I married the wrong person

[Rose74]

You don’t have to live like this. You said that you knew before the wedding that it would be a mistake to marry her, but you didn’t have the backbone to cancel the wedding. Many posters are blaming her pregnancy for her behavior. OP said that she changed during the engagement and he had reservations about the marriage. If you didn’t have a child coming, I’d say leave and pursue an annulment. Things are much more complicated when there is a child in the picture. Will this marriage ever be the stable, loving relationship your child deserves? From your description, probably not unless there are big changes. You have big decisions to make. I don’t have much hope for your marriage as you’ve described it.

 

[LisaA]

I never said he had to be cruel. All he has to say is “honey I need respect before I can get into the mood, sorry.” Women say they need love all the time before they get in the mood. Same deal there.

If small issues cause WWIII then she needs to grow up. What is she going to do when the kid doesn’t want to clean their room? Start WWIV? If a child throws a temper tantrum does a parent sit there and say “oh I should change my behavior so my child doesn’t get upset.” If your coworker throws a fit because they have a short fuse do you spend your entire career on egg shells with them? NO! The wife has a kid on the way. She needs to grow up before the kid does.

Just because a woman wants sex everything is OK in the world?? LOL! You have a guy here that doesn’t want sex! I think that is a lot more significant than a woman who does want it. Talk about stereotypes at their finest…giving advice based on them is not a good idea.

And FYI, I know men and women are different. That does not excuse one for their uncharitable treatment of the other though. I think the OP has listened quite extensively to his wife. He has clearly reiterated for us her complaints about him. He’s not a bad guy though for not asking “how high” when she says “jump.”

Also, last time I read the Bible there was no exceptions for pregnant women regarding being forgiving of other…

Back to the Strawman approach eh? Did I say you suggested he be cruel? No. Did I say that because the wife is still responsive sexually all is well? No. Why don’t you address what was actually said?

Also realize that we always portray our side as being the “good guy” so the OP’s side of things is only one side of the story. I think Jackiemom’s post regarding the way the wife may be feeling or interpreting things should also be considered.

Also if you’d read my posts, I stated that women’s mouths are often very destructive and that a woman complaining about her husband has let an enemy into the compound. I am not giving the wife excuses but I think lecturing her from on high as you suggested is going to be counterproductive. This relationship is damaged and communication is poor. Working on more effective communiation seems to be a good idea. What they are doing isn’t working is it?

As to quoting the Bible, note that it says husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church. Christ LAID DOWN HIS LIFE FOR THE CHURCH. So please don’t claim that because the OP doesn’t give his wife the smackdown means he’s not part of the problem.

The Church has the view that marriage is about self-GIVING love. You are with your spouse to help him or her get to heaven. The OP can only change himself and his reaction. He cannot change his wife’s behavior although he can certainly try to find what would help facilitate the changes if appropriate.

 

[Robertanthony]

It pains me to write this, but I am miserable. I chose very poorly, and I knew during the engagement at times that I was unhappy, but was afraid to act on it for a host of cowardly reasons.

She is pregnant, and I am staying for the child’s sake. I sometimes think if anything happened to our child in utero, I would be free to leave her - and I hate myself for even thinking such a terrible thing. What kind of a father am I?

Where do I go from here? I’m in a marriage where I’m not respected; my wife comes from a family of women married to weak men they look down upon, and she is following suit. I am nagged constantly - any time I am not working she wants me to either spend time with her or do things around the house, the idea of taking 20 minutes to read the paper and relax has almost set off World War 3. My wife finds fault with everything I do (health habits, cleanliness of my study/our bedroom, my driving). She holds onto past hurts from some members of my family and refuses to let go of them, years later. She judges people for their positions on politics and religion and its impossible for her to grasp having a close friendship with someone you disagree with on those things. My nutty in-laws are in the next town over, and I am sick to death of seeing them all the time. I have gotten to the point where I feel like my libido is crushed; she mentions sex at the end of a long day where I have worked my butt off and all I truly wanna do is be left alone, and I agree to avoid an argument and quietly resent it.

