I love a Catholic girl but I'm Atheist?

[Alex_96]

I found this forum while trawling the web to find a site where I could get some help. This story is really complicated but I need advice because I truly care for and love this girl.

I was raised Christian by my parents but became an Atheist in my early teen years. Since then, basically everyone who knows me is aware that I don’t believe in God because I’m very open about my Atheism. I admit that in the past I’ve said some pretty hurtful things about Christians, especially Catholics, things that I didn’t realize were so hurtful to others until now. I did have a bit of an intolerance with Christians because I’ve had bad experiences with most of them, as I noticed majority of the ones I knew were bigots and hypocrites.

Our school got a new student from France a weeks ago, and I’ve gotten really close to her over the past couple of weeks. She is the girl of my dreams. She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life, both inside and out. She is incredibly sweet, loving, smart, caring, and fun. I fell in love with her the moment I met her. The thing is, she is a devout Catholic. She wears a scapular around her neck at all times, has a picture of Jesus and Mary in her wallet, carries a rosary, prayer book, and holy water in her bag at all times, attends Mass every Sunday, and is so devoted to her faith that she is still a virgin and is saving herself for after marriage. She is against gay marriage and abortion, but expressing her opinions in the most loving way which makes it almost impossible for me to debate with her. I feel like she is a true embodiment of a Christian and she has really changed my overall views on Christians. I have gotten so close with her that she invited me to come to Mass with her a few times. One day she even made me a rosary herself to give as a gift to me, which I thought was sweet. When she asked me what my religion was, I told her that “I was raised Catholic” which is kind of true but I didn’t mention that I was an Atheist because I didn’t know what she would think about me. The last time we talked, she told me that the thing she prays for the most is for be to always be safe, because she cares about me so much. I was touched by what she said.

Since she is so beautiful, almost every guy in my school is after her. When they found out we were getting close and were on the verge of dating, these guys told her the truth about me and what I previously said about Catholics. One guy even had a video on his phone of one of my rants on religion and some of the things I said about Catholics there were really bad, like the Pope is a child-molester and their religion and beliefs are all bulls***. I heard from other people that she was really hurt by what I said and felt sad that I didn’t tell her the truth about myself.

The thing is I said those things in the past, I admit that it was so wrong. To be honest after I met this girl my beliefs really changed. I think that God put her in my life to lead me to Him. When I was with her at Mass I really felt God’s presence and I felt so happy and at peace. When I told this to my friends, they said that I was being a hypocrite and am only changing myself for this girl because she’s attractive, but that’s not true. I truly and deeply love and care for her, would never want to hurt her, and I would gladly respect her beliefs and even wait to have sex after marriage as long as it made her happy. I went to her house and explained everything to her and told her how I felt about her and how she changed my views of God. I also apologized to her and she forgave me, and said that she would give me a second chance and would love to be with me as long as I didn’t lie to to her like that again.

We’re basically together now, and I agreed to go with her to Mass every Sunday as it makes me and her happy. We’re both enrolling in a Bible study group together to attend during the week. I really want to be with her because she changed me in a positive way. She is a great influence to me and has inspired me to become a more loving and forgiving person. Even my family members notice a huge change in me.

So my question is this, how do I keep her and show her that I love her and she has changed me? I want to make up for the way I hurt her, and I’m so lucky she gave me a second chance. How do I respect her beliefs, I want to be careful that I don’t let anything hurtful slip. I really, really love her so much…

 

[Nixbits]

Alex, just a few thoughts to get the discussion going.

From your story it seems like you’ve made a less than perfect start in your relationship with this girl. You have to be honest with her, and to do that you have to be honest with yourself.

Why were you formerly an atheist? What was the reason why you did not believe in God? If it was because of the bigotry or hypocrisy of some Christians that you encountered, then that wasn’t a good enough reason.

You said that you believe God put her in your life to lead you to Him and that you felt God’s presence at Mass. In that case you’re no longer an atheist, contrary to the subject line of your post. But you’ve asked how you can respect her beliefs and not let anything hurtful slip. That suggests that you don’t share (all) her beliefs and may still have some anti-Christian views.

So what do you now believe and. more importantly, why? I don’t think that you will have good prospects of a positive long-term relationship with her unless you can be intellectually honest about what you believe.

 

[underacloud]

You’re in love with a girl you’ve known for a few weeks?

