I think my nephew is gay

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Mine isn’t just my own experience though. I’ve talked to a lot of people with homosexual orientation and researched it. It isn’t a choice. We don’t know if it’s biological or not, but it’s not something people would willingly choose, especially when you consider that the attitudes of society are still hostile. Seriously, it doesn’t make sense that people would willingly choose to feel conflicted, to be ostracized by their peer groups (in the case of high schoolers), to be disowned by families (which happens more than you would think), to be told that you have to “become straight” (and not everyone can), to attempt to “become straight” and be horribly disappointed if it doesn’t work, etc.

Yes, we’re ALL called to be chaste. Regardless of whether we marry (a person of the opposite sex) or not, we are all called to be chaste. But when you hear attitudes such as, “Gay people are perverts, more likely to become pedophiles (which is completely false, most are straight), can’t be in priesthood/religious life”, that’s not really a call for chastity as much as it is ostracism. Sentiments like that can make one feel like they do not belong in the Church, even if they are trying to be chaste and they love the Church.

Now tell me why someone would choose it, or how it could possibly be a “choice”?
 
sanctamaria17 said:
Now tell me why someone would choose it, or how it could possibly be a “choice”?
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why i dont know. but some people get their pleasure from pain and degredation. i wouldnt choose it but some people like that stuff. some folks don’t care about the consquences but makes choices for a reason and the rest doesnt matter.

remember gays have it good on this country. kill me go to jail, kill a gay go for a lot longer. fire me so what, fire a gay and get sued. they are well protected by law, and i could see that as a reason some people would choose to do it. others may want revenge. to anger their parents or society. confusion after a sexually abussive childhood is a common theme. and finally i do think a small number of gays are gay and promote it just to promote it and other evils.
 
noclevername;4270121Also said:
I am that poster. My concern is not about her being gay and “deciding how to handle it.” Maybe my post wasn’t as clear as I thought. My concern is that the relationship she is in is very unhealthy – a concern I would have whether the relationship was heterosexual or homosexual. There are many issues going on in that relationship – the very least of which that it is a homosexual relationship.

Do I wish she weren’t gay? Absolutely. But as I said, she’s an adult. She has choices about how to live her life – not getting into the debate of whether homosexuality is or is not a choice – and I have to just pray that she makes wise choices for herself.
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aggiecatholic05 said:
why i dont know. but some people get their pleasure from pain and degredation. i wouldnt choose it but some people like that stuff. some folks don’t care about the consquences but makes choices for a reason and the rest doesnt matter.

remember gays have it good on this country. kill me go to jail, kill a gay go for a lot longer. fire me so what, fire a gay and get sued. they are well protected by law, and i could see that as a reason some people would choose to do it. others may want revenge. to anger their parents or society. confusion after a sexually abussive childhood is a common theme. and finally i do think a small number of gays are gay and promote it just to promote it and other evils.
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That sounds like there would be a deeper problem than mere attraction to the opposite sex.

The reason that they are so well protected by law is that they are harassed and bullied mercilessly for something they can’t choose. Have you seen a guy who is merely suspected of being gay get beat up? It happens all the time! And people have gotten fired just for being gay, the law is there stating that you can’t fire someone just because of their orientation, you can fire them because of poor performance. And finally, you don’t know how painful it is to be gay so how can you say that those are the motives? And I have yet to meet anyone who’s become gay as a result of sexual abuse as a child. I was not sexually abused, yet I am bi (though, like I said, I’m going to be chaste and the reason I’m even “out” is to help people be chaste). Most of the people I’ve known, who have come to me saying they were abused, are straight. Same with studies I’ve read, books I read, etc. It’s not something you can control!

Yes, I believe people would pretend just to anger society, but that doesn’t usually result in a real attraction to someone of the same gender. Attraction in and of itself is hardwired or a product of environment and not something you can choose.

To the OP, I will be praying for your brother’s family to return to the faith! And let us pray for everyone who struggles with SSA! It’s NOT easy!!!
 
aggiecatholic05 said:
anecdotal evidence is not evidence. either way though the fact remains the orientation isnt the issue but the actions taken upon it or not that do.
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It’s not ancedotal. I never made a decision that I wanted to be straight. I just am that way. My cousin never made the decision he wanted to be gay. As a matter of fact he tried not to be but he can’t help it. He just is. He is very religious and resisted it for so long but realized that he is what he is and he can’t change it. Just like I couldn’t be gay no matter how much I wanted to.
 
aggiecatholic05 said:
remember gays have it good on this country. kill me go to jail, kill a gay go for a lot longer.
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so dead people “have it good” or are you trying to make some other point? The reason gay people are protected in that way is because they are targeted.
 
I welcome everyone’s opinions – I just hope my nephew decides to be chaste – as I would hope for my niece, who is not gay. Gay or straight, there are many paths to sin when one chooses to become sexual and so many ways to be hurt, taken advantage of and to lose one’s self-respect.

