I think I persecuted a family

[ahollars]

And people with kids need to be less immune to their kids and realize they’re in public

I’ll second this approach.

I have 6 children, and I HATE the “children’s Mass” everywhere that I’ve been to one.

A lot of parents, especially the kind I casually refer to as “rookie parents” seem to think that Pro-Life Catholics will just put up with whatever noise that radiates from the mouths of children who are old enough to understand the words, “be quiet and pay attention”. I am tired of seeing snacks, coloring books, toys, sleeping toddlers, and various activities of an unacceptable nature being tolerated by parents who cannot control their own children, which happens to be one of my pet peeves. My children are in Mass as soon as they are home from the hospital, and I have to divide my attention making sure that they do not pick up the bad habits that surround them when they see us paying attention at Mass.

I get compliments all the time like, “Your children are so well behaved”. Even though I politely say, “Thank you”, in the back of my mind, I’m thinking, “Isn’t it obvious why?”

At 1 or 2 years old, children should understand what a parent means by being quiet. By 4 or 5 years old, they should be listening to the priest and be aware that they should be paying attention. Yes, kids will need reminders (mine are not perfect every week), but parents should not be worried about telling their own children to act right in front of others. Believe me, I would applaud inside.

Another tell-tale sign, if your child cannot sit still at Mass no matter what, it usually indicates that Mass is the only serious prayer that the child witnesses (meals and bedtime do not teach them discipline). Once a week is not enough. Add a rosary at home, where you can control them, and they will learn calm down when they are in church.

Experienced parents and the trained eye can tell when a child has special needs, but the truth is that most kids have no valid reason why they cannot sit still for one hour.

If the shoe fits, wear it.

 

[Serap]

I’ll second this approach.

I have 6 children, and I HATE the “children’s Mass” everywhere that I’ve been to one.

A lot of parents, especially the kind I casually refer to as “rookie parents” seem to think that Pro-Life Catholics will just put up with whatever noise that radiates from the mouths of children who are old enough to understand the words, “be quiet and pay attention”. I am tired of seeing snacks, coloring books, toys, sleeping toddlers, and various activities of an unacceptable nature being tolerated by parents who cannot control their own children, which happens to be one of my pet peeves. My children are in Mass as soon as they are home from the hospital, and I have to divide my attention making sure that they do not pick up the bad habits that surround them when they see us paying attention at Mass.

I get compliments all the time like, “Your children are so well behaved”. Even though I politely say, “Thank you”, in the back of my mind, I’m thinking, “Isn’t it obvious why?”

At 1 or 2 years old, children should understand what a parent means by being quiet. By 4 or 5 years old, they should be listening to the priest and be aware that they should be paying attention. Yes, kids will need reminders (mine are not perfect every week), but parents should not be worried about telling their own children to act right in front of others. Believe me, I would applaud inside.

Another tell-tale sign, if your child cannot sit still at Mass no matter what, it usually indicates that Mass is the only serious prayer that the child witnesses (meals and bedtime do not teach them discipline). Once a week is not enough. Add a rosary at home, where you can control them, and they will learn calm down when they are in church.

Experienced parents and the trained eye can tell when a child has special needs, but the truth is that most kids have no valid reason why they cannot sit still for one hour.

If the shoe fits, wear it.

I just don’t go! I can’t handle these types of judgements. Honestly.

 

[Serap]

But I thought you MUST go?
That it is part of the “obligation” that cannot, under any circumstances, be missed unless you are sick or there is a blizzard outside or something?
This is not the case?

No, if you have kids under age 7.

 

[ahollars]

No, if you have kids under age 7.

I’m sorry, but 7 is way too long to wait.

I should have been more clear in my caveat: my pet peeve is parents who cannot control their kids and make *little or no effort *to do so.

No one expects perfection, but my approach works because I force my kids to actively participate by reading the Missal and songs along with them, singing just loud enough for them to hear me, reciting the replies and prayers in clear voice (say it like you mean it), and making sure we sit somewhere with a clear view of the altar.

I teach Confirmation, so please don’t take this the wrong way. The younger they are when you begin, the easier it is. If anything, it’s easiest when they are only a month old, and by the time they are old enough to realize they are in a church and not at home, they are already familiar with the sights and sounds of Mass.

You are technically correct, but anything in our faith that is done at the bare minimum level does not usually produce ideal results. You have plenty of time to figure this out, so just make sure that time does not slip away from you. He’ll be 7 before you know it.

 

[EasterJoy]

Another tell-tale sign, if your child cannot sit still at Mass no matter what, it usually indicates that Mass is the only serious prayer that the child witnesses (meals and bedtime do not teach them discipline). Once a week is not enough. Add a rosary at home, where you can control them, and they will learn calm down when they are in church.

Experienced parents and the trained eye can tell when a child has special needs, but the truth is that most kids have no valid reason why they cannot sit still for one hour.

