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mkipp
Guest
God Bles you, thanks. I need the prayers.
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Mike_tn
Guest
You and I are the same on this. With myself it’s alcoholiism, panic attacks, social fear, and we are both Catholics. After 2 drunk driving incidents within one month, the law sent me to…well sent me everything possible except jail, so I am blessed. That was 12 years ago and by the grace of God I am sober and have been without a drink or drug. Today when I think about drink the immediate health repercussion of a drunk pops into my mind. Throwing up vodka and stomach acid, throbbing non-stop sinus headache, and drinking makes me plain stupid. Life is hard enough to clearly reason through, we are not totally stupid just stupid enough to let alcohol ruin us which is enough and I don’t need to be more stupid than I already am so I don’t want that vile junk in me. I consciously have these truthful thoughts come back to me periodically, like when I see a beer truck. Anytime is a good time for this.
We quit, by grace! and by effort! the work of sobriety is our prayer. Formal prayers and mass are needed and helpful in and of themselves but these can be seen as an accent on your life, because your life is prayer, a divine work. If I work to stay sober then God sees it and refines it so I work better and graces me through the events of the day to stay clean and in his son Jesus.
The courts sent me to AA but I was ready for it. Eighteen years of weekend binge drunks followed by two years of continuous drinking/smoking similar to your habit in the opening post. AA comes from Christianity. There were Catholics involved in its history. Nuns and priests, Catholic and Episcopalian. It doesn’t oppose the church, it just doesn’t have everything you need for a complete life in Christ.
Fear of meetings can be worked on. A lot of drunks fear meetings. A lot of other drunks love the attention they get at meetings but then that detracts from what they get out of AA meetings. People like you, who have social fear, just going to a meeting one time, that alone will help you stay sober. And sometimes helps the socially fearful type much more so than the guy or gal who goes to three meetings a day and talks the right talk. It may be an empty blah blah blah for them but you can listen to them and benefit from them quoting truth about sobriety anyway. OR there are online AA meetings. AND there is the big book text you can read. ALSO you could get a sponsor and work on this remotely. DO what you can. INCH you way to heaven.
A few months after beginning participating in AA I returned to attending mass, then a big confession. Confessions help with ingrained habits but there is more to it than that. I had to change everything. My behavior was rooted in a desire to hang out in seedy places. I had been (and still have a tendency) attracted to an entire scene, not just alcohol. The dark places, low brow entertainments, music with nasty secular lyrics, the whole wine, women and song scenario. That’s the mind set, the mind trap. I had to make a decision to dump it forever. It was useless, less than useless. It was death. A bad deal. Would a banker invest $20 to get $10 in return? That’s what a beer is to a drunk, a bad deal.
In the 7 deadly sins which are really 7 deadly tendencies, I put lust and gluttony on the highest pedestals as idols. The others ran not too far behind though. Life was all about me then. But in another way it was really not about me. I had no clue what-so-ever what the true me needed or wanted. So to be clear. In those days it was all about “blind me”. I desired blindness and bad deals and had no idea that’s what I was chasing for decades!
To begin I needed support and needed to be open and honest like you are here. Psychology and Counseling fields offer some insights but was a minor help to this problem. The real help was my own willingness to fully participate in AA and the Catholic church. To be open and honest about absolutely everything as long as a particular task of fixing myself did not harm others. Never justify a task at getting sober when it will directly harm others. Seek alternate routes. In general seek lots of council. Lean on the Lord. If you want to do what’s right, doors open, the Lord leads. I prayed the Rosary a lot, today I shifted that prayer effort into praying the Divine Office more, both are awesome! I hit my knees when I got up and when I went to bed, asking for help to stay sober, and gave thanks at night, still do.
Get into a bible study. And by all means get into an AA Big Book study with a sponser, do it online if you must. The basic text of the Big Book is the first 164 pages. Read it and do it as you read it. Take notes too. Not that many pages for a life, your life.
Most of all do not quit working at this problem. Persevere as St Paul says in scripture. So many people get lazy after small gains. Also don’t become presumptuous. You never graduate, you never arrive. Thirty days sober, heck one week sober, even one day sober is a big deal! If you stay sober for a time, any time, the devil and your disease are doing push-ups in the background, waiting, so stay the course. If the Lord leads you to a place that keeps you sober, stick with it.
