P
PartoftheBody
Guest
I’ve written here before about some of the issues I’ve had with my husband, so I’ll try to keep the background brief.
While there have been some times where he has been good and loving to me, for a good portion of our marriage my husband has been what some consider emotionally abusive: criticizing me, calling me names, blaming me for things that aren’t my fault, etc. There have been 3 incidents when he got mildly physical in anger, e.g. pulling my arm, but he seems to have his temper better under control the last couple months. He drinks a minimum of 6 alcoholic drinks a day every day.
He seems to really love our 15-month-old son, but he sometimes does things that disturb me: plays too rough, yells at the baby to shut up, uses swear words in front of the baby (although that has decreased a bit lately), sleeps on the floor of the gated playroom with the baby wandering around when he’s supposed to be watching him, that sort of thing. He will also ignore the boy if he is “not in the mood” or tired. I often worry that the way my husband treats him will cause our son emotional harm.
He refuses individual counseling, but we’ve seen a couple marriage counselors with a little progress made. We stopped seeing the last one a few months ago. My husband complained every time we had an appointment, and he got really defensive every time I tried to bring up things that bothered me. After describing to her an argument in which he pulled my arm, she didn’t bat an eye and said we should have communicated better. I decided that more counseling was feudal at that point.
I have thought about separation a few times, but at this point, I don’t think it would be a good idea, just a nasty ordeal. I have more control over the situation and what my son is exposed to when we stay together, and he has put forth some effort to change for the better. Still, at my cousin’s wedding today, he had probably 12 drinks from the open bar, and at one point he stepped on my foot and said “why were you standing in my way?!” instead of “Sorry.” He did apologize a few moments later, though.
At this point, I am working 24 hours a week and doing about 95% of the parenting and household chores, although sometimes the sitter helps with chores. I have a relatively easy-going child, but he still requires a lot of work and attention (which I happily give him, foregoing other tasks). I finally understand the phrase “A woman’s work is never done.” I am exhausted by the end of the day, and still have a 30-item to-do list.
[Imagine what the long background would have been like
]
I pray for my husband every day, but if nothing major changes, I truly believe I have serious reasons for avoiding pregnancy indefinitely with NFP. I’ve always wanted to have more than one child, but I just don’t see how bringing another child into this situation would be wise. My husband has been talking a lot lately about wanting to have another baby soon. Since I am fairly sure laying the whole thing out like I did here will only make him angry and defensive, I focus on the “I’m exhausted” part of why I want to wait. He says he accepts that, but he keeps bringing up the subject of more kids.
I’m not sure what I’m looking for here exactly…I guess I just needed to tell someone because I don’t want to burden yet again the few real life people I feel comfortable talking to about this. Maybe I need confirmation that I’m not a bad Catholic. Maybe I need someone to reinforce that I’m not overreacting. Maybe I need words of encouragement. No doubt I need prayers!
Anyway, folks, thanks for reading
While there have been some times where he has been good and loving to me, for a good portion of our marriage my husband has been what some consider emotionally abusive: criticizing me, calling me names, blaming me for things that aren’t my fault, etc. There have been 3 incidents when he got mildly physical in anger, e.g. pulling my arm, but he seems to have his temper better under control the last couple months. He drinks a minimum of 6 alcoholic drinks a day every day.
He seems to really love our 15-month-old son, but he sometimes does things that disturb me: plays too rough, yells at the baby to shut up, uses swear words in front of the baby (although that has decreased a bit lately), sleeps on the floor of the gated playroom with the baby wandering around when he’s supposed to be watching him, that sort of thing. He will also ignore the boy if he is “not in the mood” or tired. I often worry that the way my husband treats him will cause our son emotional harm.
He refuses individual counseling, but we’ve seen a couple marriage counselors with a little progress made. We stopped seeing the last one a few months ago. My husband complained every time we had an appointment, and he got really defensive every time I tried to bring up things that bothered me. After describing to her an argument in which he pulled my arm, she didn’t bat an eye and said we should have communicated better. I decided that more counseling was feudal at that point.
I have thought about separation a few times, but at this point, I don’t think it would be a good idea, just a nasty ordeal. I have more control over the situation and what my son is exposed to when we stay together, and he has put forth some effort to change for the better. Still, at my cousin’s wedding today, he had probably 12 drinks from the open bar, and at one point he stepped on my foot and said “why were you standing in my way?!” instead of “Sorry.” He did apologize a few moments later, though.
At this point, I am working 24 hours a week and doing about 95% of the parenting and household chores, although sometimes the sitter helps with chores. I have a relatively easy-going child, but he still requires a lot of work and attention (which I happily give him, foregoing other tasks). I finally understand the phrase “A woman’s work is never done.” I am exhausted by the end of the day, and still have a 30-item to-do list.
[Imagine what the long background would have been like
]I pray for my husband every day, but if nothing major changes, I truly believe I have serious reasons for avoiding pregnancy indefinitely with NFP. I’ve always wanted to have more than one child, but I just don’t see how bringing another child into this situation would be wise. My husband has been talking a lot lately about wanting to have another baby soon. Since I am fairly sure laying the whole thing out like I did here will only make him angry and defensive, I focus on the “I’m exhausted” part of why I want to wait. He says he accepts that, but he keeps bringing up the subject of more kids.
I’m not sure what I’m looking for here exactly…I guess I just needed to tell someone because I don’t want to burden yet again the few real life people I feel comfortable talking to about this. Maybe I need confirmation that I’m not a bad Catholic. Maybe I need someone to reinforce that I’m not overreacting. Maybe I need words of encouragement. No doubt I need prayers!
Anyway, folks, thanks for reading