C
ClearWater
Guest
Well, it’s very easy at a young age to have strong feelings, but it’s best for the relationship to slow it down, which is probably about the last thing you would want to do.
In many relationships, they proceed really fast. Some can meet, get together, get very physical, and break up, all within a very short period of time. In times past, this whole process could take, I think years, and they didn’t get very physical till after marriage, which was a lot more prudent.
Now, we have a lot of divorce when people do marry, and I believe part of it is probably due to not taking the time to really get to know the other person. This is a process which can be rushed but really shouldn’t be.
If one does marry a Catholic, the Catholic would be expected to adhere to a number of different ways of viewing life.
There is the concept of not getting physical before marriage, which you seem to be already aware of.
After marriage, Catholics don’t believe in using contraception. There is a kind of openness to life and God’s will. In some cases, couples use Natural Family Planning, which requires that a couple abstain from intercourse during the woman’s fertile period.
Both parties would need to be “on the same page” about this, and other, issue.
This goes against what a lot of what modern culture teaches. Most others will just get on the Pill, but we believe that the Pill, especially, in addition to being contraception is also an abortifacient, causing an abortion, essentially.
Now, were you to marry her in the future, as a Catholic, she would want to marry in the Church. In order to do that, the husband would need to agree to raise any children, Catholic.
The way to get married is also in an actual church with a priest. Those are some of our beliefs.
Now, let’s say you are right, that one day you do end up marrying. As a Catholic, it is a requirement to go to at least weekly mass and on “Holy Days of Obligation”. She would also be expected to go to confession with a priest from time to time, receive communion and the sacraments.
She would have her rosary, holy water, possibly religious statues and pictures. She would believe in the authority of the Church, pope, bishops, and priests.
She would want her children baptized Catholic and follow the teachings of the Church.
If you married, how would you anticipate you’d handle Sundays? Would she go to Church on Sundays, week after week, by herself?
Next, were there to be children, would they go with her? So, would you sleep in late while she does that? What would happen when the children would say, “Hey Mom, why does Dad get to stay home? I want to stay home with Dad!”?
Would you back your wife up but still stay at home? Do you see how this would create problems. Well, you would be saying with your example what you believed, and your example is even stronger than words. You’d be undoing whatever she tried to do.
Would you ever be able to pray together as a couple?
Many non-Catholics are quite hostile to the Catholic faith, as you have seen. You would actually need to not be the one attacking her but defend her…in my opinion, so she wouldn’t be facing that all by herself.
If you were not both Catholic, it’s almost a given you’d argue over matters of faith and religion sooner or later.
There are some who are able to manage marriages with differences in religion. However, we also get many on the forum with problems.
The Protestants refer to a believer and a non-believer as “unevenly yoked”.
If you truly are interested in God or religion, you would probably pray with or without her, go to church with or without her. RCIA (Rite of Christian Inititiation) would be the step if you were ever serious about Catholicism, as someone mentioned in a previous post. You can even go just to learn what it entails in order to better make an informed choice as to whether you would be willing to take on the additional commitments.
However, the ideal is to begin as friends, know each other very well and proceed from there.
There are already issues of lack of trust. You didn’t trust her enough to tell her the truth, so you are afraid she won’t be able to accept you as you are. If you believed she would accept you as you are, I don’t think you would have felt the need to lie to her.
You were basically telling her what you thought she wanted to hear, instead of the truth. Right now, that’s not a good basis for a relationship, lying and secret keeping.
As Catholics, we believe in striving to be truthful for many reasons. Lies will generally inevitably be found out, just a question of time. When the truth comes out, there is a loss of trust, also on the part of the one being lied to. It makes it that much more difficult to establish trust. If you tell the truth, you may not be believed.
Catholics also believe marriage is not just a legal matter, but a sacramental one, as well. We believe it is holy, sacred, established by God. So, a lot of what other couples may find acceptable within marriage, pornography, etc. would not be acceptable to a devout, practicing Catholic.
Anyway, there’s a lot more to it than this, but that’s a summary of some of the highlights of differences between a Catholic perspective on relationships and marriage from a secular or non-Catholic one.
