I want a daughter! :'(

[Faith0]

Finally somebody who can put into words EXACTLY what I want to say!!! As the mother of 5 boys and 2 girls I can assure you there are major differences in the two genders. Yes my girls are Tom boys, yes they are rough and tumble, but still they are gentler and more dramatic than boys can ever be. I couldn’t imagine someone NOT wanting to experience both genders of children in their family. It has nothing at all to do with favoring one over the other, it is just natural to wonder how things would or could be. No one even bats an eye when men voice their desire to have a child of one gender vs the other. Why is it different for women? If it weren’t normal then why is the “ideal family” always pictured as one boy AND one girl? Why do so many people “keep trying” for the gender of child they haven’t had yet? As a natter of fact, when I finally had my girl after 3 sons, a lady at Mass told me “Congratulations, you can finally stop now!” it was just assumed I wouldn’t have more kids because I “got my girl.” Yes, I had prayed for a girl and was so thankful to have a daughter, but I was not opposed to more sons either. I’m sure that is how many moms are, and dads too.

Oh geez! That “you can now stop having children…” gets to me all the time. Even if I had the girl, I wouldn’t “stop”. I would probably “try” not to have more, but if it happens it will put a big smile on my face because it is meant to be. As long as I’m fertile and as long as God wants me having more children, I will welcome them with open arms no matter what. Even if adopted.

 

[Faith0]

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and please be assured of my prayers for you. As you say you had a dream that just died and so feelings of disappointment are natural and you are probably feeling a little guilty on top of that which is natural too.

My suggestion: turn to the Blessed Mother. Imagine her as a young Jewish girl dreaming about her future. It is possible that she day-dreamed of a life with a large beautiful and loving family and also future grandchildren. She perhaps, like you, when she was younger dreamed of having a beautiful daughter to love. Her own life turned out quite different, only one child a son that died. I am sure when she was younger that was NOT her dream. I know Mary trusted in God and loved God and was obedient to God, however she was also sad too. She loves you and can help you through the negative feelings that you are having.

Your children are part of God’s perfect plan and yet it is not what you dreamed about. Jesus knows that this would be a heavy cross for you. He knows your hearts desire and yet he is saying “no” to a baby girl at least for now. Jesus also knows what it is like to ask for something and have the Father say “no.” He didn’t want his cross just as you don’t want yours.

Through prayer you will be able to embrace this, and hopefully one day will delight knowing each child you have was perfectly meant to be and that if God decides never to send you a baby girl that is perfect too. Easier said then done to embrace the will of God but I pray you are able to, thank you for sharing your story it was hard to write I can only imagine. God bless you.

Thanks MonicaD! God Bless you!

 

[Faith0]

I wish I could respond to all the great people here, but I have duties that are calling on me

All I can say for now is thank you for taking the time to read and respond with kind words. It shows that you care and that makes me feel important.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

I wish I could respond to all the great people here, but I have duties that are calling on me

All I can say for now is thank you for taking the time to read and respond with kind words. It shows that you care and that makes me feel important.

Check out this blog testosterhome. You’ll love it.

 

[Sarcelle]

Yup! All my boys were hoping for a girl, but we are all excited that they are boys and much more twins. I do feel that I would love to have a little girl regardless of whether she is adopted or not. I am weak like that at times and for some people to come and post mean comments and begin bashing and judging makes me totally sick. I’ve spoken to a couple of priests already and not one treated me in such a mean way. I guess because they know me first hand and it’s different when you know someone and you can say certain things. Sigh…All I can do for now is pray for forgiveness if I have wrongful feelings (at times). Not something the priests pointed out when I spoke to them during confession. That is why I feel so at peace with myself!

God Bless!

I hear you on the wrongful feelings.

I myself am learning the hard lesson of saying to God “Your Will, not mine, be done.” I know I should trust in God but my emotions are raging and saying “Why can’t I have what I want?”. Yeah at these times, I feel like a two year old. I wonder if God looks at me and sees a two year old throwing a temper tantrum.

 

[Luvz2travel]

Thanks for your response. I really liked it. I wish for more boys than girls, too. I don’t want to “keep trying” for the sake of having a girl. As for adopting, I do have it in mind, but heard that it is not as easy so I kind of keep that in the back burner. I do fantasize about maybe someday there will be a girl or two up for adoption (better if they are sisters…maybe twins). I am very happy with life and like I say, at times and specially when I hear those comments from people like today, I got to admit that it does get to me and makes me sad to know that out of 6 I don’t have one girl. I feel that I’m missing out on alot. It is unknown for me. I am an only child so I don’t have any nieces or nephews. I mean 6 boys and not one girl…Those comments make me feel probably as sad as a person who can not have any children at all because I not only love children and I not only have 1 or 2 but 6 and often wonder “what are the odds of getting HEADS six times in a row”. I know…nature, but wow! I even wow myself. I think I would’ve felt the same if they were all girls. To be honest, I don’t think I want to have more children or keep trying. I do have them all in extra curricular activities. I don’t have a paying job. I stay at home so I love always being there for every single one of them. I have a very supportive husband who has mentioned once or twice that he would’ve loved to have had a girl, too, but I am the one that feels it more…I feel almost left out. It’s a girl thing I guess. The priest of my parish has suggested adopting and we are considering it, but it might just never happen since we haven’t even tried finding out what we need to do simply because we know that it’s not easy.

