I need to stop drinking so much, has anyone else here struggled.

[Irishmom2]

This. I sincerely pray your bottom doesn’t involve killing someone while driving drunk or getting a diagnosis of cirrhosis. Perhaps it needs to come in the form of your wife and child packing up and leaving until you cut the nonsense. Sadly, that’s what was required of me and my addiction. It sucked. It was horrible. It drove me to the absolute edge. And it eventually drove me to an adoration chapel where I begged and pleaded with God to take away my addiction. Keep in mind this is after I already confessed and received absolution. That wasn’t enough. Two weeks of sobriety at that point was not enough. I needed to know I was fully reliant on God and had to change my life completely.

And it wasn’t too long ago either.

I’m at just over 100 days now. But I have absolutely no intention of going back to my former way of life. The mere thought of it scares me to death. The knowledge of the pain I caused my wife and children hurts me every day. Removing my addiction requires not merely abstaining from a substance but totally changing my perspective in regards to love, fear, shame and my self-worth. It’s hard. It’s a grind. It’s not fun to sit in a room filled with addicts who have done some really horrific things once a week. It’s not easy to pray unceasingly, to remember to read Scripture every day, to check my anger or shame constantly lest it spiral out of control and lead back to my addiction. It’s HARD.

And it’s infinitely better than living in addiction.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Congratulations on your sobriety! you sound like you know what you need to do to make it work. Good for you! I pray that you continue on this path and that you will be able to mend the ties with your family completely.

 

[Stilldreamn]

I woke up with my toddler sleeping next to my wife and I. I looked over and cried that I am killing myself, wasting money, and not being a good example. I just do not know what to do.

I know the territory you are living in. About 15 years ago, I laid on the floor and cried out in prayer and begged God to either heal me from my addiction to alcohol, or let me die. Yes, it was that desperate but God was merciful. You can’t simply will-power your way through this. You will need support from your priest, your wife and others who have gone through it, and much time in prayer.

 

[The_Bucket]

Thanks for sharing your story.

Congratulations on your sobriety! you sound like you know what you need to do to make it work. Good for you! I pray that you continue on this path and that you will be able to mend the ties with your family completely.

Thanks. I was extremely hesitant to share it with anyone on this forum, but now that the posts have picked up here and in the CAF group, I figure it’s important.

Addiction is addiction is addiction. Doesn’t matter if it’s drugs, alcohol, sex, whatever. They all have the same root and the root is shame, self-hatred, pride and sin. Period. If there’s a mental disorder, then the substance abuse is probably just a symptom. Remove the mental disorder and you likely remove the abuse.

With pure addiction the root cause is usually a trauma, but not a disorder, that’s then reinforced with negative behavior that provides a moment or two of escape. Then comes the self-hatred again.

It’s pretty embarrassing to say “I’m a Catholic guy who was a virgin on the day I was married but I got hooked on porn.” That carries with it some pretty horrible connotations in regards to my marriage. But honestly, substance abuse does just as much damage. You’re killing your soul, you’re killing your marriage and you’re killing your body. I guess I was exempt from the “killing my body” bit but I was probably killing my marriage more and killing my wife’s mental health too. So that’s pretty much awful.

You gotta pick up the phone. Or drive to a meeting. Just show up. Make the move before it gets made for you. Or before you don’t have the chance to make it and you’re dead. Christ is always there to forgive you and love you. While you still have breath it’s never too late to embrace His love and healing.

 

[Irishmom2]

Addiction is addiction is addiction. Doesn’t matter if it’s drugs, alcohol, sex, whatever. They all have the same root and the root is shame, self-hatred, pride and sin. Period. If there’s a mental disorder, then the substance abuse is probably just a symptom. Remove the mental disorder and you likely remove the abuse.

With pure addiction the root cause is usually a trauma, but not a disorder, that’s then reinforced with negative behavior that provides a moment or two of escape. Then comes the self-hatred again.

I believe you have hit the nail on the head right here. I see this in family members. Unfortunately, you can’t force the help on them.

 

[The_Bucket]

I believe you have hit the nail on the head right here. I see this in family members. Unfortunately, you can’t force the help on them.

No. Not really. The best thing my father’s ever done for me was convince my wife to pack up the kids and leave for awhile. It’s a sad and terrible thing to say, but it’s true. It forced me to either curl up in a ball and die or face God in all of my iniquity and plead with him to put my life on track.

I’ve felt a call to return the favor in a way at some point down the road since he’s never succeeded in killing this snake. Maybe when I get a year or so under my belt. That’s not going to be pleasant but Christ did say he came to bring a sword.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

No. Not really. The best thing my father’s ever done for me was convince my wife to pack up the kids and leave for awhile. It’s a sad and terrible thing to say, but it’s true. It forced me to either curl up in a ball and die or face God in all of my iniquity and plead with him to put my life on track.

I’ve felt a call to return the favor in a way at some point down the road since he’s never succeeded in killing this snake. Maybe when I get a year or so under my belt. That’s not going to be pleasant but Christ did say he came to bring a sword.

Maybe by then, your father will have seen such a change in you that he will be ready for his own change.

 

[mkipp]

Thank you all for all the (name removed by moderator)ut. I am scared to death. I fear AA, as I cannot see myself there. I don’t want to give up, but I am so scared.

 

[triumphguy]

Thank you all for all the (name removed by moderator)ut. I am scared to death. I fear AA, as I cannot see myself there. I don’t want to give up, but I am so scared.

Lots of famous, intelligent, talented, beautiful people went to AA.

