I need advice on these issues

Obsidi4n

New member
First of all I am scrupulous and have mental illness but I really want advice if anyone has any.

I just went to confession and spilled my guts last Sunday but these are all things that happened this week.

my wife sometimes shows me sexual jokes and memes from Facebook, I confessed it but the priest didn’t say anything about it, would these be grave matter? she also showed me a sexual story from ancient Japan that outlines how suitors would go about sneaking into women’s bed chambers and had a old Japanese painting of I guess a mom catching a couple under the covers. would this be grave matter?

also on the way to work this morning I was going down a two lane east one way road and I was trying to pass a school bus before he came to a stop, I passed him on the left right about when he was about to stop and the stopsigns came out. does any of this sound mortal?

Also my brother across the street I really think he’s a great guy with my kids and all and plays outside with us and I workout and lift weights with him, but he listens to satanic music on his Bluetooth speakers and I was wondering if I am sinning by not avoiding him and his music, you can’t really make out all the words but I know exactly what kinda music it is because I used to listen to a lot of black metal and death metal, but my kids have no idea.

Is this also something of a sin to allow him to do what he wants? He’s not Catholic and doesn’t really have a sense of sin either.
 
First of all I am scrupulous and have mental illness but I really want advice if anyone has any.

I just went to confession and spilled my guts last Sunday but these are all things that happened this week.

my wife sometimes shows me sexual jokes and memes from Facebook, I confessed it but the priest didn’t say anything about it, would these be grave matter? she also showed me a sexual story from ancient Japan that outlines how suitors would go about sneaking into women’s bed chambers and had a old Japanese painting of I guess a mom catching a couple under the covers. would this be grave matter?

also on the way to work this morning I was going down a two lane east one way road and I was trying to pass a school bus before he came to a stop, I passed him on the left right about when he was about to stop and the stopsigns came out. does any of this sound mortal?

Also my brother across the street I really think he’s a great guy with my kids and all and plays outside with us and I workout and lift weights with him, but he listens to satanic music on his Bluetooth speakers and I was wondering if I am sinning by not avoiding him and his music, you can’t really make out all the words but I know exactly what kinda music it is because I used to listen to a lot of black metal and death metal, but my kids have no idea.

Is this also something of a sin to allow him to do what he wants? He’s not Catholic and doesn’t really have a sense of sin either.
You really need to be talking to a priest about any and all of these issues.

Some talking points, though:
  • You cannot help what other people show you.
  • You cannot help what other people do.
  • So far as I am aware, you are only prohibited (legally) from passing a school bus when the stop signs are out. It's not clear from your narrative whether they were out, or about to come out. No one except you knows what exactly was happening at that moment. Many times, in driving, we have to make snap judgments on a second's notice. Myself, I wouldn't worry about it. But talk to your priest if it is a concern for you.
I really don't suggest that scrupulous people, or people with mental illness, seek advice from strangers (who will almost invariably be non-expert lay people) on an online forum. Work with your priest and with your doctor. Be well and at peace.
 
Ok thanks for the help, I’ve been ruminating for the last 72 hours and its so hard not to ask for help from others, especially when you live in a small town with 1 priest and no friends to really talk to

Its hard because I’m on a new medication that I’m not sure works yet, and all that goes with it

I am trying to remember correctly but I remember that I was going down a 4 lane with a grass median, and we all stopped for the bus, well my thought was I better pass him up before his next stop because I’m gonna be late for work, well I think by the time I had actually passed him he was barely rolling and the signs were like coming out just as I was side by side with him I think 🤔
 
So sorry to hear of the cross you bear. However, God will provide the grace to bear your cross. Ask daily, even hourly when needed. You sin when you consciously CHOOSE to sin. Not when someone else sins and you see it. Or when they try to tempt you. Jesus was tempted by the tempter himself. What was His reaction? He rebuked the sin and went about on His mission. The world is filled with sin and we cannot avoid exposure to it: seeing it; hearing it; even reflecting on it at times. However, it is our reaction to sin that matters.
You will be well served by obtaining a good examination of conscience. A great booklet I have found is by Fr. Robert Altier and costs about $2 or less in Catholic bookstores.
As well, you have a doctor to speak with about the new medication, its type, dosage and dosing frequency. I am certain that you are aware that cognitive difficulties will almost certainly be encountered until proper dosing is arrived at and your body acclimates to the new medication. As to scrupulosity: it is a form of anxiety disorder and one in five today suffer from some form of anxiety. That is 64 million in the USA alone. The gold standard therapy for anxiety/scrupulosity is cognitive behavioral therapy and is normally drug free. It involves un-learning certain thought processes which feed your scrupulosity.
There is much help available for the asking. Talk to your confessor, your doctor or mental health professional and read up on what constitutes sin and just as importantly: what DOES NOT! God is God of peace. You deserve to live in peace.
 