I am miserable. I hate this life, I really do. Growing up, my mother said I was gonna make some lucky girl very happy someday. I know that’s probably something all mothers say to their sons, but I had hoped it was at least a little bit true. I don’t pretend I’m a stud, but I thought I deserved better than this. I try to imagine my life, and all I can see is me on my deathbed several decades from now, an old, broken man, grateful its gonna be over soon.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I don’t know what anyone could say other than “you should get counseling”, and they’d be right. This may seem like some adolescent plea for attention. I don’t consciously mean it to be; if it is, I beg pardon for it. I guess I’m just tired of keeping it in. I don’t tell my parents the extent of my sadness because I’m afraid it will ruin their relationship with her. I don’t tell her in our arguments because some things you say and you can never unsay. I don’t mention it in confession because I’m too busy confessing my own sins and I’m afraid the priest will think I’m trying to justify or mitigate them.

Please pray for me. Thanks for listening.

JMJServant, I'm sorry you're going through this. Too much drama at the onset of a marriage, too much baggage from the past, ongoing issues etc. Explore the annulment avenue. And let her drive. Consider moving somewhere your "nutty in-laws" aren't. When she snaps, calmly but firmly tell her that if this was a favored means of communication in her family, with you it isn't. God bless you in these trying circumstances.

 

[JackieMom]

You don’t have to live like this. You said that you knew before the wedding that it would be a mistake to marry her, but you didn’t have the backbone to cancel the wedding. Many posters are blaming her pregnancy for her behavior. OP said that she changed during the engagement and he had reservations about the marriage. If you didn’t have a child coming, I’d say leave and pursue an annulment. Things are much more complicated when there is a child in the picture. Will this marriage ever be the stable, loving relationship your child deserves? From your description, probably not unless there are big changes. You have big decisions to make. I don’t have much hope for your marriage as you’ve described it.

From what the OP posted, he has no grounds for an annulment. He knew his wife was this way before he married, and her being a “nag” does not mean the marriage can be nullified. We should be encouraging this man to a) repair and change what he can, b) accept what he cannot change and c) adjust his attitude toward one of gracious, Christlike service to his spouse.

 

[LisaA]

From what the OP posted, he has no grounds for an annulment. He knew his wife was this way before he married, and her being a “nag” does not mean the marriage can be nullified. We should be encouraging this man to a) repair and change what he can, b) accept what he cannot change and c) adjust his attitude toward one of gracious, Christlike service to his spouse.

Appreicate your succinct advice and Catholic approach.

Aside from not having grounds to receive an annulment, the focus should be on the child’s well being. A broken marriage and single parenthood is a disaster for all concerned. Think you don’t get along now? Wait until after the divorce…anyone who thinks divorce (when there are children involved) means the end of the problems is living in dreamland. The OP will HAVE to maintain communication with his former wife because of the child who is going to become a political football in an increasingly hostile relationship.

Having lived through the era when no fault divorce was touted as the best thing for children, I assure all that it was not. And it’s not done much for the adults either. I truly hope the OP and his wife can change the dynamic in the relationship. It truly does not sound beyond repair albeit seriously damaged.

Lisa

 

[TheRealJuliane]

You don’t have to live like this. You said that you knew before the wedding that it would be a mistake to marry her, but you didn’t have the backbone to cancel the wedding. Many posters are blaming her pregnancy for her behavior. OP said that she changed during the engagement and he had reservations about the marriage. If you didn’t have a child coming, I’d say leave and pursue an annulment. Things are much more complicated when there is a child in the picture. Will this marriage ever be the stable, loving relationship your child deserves? From your description, probably not unless there are big changes. You have big decisions to make. I don’t have much hope for your marriage as you’ve described it.

This was the wrong advice to give the poster. He made his vows with full knowledge, and it doesn’t sounds as though either he or his wife were hiding their personalities or any possible impediments. Yet he DID marry her, and now they are going to have a baby. He cannot simply cancel the wedding now. No, he doesn’t have to life like he is (although, if we take him at face value, it doesn’t sound too awful compared with what many of us have gone through and are going through). He can improve his marriage if he improves HIS OWN ATTITUDE.

They’re Catholic and so divorce and possible annulment (not likely in this case) should be their very last resort, and it doesn’t seem as though he has even considered a first resort yet, which would be talking to his wife and setting some boundaries, and/or getting counseling and possibly anti-depressants.

Please don’t encourage divorce to someone on this forum. We always recommend seeing their priest and trying counseling at the very least.

 

[90Domer]

It pains me to write this, but I am miserable. I chose very poorly, and I knew during the engagement at times that I was unhappy, but was afraid to act on it for a host of cowardly reasons.