We quit, by grace! and by effort! the work of sobriety is our prayer. Formal prayers and mass are needed and helpful in and of themselves but these can be seen as an accent on your life, because your life is prayer, a divine work. If I work to stay sober then God sees it and refines it so I work better and graces me through the events of the day to stay clean and in his son Jesus.
The courts sent me to AA but I was ready for it. Eighteen years of weekend binge drunks followed by two years of continuous drinking/smoking similar to your habit in the opening post. AA comes from Christianity. There were Catholics involved in its history. Nuns and priests, Catholic and Episcopalian. It doesn’t oppose the church, it just doesn’t have everything you need for a complete life in Christ.
Fear of meetings can be worked on. A lot of drunks fear meetings. A lot of other drunks love the attention they get at meetings but then that detracts from what they get out of AA meetings. People like you, who have social fear, just going to a meeting one time, that alone will help you stay sober. And sometimes helps the socially fearful type much more so than the guy or gal who goes to three meetings a day and talks the right talk. It may be an empty blah blah blah for them but you can listen to them and benefit from them quoting truth about sobriety anyway. OR there are online AA meetings. AND there is the big book text you can read. ALSO you could get a sponsor and work on this remotely. DO what you can. INCH you way to heaven.
A few months after beginning participating in AA I returned to attending mass, then a big confession. Confessions help with ingrained habits but there is more to it than that. I had to change everything. My behavior was rooted in a desire to hang out in seedy places. I had been (and still have a tendency) attracted to an entire scene, not just alcohol. The dark places, low brow entertainments, music with nasty secular lyrics, the whole wine, women and song scenario. That’s the mind set, the mind trap. I had to make a decision to dump it forever. It was useless, less than useless. It was death. A bad deal. Would a banker invest $20 to get $10 in return? That’s what a beer is to a drunk, a bad deal.
In the 7 deadly sins which are really 7 deadly tendencies, I put lust and gluttony on the highest pedestals as idols. The others ran not too far behind though. Life was all about me then. But in another way it was really not about me. I had no clue what-so-ever what the true me needed or wanted. So to be clear. In those days it was all about “blind me”. I desired blindness and bad deals and had no idea that’s what I was chasing for decades!
To begin I needed support and needed to be open and honest like you are here. Psychology and Counseling fields offer some insights but was a minor help to this problem. The real help was my own willingness to fully participate in AA and the Catholic church. To be open and honest about absolutely everything as long as a particular task of fixing myself did not harm others. Never justify a task at getting sober when it will directly harm others. Seek alternate routes. In general seek lots of council. Lean on the Lord. If you want to do what’s right, doors open, the Lord leads. I prayed the Rosary a lot, today I shifted that prayer effort into praying the Divine Office more, both are awesome! I hit my knees when I got up and when I went to bed, asking for help to stay sober, and gave thanks at night, still do.
Get into a bible study. And by all means get into an AA Big Book study with a sponser, do it online if you must. The basic text of the Big Book is the first 164 pages. Read it and do it as you read it. Take notes too. Not that many pages for a life, your life.
Most of all do not quit working at this problem. Persevere as St Paul says in scripture. So many people get lazy after small gains. Also don’t become presumptuous. You never graduate, you never arrive. Thirty days sober, heck one week sober, even one day sober is a big deal! If you stay sober for a time, any time, the devil and your disease are doing push-ups in the background, waiting, so stay the course. If the Lord leads you to a place that keeps you sober, stick with it.
M
mkipp
Guest
This was a great post, and almost made me cry. I want to be strong for my wife and daughter. But, instead I feel like a failure as I waste money and am around them buzzed and sad. I had 2 days sober a few weeks ago and it was great, although I felt very anxious.
T
The_Bucket
Guest
You’re not a failure. You’re a child of God. You are indeed hurting your wife and daughter when you do these things but sin does not define us. God loves us no matter what and you need to understand that your self-worth must match the worth God places on you.
We are all worthless except that God loves us. The only reason we have worth is because He loves us. And He loves us no matter who we are and what we do. The more you come to understand this and really KNOW it on a personal level, the more you will shun your behaviors. The temptations may remain. Temptation is always around us in different forms and I assure you that the last thing Satan wants is for us to end our despairing and accept God’s love. He will lose it and come after you. Give it to the Lord. He is infinitely more powerful and He WILL save you from sin because that’s always His will. You just have to trust Him completely.
