I need to stop drinking so much, has anyone else here struggled.

[The_Bucket]

Or maybe your life isn’t bad enough yet.

Yeah exactly. I’ve now met plenty of people whose lives were utterly ruined by substance abuse. I assure you that your life will head down that path too. Don’t let it get there.

You’ll always find a helping hand if indeed it does progress to that point but I assure you that failing action now, it will progress and the climb will just get steeper.

 

[Mike_tn]

Thank you again for the responses. I am just to lost, and I know this is all my fault. I know what I need to do, and what I want to do. But, I don’t do it. I want to get in shape, and feel and look better. Yet, when I get home I sit on my rump and drink alone. I am just at the point where I am sick and tired of being hungover and sloth like.

Good job on keeping up the dialogue here! A +. Now two quick replys for you my friend. Well maybe three…but I wrote enough already.

You said,
“*I know what I need to do, and what I want to do. But, I don’t do it. *”.
That’s key. Your bottom so to speak is when you stop digging. Perhaps you need more pain to be ready to stop. So be it. The Lord will help you but know that there will be a time when it is time. Be sure to grab the ropes everyone is sending when it comes. And if you go to a recovery group one time, they will not make you return. You don’t have to commit to anyone or anything if you do not want to.

Another is about our fear. When I sat in my first AA meetings, my fears were so huge for a couple months, it felt like a knife or fork, heck a silverware drawer, was in my stomach digging around. Sometimes those feelings came just by sitting and worrying but a meeting was sure to trigger it. But we have something to share about our life, and that sharing helps not just ourselves but others also. We help others at meetings, even beginners telling a small piece of their story helps everyone become stronger, they wait for us. To help facilitate this process of sharing, my first home group in AA, which God sent me to, it just happened so to speak, the group was structured so we sat around one table and each person took a turn, in a sequence, to share something, and we could pass also. It was what I needed. If another meeting method is used, even today, I tend to clam up. We have to be put on a hot seat a little bit. It’s so freeing though! The fear cutting my gut gradually lifted. It was one of the major signs of recovery for me, early on. And today I still notice my wider and more hidden fears decreasing after I thought I was cured of most of that. God still sends me even greater tests. Like flying in a plane (again) in September this year. But I will face the irrational fear in the same manner. By talking about it and getting ideas from others. And preceding the travel event with focused prayers.

Last thing is that recovery from drinking is a we program and you do not need any credentials to join other than a desire to stop drinking. It can be very important for a beginner to find one single person he can identify with. So he believes what that one person says regarding this matter, as if God sent them. Then you ask them what seems a simple question but for you it’s loaded regarding your condition and when the answer comes from them it hits you right between the eyes. What that one person says at that moment is so true, you are converted to the side of the truth of it all.

peace sir, to you and your family.

Mike

 

[Tighty_Whitey]

You need to own up to it. Tell your wife.

I don’t necessarily agree with this advice. At this point in time you should try to focus on getting to meetings and determining if what you hear there is the truth and beneficial for you. If you embark on the program, whether or not you tell your wife is a decision that you should make with your sponsor. Telling her now would not be the healthiest decision, in my humble opinion, since you currently do not have any sobriety, do not yet have the tools that will help you keep sober and do not have an understanding from which to discuss this with your wife, all of which will come in time.

Peace, g.

 

[fosgrove]

I understand exactly where you are coming from…I was there and continue to fight the fight every day.

Alcoholism has been a part of my family for years. My Father, who was an amazing man and worked so hard to provide for us, had a huge struggle with alcohol that he never ended up winning (he died when he was 55). My cousin…who was like a brother to me, struggled with alcohol and died at age 42 (four years ago). I learned from a young age to use alcohol to combat stress…I started drinking when I was 17 and continued to drink (sometimes extremely heavily) for the next 25+ years. I counted beers, hid bottles, hid receipts, drank alone…everything a closet alcoholic (which I was) does.

Addition, whether it be alcoholism or eating…is, I believe, a combination of a disease and a learned behaviour. I started drinking to relieve stress because that is what I saw many of those around me doing. The reality is that drinking didn’t help…just made me feel terrible. I was irritable, moody, depressed, and was definitely not the best father or husband I could have been. I was in a high stress job, and coped through life by binge drinking on weekends (alone, after everyone went to bed). I knew I had a problem but I was so far down the hole…I didn’t know how to climb out. I was also scared to face the world without the “crutch” of alcohol.

My wakeup call was twofold…my cousin passing away and leaving two young children was a tragedy (I also have two young children). Shortly after…I honestly felt like the presence of God spoke to me and told me (softly yet firmly) to stop drinking and the words that came to me were “for your children”. This message wasn’t just once…it was multiple times over the course of a month or so. I was 100% sober at the time of the messages so I definitely wasn’t imagining it…I know that my soul had been spoken to in a very deep and intimate way. I knew what I had to do but the next step was mine.

On December 31, 2008 I had my last drink. I have been sober ever since through the grace of God. Through the time since then, life has not been easy by any stretch…my wife had multiple affairs, she moved out, and I have been largely a single father. Through all of that…I have, day by day, stayed 100% sober and feel absolutely amazing for doing it. I am a better, more patient father. I am hopefully a kinder, more compassionate person…or at least I try to be.