She is pregnant, and I am staying for the child’s sake. I sometimes think if anything happened to our child in utero, I would be free to leave her - and I hate myself for even thinking such a terrible thing. What kind of a father am I?

Where do I go from here? I’m in a marriage where I’m not respected; my wife comes from a family of women married to weak men they look down upon, and she is following suit. I am nagged constantly - any time I am not working she wants me to either spend time with her or do things around the house, the idea of taking 20 minutes to read the paper and relax has almost set off World War 3. My wife finds fault with everything I do (health habits, cleanliness of my study/our bedroom, my driving). She holds onto past hurts from some members of my family and refuses to let go of them, years later. She judges people for their positions on politics and religion and its impossible for her to grasp having a close friendship with someone you disagree with on those things. My nutty in-laws are in the next town over, and I am sick to death of seeing them all the time. I have gotten to the point where I feel like my libido is crushed; she mentions sex at the end of a long day where I have worked my butt off and all I truly wanna do is be left alone, and I agree to avoid an argument and quietly resent it.

I am miserable. I hate this life, I really do. Growing up, my mother said I was gonna make some lucky girl very happy someday. I know that’s probably something all mothers say to their sons, but I had hoped it was at least a little bit true. I don’t pretend I’m a stud, but I thought I deserved better than this. I try to imagine my life, and all I can see is me on my deathbed several decades from now, an old, broken man, grateful its gonna be over soon.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I don’t know what anyone could say other than “you should get counseling”, and they’d be right. This may seem like some adolescent plea for attention. I don’t consciously mean it to be; if it is, I beg pardon for it. I guess I’m just tired of keeping it in. I don’t tell my parents the extent of my sadness because I’m afraid it will ruin their relationship with her. I don’t tell her in our arguments because some things you say and you can never unsay. I don’t mention it in confession because I’m too busy confessing my own sins and I’m afraid the priest will think I’m trying to justify or mitigate them.

Please pray for me. Thanks for listening.

This post breaks my heart. Sadly, I see some of the old me in your wife and am not proud of it. I think the difference came when my husband laid down the law and insisted that I get some counseling and then, later, the two of went together. It’s the happiest we have been ever.

That said, I was wondering the following. Did you go through a marriage prep program prior to marriage? If so, were there any issues that came up during that time?

In my case, looking back, I see where hubby and I made mistakes. He was reluctant to have me meet his parents when we were dating because, as I later found out, the really liked to make everything in their lives larger than life. Being more reserved, my husband didn’t want them to scare me off. And trust me, they would have. I only really met them after our engagement and got to know them after we got married. Not good.

Why do I write this? I was just wondering if you had a short engagement or if there was some other matter than may have masked or attributed to your wife’s personality change.

I am praying for you. Please know my heart breaks for you. And please feel free to PM me. Lot’s of good advice here.

 

[shipwrkd]

It pains me to write this, but I am miserable. I chose very poorly, and I knew during the engagement at times that I was unhappy, but was afraid to act on it for a host of cowardly reasons.

She is pregnant, and I am staying for the child’s sake. I sometimes think if anything happened to our child in utero, I would be free to leave her - and I hate myself for even thinking such a terrible thing. What kind of a father am I?

Where do I go from here? I’m in a marriage where I’m not respected; my wife comes from a family of women married to weak men they look down upon, and she is following suit. I am nagged constantly - any time I am not working she wants me to either spend time with her or do things around the house, the idea of taking 20 minutes to read the paper and relax has almost set off World War 3. My wife finds fault with everything I do (health habits, cleanliness of my study/our bedroom, my driving). She holds onto past hurts from some members of my family and refuses to let go of them, years later. She judges people for their positions on politics and religion and its impossible for her to grasp having a close friendship with someone you disagree with on those things. My nutty in-laws are in the next town over, and I am sick to death of seeing them all the time. I have gotten to the point where I feel like my libido is crushed; she mentions sex at the end of a long day where I have worked my butt off and all I truly wanna do is be left alone, and I agree to avoid an argument and quietly resent it.