Remember what Christ said to St. Faustina.
You see what you are of yourself, but do not be frightened at this. If I were to reveal to you the whole misery that you are, you would die of terror. However, be aware of what you are.* Because you are such great misery, I have revealed to you the whole ocean of My mercy.** I seek and desire souls like yours, but they are few. Your great trust in Me forces Me to continuously grant you graces. You have great and incomprehensible rights over My Heart, for you are a daughter of complete trust. You would not have been able to bear the magnitude of the love which I have for you if I had revealed it to you fully here on earth. I often give you a glimpse of it, but know that this is only an exceptional grace from Me. My love and mercy knows no bounds.*
Christ’s ocean of mercy awaits, but He will not drag you into the surf. Unlock the door to your heart. Admit to God that unlocking the door is the best you can do right now, but give Him permission to kick it down in His search for souls to save. While our prayers are not always answered the way we would like, saving us from sin is something God will always do provided we fully trust Him and remove our attachment to ourselves.
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ringil
Guest
In addition AA helps heal the whole person. Drinking is just a symptom of deeper problems. Quitting drinking alone isn’t going to help someone find the peace they deserve.
L
LSK
Guest
I celebrated 20 years of sobriety this year (in May). I am sober as a result of the 12 steps and 12 traditions of AA but there are other ways to find sobriety. You may benefit from Sober for Christ (I do not like the way they ‘market’ their program but it has helped many people). You may also benefit simply from one-on-one therapy, as long as you admit to your therapist that you are drinking too much.
I will say this: Alcoholism mimics all kinds of mental illnesses. You stated you suffer from social anxiety so you cannot go to meetings. Do you stay away from work or work in an industry that allows you to be alone? Do you attend Mass? Do you go outside your home at all? I would bet that you saying you can’t go to a meeting is your alcoholism trying to kill you.
Now, this is assuming you ARE an alcoholic. You might just be a heavy drinker who needs to straighten up and fly right. I am not - I am an alcoholic and that meant I had to take drastic action, no matter how scared I was about going to a meeting of AA and asking for help.
I will keep you in prayer!
I will say this: Alcoholism mimics all kinds of mental illnesses. You stated you suffer from social anxiety so you cannot go to meetings. Do you stay away from work or work in an industry that allows you to be alone? Do you attend Mass? Do you go outside your home at all? I would bet that you saying you can’t go to a meeting is your alcoholism trying to kill you.
Now, this is assuming you ARE an alcoholic. You might just be a heavy drinker who needs to straighten up and fly right. I am not - I am an alcoholic and that meant I had to take drastic action, no matter how scared I was about going to a meeting of AA and asking for help.
I will keep you in prayer!
M
mkipp
Guest
I have no idea what I am, either a heavy drinker or an alcoholic. I do go to work, but social situations like Mass, parties, etc are hard for me. When I am around strangers I always feel like they are judging me, and making fun of me to themselves. When I am alone I feel uncomfortable so I drink. I am not even sure who I am any more or what I like.
R
ringil
Guest
Only you can decide of you are an alcoholic.
Many people find immense help in AA.
You can also check out SMART recovery- another program- which has a better web presence than AA. They have chats nearly all the time and scheduled meeting times.
smartrecovery.org/
There is even Moderation Management for those who may struggle with drinking but who don’t feel that they are alcoholics or complete problem drinkers.
moderation.org/
T
triumphguy
Guest
Have you phoned AA yet?
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maryjk
Guest
Bet if his wife knows how much he is drinking, she can make that distinction.
I know my mom and us kids knew my dad was an alcoholic.
We didn’t have to wait for him to diagnose himself.
M
mkipp
Guest
My wife thinks that I drink too much at times, but not an alcoholic. We have had many discussions about it, sadly.
R
ringil
Guest
Oh, I agree, but only the individual themselves can make the determination which would elicit lasting change.
Family concerns might get them to some meetings which might, in turn, help them see the light, as it were.