Calm down a bit. you’re geting way ahead of yourself. Just relax and enjoy getting to know each other better.

It’s great that you’re thinking more about God, but be honest with yourself. Is this about God and searching for the truth, or is it just about her? I don’t mean to discourage you, but most athiests prize intellectual honesty. And so do most Catholics, hopefully. Be honest with her and be honest with yourself. The journey to faith can be gradual or it can be sudden, but it should be about you and God, not about you and a girl.

 

[St_Francis]

If she returned to France and you never saw her again, would you still feel God’s presence?

 

[rcwitness]

So my question is this, how do I keep her and show her that I love her and she has changed me?

This my friend, is something only you will be able to know and do…
But that’s love… its intense and its joyful.

I want to make up for the way I hurt her, and I’m so lucky she gave me a second chance. How do I respect her beliefs, I want to be careful that I don’t let anything hurtful slip. I really, really love her so much…

Here’s how you respect her beliefs. You tell her you will observe the Teachings of the Church regarding your relationship with her. And you be a gentleman and take/or go with her to Mass, if possible.

When you begin to learn about the Faith of the Church, you should be quiet and listen. Let things settle and take root, before giving a knee jerk reaction. You don’t need to act like you believe anything! Just do not accuse and ridicule the Faith. You will have questions for sure, but make sure you are asking a genuine question before opening your mouth.

BTW… You are not lucky to have her attention, you are blessed.

 

[rcwitness]

You said that you believe God put her in your life to lead you to Him and that you felt God’s presence at Mass. In that case you’re no longer an atheist, contrary to the subject line of your post.

Amen

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I found this forum while trawling the web to find a site where I could get some help. This story is really complicated but I need advice because I truly care for and love this girl.

I was raised Christian by my parents but became an Atheist in my early teen years. Since then, basically everyone who knows me is aware that I don’t believe in God because I’m very open about my Atheism. I admit that in the past I’ve said some pretty hurtful things about Christians, especially Catholics, things that I didn’t realize were so hurtful to others until now. I did have a bit of an intolerance with Christians because I’ve had bad experiences with most of them, as I noticed majority of the ones I knew were bigots and hypocrites.

Our school got a new student from France a weeks ago, and I’ve gotten really close to her over the past couple of weeks. She is the girl of my dreams. She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life, both inside and out. She is incredibly sweet, loving, smart, caring, and fun. I fell in love with her the moment I met her. The thing is, she is a devout Catholic. She wears a scapular around her neck at all times, has a picture of Jesus and Mary in her wallet, carries a rosary, prayer book, and holy water in her bag at all times, attends Mass every Sunday, and is so devoted to her faith that she is still a virgin and is saving herself for after marriage. She is against gay marriage and abortion, but expressing her opinions in the most loving way which makes it almost impossible for me to debate with her. I feel like she is a true embodiment of a Christian and she has really changed my overall views on Christians. I have gotten so close with her that she invited me to come to Mass with her a few times. One day she even made me a rosary herself to give as a gift to me, which I thought was sweet. When she asked me what my religion was, I told her that “I was raised Catholic” which is kind of true but I didn’t mention that I was an Atheist because I didn’t know what she would think about me. The last time we talked, she told me that the thing she prays for the most is for be to always be safe, because she cares about me so much. I was touched by what she said.

Since she is so beautiful, almost every guy in my school is after her. When they found out we were getting close and were on the verge of dating, these guys told her the truth about me and what I previously said about Catholics. One guy even had a video on his phone of one of my rants on religion and some of the things I said about Catholics there were really bad, like the Pope is a child-molester and their religion and beliefs are all bulls***. I heard from other people that she was really hurt by what I said and felt sad that I didn’t tell her the truth about myself.

The thing is I said those things in the past, I admit that it was so wrong. To be honest after I met this girl my beliefs really changed. I think that God put her in my life to lead me to Him. When I was with her at Mass I really felt God’s presence and I felt so happy and at peace. When I told this to my friends, they said that I was being a hypocrite and am only changing myself for this girl because she’s attractive, but that’s not true. I truly and deeply love and care for her, would never want to hurt her, and I would gladly respect her beliefs and even wait to have sex after marriage as long as it made her happy. I went to her house and explained everything to her and told her how I felt about her and how she changed my views of God. I also apologized to her and she forgave me, and said that she would give me a second chance and would love to be with me as long as I didn’t lie to to her like that again.

