I need help! Wife issues

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I totally agree with Irishmom2. Divorces are human decisions, not God’s plan. But God asks us to accept other people’s free will with respect, love and forgiveness.

Nothing is not impossible for God. You cannot change your wife but God can. The only problem here is God is not only love you but also love and respect your wife. As a result, you cannot expect the task of “changing” your wife to be an instant miracle. In fact, it may take long time for that to happens. However, if you persistently have faith in Gods, pray Him, He will demonstrate his Power of Converting and Saving to you some day.

Please, keep on praying, never loose faith in God. One day, your wife will repent and come back to you.
 
Hello Everyone, It’s been quite some time since I posted anything here. I moved away for a year to help get my son started in law school, but recently moved back home and bought a house in the next town over. A nice little house with a pool. I adopted a female German shepherd who takes me on walks every day. The divorce was final last January. There really isn’t anything that you can do to stop something like that. You just have to protect yourself for both the short and long term. My youngest daughter got married in June. The ex and I never spoke. Not one word. When I gave my father of the bride speech the ex and her mother got up and left before I started. Maybe they thought I’d say something about them, but there’s no way I’d ever take away from my daughter’s day. The gist of my speech was about not just knowing the word, but also knowing the Shepherd.
So now I’m a divorced man. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that term, but I’ve learned to live without so much stress. I have a good life. My parents are in their 80’s and healthy for the most part. My kids have all grown into good young adults. I have a lot to be thankful for, and I don’t have any regrets about how I handled myself during a terrible period of my life.
 
hurthusband said:
Hello Everyone, It’s been quite some time since I posted anything here. I moved away for a year to help get my son started in law school, but recently moved back home and bought a house in the next town over. A nice little house with a pool. I adopted a female German shepherd who takes me on walks every day. The divorce was final last January. There really isn’t anything that you can do to stop something like that. You just have to protect yourself for both the short and long term. My youngest daughter got married in June. The ex and I never spoke. Not one word. When I gave my father of the bride speech the ex and her mother got up and left before I started. Maybe they thought I’d say something about them, but there’s no way I’d ever take away from my daughter’s day. The gist of my speech was about not just knowing the word, but also knowing the Shepherd.
So now I’m a divorced man. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that term, but I’ve learned to live without so much stress. I have a good life. My parents are in their 80’s and healthy for the most part. My kids have all grown into good young adults. I have a lot to be thankful for, and I don’t have any regrets about how I handled myself during a terrible period of my life.
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Good for you, hh. You sound at peace and in a good place. I actually remember your journey through this thread really clearly from the time and it’s a lovely closure for the story for all of us who posted here.

Just being nosey and definitely not having any judgements about it… but did you not want to speak to your wife at the wedding or was it her that was avoiding it? Anyway, I know that it happens that way a lot and can work.

Thanks for updating us!
 
I just felt like there was so much water under the bridge that I just went about my business and did my best to avoid any contact. She contributed no money to paying for the wedding. Said she couldn’t afford to help. It was bad enough that when the question was asked, “who gives this woman to this man?” I had to say, “her mother and I”. That hurt me to have to say that, but I did it for my daughter. I’m also helping to put my son through law school, and she doesn’t help with that either. I’m just taking care of my own business and living my own life now. 2 and a half years later my kids still have not met the ex’s “friend”. I feel like I was married to someone that maybe I never really knew.
 
hurthusband said:
I just felt like there was so much water under the bridge that I just went about my business and did my best to avoid any contact. She contributed no money to paying for the wedding. Said she couldn’t afford to help. It was bad enough that when the question was asked, “who gives this woman to this man?” I had to say, “her mother and I”. That hurt me to have to say that, but I did it for my daughter. I’m also helping to put my son through law school, and she doesn’t help with that either. I’m just taking care of my own business and living my own life now. 2 and a half years later my kids still have not met the ex’s “friend”. I feel like I was married to someone that maybe I never really knew.
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yep…you never really knew her bc you never would have married someone like that if you had known.

glad to hear you are well!!! peace!

now go and ask your dog for an other walk 🙂
 
hurthusband said:
I just felt like there was so much water under the bridge that I just went about my business and did my best to avoid any contact. She contributed no money to paying for the wedding. Said she couldn’t afford to help. It was bad enough that when the question was asked, “who gives this woman to this man?” I had to say, “her mother and I”. That hurt me to have to say that, but I did it for my daughter. I’m also helping to put my son through law school, and she doesn’t help with that either. I’m just taking care of my own business and living my own life now. 2 and a half years later my kids still have not met the ex’s “friend”. I feel like I was married to someone that maybe I never really knew.
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Maybe you didn’t know her. There is a reason that tribunals grant decrees of nullity for attempts at marriage that seemed to last decades before they failed. Endurance can’t solve every fault.

If you look at a crucifix, you know that God’s will for you isn’t that bad things happen to you, but that you are always faithful, no matter what anyone else does or says to you, and by this give love to God and glory to God. For those who follow Our Lord like that, God can transform the worst thing in the world into the best thing in the world, just as He transformed the condemnation and cruel public execution of His only Son as a criminal into a source of eternal life for all who come to Him to have their sins forgiven. We have free will, but the power of God’s love is greater than all the harm we can do with it.
 
Pax2u said:
No one is excusing adultery. And I don’t agree with your statement above…I do not believe any person leaves a “perfectly happy marriage because of things going on in their own head”…if one person is unhappy enough to leave and the other person thinks they have a perfectly happy marriage…there’s obviously issues that need work on both sides.

I won’t be posting on this thread anymore. I hesitated to even do it, though I read the whole thing. I felt bad for the OP, and hoped he would be able to either work things out with his wife or start to make progress in a positive direction for himself, forgiving and moving on. What I started to see happen was other posters who had experienced a spouse’s infidelity, feeding each others “my wife did this” stories. That is not helpful…not if you want to forgive, heal, possibly reconcile, or at least move on.
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I hadn’t posted to this thread in a long time…it was actually under my older username where I lost the PW and closed the e-mail was got more spam than anything meaningful.

From my pre-Cana experiences, I agree with Pax and Hydin in that in a horrible situation as adultery, certainly there is much greater culpability. However, self-reflection may be a good thing to better ourselves spirituality. It may be as simple as an annoying character trait on either party that could have been addressed. It may be small sighs over something his wife or MIL did while living with him. Either way, we are all fallen. We want to get ourselves to Heaven. It may not be a bad thing to do a quick inventory to see if there is something tiny we can improve. God bless.
 
Evania said:
Hi Irishmom,

I’m sure the poster in question did read parts of his thread, and felt they had advice that they wanted to contribute. I read what sesenena posted and it was solid advice that any married person can take to heart. I honestly didn’t read anything in this person’s post that was off the mark. There was a sentence in which they speculated on the emotions that the wife could have been feeling. The truth is, I don’t think anyone knows, with the sole exception of hurthusband’s wife, the reasons as to why she has done this. Looking over the post, they are pointing out that a “perfect marriage doesn’t exist”, (True)They then go on to cite the couples they have personally known that overcame their difficulties, and then they end by saying that they are praying that the same would happen for hurt husband. I got the sense that this poster is pulling for this man’s marriage, as we all are, and just wanted to lend encouragement, which is great.

Anyway, that’s just my two cents…I hope you have a great evening.
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Irishmom2, I know you felt a strong bond to hurthusband’s trials. However, not everyone has time to read 48 pages of posts, and the advice was not vengeful in the least. We are all fallen. We all have bitterness towards others that wronged us. But as our priest once said in his sermon, if Sadam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden were the last two people of Earth, he still would have gone to Calvary.
 
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