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Serap
Guest
very good point!
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CountrySinger
Guest
Ewwww. I hate all bodily fluids. Reason #38864290766425788996433 I shouldn’t have kids.
No, it was the feeling of getting emotionally plucked to death. The kids just needed so much, and I can’t be a mom to 45 third graders.
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JackieMom
Guest
Especially in a world where women are not necessarily raised to “just” be a mom and wife, but to be educated, accomplished, competitive, goal-oriented… it’s hard to one day just switch from a successful adult life to breastfeeding and diapers and booboos and Elmo. I wouldn’t trade my kids for the world and I don’t regret any of my choices, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss having a personal life, personal space and a rewarding career. Plus, the constant anxiety about the children’s health and wellbeing is like nothing you could ever know unless you’ve had kids. Why do we do it, over and over?! It must be worth it 
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CountrySinger
Guest
No they don’t. They know I like not having kids, so maybe it might be a way to make me feel better. So you do have a point. I don’t encourage the complaining from them. I hope they aren’t as miserable as they say they are.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
Yeah, I miss that feeling of a project COMPLETED that would stay completed! Raising kids, nothing ever stays done for long, you can clean the house from top to bottom and it’s destroyed in hours, if that long. The laundry always needs doing. The groceries don’t buy themselves. And all of it just keeps on coming. I’ve successfully given myself ADD (I could be a new research project) because I could never FINISH anything without being interrupted multiple times. Now I interrupt MYSELF!Especially in a world where women are not necessarily raised to “just” be a mom and wife, but to be educated, accomplished, competitive, goal-oriented… it’s hard to one day just switch from a successful adult life to breastfeeding and diapers and booboos and Elmo. I wouldn’t trade my kids for the world and I don’t regret any of my choices, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss having a personal life, personal space and a rewarding career. Plus, the constant anxiety about the children’s health and wellbeing is like nothing you could ever know unless you’ve had kids. Why do we do it, over and over?! It must be worth it
The boys are gone (mostly) and I still don’t get things done…sigh…Mary_Gail_36
New member
I have an 11 year old boy. This child had to have a photo of him and me in his folder to get through kindergarten. Recently at Mass, I went to kiss him for the sign of peace. He stepped back and shook my hand with a look of abject horror.Yeah, that doesn’t work after about age 10…maybe a little longer with girls. If you try, they will just say, “Mommmmmmm” and roll their eyes.
I find this phase a LOT harder. But YMMV.
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EasterJoy
Guest
My theory is that children’s needs expand to fill whatever time you have. My mom had eight, and she said that is about right.
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EasterJoy
Guest
When my boys were in 5th grade, I told them that they were at an age where kids sometimes decide they want different levels of affection in public, so I was going to leave public displays of affection for them to decide. I didn’t want them to think I thought there was something wrong with it or that I didn’t want that any more, but just that they had reached the age where they were young men, and old enough to be in control of it, and that I would not get my feelings hurt with whatever they decide is right for each situation. They still occasionally kiss me or hug me goodbye when I drop them off at school, and they’re 13.I have an 11 year old boy. This child had to have a photo of him and me in his folder to get through kindergarten. Recently at Mass, I went to kiss him for the sign of peace. He stepped back and shook my hand with a look of abject horror.
Mary_Gail_36
New member
I know that kids go through a period of wanting their peers to think they came from a cabbage patch, and not wanting to be affectionate with parents in public. I wasn’t expecting it so soon.
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shainski
Guest
I love my children.
But I do have to admit when the times were really tough. When i had the umpteenth night in a row of being awakened multiple times for one reason or another - when i knelt beside one of my childrens’ beds wishing i could invent the “star trek transporter” so that i could get out of the room without stepping on a noisy creak in the floor,
i would remind myself:
“Someday i will be willing to give everything i have to get one of these days(nights) back.”
and i get through it.
As bad as everyday sometimes is - it’s far better than anything i’ve ever done before.