We’re basically together now, and I agreed to go with her to Mass every Sunday as it makes me and her happy. We’re both enrolling in a Bible study group together to attend during the week. I really want to be with her because she changed me in a positive way. She is a great influence to me and has inspired me to become a more loving and forgiving person. Even my family members notice a huge change in me.

So my question is this, how do I keep her and show her that I love her and she has changed me? I want to make up for the way I hurt her, and I’m so lucky she gave me a second chance. How do I respect her beliefs, I want to be careful that I don’t let anything hurtful slip. I really, really love her so much…

Most atheists I know pride themselves in the employment of “logic” They tend to think that the atheist position is the logical one and that religion is emotional.

But in this case the emotional position is being in love and claiming to love someone inside and out when you have known them a couple of weeks.

The irony here is that you cite hypocrisy and bigotry as reasons you believe there is no God. Yet your position on love in 2 weeks and God putting her in your life is hypocritical to your professed beliefs. And bigotry being the judgement of someone without knowing them also is practiced here because you do not know her but have judged her a certain way.

Perhaps more than a wife, God has found a way to show you the power of belief in something or someone that could lead you to the One True Faith.

 

[acadiANNA]

Thanks be to God for sending this special friend into your life. Praying that the Holy Spirit will guide your path to the truth. Blessings, peace and love.

 

[Paleocon]

I found this forum while trawling the web to find a site where I could get some help. This story is really complicated but I need advice because I truly care for and love this girl.

I was raised Christian by my parents but became an Atheist in my early teen years. Since then, basically everyone who knows me is aware that I don’t believe in God because I’m very open about my Atheism. I admit that in the past I’ve said some pretty hurtful things about Christians, especially Catholics, things that I didn’t realize were so hurtful to others until now. I did have a bit of an intolerance with Christians because I’ve had bad experiences with most of them, as I noticed majority of the ones I knew were bigots and hypocrites.

Our school got a new student from France a weeks ago, and I’ve gotten really close to her over the past couple of weeks. She is the girl of my dreams. She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life, both inside and out. She is incredibly sweet, loving, smart, caring, and fun. I fell in love with her the moment I met her. The thing is, she is a devout Catholic. She wears a scapular around her neck at all times, has a picture of Jesus and Mary in her wallet, carries a rosary, prayer book, and holy water in her bag at all times, attends Mass every Sunday, and is so devoted to her faith that she is still a virgin and is saving herself for after marriage. She is against gay marriage and abortion, but expressing her opinions in the most loving way which makes it almost impossible for me to debate with her. I feel like she is a true embodiment of a Christian and she has really changed my overall views on Christians. I have gotten so close with her that she invited me to come to Mass with her a few times. One day she even made me a rosary herself to give as a gift to me, which I thought was sweet. When she asked me what my religion was, I told her that “I was raised Catholic” which is kind of true but I didn’t mention that I was an Atheist because I didn’t know what she would think about me. The last time we talked, she told me that the thing she prays for the most is for be to always be safe, because she cares about me so much. I was touched by what she said.

Since she is so beautiful, almost every guy in my school is after her. When they found out we were getting close and were on the verge of dating, these guys told her the truth about me and what I previously said about Catholics. One guy even had a video on his phone of one of my rants on religion and some of the things I said about Catholics there were really bad, like the Pope is a child-molester and their religion and beliefs are all bulls***. I heard from other people that she was really hurt by what I said and felt sad that I didn’t tell her the truth about myself.

The thing is I said those things in the past, I admit that it was so wrong. To be honest after I met this girl my beliefs really changed. I think that God put her in my life to lead me to Him. When I was with her at Mass I really felt God’s presence and I felt so happy and at peace. When I told this to my friends, they said that I was being a hypocrite and am only changing myself for this girl because she’s attractive, but that’s not true. I truly and deeply love and care for her, would never want to hurt her, and I would gladly respect her beliefs and even wait to have sex after marriage as long as it made her happy. I went to her house and explained everything to her and told her how I felt about her and how she changed my views of God. I also apologized to her and she forgave me, and said that she would give me a second chance and would love to be with me as long as I didn’t lie to to her like that again.

We’re basically together now, and I agreed to go with her to Mass every Sunday as it makes me and her happy. We’re both enrolling in a Bible study group together to attend during the week. I really want to be with her because she changed me in a positive way. She is a great influence to me and has inspired me to become a more loving and forgiving person. Even my family members notice a huge change in me.

