I want a daughter! :'(

[Lucky7]

You might want to remember something that is largely forgotten in our culture: While it is good to find a place to express our feelings, there are times and places that are more and less appropriate. No one is stopping anybody from starting a thread in which they, as someone who is childless,** talks about how hard it is to hear parents who complain about __________, whatever that is.**

There are posts on this thread that do not stop at expressing grief at hearing people with many children wish for a different gender mix, but go on to berate the OP for feeling as she does, from those who believe they have it worse. That is not only hi-jacking her thread, but it doesn’t help. For instance, if a woman who could not get pregnant expressed that she sometimes grieved that she could never give birth herself, even though she was able to adopt as many beautiful and wonderful children as she could have ever borne herself, would it be helpful to berate the woman for her ingratitude for her adopted children? Would it be right to presume that she’d ever let on having these feelings to her children? I don’t think so.

(1) I would never post such a post because that would be inappropriate and rude.

(2) Regarding the “attacking” posts, I didn’t see attacks. I saw people giving their opinion on the subject. Maybe it was tough love, but just because someone comes in here and says something that the OP doesn’t want to hear doesn;t mean it’s an attack or that that person is somehow “sad” and unfortunate, someone to feel sorry for, etc,etc.

(3) Actually, I do think that, if I started a post like the one you described in your last paragraph, someone should give me tough love and remind me of what I do have,e tc. I happen to believe that that is more productive than the “oh poor Lucky7” posts.

 

[Faith0]

(1)
(2) Regarding the “attacking” posts, I didn’t see attacks. I saw people giving their opinion on the subject. Maybe it was tough love, but just because someone comes in here and says something that the OP doesn’t want to hear doesn;t mean it’s an attack or that that person is somehow “sad” and unfortunate, someone to feel sorry for, etc,etc.

It is clearly seen that my topic got to 1 or 2 people and they did attack by making assumptions about the type of person I am or others here are. Then there was the competition of whose grief is more important or stronger. I don’t know you all and you don’t know me. We will just leave it at that and whatever was said shouldn’t mean anything at this point because it is not all true simply because I repeat myself, we don’t know each other and we shouldn’t make assumptions of how people really are based on posts. I must admit the some posts did get to me just like mine got to them. We are only human.

 

[Faith0]

I do want to mention that today I went out to the grocery store with my boys and got the same comments again from some people…One man said to me, “4 boys!” and I said “Yes”, then he asked, “Are they all yours?” I said “Yes…” to which then the man responded, “I bet you are looking for the girl!”. I simply looked at him in the eye and said “Not really…” It didn’t get to me this time. Just brushed it off.

Another lady’s jaw dropped when she asked if they were all mine and if I was expecting a girl this time and then I told her “No, it’s a boy…” Then my oldest son told her “It’s actually 2 more boys…” Her jaw just dropped.

 

[Faith0]

Don’t take it personally. You can never word things right for everyone, there will always be someone sensitive and in pain when they post their response. If it helps, just try to imagine 6 girls PMSing at the same time or for that matter how much drama one girl PMSing can do to a entire household.

You are absolutely right. I shouldn’t take them personally just like no one should take my posts personally either.

 

[Lucky7]

I find this response terribly condescending.

I agree.

What was the intent of the original post? To vent? To gain sympathy? To make yourself feel better about an attitude you admit you went to confession for? Or to ask for people’s honest opinions about your reaction to your situation? You asked for people’s wise (not hurtful) comments. It seems from your responses that any comment that does not give you permission to feel the way you want to feel, or asks you to consider how your children may feel about your attitude you view as hurtful or an attack. It seems like the reason for posting was simply to have others validate your feelings.

That;s how I took it as well. I also thought the mentioning of other people’s issues in the OP (ie. infertility, etc) was done in such a way to say, "yeah, I know other people have those issues, but I’m experiencing “gender disappointment” as if it was her grief that was greater. IAnd now other posters are up in arms about the one or two posters that talked about some sort of grief competition. Seriously?

 

[Faith0]

I agree.

That;s how I took it as well. I also thought the mentioning of other people’s issues in the OP (ie. infertility, etc) was done in such a way to say, "yeah, I know other people have those issues, but I’m experiencing “gender disappointment” as if it was her grief that was greater. IAnd now other posters are up in arms about the one or two posters that talked about some sort of grief competition. Seriously?

LOL! Yes, seriously and no…I was not trying to be condescending. I consider myself and others consider me also a very humble person (i.e, people who actually know me). However, like I said, we don’t know each other to make certain judgements. There is such thing as gender disappointment. No my grief was not greater Lucky7, but the original post was not about having to step all over someone just to make themselves feel better. That is how it seemed…atleast to me. That is why I feel for them and feel sorry for offending them or anyone else for that matter. Plus, the original post was not about infertility, etc… Anyone who wants to talk about that can begin their own thread and not be disrespectful and crash someone else’s thread like a “Debbie Downer”.