I’ve been there, done that in my younger days, and it still hurts.
 
ok for the part on them having it good. that was just commentary on the unequal laws. harsher punishment because of orientation is close to every black man accused of raping a white woman being ‘guilty’ and then lynched. just my personal opinion that the way things are going it wont be long until gays can push straights to the back of the bus so to speak. i certiantly wasnt wishing them death or saying theyre good because of risks they may face.

on the employment. the goverment should not discriminate. however a private business should be able to hire and fire at will regardless of reason, freedom of association.

anecdotal evidence is a personal story or experience. someone saying that they didnt choose toi be gay or that their friend was born that way is a perfect example. just like the fact that my grandma smoked 2 packs a day for over 60 years an lived to be 90doesnt mean smoking isnt bad for you.-strangely true story

as to my reasons why someone could chose to be gay. please dont misunderstand me. i did not mean to imply that anyone here or anyone in general used those reasons. i just answered the question posted as to why someone would choose to live the life of a gay.

have i seen kids beaten for being suspected gays? yeah in high school it happened a few times. i dont condone that anymore than i do any other bullying, but i dont think a bully in school is reason to restrict adults the way we do.

i think i addressed everything i missed today. if i didnt or you dont like my post call me out on it and we can debate more. i love a good heated discussion.
 
aggiecatholic05 said:
ok for the part on them having it good. that was just commentary on the unequal laws. harsher punishment because of orientation is close to every black man accused of raping a white woman being ‘guilty’ and then lynched. .
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the issue with the ‘black men raping white women’ was that often A) it was consensual or B) it didn’t happen. completely and utterly different issue. you’ve failed to explain your point.
 
also, i’m gay and while i’m a pretty happy person, i had some rough times when i was “figuring it all out.” i REALLY doubt anyone would choose it!
 
Annn said:
the issue with the ‘black men raping white women’ was that often A) it was consensual or B) it didn’t happen. completely and utterly different issue. you’ve failed to explain your point.
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that really was my point. in my example a crime never happened but the punishment was harsh. while morally wrong a gay feeling slighted or harassed often isnt really a crime, but the punishment is rough. the rest was hyperbole to show how situations like this can get worse.
 
dermot2 said:
…I just feel sad about this,as this is not what I would have wanted for my nephew.

thanks
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Why does it matter what YOU want anyway?? And it should be your nephew who does the talking, not you

Kathy
 
aggiecatholic05 said:
that really was my point. in my example a crime never happened but the punishment was harsh. while morally wrong a gay feeling slighted or harassed often isnt really a crime, but the punishment is rough. the rest was hyperbole to show how situations like this can get worse.
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when has this ever happened? it’s well-documented that often black men were punished for crimes they did not commit, for example because they had alibis or because someone else later confessed. i’ve never heard of this happening against a gay person. you can’t compare things if you don’t have a documented example of one of them happening.
 
Annn said:
the issue with the ‘black men raping white women’ was that often A) it was consensual or B) it didn’t happen. completely and utterly different issue. you’ve failed to explain your point.
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:eek: Am I reading this right??? I’ll be sure to let my sil know it didn’t really happen to her.
 
Back to the issue…

Dermot, I can understand your sadness. I too would not be surprised if my nephew “outed” himself. Right now he is “finding himself” aka drifting between jobs and sometimes school. Grandma thinks he’d “make a fine priest.” When we see a loved one struggle with these issues, it can be heart breaking, just as it is difficult to watch any loved one struggle in life with a number of life issues.

I pray for my nephew. My home is open to him when he wants to visit. I love my nephew. 🤷 I don’t know if there is more to do.
 
MomaMary8 said:
:eek: Am I reading this right??? I’ll be sure to let my sil know it didn’t really happen to her.
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I misworded! What I meant by saying “it didn’t happen” was “the wrong person was apprehended because black men were often blamed for any old rape that happened.” A lot of historians have written about rapes in the south/lynching innocent black men.
 
If you’d like to discuss this further, I’d be happy to, but I don’t want to steal the post away from the OP. Just PM me! I’m sorry if I offended anyone by my poor wording.
 
The choice thing always confused me. I’ve had a lesbian friend tell me point blank, she chose to be a lesbian and knows it will send her to hell.

Her girlfriend says she had no choice.

A bisexual friend of mine says people can go straight, gay, bi and back and forth more times than I’ve gone through religions and socks combined and it still not be a choice… :banghead:

Very frustrating!
 
There’s a rather massive point that this discussion seems to be missing:

Why would their be people who identify as Catholic and Gay simultaneously? Why would someone “choose” to put themselves through that? Does that make an ounce of sense? Even a little?

Why would the average statistic for gay individuals in a given population be so even even across so many different cultures?
 
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