 

[underacloud]

Thank you all for all the (name removed by moderator)ut. I am scared to death. I fear AA, as I cannot see myself there. I don’t want to give up, but I am so scared.

So what are you more scared of?

a) going to an AA meeting

or…

b) continuing on this downward spiral that places at great risk your physical and mental health, your family, and your very life.

You should be scared to death…but not of an AA meeting…only one of these paths leads to death.

 

[tundramom]

Thank you all for all the (name removed by moderator)ut. I am scared to death. I fear AA, as I cannot see myself there. I don’t want to give up, but I am so scared.

How do you know if you don’t go? You DO know that you’re making excuses, don’t you? Being scared is an excuse. Thinking you’re different than any other alcoholic is nothing but a cop out. We’d all like to think we are different. Our story is special. No one really understands… if you were us, you’d drink too… ad infinitum.

Guess what? You’re not. When you realize that, step into the doors of AA and get some help. You don’t have to give up your religion. You only have to admit defeat. Admitting defeat is a great blessing when we realize that we have turned alcohol into our god.

Steph

 

[tundramom]

This may seem harsh, but you’re not really crying out for help at this point. You’re asking for permission to continue your drinking. “It’s not that bad”. Good luck with that!

A lot of people I have known/sponsored tried that. They ended up dead. This is a progressive disease that ends up with you dead, and God forbid, others dead because of your careless choices.

So when you decide that you really do want help, it’s there.
Steph

 

[maryjk]

Thank you all for all the (name removed by moderator)ut. I am scared to death. I fear AA, as I cannot see myself there. I don’t want to give up, but I am so scared.

So go somewhere else.

Talk to your wife. Talk to your doctor. You have said in the past that you have a therapist, talk to him. Talk to your priest.

TALK TO SOMEONE.

AA isn’t for everyone.

 

[shipwrkd]

This may seem harsh, but you’re not really crying out for help at this point. You’re asking for permission to continue your drinking. “It’s not that bad”. Good luck with that!

A lot of people I have known/sponsored tried that. They ended up dead. This is a progressive disease that ends up with you dead, and God forbid, others dead because of your careless choices.

So when you decide that you really do want help, it’s there.
Steph

This isn’t harsh at all, it’s the truth. I’m a very stubborn guy and 13 years ago I was you. One day I looked at my kids and asked myself if I’d ever want them to go through what I was. You and I both know the answer.I was able to walk away. Thought I never could but the “one day at a time” thing really works. This is not only your life, it’s your family’s too. Time to put on your big boy pants and take any help that’s offered. There have been a bunch of good suggestions here, stop making excuses and take one of them…or continue to kill yourself. If I were still holding that gun to my head I’d be scared s***less too. The ball is in your court and you have a team to help…if you really want it!!

 

[mkipp]

At times I think my wife and daughter would be better off without me. I feel your concern and dislike toward me.

 

[underacloud]

At times I think my wife and daughter would be better off without me. I feel your concern and dislike toward me.

They would not! Thinking this way is merely an excuse to allow yourself to do nothing about your problem. Your wife and daughter need you. And they need you in good physical and mental shape.

No one dislikes you. But we are concerned about you. It’s time to be a man and confront your problem. Your wife and daughter will be better off when you do that.

 

[CallMeDad]

I remember expressing my fear that people who knew me would see me at an AA meeting and find out that I was an alcoholic. It was suggested to me that the people who knew me would instead be totally unsurprised to see me at an AA meeting.

Sure enough, no one ever came to me and said they never suspected me as an alcoholic. Mind you, I was working full time the whole time. I thought I had the outward appearances covered.

OP - if you are an alcoholic, and that is for you to determine, the smart bet is that your wife already knows, as do the people you’re so afraid of seeing at an AA meeting. We’re always the last to know.

 

[Irishmom2]

At times I think my wife and daughter would be better off without me. I feel your concern and dislike toward me.

I am sorry, but underacloud is right, you are just trying to justify not doing anything.

How would they be better off without you? That is total nonsense, and you know it. A wife struggling alone to parent a child and earn a living? A child without a father in her life? Yeah, that wouldn’t affect her at all. Look, she wouldn’t need to be better off without you if you would just realize that you have the power to change your life–and theirs, by going to get help. That would be the best thing you could do for them, and for yourself. Perhaps if you told us what you are afraid of about going to a meeting, someone here who has been to AA could allay your fears.

Yes, we are concerned. But as far not liking you? We don’t even know you. You are a stranger that came here with a problem, and we are desperately trying to help you. If that means we dislike you, that is only your own fear speaking to you. But the bottom line is that it shouldn’t matter to you whether anyone likes you or not. It matters whether YOU like you or not. You cannot expect anyone to like you if you don’t like yourself. You need to be content with who you are. And understandably, right now, you don’t like yourself. I am sure your wife loves you, but she might not like you right now. You could change all that.

Just make the call. It isn’t saying you will even go to a meeting yet. Just call someone and talk to them.

 

[mkipp]

I have called my therapist and have an appointment for tomorrow, and I will work a plan out with her how to best attack this issue.

 

[Irishmom2]

Good for you mkipp! I am sure we will all keep you in our prayers. Please let us know how it goes. We want you to be successful in life, in your marriage and in your relationship with your child. May God bless you and guide you.

 

[underacloud]

I have called my therapist and have an appointment for tomorrow, and I will work a plan out with her how to best attack this issue.

Good work!

I wish you all the best and will offer my prayers for you.