 

[Lucky7]

LOL! Yes, seriously and no…I was not trying to be condescending. I consider myself and others consider me also a very humble person (i.e, people who actually know me). However, like I said, we don’t know each other to make certain judgements. There is such thing as gender disappointment. No my grief was not greater Lucky7, but the original post was not about having to step all over someone just to make themselves feel better. That is how it seemed…atleast to me. That is why I feel for them and feel sorry for offending them or anyone else for that matter. Plus, the original post was not about infertility, etc… Anyone who wants to talk about that can begin their own thread and not be disrespectful and crash someone else’s thread like a “Debbie Downer”.

Actually, I’m not interested in looking for others to validate my feelings about my infertility and then getting upset because others chose not to do so, thanks.

 

[EasterJoy]

(1) I would never post such a post because that would be inappropriate and rude.

Why? It is like a Stage 4 cancer patient saying that it is difficult being around people who are suicidal or who take a lot of risks. It doesn’t need to be rude or inappropriate. It doesn’t necessarily imply that the suicidal person doesn’t have a real problem. The cancer patient might even say it of her former self, if she had been suicidal earlier in life! It just says, “It is hard watching my life slip away with nothing I can do, and then see someone who would even feel the temptation to throw their life away. It fills me with very difficult emotions.” What is rude about that?

(2) Regarding the “attacking” posts, I didn’t see attacks. I saw people giving their opinion on the subject. Maybe it was tough love, but just because someone comes in here and says something that the OP doesn’t want to hear doesn;t mean it’s an attack or that that person is somehow “sad” and unfortunate, someone to feel sorry for, etc,etc.

I could cite specific posts, but people did cross beyond opinions like “you could choose to look at it this way” or “I have this experience, so I look at it this way, which might give you a different perspective” or “you may need to ask yourself if you aren’t forgetting or doing such and so” and over to “that you even feel that way says something about you”…and not meaning that “something” as a charitable something. The latter example goes beyond opinion and into the realm of a personal attack.

(3) Actually, I do think that, if I started a post like the one you described in your last paragraph, someone should give me tough love and remind me of what I do have,e tc. I happen to believe that that is more productive than the “oh poor Lucky7” posts.

There have actually been many threads on CAF about how difficult it is for the involuntarily childless to endure the ill-advised comments of others, including those who are deep in the struggles of childrearing and those who feel some need to give the “be grateful for what you have” message in a less-than-empathetic manner. Instead, there is a lot of empathy expressed, probably because many people who are in the struggles of rearing children were also once in the ranks of those who wanted a child and feared that they could never have one.

Surely you agree that people who have opposite problems can still feel for each other. They can hear each other’s complaints. Some days, maybe not, but that ought to be understandable, too. Those who haven’t married can feel for the married in their particular trials, and vice versa. Those who are in the middle of a drought can feel for people whose basements are leaking; those with the leaking basements can understand when their cousins in the drought belt say, “sorry, I’m sure you have a reason to be upset, but that’s not a problem I can relate to right now”. Those whose kids didn’t make the team can feel for families that feel as if their teen athlete is being pulled in too many directions; those with the athlete can understand if the ones who didn’t make the team ask that they vent instead to someone who did. It can be hard to do, but it isn’t impossible to imagine.

 

[EasterJoy]

What was the intent of the original post? To vent? To gain sympathy? To make yourself feel better about an attitude you admit you went to confession for? Or to ask for people’s honest opinions about your reaction to your situation? You asked for people’s wise (not hurtful) comments. It seems from your responses that any comment that does not give you permission to feel the way you want to feel, or asks you to consider how your children may feel about your attitude you view as hurtful or an attack. It seems like the reason for posting was simply to have others validate your feelings.
I come at this from the perspective of someone married to a man who grew up in a family of six boys, the last of which were twins. My husband has deep, deep wounds related to his mother’s reaction to her unfulfilled desire for a daughter. Did she go around telling them “I wish you had been a girl”? No. But it came through in subtle ways. My husband very much feels like he (as number four of six) was the fourth failed attempt at a daughter. The pain and rejection he feels, even to this day is very, very real. And so is the pain of his brothers.
The comments you made in your original post specifically “I mean 6 kids and all males…I can’t come to understand WHY? Yes, I’ve tried 4 times for a girl and they’ve all been boys.” And “I can just keep trying for a girl…It’s frustrating. I was told they were boys since week 17 and that totally crushed me” “I’ve been mourning this since I found out the twins were boys” come across as the comments of someone who is deeply dissatisfied with the gender of her children, not just someone who as another poster suggested wants “one person who understands from experience what the big deal is about leaving the seat down when you’re finished in the bathroom.” I’m not sure if you are truly dissatisfied, but the things you said in your original post come across that way.
Your children pick up on this even if you’ve never verbalized it. If you had gone to your ultrasound appointment and found out you were having a girl your reaction would have been one of celebration, instead as you say, you’ve been mourning. Your children could not have helped but notice this.
To say that other posters, who point out the feelings of your children, are attacking you, is in my opinion, unfair.

