treated and managed.
 
I “third” this. Academics can be very stressful, and if there is any kind of proclivity or genetic/hereditary disposition to depression, stress can trigger it.

Seek a psychologist, preferably Catholic, who can lead you to the right treatment. It may just be sitting and talking it out, but you need it!

Also, I say this only with the greatest of tenderness and Christian love, but my dear you are only 22 years old- life is still a mystery to even those of us who’ve seen 22 a couple of times already. What God has in store for you, only HE knows. Allow Him the opportunity to surprise you with His love and joy!! From Godspell, one of the best musicals EVER:

"Oh bless the Lord my soul
His praise to thee proclaimed
And all that is within me join
To bless His holy name
Oh yeah
Oh bless the Lord my soul
His mercies bear in mind
Forget not all His benefits
The Lord to thee is kind

He will not always chide
He will with patience wait
His wrath is ever slow
To rise
Oh bless the Lord
And ready to abate
And ready to abate
Oh yeah!
Oh bless the lord
Bless the lord my soul
Oh bless the lord my soul!

He pardons all thy sins
Prolongs thy feeble breath
He heals thine infirmities

And ransoms thee from death

He clothes thee with his love
Upholds thee with his truth
And like an eagle he renews
The vigor of thy youth

And bless His holy name
Whose grace hath made thee whole
Whose love and kindness crowns
Thy days
Oh bless the lord
Bless the lord my soul
Oh bless the lord my soul!"
 
You have a lot on your plate right now. It won’t always be that way. I remember working almost full time, going to grad school full time and my outing of the week was going grocery shopping because I had no time to do anything fun. It will get better - just try to pace yourself as best you can.
 
george92 said:
i’m a pessimist. i really do’t know why anybody can be optimistic. i’m 22 and in grad school and its just constant misery especially working two other jobs to afford to go through it… the world is so cold and everybody is so desensitize to each other… i don’t mind grad school but i know life is just going to get much harder…but whats the point: you wake up, go to your s*it job 9-5.come home alone. bed then repeat.

that just life: just s*t because in the grand scale of time we are nothing but a blink of an eye and in 100 years from now we will all be buried underground rotting away. sigh…i really don’t know why i get out of bed anymore … i really don’t see it getting better. advice?
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To be totally honest at 22 you don’t know anything about life. We are not defined by our job or even by our accomplishments. If you really want to learn about life get involved in some kind of service ministry whether it be tutoring someone or helping out at you local food bank. Learn the joy of helping others-that will teach you a lot about life
 
A more specific thing I can suggest as well is to pray a Rosary, specifically keeping the Sorrowful Mysteries in mind. Today I was feeling very depressed, and in contemplating the Sorrowful Mysteries alongside my prayer intentions, my suffering and sadness seemed very appropriate for the situation. I felt as if I was suffering alongside Jesus Christ, and it seemed to highlight praying for the salvation of sins that Jesus earned us through His death on the Cross.
Hopefully this helps; again, may God bless you, and may God bless everyone who is contributing to this thread! :signofcross:
 
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