But I do have to admit when the times were really tough. When i had the umpteenth night in a row of being awakened multiple times for one reason or another - when i knelt beside one of my childrens’ beds wishing i could invent the “star trek transporter” so that i could get out of the room without stepping on a noisy creak in the floor,
i would remind myself:
“Someday i will be willing to give everything i have to get one of these days(nights) back.”
and i get through it.
As bad as everyday sometimes is - it’s far better than anything i’ve ever done before.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
:bighanky:I have an 11 year old boy. This child had to have a photo of him and me in his folder to get through kindergarten. Recently at Mass, I went to kiss him for the sign of peace. He stepped back and shook my hand with a look of abject horror.
Been there, done that. They do come back. My hug-averse teen morphed into a 19 year old young man who BEAR HUGS me during the sign of peace!! I never thought I would see that day, I’ll tell you what.
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HouseArrest
Guest
Ain’t that the truth!!
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jmcrae
Guest
Probably not. They are probably just in the habit of complaining about everything.
I had a friend once who complained every day about her job - and then cried like a baby when she got laid off during a recession. If she’d hated the job as much as her constant complaining would have signified, she would have danced out the door to new opportunities in something she liked better. I realized then that she was just one of those people who complains about everything out of habit; she never really meant any of it.
I’m sure there are people who complain about their kids for the same reason.
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HouseArrest
Guest
Ha Ha that’s awesome.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
Yeah I had to tell him to tone it down a notch b/c he was THROWING his arms up in the air before the hug like he hadn’t seen me in a year! LOL, gee kid, you’re sitting right next to me and as far as I know, you’re gonna go home with us after Mass too…
I’ve said for years he needs to be on stage…
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KellyPalmer
Guest
I think it’s harder than it has to be, because of our current culture. Our culture doesn’t value new life…it values money, independenc, attention, instant gratification. Think of Mary going to stay with Elizabeth for 3 months. How often do we see this now? Did any of my younger childless cousins (or even my childless little sister) come stay with me when I had my last baby? Even when my husband had to deploy when baby was 5 days old? Of course not! Young women are commonly wrapped up in their own selfish world, perusing their own “goals”. We don’t help each other anymore. We don’t value family anymore. Rarely do generations live together today, helping to care for young children in groups. That’s how it used to be and science shows this benefits children and mothers the most. But we rarely have grandmas, aunts, cousins helping to raise children in the family. Mothers today tend to be very isolated, shouldering all the weight themselves. I would love to see things heading the other way.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
Agree! Wow, you had to go it alone with a 5 day old! 
I had no one to help me. No one at all.
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Gordon_Sims
Guest
When our son was younger I used to dwell on how difficult parenting was. The sickness, the problems, the fits & tantrums, the seeming inability to throw up in the toilet as opposed to the hallways, stairs and living room carpet, etc. When our first daughter was born, it suddenly all seemed much easier. We quit getting worked up over little things and took time to enjoy those things we thought were awful before but now realized weren’t so bad. Then our second daughter was born and it was even better. We went through a lot more headaches and horrible problems by the time our third daughter was born, which made dealing with her much easier. When our fourth daughter was born…okay, that was rough, but once we made the adjustment things got much easier again. It’s not that the problems we face with the younger ones are much different, but we’ve seen how bad some things can get so that makes dealing with the everyday stuff much easier.
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Ridgerunner
Guest
I sometimes think some people are virtually born to be parents; some not so much, and some not at all.
But I also think growing up in a household full of kids makes it easier for the next generation. In my birth family, there were six of us, and it was just part of it that the older kids helped out with the younger ones. You didn’t even much think about it. You did it because you were told to do it, but also because you actually wanted to do it. Hard to explain.
I marvel at one of my daughters who has eight kids. Far from being a melee, they are astonishingly orderly. A ten-year-old, for example has no difficulty holding a baby for a long, long time so Mom could do whatever. A teenage girl sees no problem in driving the younger ones to their games or whatever. Some of the smaller ones have specific “cleanup” areas and do it. They’re also creative and I think the presence of theolder ones encourages the younger ones in that regard. The little ones benefit by being taught and the older ones benefit by getting their minds organized enough to teach.