There is an extremely important point for the OP in this: That is, that if you do not explain what you mean, the children are almost certainly going to draw the wrong conclusion, and that can have consequences that are not only entirely unintended, but tragic, too. A simple denial will not cut it.

It is vitally important that your boys know that you are proud of them and would trade your own life before you gave up any one of them. “It isn’t that any of you shouldn’t be here. You are the finest boys there are, and I would go through anything to save any one of you. I don’t want to lose anybody! I wanted to add another somebody. I want you to have a sister or two, too, but if I had a daughter, I would want her to have you as her brother. You would have been the best brothers a girl could have. But, alas, we will have to wait until one of you maybe brings home a wife…if that happens, why then, you’ll have your sister, and I’ll have my daughter. Until then, you’re going to have to get all your female family experiences from me. I can’t be a sister to you, but I’ll do my best!”

When the boys get female friends in school, they’ll figure out what their mother meant.

It is also important, by the way, that parents who finally get the “second gender” child stress that boys are good for girls and girls are good for boys. If the lone daughter or the lone brother gets some kind of privileged position, that can cause all sorts of resentment. There is enough of that in the world as it is.

 

[EasterJoy]

You are right, on a certain level I’m “never going to get it”. That was not the point of posting, that I “got” the OP’s pain…I admit, I don’t get it. I’m in the camp of lost baby mamas that feels overwhelming grateful for take home babies of either gender. I cannot relate to how the OP feels.

I can relate to how the children of the OP MIGHT feel. That was what I was trying to share. Of course she loves her sons. My parents loved me, as well. I never doubted that they loved me. I just know that there was a delight my dad had in a son that I could never match no matter what I did. This is from the perspective of A CHILD. I’m trying to explain what that felt like, and keep getting shot down, like i don’t know what I’m talking about.

Actually, I think that your perspective is very valuable. It is like when a family is going through the difficult feelings surrounding a divorce. If the parents don’t address the child’s natural perspective, the children are often going to feel they are at fault. The parent can’t just say nothing and expect the child to come up with a subtle distinction that adults can barely understand. That realization rarely happens without some adult help, and when it doesn’t happen, the kids feel their misconception every bit as deeply as if it were the truth.

If the mother doesn’t admit that she feels the way she feels, though, and just tries to avoid the subject, that will probably backfire. She needs to figure out how to communicate the distinction between how she really feels and how the children will naturally conclude she feels if they are told nothing. After all, the only thing worse than not having a child that you* do* want is being blessed with another child who thinks you don’t want him!

 

[Gwendolen]

I do want to mention that today I went out to the grocery store with my boys and got the same comments again from some people…One man said to me, “4 boys!” and I said “Yes”, then he asked, “Are they all yours?” I said “Yes…” to which then the man responded, “I bet you are looking for the girl!”.

“no, we’re hoping for a baby, we got a cocker spaniel last time.”

but I’d be thinking “well, we are hoping to raise a decent human being of either gender who wouldn’t grow up to make a remark like that, especially in front of my sons.”

Seriously, though, although it is very true that boys and girls are very different, to me it is one of the more superficial aspects of child rearing. I find that some people who want children of their own gender are really looking for a special and deep connection. I find I actually have more in common with my son (faith, enjoyment in volunteer work, creativity) and it is easier to connect with him on a deeper level, even though my daughter is older. You didn’t specify why, specifically, you were yearning for a girl (I’m guessing it wasn’t solely to shut the mouths of insensitive strangers), but if that is it, maybe it would take away some of the ache to turn to each of your individual sons and find out who enjoys what that you can connect with that is not gender specific, like photography, cooking, discussing issues of faith, being the “logistics person” for planning a family hike, or trip, whatever. It may fill that need without worrying about gender.

 

[Lucky7]

Why? It is like a Stage 4 cancer patient saying that it is difficult being around people who are suicidal or who take a lot of risks. It doesn’t need to be rude or inappropriate. It doesn’t necessarily imply that the suicidal person doesn’t have a real problem. The cancer patient might even say it of her former self, if she had been suicidal earlier in life! It just says, “It is hard watching my life slip away with nothing I can do, and then see someone who would even feel the temptation to throw their life away. It fills me with very difficult emotions.” What is rude about that?

Because who am I to complain about those parents just because I can’t have a child? And no, that is not the same as your example with a cancer patient. I know in this thread you’re not supposed to compare situations because it will sound like a competition and an “attack”, but I would never use a person who is dying of cancer in an analogy with someone who is infertile. I recognize that that is a larger grief than mine…and I wouldn’t be offended if someone said that to me.

