I want a bf but no guy asks me out

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lily22

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I am 35, pretty ok looking, and play music in town and I just moved to Portland but nobody ever asks me out. I have played at church services all my life and absolutely no guy in the Catholic church asks me out., except for once and I was not performing, but it didn’t work out because he was not very conservative. I even play multiple services sometimes.

I don’t get it.

What am I doing wrong???
 
I know a couple who wanted to have a child and just didn’t conceive. They are protestants like me, in fact everyone I share about is P becuz I only know one C. a little -not too well either.

They prayed and believed for a child and went many years without a baby.Then finally were pregnant! They have one lovely daughter, worth the wait. They are a couple who love God.

did you pray for a bf?
why bf only, you didn’t say husband?
maybe becuz you’re not ready yet?
 
I think church maybe isn’t a great place to meet single people. I think I would focus my energy on stuff like Theology on Tap, Catholic reading groups, Catholic volunteer groups, and Catholic online dating.
 
I sometimes feel at a disadvantage in ‘advising’ anyone online, as what we might lovingly suggest if we knew and observed the person could be very helpful.

If God’s loving purpose is for you to find a good, loving boyfriend with presumably the shared desire to marry, may God’s angels lead you to each other.
 
“If God’s loving purpose is for you to find a good, loving boyfriend with presumably the shared desire to marry, may God’s angels lead you to each other.”

My parents always told me God helps those who help themselves! You’ve gotta do your part. Put yourself out there in any social place you are comfortable, and then a few places you are not. If you aren’t out of your comfort zone, you probably aren’t growing.

I know that in my local Church everyone is old since all of the younger Catholics go to the Schools Chapel or the local Cathedral (giant youth events). Finding a young spouse there would be impossible :o Church isn’t always the place.
 
Try an online dating service. It’s tough out there. Ask everyone you know if they know a nice, single Christian man. Or even just a nice man, period. And don’t forget to ask the Lord! And always remember…remember!!! to SMILE at everyone you see. Nothing turns people off quicker than a sour face. :):D:p
 
Relax.
Nothing turns a guy off more than the smell of desperation.
Stop trying.
I met my husband the second I completely gave up.
I started thinking along the lines of how wonderful and capable I am alone.
Single is good. All is well.

That is not to say that you should become a recluse: just the opposite.
Start volunteering outside the Church.
My husband was a former Atheist (he had decided God existed before we met - but was un-churched). After joining the church choir with me, he quickly became Catholic w/o ANY request or expectations on my part.
The key is to stop trying to control; not have capital “E” Expectations; think outside the box; love yourself (in the way that God loves you); and most of all - chill.
Be “okay” with things if nothing clicks.
Frankly, I’m kind of surprised you’re having trouble in Portland. There’s loads of guys up here. Maybe you should try out churches in better demographic areas like St. johns(?), Linnton, Vancouver, Castle Rock ? … That’s unless you mean Portland, Maine .
If you’re back East, May God help you. The odds are not in your favor. 😦
Blessings, sister. There is SO much out there a single woman can do to help the world!
 
lily22 said:
I am 35, pretty ok looking, and play music in town and I just moved to Portland but nobody ever asks me out. I have played at church services all my life and absolutely no guy in the Catholic church asks me out., except for once and I was not performing, but it didn’t work out because he was not very conservative. I even play multiple services sometimes.

I don’t get it.

What am I doing wrong???
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Sorry you’re having relationship troubles. If you’re talking about Portland OR it’s pretty left wing so if you are conservative that may have something to do with your troubles. Also, as a musician, I would imagine the people around you are likely not very conservative. I don’t know if you’re doing anything “wrong” per se, but it does seem you might want to put yourself around more conservative people if that’s your thing. You might have to start hanging out in Clackamas or Washington county to find more the kind of dudes with whom you’d likely be more comfortable.
 
Online dating can be a good option for people who are naturally shy in person. And, as others have suggested, getting involved in activities where you’ll naturally meet people of a similar age and who are likely single too.
 
You must take action. you can’t simply can not wait. Catholic match is good. I’m from Australia and I just met one in person and she is wonderful but it will take time.
 
PHILTHEO said:
My parents always told me God helps those who help themselves!
Click to expand...
Not for everything.

Meeting a spouse is done by God only. If you aren’t looking you will find that person. God knows your heart. The more you use your own logic to judge a person based off material values, the more God steps out and lets you do your own thing. Don’t be surprised when you get divorced and meet the wrong person.