So my question is this, how do I keep her and show her that I love her and she has changed me? I want to make up for the way I hurt her, and I’m so lucky she gave me a second chance. How do I respect her beliefs, I want to be careful that I don’t let anything hurtful slip. I really, really love her so much…

That depends on what it is you believe presently. What do you believe?

 

[raggie]

i think you really need to slow down and see how your relationship with this girl develops, you need to seriously think as to wehy you became an atheist at such a young age and if you can realise why then maybe you can convert to catholicism but you shouldnt just pretend so you can get with this girl , take your time and see what develops

 

[E_7]

Hello Alex,

You know, your story reminds me of the movie titled A Walk to Remember. You should see it, maybe with her. Great movie.

Maybe I’ll get attacked by other posters here, but I believe that if she is bringing you closer to God, He that made you and loves you and is blessing you, do not slow down. Just ask God in every Mass to guide you, and always be honest. The devil is also known as the Prince of Lies. If you are always honest with her, it will build a great trust between you two.

Please have in mind: Do not give in into peer pressure. If your friends are acting like the little devil on your ears to deceive you, be honest with your self and admit you have come to know God. This will also help you on being more mature.

I wish you all the best.

 

[antunesaa]

One guy even had a video on his phone of one of my rants on religion and some of the things I said about Catholics there were really bad, like the Pope is a child-molester and their religion and beliefs are all bulls***. I heard from other people that she was really hurt by what I said and felt sad that I didn’t tell her the truth about myself.

…

The thing is I said those things in the past, I admit that it was so wrong.

If she dumps you, won’t you return to the previous standpoint about the Pope, etc.? I think that’s the question you have to ask yourself. In any case, and since she’s French, I would recommend you Blaise Pascal’s advice:

“These are people who know the way which you would follow, and who are cured of an ill of which you would be cured. Follow the way by which they began; by acting as if they believed, taking the holy water, having masses said, etc. Even this will naturally make you believe, and deaden your acuteness.”

 

[E_7]

This my friend, is something only you will be able to know and do…
But that’s love… its intense and its joyful.

Here’s how you respect her beliefs. You tell her you will observe the Teachings of the Church regarding your relationship with her. And you be a gentleman and take/or go with her to Mass, if possible.

When you begin to learn about the Faith of the Church, you should be quiet and listen. Let things settle and take root, before giving a knee jerk reaction. You don’t need to act like you believe anything! Just do not accuse and ridicule the Faith. You will have questions for sure, but make sure you are asking a genuine question before opening your mouth.

BTW… You are not lucky to have her attention, you are blessed.

 

[PaulGH]

We’re basically together now, and I agreed to go with her to Mass every Sunday as it makes me and her happy. We’re both enrolling in a Bible study group together to attend during the week. I really want to be with her because she changed me in a positive way. She is a great influence to me and has inspired me to become a more loving and forgiving person. Even my family members notice a huge change in me.

So my question is this, how do I keep her and show her that I love her and she has changed me? I want to make up for the way I hurt her, and I’m so lucky she gave me a second chance. How do I respect her beliefs, I want to be careful that I don’t let anything hurtful slip. I really, really love her so much…

It is wonderful to be young and in love! Thank you for sharing your story. In answer to your questions, it sounds to me like you are very much on the right track already. Just take things slowly, and treat her with love and respect, which it sounds like you are doing already.

And if you are specifically interested in learning more about the Catholic faith, I could recommend some books for you to read.

By the way, you mentioned that this girl is from France. I tend to think of France as being very secularized, with few people going to church anymore. So I am encouraged to hear about a young, devout Catholic from France!

 

[detoutcoeur]

So my question is this, how do I keep her and show her that I love her and she has changed me? I want to make up for the way I hurt her, and I’m so lucky she gave me a second chance. How do I respect her beliefs, I want to be careful that I don’t let anything hurtful slip. I really, really love her so much…

Welcome to CAF, Alex! Thank you for your post; you have indeed found a treasure. For me, the most important words you wrote are: “I think that God put her in my life to lead me to Him.” This is the key to keeping your love for her alive and strong. God is the center of her life–make Him the center of yours, too. Keep going to Mass and Bible studies with her, and as St. Padre Pio said, “Pray, hope, and don’t worry.” Today is his feast day; you might like to ask for his help, too.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...figuration_in_Sanok_painting_of_Padre_Pio.jpg
commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Categoryadre_Pio#mediaviewer/File:Church_of_the_Transfiguration_in_Sanok_painting_of_Padre_Pio.jpg

 

[whm]

Nice story Alex. My advice is to take it slow and keep doing what you are doing. Ask your self this question, do you prefer the version of Alex on the cell phone video or the one going to bible study with this nice young lady?