I am miserable. I hate this life, I really do. Growing up, my mother said I was gonna make some lucky girl very happy someday. I know that’s probably something all mothers say to their sons, but I had hoped it was at least a little bit true. I don’t pretend I’m a stud, but I thought I deserved better than this. I try to imagine my life, and all I can see is me on my deathbed several decades from now, an old, broken man, grateful its gonna be over soon.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I don’t know what anyone could say other than “you should get counseling”, and they’d be right. This may seem like some adolescent plea for attention. I don’t consciously mean it to be; if it is, I beg pardon for it. I guess I’m just tired of keeping it in. I don’t tell my parents the extent of my sadness because I’m afraid it will ruin their relationship with her. I don’t tell her in our arguments because some things you say and you can never unsay. I don’t mention it in confession because I’m too busy confessing my own sins and I’m afraid the priest will think I’m trying to justify or mitigate them.

Please pray for me. Thanks for listening.

There are choices only you can make based on what your feelings really are and you’ve already stated the best course of action. (see the red) You could read suggested books and pick out stuff that you think may fit your situation or even take some of the amateur suggestions from this thread and see if they work but remember your playing with the rest of your life. You will be supporting your child for the next eighteen years, with or without your wife. If you decide to split, you probably won’t see as much of your child as you’d like because mom almost always gets custody. The suggested annulment is’t automatic and if it falls through, you’ll live the rest of your life as a chaste man or in sin. It’s always been my opinion that we can live in almost any conditions for 9- 12 months after which you may look back at this time as a mere bump in the road. If not, make a decision then, not before your baby arrives.If you don’t feel you can be strong for yourself, be strong for your child.

I will pray for you to do what you know should be done.

 

[shipwrkd]

This was the wrong advice to give the poster. He made his vows with full knowledge, and it doesn’t sounds as though either he or his wife were hiding their personalities or any possible impediments. Yet he DID marry her, and now they are going to have a baby. He cannot simply cancel the wedding now. No, he doesn’t have to life like he is (although, if we take him at face value, it doesn’t sound too awful compared with what many of us have gone through and are going through). He can improve his marriage if he improves HIS OWN ATTITUDE.

They’re Catholic and so divorce and possible annulment (not likely in this case) should be their very last resort, and it doesn’t seem as though he has even considered a first resort yet, which would be talking to his wife and setting some boundaries, and/or getting counseling and possibly anti-depressants.

Please don’t encourage divorce to someone on this forum. We always recommend seeing their priest and trying counseling at the very least.

This is SPOT ON advice!!

 

[Rose74]

I don’t understand why everybody on this forum always advises to see a priest for marital trouble. Would you go see a married man to discuss difficulties with celibacy? Unless the priest is widowed, married EC rite, or married Anglican convert he really has no clue what it is like being married. I’d go a married deacon if I sought spiritual advice about marital problems. Counseling is a wonderful idea, but it takes two to make changes. If the wife isn’t willing to make those changes, then OP will have to make some hard decisons for himself and his child.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I don’t understand why everybody on this forum always advises to see a priest for marital trouble. Would you go see a married man to discuss difficulties with celibacy? Unless the priest is widowed, married EC rite, or married Anglican convert he really has no clue what it is like being married. I’d go a married deacon if I sought spiritual advice about marital problems. Counseling is a wonderful idea, but it takes two to make changes. If the wife isn’t willing to make those changes, then OP will have to make some hard decisons for himself and his child.

It is not the same situation at all. And I am not telling the OP to go and see his priest for marital counseling. It is for spiritual guidance, and for reinforcement of his vows and his faith. I have also advised the OP to:

1. See a physician - he sounds depressed (talking about being miserable and hating his life).
2. Read the book, “Boundaries.” This is for HIM not his wife.
3. Get into personal counseling through Catholic Charities.
4. Ask his wife to do marital counseling with him.

Don’t assume that his wife won’t make any changes. It is likely he has never even spoken to her about his distress. She may think he’s happy. She also may be nothing like he has described her. We are only getting one side of the story, as we always do. Don’t forget that people who want to find fault, will find it. And victims never recover.

 

[LisaA]

I don’t understand why everybody on this forum always advises to see a priest for marital trouble. Would you go see a married man to discuss difficulties with celibacy? Unless the priest is widowed, married EC rite, or married Anglican convert he really has no clue what it is like being married. I’d go a married deacon if I sought spiritual advice about marital problems. Counseling is a wonderful idea, but it takes two to make changes. If the wife isn’t willing to make those changes, then OP will have to make some hard decisons for himself and his child.