You can search for love in all the wrong places and meet your soul-mate in those bad places when God decides it’s the right time.

You can even be in jail and meet a spouse if God desires it.
 
Just may need to try something different,move in different circles maybe,
I know how you feel… Have to spoken to friends who might know someone ?
 
lily22 said:
I am 35, pretty ok looking, and play music in town and I just moved to Portland but nobody ever asks me out. I have played at church services all my life and absolutely no guy in the Catholic church asks me out., except for once and I was not performing, but it didn’t work out because he was not very conservative. I even play multiple services sometimes.

I don’t get it.

What am I doing wrong???
Click to expand...
Maybe God wants you to discern a Religious Life? being a sister/ nun? :o
 
boomerang said:
Try an online dating service. It’s tough out there. Ask everyone you know if they know a nice, single Christian man. Or even just a nice man, period. And don’t forget to ask the Lord! And always remember…remember!!! to SMILE at everyone you see. Nothing turns people off quicker than a sour face. :):D:p
Click to expand...
If you do try online dating OP, just remember to keep your wits about you. Don’t assume someone’s telling you the truth about themselves. If you meet them, do it in a public place. And definitely don’t send any money.

Funny dancing banana 😛
 
shanishani7 said:
Maybe God wants you to discern a Religious Life? being a sister/ nun? :o
Click to expand...
It’s possible.However I must say the following.

A lack of dating opportunity does not always mean one is called to be a nun. The calling to a religious life is a positive one and does not arise from a negative event such as the failure to find a husband.
 
If you want a relationship, you have to do your part, and not just wait for people to ask you out.

It’s fine to put whatever parameters you want on your dating life, but don’t be surprised if you have narrow expectations, such as “must meet him in my church and he has to ask me out” when nothing happens. Have you tried online dating? Have you tried approaching someone you are interested in yourself? Have you joined activities outside of your parish and met new people? Are you approachable?
 
You may want to take a look at Ave Maria Singles.

They are the only Catholic site for singles that is focused on courtship and marriage as opposed to casual dating. If you don’t mind my saying, a “boyfriend” is a western, secular term. It has no real analog for deeply committed Christians.

Are your parents around to help you? They are the best at sniffing out someone who is or is not compatible with you–after all, they raised you.

Pray, keep going to church, and make yourself the best “catch” you can.
 
SerbCath said:
You may want to take a look at Ave Maria Singles.

They are the only Catholic site for singles that is focused on courtship and marriage as opposed to casual dating. If you don’t mind my saying, a “boyfriend” is a western, secular term. It has no real analog for deeply committed Christians.

Are your parents around to help you? They are the best at sniffing out someone who is or is not compatible with you–after all, they raised you.

Pray, keep going to church, and make yourself the best “catch” you can.
Click to expand...
I suspect the OP says she wants a boyfriend, rather than a husband, because she’s 1) being moderate in her expectations and 2) knows she needs a boyfriend before she can have a husband in our culture. I wouldn’t read anything untoward into that word choice.

I would encourage the OP to soften up her wardrobe a bit before trying new venues for meeting people–more feminine styles, inviting textures, and more cheerful colors. If you’ve got longish hair, see if you can do something different with it and experiment a little. If you’ve got short hair, try growing it out. If you’ve got a little grey in your hair, try some color. Spend a little money and maybe put yourself in the hands of a personal shopper at some place like Nordstroms. If you’re attractive to begin with, a little extra could put you right over the edge into “Wow!”

This is the look we are trying to avoid:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angela_Martin

Best wishes!
 
lily22 said:
I am 35, pretty ok looking, and play music in town and I just moved to Portland but nobody ever asks me out. I have played at church services all my life and absolutely no guy in the Catholic church asks me out., except for once and I was not performing, but it didn’t work out because he was not very conservative. I even play multiple services sometimes.

I don’t get it.

What am I doing wrong???
Click to expand...
I remember what it was like to be single and discouraged, so I sympathize very much. Have you tried online dating sites, either Catholic dating sites or non-Catholic sites? A good friend of mine met his future wife that way. There’s no guarantee that it will work for everyone, and I have heard both good and bad about online dating sites, but it might be a way to expand the pool of potential men to meet.

Also, please keep in mind that some men are very shy, like I was (and still am). There may be men at church who want to ask you out, but who are shy, or who are afraid you will say no.
 
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