Take it slow. This is not to try to discourage you but to prepare you. If this is indeed God at work, things will work out even so.
Good luck!
In many relationships, they proceed really fast. Some can meet, get together, get very physical, and break up, all within a very short period of time. In times past, this whole process could take, I think years, and they didn’t get very physical till after marriage, which was a lot more prudent.
Now, we have a lot of divorce when people do marry, and I believe part of it is probably due to not taking the time to really get to know the other person. This is a process which can be rushed but really shouldn’t be.
If one does marry a Catholic, the Catholic would be expected to adhere to a number of different ways of viewing life.
There is the concept of not getting physical before marriage, which you seem to be already aware of.
After marriage, Catholics don’t believe in using contraception. There is a kind of openness to life and God’s will. In some cases, couples use Natural Family Planning, which requires that a couple abstain from intercourse during the woman’s fertile period.
Both parties would need to be “on the same page” about this, and other, issue.
This goes against what a lot of what modern culture teaches. Most others will just get on the Pill, but we believe that the Pill, especially, in addition to being contraception is also an abortifacient, causing an abortion, essentially.
Now, were you to marry her in the future, as a Catholic, she would want to marry in the Church. In order to do that, the husband would need to agree to raise any children, Catholic.
The way to get married is also in an actual church with a priest. Those are some of our beliefs.
Now, let’s say you are right, that one day you do end up marrying. As a Catholic, it is a requirement to go to at least weekly mass and on “Holy Days of Obligation”. She would also be expected to go to confession with a priest from time to time, receive communion and the sacraments.
She would have her rosary, holy water, possibly religious statues and pictures. She would believe in the authority of the Church, pope, bishops, and priests.
She would want her children baptized Catholic and follow the teachings of the Church.
If you married, how would you anticipate you’d handle Sundays? Would she go to Church on Sundays, week after week, by herself?
Next, were there to be children, would they go with her? So, would you sleep in late while she does that? What would happen when the children would say, “Hey Mom, why does Dad get to stay home? I want to stay home with Dad!”?
Would you back your wife up but still stay at home? Do you see how this would create problems. Well, you would be saying with your example what you believed, and your example is even stronger than words. You’d be undoing whatever she tried to do.
Would you ever be able to pray together as a couple?
Many non-Catholics are quite hostile to the Catholic faith, as you have seen. You would actually need to not be the one attacking her but defend her…in my opinion, so she wouldn’t be facing that all by herself.
If you were not both Catholic, it’s almost a given you’d argue over matters of faith and religion sooner or later.
There are some who are able to manage marriages with differences in religion. However, we also get many on the forum with problems.
The Protestants refer to a believer and a non-believer as “unevenly yoked”.
If you truly are interested in God or religion, you would probably pray with or without her, go to church with or without her. RCIA (Rite of Christian Inititiation) would be the step if you were ever serious about Catholicism, as someone mentioned in a previous post. You can even go just to learn what it entails in order to better make an informed choice as to whether you would be willing to take on the additional commitments.
However, the ideal is to begin as friends, know each other very well and proceed from there.
There are already issues of lack of trust. You didn’t trust her enough to tell her the truth, so you are afraid she won’t be able to accept you as you are. If you believed she would accept you as you are, I don’t think you would have felt the need to lie to her.
You were basically telling her what you thought she wanted to hear, instead of the truth. Right now, that’s not a good basis for a relationship, lying and secret keeping.
As Catholics, we believe in striving to be truthful for many reasons. Lies will generally inevitably be found out, just a question of time. When the truth comes out, there is a loss of trust, also on the part of the one being lied to. It makes it that much more difficult to establish trust. If you tell the truth, you may not be believed.
Catholics also believe marriage is not just a legal matter, but a sacramental one, as well. We believe it is holy, sacred, established by God. So, a lot of what other couples may find acceptable within marriage, pornography, etc. would not be acceptable to a devout, practicing Catholic.
Anyway, there’s a lot more to it than this, but that’s a summary of some of the highlights of differences between a Catholic perspective on relationships and marriage from a secular or non-Catholic one.
Take it slow. This is not to try to discourage you but to prepare you. If this is indeed God at work, things will work out even so.
Good luck!
) racing around in this situation.
