You don’t have to be super-gorgeous, the life of the party, or even very outgoing, but a simple, “hi” and a smile (even a shy smile) in passing can make the difference between appearing approachable or friendly and seeming closed-off. A little confidence (but not arrogance) is appealing, as well. I
don’t mean being totally self-reliant and capable or appearing to never need any help. I mean simply being comfortable with who you are, even if you’re shy.
I’d also say that if you see a guy you would like to know better, give him a smile and an
opening if possible. For instance, if you have a lot of stuff to carry, even if you know you could get it all yourself, ask for his help (“Would you carry this bag up to the choir loft for me?”). It’s not about appearing “helpless” (you don’t want to ask him to carry
everything while you do next to nothing), it’s about offering him the opportunity to be helpful when it would actually
help you.
I would also suggest being aware of the body language you use and the way you come across to others. Do you seem approachable? Or do you seem too busy to talk, or focused on your music, or simply not interested in meeting people (even though you are)? For instance, make sure you don’t have your nose in a book (or sheets of music) when sitting by yourself–people will usually get the impression that you don’t want company right then (it took me a while to learn this). When you have extra time, don’t fill it with “busy” work nor keep to yourself; instead, look around you, show some interest in others, make eye contact and smile–maybe even walk around and greet people (especially if your “work” area has a sort of “private” or “closed-off” feel to it).
If a guy does approach, is he likely to feel encouraged by your conversation and body language (smile, seem interested in what he’s saying, keep the conversation going, etc.), or will he get the impression that you aren’t interested (short answers, seeming distracted or busy, not focused on what he’s saying, etc.)? A lot of us women tend to forget that when we try to multitask while talking to someone, it may come across as a lack of interest in the person and what they’re saying–so even though we think we’re having a really nice conversation, a guy may not get the same impression.
When you see an opportunity to approach someone (not just men who appear single) for conversation or to offer help, do you take it? Do you start up conversations or small talk with others in lines or while waiting for an event to begin, even if you don’t think that will necessarily lead anywhere?
You might also consider whether your new surroundings call for a bit of adaptation and/or patience. Sometimes there are slight regional differences in expected behavior, or sometimes a group in one area is a little slower to “warm up” to newcomers than a group in another area would be.
You might already be doing many or all of these things. They’re all just things to consider.
Will pray for you.