I have learned, painfully, that addiction is a circle. I saw people in my family who I loved destroyed by alcohol. In addition, I was heading down the same path. If I would have continued on, the chances of one or both of my children following the same path would have been very high. The only person in my family to break the circle of addiction once and for all for my kids is me…and that is my commitment to God and to my kids every day. If I do nothing else positive in my life…I will break the circle of addiction and give my kids a fighting chance.

It will not be easy but you can stop…look at your kids and imagine how they would feel if you were suddenly not there. They need a Dad…not a sad memory. I have seen the alternative first hand…it’s terrible and once one domino falls, others fall also that affect innocent lives.

One day at a time my friend. I know that I can never safely even take one drink again. I know myself well enough to know that one drink…even a sip…and I will be back to where I was four years ago. I feel amazing, in spite of all the pain in our family life over the past few years. God led me to sobriety…he is keeping me there. It certainly isn’t me…I am not that strong.

Have faith…have strength…one day at a time…one hour at a time. Give yourself three weeks for the toxins to clear out…you will feel like a new person.

If I can ever help…don’t hesitate to reach out.

God Bless

 

[maryjk]

I don’t necessarily agree with this advice. At this point in time you should try to focus on getting to meetings and determining if what you hear there is the truth and beneficial for you. If you embark on the program, whether or not you tell your wife is a decision that you should make with your sponsor. Telling her now would not be the healthiest decision, in my humble opinion, since you currently do not have any sobriety, do not yet have the tools that will help you keep sober and do not have an understanding from which to discuss this with your wife, all of which will come in time.

Peace, g.

I find it quite interesting that you think he should keep this a secret from his wife, the one he has pledge to love, honor and cherish. BUT share it with people he doesn’t know, and then invite those people to help him decide if he should continue keeping this secret from his wife.

 

[Mike_tn]

I find it quite interesting that you think he should keep this a secret from his wife, the one he has pledge to love, honor and cherish. BUT share it with people he doesn’t know, and then invite those people to help him decide if he should continue keeping this secret from his wife.

If I may butt in as a third party observer. What I think Tighty Whitey was getting at was in order to be most charitable to his wife, any disclosure to her would take place later on at more opportune time for the health of everyone involved. It would not be to keep truth from his wife indefinitely, just until an appointed time. Even though I’m not married, I heard from others that in marriage you pretty much find everything out about your spouse eventually so it’s pointless to think you can hide it forever. But timing of disclosure can be very important, if it can be controlled anyway. Sometimes alcoholics in recovery reveal things too fast and it creates havoc in their marriages. It can become like dumping a huge pile of stuff on your wife, everything you did wrong in graphic detail, complete with names and addresses of everyone involved just to make the recovering drunk feel good as soon as possible. That’s not charitable. In bad cases, she gets furious and perhaps does something irrational based on what the husband told her.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Thank you again for the responses. I am just to lost, and I know this is all my fault. I know what I need to do, and what I want to do. But, I don’t do it. I want to get in shape, and feel and look better. Yet, when I get home I sit on my rump and drink alone. I am just at the point where I am sick and tired of being hungover and sloth like.

Please go to an AA meeting. You have no tools with which to stop drinking. You will get the tools you need. Just try it. I was going to tell you to decide one day at a time, not to drink, but really, in order to understand that mentality, you have to hear about the program and how others have done it. In fact, you don’t even have to decide for a whole day. Just say, when you are coming up to the time when you drink, “Tonight, I am not going to have that drink.” But what will you do instead? That is when the AA meeting and the support of the members steps in. When you want to drink, you go to a meeting. When you want to drink, you call someone. AAs will always answer the phone, and talk to you. They know that when they needed someone as a life preserver, someone was there, and to keep the program, they have to give it away to others. Go to a meeting. Sit at the back, but go.

 

[maryjk]

If I may butt in as a third party observer. What I think Tighty Whitey was getting at was in order to be most charitable to his wife, any disclosure to her would take place later on at more opportune time for the health of everyone involved. It would not be to keep truth from his wife indefinitely, just until an appointed time. Even though I’m not married, I heard from others that in marriage you pretty much find everything out about your spouse eventually so it’s pointless to think you can hide it forever. But timing of disclosure can be very important, if it can be controlled anyway. Sometimes alcoholics in recovery reveal things too fast and it creates havoc in their marriages. It can become like dumping a huge pile of stuff on your wife, everything you did wrong in graphic detail, complete with names and addresses of everyone involved just to make the recovering drunk feel good as soon as possible. That’s not charitable. In bad cases, she gets furious and perhaps does something irrational based on what the husband told her.

See and I saw it as common AA mentality. It goes along with the “only you can say if you are an alcoholic.”

I can’t see how telling your wife that you are drinking 6 - 8 beers everyday is somehow going to create more havoc than her finding out that you had been drinking 6 - 8 beers every day, and instead of telling her, you told 20 -30 people she doesn’t know and then waited to tell her until they told you it was okay.