C
CallMeDad
Guest
Several years ago, I decided my brother needed to quit drinking, and I decided I would fix him. I went out and got a book on how to quit, and I read it. It was a basic self-help book detailing the AA process, physical symptoms etc. My eyes were opened by that book. I realized for the first time that I could quit drinking as well. I am process-oriented, and I saw that there was a process, and that I could do it. I realized it was at least possible that I did not have to drink. Before that, I guess I was resigned to my fate.
It seems strange now thinking about how clueless I really was. Following the advice in that book, I started going, despite my own hesitation, to AA meetings. That was 17 years ago. Since then, there is little in my life that has not changed - I gained a new career, a great wife and kids and I experienced a great strengthening of my faith.
I do not know your situation - only you do. I do know that the Holy Spirit can do anything - I am proof. All I did was surrender, and He did the rest.
It seems strange now thinking about how clueless I really was. Following the advice in that book, I started going, despite my own hesitation, to AA meetings. That was 17 years ago. Since then, there is little in my life that has not changed - I gained a new career, a great wife and kids and I experienced a great strengthening of my faith.
I do not know your situation - only you do. I do know that the Holy Spirit can do anything - I am proof. All I did was surrender, and He did the rest.
F
fred_conty
Guest
Just say now and then thru the day, “Lord, help me to WANT to change”.
Just keep saying “Lord, help me to WANT to change.”
Do not try to change yourself, it usually won’t work.
Just keep saying over and over whenever you have a moment,
“Lord, help me to WANT to change.” Even tho you know your going
to continue in your present pattern, still say that prayer no matter
how you feel, or even if you feel like your lying in saying the prayer.
Keep at it for days, weeks, months, as long as it takes for Jesus
to answer that prayer.
One day you will snap out of it and suddenly will be asking yourself
“what am I doing?” And then you will change. He will turn
on a light inside of you and suddenly you WILL see it. And then
things will appear different. It will be all over and you will find
the self you want. The worst thing you could do is to quit the prayer.
The temptation to quit will be strongest when you fail and sin.
Then you will think, what good is it to pray this silly prayer?
Then you think its not doing any good and not working.
Don’t you believe it. Keep saying that short prayer over and over.
That prayer tells Him how dependent you are on Him and how weak
you are and in great need of his help. You are admitting
your weakness and without him you are helpless. That is
a strong prayer. He loves that kind of prayer. He now has your
attention and will answer you with a shower of his mercy.
Caveat. The prayer is not “Lord help me to change.”
The prayer is “Lord help me to WANT to change.”
Right now you still want to drink because you don’t want to give it up.
At this point you are too weak to give it up.
The first step then is to want to give it up. All the rest will follow.
“Lord help me to want to change.” Just keep saying it whenever you have a chance.
Then one day, out of the clear blue, you will suddenly really want to change.
It will happen, just like that.
“Lord help me to want to change.”
T
triumphguy
Guest
So…?Have you phoned AA yet?
U
underacloud
Guest
Others have offer some good advice so far. I just want to pick up on one point…
a) It will cut out the initial window in the late afternoon where you start drinking.
b) It will help you get into shape and have more energy for your family.
c) I believe very much in psychological and physical health being closely related, and active people are less prone to depression than sedentary people. Do a search and you’ll find that this link is well established. Depression is a serious illness, but people who are prone to it can help avert it somewhat by exercise.
d) It will help you build confidence. You mention social anxiety; perhaps getting into better shape will help you create a more positive self-image.
I work out a couple of times a week. It helps me with energy for my family, it helps me feel more attractive to my wife, it helps me feel more self confident at times when I need a lift…lifting a heavy weight can really help me feel enthused about being able to achieve other difficult tasks in my life.
I encourage you to make a start…starting any exercise program is the hardest part, but a worthwhile effort.
Getting to the gym (or whatever workout) after work may be of great benefit for you, for a few reasons.
a) It will cut out the initial window in the late afternoon where you start drinking.
b) It will help you get into shape and have more energy for your family.
c) I believe very much in psychological and physical health being closely related, and active people are less prone to depression than sedentary people. Do a search and you’ll find that this link is well established. Depression is a serious illness, but people who are prone to it can help avert it somewhat by exercise.
d) It will help you build confidence. You mention social anxiety; perhaps getting into better shape will help you create a more positive self-image.
I work out a couple of times a week. It helps me with energy for my family, it helps me feel more attractive to my wife, it helps me feel more self confident at times when I need a lift…lifting a heavy weight can really help me feel enthused about being able to achieve other difficult tasks in my life.