If the shoe fits, wear it.

For the most part, I agree with you, but boy do I know people who thought they knew what until their #5, Johnny Hell-On-Wheels, came along and changed their tune. You cannot tell how much self-discipline a child is capable of until you try, but there are some kids that are simply born with a lot more inherent p*** and vinegar than others…and I don’t mean “special needs” kids, either. This will usually show up at rosary time, but some kids also get especially wound up in a room full of strangers. (A similar situation: the kids that are angels when Mom or Dad is around, but then become total delinquents at school.)

Having said that, I think it is worth it for very young children who can’t sit still to be left at home until they can. If they are allowed to come to Mass and run around, they learn that this OK. It is easier to train a child who is ready than to un-train a child that has too much experience at misbehaving.

Another solution for a child that is at his or her self-discipline limit is to find a Mass that takes less time. Very often the very early Sunday Masses (7:30) are much shorter than the 10:30 version with the full choir and a packed house. With fewer people, it is also easier to see from farther back in church. A child can also be trained by taking them to daily Mass from time to time, which can easily take less than half the time of Sunday Mass at the same parish.

As far as the family the OP was referring to, if you smile at the family and greet the kids after Mass, they’ll know you’re glad that they’re there.

 

[CatherineOH]

I have a hearing problem and sometimes a child near me is as loud (though not noticeable to others) as the homily. I don’t have kids and just decided that I’m to hear this child and enjoy its non-language words and spirit to offer my prayers to all those children who cannot be in mass on that day, or have not been baptized.

I just take it as a blessing for more prayer, not as an interruption.

 

[EasterJoy]

No, if you have kids under age 7.

Caring for an infant or sick person can excuse the obligation to attend Mass, if there is no one to relieve you, but it doesn’t mean that the parents of small children are excused until the youngest is seven!

A Catholic child doesn’t have an obligation to attend Mass until they reach the age of reason–and even at that point, it is not their fault if no one will take them–but it is desirable for all Catholics to attend Mass every Sunday as soon as they are capable.

Besides, if we avoid doing anything for which we are liable to be judged by someone else, we could barely feel the right to breathe!

 

[Serap]

For the most part, I agree with you, but boy do I know people who thought they knew what until their #5, Johnny Hell-On-Wheels, came along and changed their tune. You cannot tell how much self-discipline a child is capable of until you try, but there are some kids that are simply born with a lot more inherent p*** and vinegar than others…and I don’t mean “special needs” kids, either. This will usually show up at rosary time, but some kids also get especially wound up in a room full of strangers. (A similar situation: the kids that are angels when Mom or Dad is around, but then become total delinquents at school.)

Having said that, I think it is worth it for very young children who can’t sit still to be left at home until they can. If they are allowed to come to Mass and run around, they learn that this OK. It is easier to train a child who is ready than to un-train a child that has too much experience at misbehaving.

Another solution for a child that is at his or her self-discipline limit is to find a Mass that takes less time. Very often the very early Sunday Masses (7:30) are much shorter than the 10:30 version with the full choir and a packed house. With fewer people, it is also easier to see from farther back in church. A child can also be trained by taking them to daily Mass from time to time, which can easily take less than half the time of Sunday Mass at the same parish.

As far as the family the OP was referring to, if you smile at the family and greet the kids after Mass, they’ll know you’re glad that they’re there.

My son is Hell on Wheels!!! No mass for us until he’s older.

 

[JillyAnn]

I can sympathize with you…except that I get distracted not just by the children but by the adults who talk through the entire mass. Fortunately for us there are 2 children’s masses, so I don’t go to those… I love to sing in church…when the kids around me are being silly I will often try to get them to sing with me. Sometimes I am successful and sometimes not so much. Sometimes it’s the evil eye and the kids stop. but I must say, the children in our parish are really good.

I take more issue with the people and the children who are old enough to know better.
I have no problem asking the people around me to please be quiet or go outside if they need to talk. I’ve even asked people to turn off their cell phones.

You shouldn’t feel badly but if you are regularly distracted then a few prayers of patience are a good idea…i like the idea of offering up for those who want children but can’t have them…

 

[EasterJoy]

My son is Hell on Wheels!!! No mass for us until he’s older.

A surprising number of Fr. Johns started out as Johnny-Hell-On-Wheels. You can teach him about Mass at home until he is ready to go with you on Sundays, so he’ll know it is something to look forward to.

 

[Roxygirl1488]

Haha this is kind of funny. Sounds like the Lord is pruning you! Trying to make you Holy through little annoyances! It happens to the best of us! Don’t feel bad, the Lord forgives you!

 

[Roxygirl1488]

A surprising number of Fr. Johns started out as Johnny-Hell-On-Wheels. You can teach him about Mass at home until he is ready to go with you on Sundays, so he’ll know it is something to look forward to.

Haha I have never heard that phrase before.