Sorry, but to me, that is a joke.

 

[mkipp]

I want to thank all of you for the posts. I am crying as I read the most recent ones. I am so lost and ashamed I need to quit. I am scared and I guess I am or was waiting for God to tell me to stop. At 34 I fear and early death. I will not drink today. Peace

 

[mkipp]

I have to play in a golf tournament today with clients and free booze on every hole. This is going to be a tough one. Trying to think of what I am going to use for an excuse.

 

[maryjk]

I have to play in a golf tournament today with clients and free booze on every hole. This is going to be a tough one. Trying to think of what I am going to use for an excuse.

The same thing my husband does. He doesn’t drink, never has and isn’t interested in drinking. When offered something to drink, he asks for a soda.

I can’t believe that anywhere would have booze at every hole but not offer soft drinks. That is a law suit in the making.

 

[mkipp]

I am sure they will have water/sode or iced tea and such at every hole with the booze. But, everyone will be drinking and Golf and Booze have always gone together. Pray for Me.

 

[The_Bucket]

I am sure they will have water/sode or iced tea and such at every hole with the booze. But, everyone will be drinking and Golf and Booze have always gone together. Pray for Me.

Will do. But say that it’s just too hot for alcohol or something like that. Or that you’re not drinking so you can beat everyone that’s buzzed. That seems like a good play.

 

[mkipp]

I just don’t look forward to answering all the questions as to why I don’t have a beer in my hand. I guess it is my business and not theirs.

 

[maryjk]

Will do. But say that it’s just too hot for alcohol or something like that. Or that you’re not drinking so you can beat everyone that’s buzzed. That seems like a good play.

Or you have to drive home and can’t afford the ticket (or prison).

I think you will find that not everyone there will be drinking. As a former drinker, you only saw others that drank. Now you need to align yourself with those that don’t. Many alcoholics find that watching others drink and well, make fools of themselves is quite entertaining.

 

[maryjk]

I just don’t look forward to answering all the questions as to why I don’t have a beer in my hand. I guess it is my business and not theirs.

Take a cozy with you. You know, a cooler thing that fits a can of beer OR soda. Put it on everything you drink, most people won’t know the difference.

 

[The_Bucket]

Are there really going to be a ton of people who ask you this question? As Mary said, I think it’s all perception.

I’m not an alcoholic but do drink from time to time. When I have a get together I ask “you want a beer? Or can I make or a drink?” If they ask for something non-alcoholic I just reply “sure, no sweat.” What the heck do I care if they don’t want booze? Maybe they just want a soft drink or water instead. I don’t think any differently of them and I certainly don’t think: “He doesn’t want a drink?! MUST BE AN ALCOHOLIC!”

Almost no one thinks that. So don’t worry.

And there is no shame in being an alcoholic who decided to get sober. What is shameful and sinful is recognizing a problem that can hurt you and your family and refusing to do anything about it.

 

[Tighty_Whitey]

If I may butt in as a third party observer. What I think Tighty Whitey was getting at was in order to be most charitable to his wife, any disclosure to her would take place later on at more opportune time for the health of everyone involved. It would not be to keep truth from his wife indefinitely, just until an appointed time. Even though I’m not married, I heard from others that in marriage you pretty much find everything out about your spouse eventually so it’s pointless to think you can hide it forever. But timing of disclosure can be very important, if it can be controlled anyway. Sometimes alcoholics in recovery reveal things too fast and it creates havoc in their marriages. It can become like dumping a huge pile of stuff on your wife, everything you did wrong in graphic detail, complete with names and addresses of everyone involved just to make the recovering drunk feel good as soon as possible. That’s not charitable. In bad cases, she gets furious and perhaps does something irrational based on what the husband told her.

Thank you Mike_tn for this reply you have summed up in eloquent fashion what my response would be. Again my advice/opinion on disclosure to a spouse, family etc. is a humble one. Creating havoc or avoiding havoc is important in recovery as stress may lead one to return to unhealthy behaviors. However, I’m not as concerned with the whole havoc issue as I am for what may be the best path of recovery for all involved.

 

[mkipp]

I am very uncomfotable in social situations, and use booze to get by. This will be tough as I am usually drinking and have drank with at least my foresome. I am so scared of being judged and that usually causes me to drink more.

 

[The_Bucket]

I am very uncomfotable in social situations, and use booze to get by. This will be tough as I am usually drinking and have drank with at least my foresome. I am so scared of being judged and that usually causes me to drink more.

Give it to God. Seriously. That’s all any of us can do. Self-medicating be it drugs or alcohol or sex doesn’t fix anything or even prevent you from feeling harm. It instead only temporarily blinds you to the harm you’re inflicting on yourself and others and drags you ever deeper into your own hole. When you’re sober again, you’ll be well aware of the hurt you’re causing and that’s only going to cause more pain.

God is love. God wants us to be free from sin and that includes substance abuse. He will not take away all of our struggles instantly because we would not understand how dependent we are on Him. But He WILL get you through each moment of your life provided that you hand him control over those moments as they come. Do it. And then call people who can help remind you of this if you haven’t already.