Two summers ago, for example, the oldest, teenage, girl, decided to teach all the younger ones to sing “Katyusha” in chorus and all in Russian…every verse. Took her about two weeks, and she did it. Look it up on YouTube.
One of them took up raising strawberries in the side yard of their house. He has several varieties and takes care of them all by himself. Just his project. Others of them have other projects. I think that sort of thing is enhanced by their being somehow comfortable with themselves when they get all of the “feedback” one gets when there are a lot of siblings around.
I’ll also admit right now that it’s more difficult for women than it is for men. Even if a man does more getting up in the middle of the night than the woman does, (which I indisputably did) it’s still easier. I can’t explain it fully, but I think part of it is that most women are more fastidious than men. My wife just plain won’t allow me to do laundry, for example. She believes (probably correctly) that I am too careless in the way I do it. Never, ever, ever will she allow me to put dishes in the dishwasher. (too close together) Judging by the results, I have to admit she’s right in that and in a lot of things. Sure, I might dress a little kid, but my wife was the one who made sure the socks were there and matched, and that the selection of little girls’ dresses was economical and appropriate. She knew all the sizes and kept track and did 90% of the buying. I didn’t.
As a stay-at-home Mom, my wife often required more adult conversation “relief” when I got home than I did. Talking to your kids is wonderful, but it’s harder for women because they do more of it. My daughter with the 8 kids is the same way, so when I’m on the road, I call her from the car and talk with her a long time. It’s a need.
Those kinds of things do make it harder for women. They add up.
But I also think growing up in a household full of kids makes it easier for the next generation. In my birth family, there were six of us, and it was just part of it that the older kids helped out with the younger ones. You didn’t even much think about it. You did it because you were told to do it, but also because you actually wanted to do it. Hard to explain.
I marvel at one of my daughters who has eight kids. Far from being a melee, they are astonishingly orderly. A ten-year-old, for example has no difficulty holding a baby for a long, long time so Mom could do whatever. A teenage girl sees no problem in driving the younger ones to their games or whatever. Some of the smaller ones have specific “cleanup” areas and do it. They’re also creative and I think the presence of theolder ones encourages the younger ones in that regard. The little ones benefit by being taught and the older ones benefit by getting their minds organized enough to teach.
Two summers ago, for example, the oldest, teenage, girl, decided to teach all the younger ones to sing “Katyusha” in chorus and all in Russian…every verse. Took her about two weeks, and she did it. Look it up on YouTube.
One of them took up raising strawberries in the side yard of their house. He has several varieties and takes care of them all by himself. Just his project. Others of them have other projects. I think that sort of thing is enhanced by their being somehow comfortable with themselves when they get all of the “feedback” one gets when there are a lot of siblings around.
I’ll also admit right now that it’s more difficult for women than it is for men. Even if a man does more getting up in the middle of the night than the woman does, (which I indisputably did) it’s still easier. I can’t explain it fully, but I think part of it is that most women are more fastidious than men. My wife just plain won’t allow me to do laundry, for example. She believes (probably correctly) that I am too careless in the way I do it. Never, ever, ever will she allow me to put dishes in the dishwasher. (too close together) Judging by the results, I have to admit she’s right in that and in a lot of things. Sure, I might dress a little kid, but my wife was the one who made sure the socks were there and matched, and that the selection of little girls’ dresses was economical and appropriate. She knew all the sizes and kept track and did 90% of the buying. I didn’t.
As a stay-at-home Mom, my wife often required more adult conversation “relief” when I got home than I did. Talking to your kids is wonderful, but it’s harder for women because they do more of it. My daughter with the 8 kids is the same way, so when I’m on the road, I call her from the car and talk with her a long time. It’s a need.
Those kinds of things do make it harder for women. They add up.
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EasterJoy
Guest
You just never know…and it comes and goes, too. It does seem to help them relax if you willingly hand over control of the issue. If their mother is hugging them, then the apron strings haven’t been cut. If their mother won’t hug them, they’re being cut off. If it is they who are hugging their mother, instead, then they are simply considerate of their parent.
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