Sorry but to claim a Priest is not qualified to counsel a couple on marriage because he isn’t married is just plain silly. Would you refuse to see a male doctor because he doesn’t know what it’s like to be a woman?

Of course not all Priests are trained and qualified to counsel troubled marriages but many are. The Church has EXTENSIVE training in Marriage and Family. Our former Priest is in Rome right now getting an additional year of training. The Church also has extensive writings on the subject of marriage and family relationships.

While marriage is a unique and special relationship, it is also a relationship between two human beings and a Priest or other counsellor who can assist with communication skills and the human dynamic within the marriage. There is nothing particularly special about the problems the OP indicates are causing the rift between himself and his wife. In fact these issues are frequently cited in troubled marriages…communication problems, fatigue, differing expectations, stress of a pregnancy, in laws who are “out laws.”

A trained Priest can also explain Catholic teaching on the subject of marriage. Having married before I was even Christian, much less Catholic, I wish I’d had the benefit of understanding what marriage was for rather than my own previously secular aspects.
The Church is a treasure when it comes to human relationships!

Lisa

 

[silentfactor80]

Back to the Strawman approach eh? Did I say you suggested he be cruel? No. Did I say that because the wife is still responsive sexually all is well? No. Why don’t you address what was actually said?

Also realize that we always portray our side as being the “good guy” so the OP’s side of things is only one side of the story. I think Jackiemom’s post regarding the way the wife may be feeling or interpreting things should also be considered.

Also if you’d read my posts, I stated that women’s mouths are often very destructive and that a woman complaining about her husband has let an enemy into the compound. I am not giving the wife excuses but I think lecturing her from on high as you suggested is going to be counterproductive. This relationship is damaged and communication is poor. Working on more effective communiation seems to be a good idea. What they are doing isn’t working is it?

As to quoting the Bible, note that it says husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church. Christ LAID DOWN HIS LIFE FOR THE CHURCH. So please don’t claim that because the OP doesn’t give his wife the smackdown means he’s not part of the problem.

The Church has the view that marriage is about self-GIVING love. You are with your spouse to help him or her get to heaven. The OP can only change himself and his reaction. He cannot change his wife’s behavior although he can certainly try to find what would help facilitate the changes if appropriate.

You said this earlier:

starts lecturing his wife about her behavior it will cause further damage. He says that small issues cause WWIII…imagine him saying you’re a nag, you shouldn’t hold a grudge, and your family is nuts. It might be true…but this is NOT helpful at all.

That to me sounds cruel and not what I was suggesting.

I am in no way suggesting the OP is blameless but the things he said his wife complains do not warrant the treatment he is receiving from her. Also, if the OP was saying he is “in heat” but his wife didn’t want to do it would you still think that is good about the marriage? I know a lot of guys that get scorned for that and told they are shallow.

Self-giving does not mean be a punching bag or doormat for your spouse.

 

[newbetx]

I don’t understand why everybody on this forum always advises to see a priest for marital trouble. Would you go see a married man to discuss difficulties with celibacy? Unless the priest is widowed, married EC rite, or married Anglican convert he really has no clue what it is like being married. I’d go a married deacon if I sought spiritual advice about marital problems. Counseling is a wonderful idea, but it takes two to make changes. If the wife isn’t willing to make those changes, then OP will have to make some hard decisions for himself and his child.

Just because a mechanic doesn’t drive an 18 wheeler does not mean he’s not capable of fixing one. It has to do with one’s training. Priests are married and know much about love by the way! One does not need to be married to give great advice about how a married couple should BEHAVE. Marriage is a Sacrament. Priests know all about those things.The greatest work about married and unmarried love I know of is called Theology of the Body and it was written by a priest. And a great one at that. A matter of preference you are allowed to have as who you would go see, but you did say you didn’t know why we recommend priests. Now you do.

 

[90Domer]

This was the wrong advice to give the poster. He made his vows with full knowledge, and it doesn’t sounds as though either he or his wife were hiding their personalities or any possible impediments. Yet he DID marry her, and now they are going to have a baby. He cannot simply cancel the wedding now. No, he doesn’t have to life like he is (although, if we take him at face value, it doesn’t sound too awful compared with what many of us have gone through and are going through). He can improve his marriage if he improves HIS OWN ATTITUDE.