 

[Jack007]

now,now,friends;
alex has,i think, been asked enough questions to respond to. let him explain about his current and former religious beliefs and their cause. i think that will help us to post accurately and also to stop repeating questions…

 

[JRKH]

Since she is so beautiful, almost every guy in my school is after her. When they found out we were getting close and were on the verge of dating, these guys told her the truth about me and what I previously said about Catholics. One guy even had a video on his phone of one of my rants on religion and some of the things I said about Catholics there were really bad, like the Pope is a child-molester and their religion and beliefs are all bulls***. I heard from other people that she was really hurt by what I said and felt sad that I didn’t tell her the truth about myself.

This is a tremendously important thing right here…You have discovered how one’s words can come back to haunt them. You started the relationship with a lie…and it bit you.

The thing is I said those things in the past, I admit that it was so wrong. To be honest after I met this girl my beliefs really changed. I think that God put her in my life to lead me to Him. When I was with her at Mass I really felt God’s presence and I felt so happy and at peace. When I told this to my friends, they said that I was being a hypocrite and am only changing myself for this girl because she’s attractive, but that’s not true. I truly and deeply love and care for her, would never want to hurt her, and I would gladly respect her beliefs and even wait to have sex after marriage as long as it made her happy. I went to her house and explained everything to her and told her how I felt about her and how she changed my views of God. I also apologized to her and she forgave me, and said that she would give me a second chance and would love to be with me as long as I didn’t lie to her like that again.

This is wonderful…but just remember - - that one lie has now put you on the bubble, so to speak. You have to be especially careful and honest with both her and yourself.

So my question is this, how do I keep her and show her that I love her and she has changed me?

You don’t “keep her”. She is not a possession. If you truly love her then you want her happiness and if that is with you great, but if it is with someone else - then you must accept that too. That is what Love is…
That said, you do not have to “show her” that you love her and you have changed. If these things are so, then she will see them in everything you do and say.
You will be a gentleman and you will treat her with respect. You will be honest, gentle and forthright.
Love is a two way street and she should treat you in the same way.
Then - if this is meant to be - it will be. If not then you will both have grown tremendously and will be able to part as friends.

Peace
James

I want to make up for the way I hurt her, and I’m so lucky she gave me a second chance. How do I respect her beliefs, I want to be careful that I don’t let anything hurtful slip. I really, really love her so much…

 

[dedo]

This my friend, is something only you will be able to know and do…
But that’s love… its intense and its joyful.

Here’s how you respect her beliefs. You tell her you will observe the Teachings of the Church regarding your relationship with her. And you be a gentleman and take/or go with her to Mass, if possible.

When you begin to learn about the Faith of the Church, you should be quiet and listen. Let things settle and take root, before giving a knee jerk reaction. You don’t need to act like you believe anything! Just do not accuse and ridicule the Faith. You will have questions for sure, but make sure you are asking a genuine question before opening your mouth.

BTW… You are not lucky to have her attention, you are blessed.

This.

If you believe that God is leading you to Him, then follow the lead.

A couple things that might be helpful to you from two recent Homilies:

1. God cannot be understood solely through intellectual means because His ways are not our ways. God can only be understood through relationship with Him. Don’t be surprised if your understanding of God changes as you learn about how to be in relationship with Him.
2. The cross is a symbol of sacrificial love. It is helpful to remember this so we can periodically ask ourselves what we are willing to sacrifice for those we love.

Good luck.

 

[MacQ]

So my question is this, how do I keep her and show her that I love her and she has changed me? I want to make up for the way I hurt her, and I’m so lucky she gave me a second chance. How do I respect her beliefs, I want to be careful that I don’t let anything hurtful slip. I really, really love her so much…

If you have truly changed, how would anything hurtful “slip”???


If you are serious about this girl, you need to understand Catholicism, and you need to explore your own values and motives.
The best place for you to do that is to enter RCIA (there is no commitment to become catholic if you don’t decide to).