Well I hope it works out for you. Something else you might consider is becoming a big sister or volunteer with some organization where you get to work with girls. You could also try fostering to see it’s something that would work for you.

 

[VirtusTransitus]

Wife and I have three girls. I wouldn’t have it any other way. She, however, sometimes wishes we’d had a son, mostly when she’s watching a cute little 18 month old boy rumble around.

I find that I only get nostalgic about these kinds of things (son I didn’t have; car I should not have bought; guitar lessons I should have stuck with…) when I’m not living in the present.

When I AM living in the present, I find it almost impossible to be anything other than grateful.

Congrats to the OP on the new babies! Before long, you’ll have daughters-in-law and granddaughters and you’ll never look back! You won’t have time!!

 

[Regina_Love]

It is possible that God is giving you a heart that desires a girl. Like a calling.

 

[AveMaria5]

You’re right. I don’t understand. Probably because I can’t have a boy or a girl and you have been pregnant 5 times already. You likewise probably can’t understand how a post like yours upsets me and others like me.

However, I do pray that you accept the blessings God has given you and His Will for you. We both can relate to the need to accept God’s Will for us.

If this post upsets you, then i would suggest not reading it. It is not fair to compare what you don’t have to what the poster does have and tell her she’s ungrateful.
She has genuine feelings that and noone should compare and tell her off for her feelings!!! They are simply that and she has EVERY right to her feelings!

 

[AveMaria5]

That doesn’t make any sense. I would recommend going back and rereading. This seems like a whole new discussion that has little to do with what either of us wrote. I have already considered more than you can imagine in the few minutes you spent pondering my situation. I have been thinking and considering these things for many years. Not sure why you decided my sharing about how I had to relive the loss of my child seemed like a good time for you to criticize me. There are some major things about compassion that you should consider.

When I lost my baby, I didn’t even know she was a she. It was a complete shock to me no never thought in a million years that I would lose a baby that far along. Finding out in the presence of my children…shock was an understatement. Grief is not always rational. It was hard for me to accept her passing as I never got to see her, touch her, hold her. I almost died when they surgically removed her in pieces while I was under general. Part of me felt like if I could just get pregnant again, I could get her back. After all, it was hard for me to understand that she was gone at all. When I found out my next baby was a boy, I had to face the harsh reality that my daughter was never coming back in this world. It was final. It was a pain like I’d never known. It had nothing to do with my son and everything to do with my daughter. My sons were not present when I found out. I hid my pain from them and rarely share it with others b/c when I do, I fear getting nonsensical criticism spewed towards me like I did here.

I am so sad for your loss. I can understand how you felt. I wish people would give others the benefit of the doubt and realise that they could never fully understand others feelings. Everyone has a right to their feelings, regardless of the circumstances in OTHER peoples lives. We should never compare! we can never tell others not to feel the way they do!

 

[Bezant]

You have a right to your feelings, and you have a right to vent them. I hope you feel a little better now. Anyone offended by your words should not have clicked on the thread in the first place. I would echo what others have said and pray to God to be thankful for the beautiful blessings He has given. He knows best.:hug1:

It’s a tradeoff as well. Sometimes it’s wiser not to air personal issues like these because it is an open forum.

 

[Lucky7]

If this post upsets you, then i would suggest not reading it. It is not fair to compare what you don’t have to what the poster does have and tell her she’s ungrateful.
She has genuine feelings that and noone should compare and tell her off for her feelings!!! They are simply that and she has EVERY right to her feelings!

I’m sorry, exactly where have I said that she is ungrateful or “told her off” for her feelings. I find some of the responses ironic/hypocritical in this thread…you know, how she is allowed to vent her feelings, but when someone comes along who “genuinely” feels differently they should just shut up. Thanks for understanding my feelings. I’ll remember next time that onlt certain feelings are allowed.

 

[AveMaria5]

I’m sorry, exactly where have I said that she is ungrateful or “told her off” for her feelings. I find some of the responses ironic/hypocritical in this thread…you know, how she is allowed to vent her feelings, but when someone comes along who “genuinely” feels differently they should just shut up. Thanks for understanding my feelings. I’ll remember next time that onlt certain feelings are allowed.

No… just that this was HER post.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

It’s a tradeoff as well. Sometimes it’s wiser not to air personal issues like these because it is an open forum.

Correct. When we come to an open forum like this, we cannot control the responses we will get. If somone is very sensitive about the issue it perhaps would be best not to open it up to general comments.

We also all would do well to be understanding in our posting and try to see the other person’s point of view. But no thread belongs to anyone - even the OP. Threads easily can and do veer and expand and we should expect that.