They’re Catholic and so divorce and possible annulment (not likely in this case) should be their very last resort, and it doesn’t seem as though he has even considered a first resort yet, which would be talking to his wife and setting some boundaries, and/or getting counseling and possibly anti-depressants.

Please don’t encourage divorce to someone on this forum. We always recommend seeing their priest and trying counseling at the very least.

I quite agree. I think there are too many people who want to bail at the first sign trouble. For all we know, the OP may be projecting stress from his job or stress from the thought of being a new father. So many avenues have not been explored.

 

[EasterJoy]

I don’t understand why everybody on this forum always advises to see a priest for marital trouble. Would you go see a married man to discuss difficulties with celibacy? Unless the priest is widowed, married EC rite, or married Anglican convert he really has no clue what it is like being married. I’d go a married deacon if I sought spiritual advice about marital problems. Counseling is a wonderful idea, but it takes two to make changes. If the wife isn’t willing to make those changes, then OP will have to make some hard decisons for himself and his child.

Are you saying you would go to your married deacon, or that you have gone to your married deacon? I have never talked to any married man, mine included (and he is no slouch!) and our married deacon included, who understood marriage as well as my pastors have. I suppose it is because a man who understands sinners within the compassion of the confessional is a man who understands people, and a man who understands people is a man who understands marriage. Wedding vows do not make us into a different sort of mortal any more than ordination does. I am not saying that every priest is a good counselor, but only that confessors have experience and knowledge about human nature that most other human beings cannot really fathom. They also know what moral law does and does not require of us, and that is also extremely important to keep in mind when navigating such a difficult situation as the OP is describing. Many married people have suffered unnecessarily because they grossly overestimated or underestimated or misjudged what moral law asked of them.

Marriage is a sacrament, a sacrament in which we make vows before God and with the Church as our witness that bind us into one life for the life of the two of us, and a priest can help married people to sort out how to live their Christian lives within the bonds of matrimony and even whether or not they are in a valid marriage. A counselor may be very important to saving a marriage, but if my marriage were in trouble, I’d never try to fix it without ever consulting my pastor. I think that would be a very great mistake.

 

[Rose74]

Being in a marriage is very different than studying about marriage. I’m sure some priests are better at pastoral counseling than others. Most of the priests I’ve known have been older, heavy drinkers from Ireland. Perhaps that skews my opinion. I wouldn’t feel comfortable speaking to someone like that about my marriage.

 

[joshvanrad]

It may be better for the child to come from a separated household than a loveless broken one. Just something to try and discern.

Ite in pace,
Joshua C.

 

[The_Bucket]

Being in a marriage is very different than studying about marriage. I’m sure some priests are better at pastoral counseling than others. Most of the priests I’ve known have been older, heavy drinkers from Ireland. Perhaps that skews my opinion. I wouldn’t feel comfortable speaking to someone like that about my marriage.

Being older doesn’t make them bad priests. Being heavy drinkers might make them bad at basically everything.

My current pastor is a Benedictine monk who also once headed up the marriage and family outreach for our entire diocese. I think he knows plenty about marriage.

Priests know about people. Or at least ones worth their pastoral salt do. Marriage counselors need not be married in order to know how to deal with married couples. In fact, marriage might be an impediment to being able to approach each situation with fresh eyes. Each person is unique and thus each marriage is unique. A married counselor might make a mistake when trying to project things from his own experience into a situation where that is not warranted.

 

[shipwrkd]

I don’t understand why everybody on this forum always advises to see a priest for marital trouble. Would you go see a married man to discuss difficulties with celibacy? Unless the priest is widowed, married EC rite, or married Anglican convert he really has no clue what it is like being married. I’d go a married deacon if I sought spiritual advice about marital problems. Counseling is a wonderful idea, but it takes two to make changes. If the wife isn’t willing to make those changes, then OP will have to make some hard decisons for himself and his child.

Being in a marriage is very different than studying about marriage. I’m sure some priests are better at pastoral counseling than others. Most of the priests I’ve known have been older, heavy drinkers from Ireland. Perhaps that skews my opinion. I wouldn’t feel comfortable speaking to someone like that about my marriage.

Even if a priest is an older heavy drinker and knows nothing of married life, he’s the only one qualified to counsel the OP regarding marriage as a Sacrament and if annulment would even be a possibility.