I encourage you to make a start…starting any exercise program is the hardest part, but a worthwhile effort.
A
ABEACHGIRL
Guest
My marriage was ruined and my two children hurt by my former spouse’s alcoholism. It is truly evil. The alcoholic is not evil, but the disease is. Some people have a hard time admitting to a problem. My husband claimed he drank too much but was not an alcoholic. While this may be true of some people, it was not with my husband. If only there were a simple blood test it would be so easy to diagnose!! I think it is great that you recognize you are having a problem. Many people do not. Maybe your wife is afraid to admit it and that is why she thinks the way my husband did. By definition, an alcoholic is someone who cannot stop drinking once he starts. He can drink once a month in this manner and still be an alcoholic. It does not have to do with the frequency of drinking, or even the amount taken. Some people can ingest large amounts but still be able to stop. An alcoholic cannot do this. If you think you need help to control your drinking, you do. There are many different types of programs available, so if you try one and do not get results, please try another. AA works wonderfully for some, but others get nothing out of it and that is okay. Treatment comes in many forms and in many ways. Some people are able to quit cold turkey as soon as they decide they have had enough.
Please do not let your drinking ruin your relationships! My husband and I never went to a bar or club before we were married and we never had alcohol in the house. He was promoted at a very young age and there was a lot of spotlight on him. He had tremendous responsibility in his job. To deal with the stress, he started drinking. It became very heavy and eventually led him to make extremely bad personal choices. My children will never recover from the divorce and from some of the things he has done. Though he is legally barred from drinking while iin their presence, he has done so several times. Thankfully, he has not gotten drunk in front of them, but his drinking still hurts them and me. Everyone will be effected if you do not change your ways. Please look at the services available in your area. Many employers have services for employees with addiction problems, and do not hold them against anyone. It takes a very strong person to seek help, so you must be strong.
Please do not let your drinking ruin your relationships! My husband and I never went to a bar or club before we were married and we never had alcohol in the house. He was promoted at a very young age and there was a lot of spotlight on him. He had tremendous responsibility in his job. To deal with the stress, he started drinking. It became very heavy and eventually led him to make extremely bad personal choices. My children will never recover from the divorce and from some of the things he has done. Though he is legally barred from drinking while iin their presence, he has done so several times. Thankfully, he has not gotten drunk in front of them, but his drinking still hurts them and me. Everyone will be effected if you do not change your ways. Please look at the services available in your area. Many employers have services for employees with addiction problems, and do not hold them against anyone. It takes a very strong person to seek help, so you must be strong.
M
mkipp
Guest
Thank you again for the responses. I am just to lost, and I know this is all my fault. I know what I need to do, and what I want to do. But, I don’t do it. I want to get in shape, and feel and look better. Yet, when I get home I sit on my rump and drink alone. I am just at the point where I am sick and tired of being hungover and sloth like.
T
triumphguy
Guest
Phone AA.
Or just keep sitting on your rump feeling sorry for yourself, and using this thread as an excuse not to do anything.
And I say that in all charity.
There is not going to be the perfect post that helps you figure everything out.
There’s no diet, no exercise, no daily regime that will stop an addiction.
Phone AA.
Or maybe your life isn’t bad enough yet.
Or just keep sitting on your rump feeling sorry for yourself, and using this thread as an excuse not to do anything.
And I say that in all charity.
There is not going to be the perfect post that helps you figure everything out.
There’s no diet, no exercise, no daily regime that will stop an addiction.
Phone AA.
Or maybe your life isn’t bad enough yet.
T
The_Bucket
Guest
What did Christ say to us? Take courage and do not be afraid. But you have to make that choice. Make it now before the choices are made for you. I didn’t take courage in the Lord’s forgiveness and His strength as it pertained to my addiction (not to substances) until I was forced to. Don’t end up in a situation where you wife and child are scared of you and leave. I am fortunate that my wife and children returned after leaving for some time. Others are not so fortunate.
Believe in Christ’s power to heal you from everything. Then do as he commands and rise, pick up your mat but don’t walk. RUN. Run to people and organizations that will help. The first step is the hardest one but after it is made, your life will all of a sudden have infinite possibilities and all of them will be good.
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