Ok thanks for the help, I’ve been ruminating for the last 72 hours and its so hard not to ask for help from others, especially when you live in a small town with 1 priest and no friends to really talk to

Its hard because I’m on a new medication that I’m not sure works yet, and all that goes with it

I am trying to remember correctly but I remember that I was going down a 4 lane with a grass median, and we all stopped for the bus, well my thought was I better pass him up before his next stop because I’m gonna be late for work, well I think by the time I had actually passed him he was barely rolling and the signs were like coming out just as I was side by side with him I think 🤔

Again, I urge you not to obsess or ruminate over individual doubtful situations, but I will just add that school bus safety laws go way beyond what is actually required for student safety, to eliminate even the remotest possibility that a pupil could be injured. Was anybody actually in danger due to your action? I seriously tend to doubt it. Keeping other people safe is part of the natural law, whereas over-the-top safety protocols, at least at their most extreme edges, seem to be more what is called "purely penal laws", i.e., it is not a sin to break them, but you have to be ready to accept whatever penalty (such as a fine or points on your license) you might incur if you were issued a citation for them.

An example of that is going five miles over the speed limit on a freeway. Yes, technically you are breaking the law, but under normal circumstances nobody is endangered, and most of the time you have to do this to pass a slower driver. If you were in an especially strict jurisdiction (a "speed trap"), and if you were pulled over and cited, yes, you'd have to pay the fine. That's what a "purely penal law" is --- it's not a sin to break it, but you have to be ready to accept the consequences.

I caution anyone not to get scrupulous over minor violations of the law that harm no one, and that might even be tolerated by the civil authorities.

Please take your concerns to a priest.
 
Again, I urge you not to obsess or ruminate over individual doubtful situations, but I will just add that school bus safety laws go way beyond what is actually required for student safety, to eliminate even the remotest possibility that a pupil could be injured. Was anybody actually in danger due to your action? I seriously tend to doubt it. Keeping other people safe is part of the natural law, whereas over-the-top safety protocols, at least at their most extreme edges, seem to be more what is called "purely penal laws", i.e., it is not a sin to break them, but you have to be ready to accept whatever penalty (such as a fine or points on your license) you might incur if you were issued a citation for them.

An example of that is going five miles over the speed limit on a freeway. Yes, technically you are breaking the law, but under normal circumstances nobody is endangered, and most of the time you have to do this to pass a slower driver. If you were in an especially strict jurisdiction (a "speed trap"), and if you were pulled over and cited, yes, you'd have to pay the fine. That's what a "purely penal law" is --- it's not a sin to break it, but you have to be ready to accept the consequences.

I caution anyone not to get scrupulous over minor violations of the law that harm no one, and that might even be tolerated by the civil authorities.

Please take your concerns to a priest.
Ok thank y’all I understand what you mean,

I had this situation where my almost 2 year old just walked on the front porch while I was on the couch, and in my laziness I waited for a minute for my wife to go check on him when I should have checked on him right away even though he knows how to go down a few steps safely.

Its situations like this that make me go bonkers because I’m scared I sinned mortally by not checking on him immediately.

Of course my wife checked on him a minute or so later but then I’m left feeling guilty.

Is this all just my mental illness making me want to go to a priest over all these kind of grey situations?

I don’t know if I believe I committed a mortal sin here but its hard to judge my own conscience and I wish I was normal
 
Ok thank y’all I understand what you mean,

I had this situation where my almost 2 year old just walked on the front porch while I was on the couch, and in my laziness I waited for a minute for my wife to go check on him when I should have checked on him right away even though he knows how to go down a few steps safely.

Its situations like this that make me go bonkers because I’m scared I sinned mortally by not checking on him immediately.

Of course my wife checked on him a minute or so later but then I’m left feeling guilty.

Is this all just my mental illness making me want to go to a priest over all these kind of grey situations?

I don’t know if I believe I committed a mortal sin here but its hard to judge my own conscience and I wish I was normal

Please work with a sympathetic priest on these matters. Tell him about your illness. Your medical situation seems to be aggravating apprehensions over common scenarios that exist in everyone's lives.
 
It seems so thanks I will.

Is this forum still healthy as in activity? I don’t understand what happened to it, did Catholic Answers own this previously?
 
It seems so thanks I will.

Is this forum still healthy as in activity? I don’t understand what happened to it, did Catholic Answers own this previously?

They did. So far as I am aware, this forum has all of the archives of Catholic Answers Forum, but sadly, participation is much lower than in the CAF days. I always liked CAF very much, and hated to see it go away. The door is entirely open here, and I hope that some of the old participants will come back.
 
They did. So far as I am aware, this forum has all of the archives of Catholic Answers Forum, but sadly, participation is much lower than in the CAF days. I always liked CAF very much, and hated to see it go away. The door is entirely open here, and I hope that some of the old participants will come back.
I’m sorry to see that, I know its tough for someone like you that has been dedicated to this forum.

That’s kinda why I stopped making forum accounts to avoid getting attached because it seems like Reddit has takken over the old school forum space and kinda ruined it.

Nevertheless I will pop by now and again because I think there are some smart devout Catholics lurking here and I am a wisdom sponge
 
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