 

[Faith0]

It’s a tradeoff as well. Sometimes it’s wiser not to air personal issues like these because it is an open forum.

No. Sometimes it’s wiser to keep your hurtful comments and feelings to yourself when the intention was not to begin a debate or hurt anyone. I was not attacking anyone. So now you are saying that it’s ok to attack just because people get hurt. I think that is breaking one of the commandments. Number 10: “Thou shall not covet your neighbors goods.” Those comments attacking simply show envy and jelousy simply because they are hurt and their lives didn’t turn out the way they wanted.

I truly apologize from the bottom of my heart if I offended anyone. I still think there is no reason to feel offended. Everyone has different problems/situations in life.

No one deserves to be attacked like some people here do. Who are they???

 

[KellyPalmer]

Where do we draw the line with regard to feelings? I’ve heard several people say that people are “entitled” or have a “right” to their feelings and that it is wrong to question or judge or compare situations to others.
My question is, at one point do we draw a line? If I was horribly sad because I couldn’t buy a new TV and cried out and questioned God “Why?” others would probably accuse me of being selfish and petty and tell me I needed to reexamine my priorities in life.
I recognize the OP’s situation is NOT AT ALL like the example I just put forth, but my question is where do we draw the line? When it is okay to question someone and point out their discontentment, selfishness, pettiness, whatever….? Where is the line drawn?
Perhaps this question is better asked in another thread……

If someone is genuinely hurting, regardless of the reason, I would say that the line should never be drawn before compassion. It’s always better to love our neighbor than to be “right”. If I have to pick a situation from which to draw a line, I’d say it could be people vs things. We are all part of the Body of Christ and experience our love through people. Never knowing the love of a mother/daughter vs never knowing the “love” an object…that seems like a good line to me.

 

[Faith0]

Correct. When we come to an open forum like this, we cannot control the responses we will get. If somone is very sensitive about the issue it perhaps would be best not to open it up to general comments.

We also all would do well to be understanding in our posting and try to see the other person’s point of view. But no thread belongs to anyone - even the OP. Threads easily can and do veer and expand and we should expect that.

I accept that and I understand their point of view now. They can just show a bit more respect. I began a modest post (nothing evil) which some turned into a debate and began attacking because of their personal issues. I also understand that it’s ok with some to do that. To be disrespectful and attack just because they feel like it… Of course, it’s something that they probably wouldn’t do to someone in person. Atleast, I hope not.

Again, sorry that people got hurt by my thread. No need to attack. Everyone goes through different difficult situations. I don’t know everyone here and no one knows me.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

I accept that and I understand their point of view now. They can just show a bit more respect. I began a modest post (nothing evil) which some turned into a debate and began attacking because of their personal issues. I also understand that it’s ok with some to do that. To be disrespectful and attack just because they feel like it… Of course, it’s something that they probably wouldn’t do to someone in person. Atleast, I hope not.

Again, sorry that people got hurt by my thread. No need to attack. Everyone goes through different difficult situations. I don’t know everyone here and no one knows me.

Very gracious! I hope you’ve had a second to look at the blog testosterhome that I linked to earlier. Especially the posts from area years ago when versions were more the same ages as yours. You’ll definately relate!

 

[Faith0]

Where do we draw the line with regard to feelings? I’ve heard several people say that people are “entitled” or have a “right” to their feelings and that it is wrong to question or judge or compare situations to others.
My question is, at one point do we draw a line? If I was horribly sad because I couldn’t buy a new TV and cried out and questioned God “Why?” others would probably accuse me of being selfish and petty and tell me I needed to reexamine my priorities in life.
I recognize the OP’s situation is NOT AT ALL like the example I just put forth, but my question is where do we draw the line? When it is okay to question someone and point out their discontentment, selfishness, pettiness, whatever….? Where is the line drawn?
Perhaps this question is better asked in another thread……

I don’t see anything wrong with that other than the root of the sad feelings come from something else and you are not attacking anyone by expressing your feelings. Same thing I did. I meant not to hurt and yes, now that we are discussing this I can truly say that the root of my desire to want a daughter is that I myself was an only child and feel that I am very attached to my dear parents. Maybe if I were a male I wouldn’t be so attached…MAYBE. Giving it better thought, I think everyone’s posts and ideas are helping me realize and understand things that I didn’t realize before…hmmmm. So at the end, I think I have to thank every single one of them. I’ve just realized I am learning from all. Learning how I should react and how I shouldn’t in certain situations. Learning who to be more like and who not to be like.

 

[Faith0]

Very gracious! I hope you’ve had a second to look at the blog testosterhome that I linked to earlier. Especially the posts from area years ago when versions were more the same ages as yours. You’ll definately relate!

Yes! Thanks for sharing! I did a quick browsing and my heart just glowed with happiness when I noticed all those boys and the little doll! Oh how beautiful! I also find the Garcia-Prats story (which someone shared earlier in these posts) so awesome! They are a family of 10 boys. How cool is that?! Love it!