I could cite specific posts, but people did cross beyond opinions like “you could choose to look at it this way” or “I have this experience, so I look at it this way, which might give you a different perspective” or “you may need to ask yourself if you aren’t forgetting or doing such and so” and over to “that you even feel that way says something about you”…and not meaning that “something” as a charitable something. The latter example goes beyond opinion and into the realm of a personal attack.

That particular post may have been over-the-top, but I don’t think that much of what that poster said was so awful. He/she spoke of other realities that are out there. He tried to remind the OP that, yes!! things CAN be worse. I’m just not getting why that is forbidden and why that poster is getting raked over the coals for it.

There have actually been many threads on CAF about how difficult it is for the involuntarily childless to endure the ill-advised comments of others, including those who are deep in the struggles of childrearing and those who feel some need to give the “be grateful for what you have” message in a less-than-empathetic manner. Instead, there is a lot of empathy expressed, probably because many people who are in the struggles of rearing children were also once in the ranks of those who wanted a child and feared that they could never have one.

**Just because there are many out there doesn’t mean I would choose to post one **.

I am getting confused at this point with all of the points you are making so forgive me if I am not making myself clear.

 

[einna]

I am getting confused at this point with all of the points you are making so forgive me if I am not making myself clear.

OK this is a place where people should be able to state how they feel at that moment without then being portrayed as the worst people in the world. We can all find people worse of than ourselves but that doesn’t change our situation. Depression, hormones, lack of support, stupid people can all set of certain feelings.

I think the OPs boys are going to be just fine. Most people can understand wanting to experience raising a boy and a girl, but in time seem God’s plan and blessing in just having one or the other. Let’s not make this more than it is. I would seriously bet that in 10 year the OP would have some lingering feeling of wanting a girl but without a doubt would not traded one of her boys for a girl.

This is not about what life situation is worse.Give her a break. Sh has 4 boys at home and getting ready to have twins, that is hard for me to even imagine and it will be very overwhelming for a while.

 

[EasterJoy]

Originally Posted by EasterJoy View Post
Why? It is like a Stage 4 cancer patient saying that it is difficult being around people who are suicidal or who take a lot of risks. It doesn’t need to be rude or inappropriate. It doesn’t necessarily imply that the suicidal person doesn’t have a real problem. The cancer patient might even say it of her former self, if she had been suicidal earlier in life! It just says, “It is hard watching my life slip away with nothing I can do, and then see someone who would even feel the temptation to throw their life away. It fills me with very difficult emotions.” What is rude about that?

Because who am I to complain about those parents just because I can’t have a child? And no, that is not the same as your example with a cancer patient. I know in this thread you’re not supposed to compare situations because it will sound like a competition and an “attack”, but I would never use a person who is dying of cancer in an analogy with someone who is infertile. I recognize that that is a larger grief than mine…and I wouldn’t be offended if someone said that to me.

I could cite specific posts, but people did cross beyond opinions like “you could choose to look at it this way” or “I have this experience, so I look at it this way, which might give you a different perspective” or “you may need to ask yourself if you aren’t forgetting or doing such and so” and over to “that you even feel that way says something about you”…and not meaning that “something” as a charitable something. The latter example goes beyond opinion and into the realm of a personal attack.

That particular post may have been over-the-top, but I don’t think that much of what that poster said was so awful. He/she spoke of other realities that are out there. He tried to remind the OP that, yes!! things CAN be worse. I’m just not getting why that is forbidden and why that poster is getting raked over the coals for it.

There have actually been many threads on CAF about how difficult it is for the involuntarily childless to endure the ill-advised comments of others, including those who are deep in the struggles of childrearing and those who feel some need to give the “be grateful for what you have” message in a less-than-empathetic manner. Instead, there is a lot of empathy expressed, probably because many people who are in the struggles of rearing children were also once in the ranks of those who wanted a child and feared that they could never have one.

Just because there are many out there doesn’t mean I would choose to post one
I am getting confused at this point with all of the points you are making so forgive me if I am not making myself clear.

I’ll try one more time.

You can find a situation difficult and say that it is difficult without making it someone else’s fault. A girl who has nice but average looks and a gorgeous sister that everyone falls all over is going to find that difficult, and I think she ought to be able to say so without hearing a lot of platitudes or that she looks fine and could have it a lot worse. The situation also isn’t her sister’s fault, it isn’t her fault, it isn’t anyone’s fault, and she doesn’t need to think it is in order to find the situation difficult. A situation can be hard without there being anyone in particular who deserves *blame *about it. And yes, if the sisters are close, of course the sister that everyone falls all over could say, “I like everyone telling me I’m pretty, I know there are a lot of advantages to having looks that people like, but it is hard not knowing if anyone would like me if I didn’t have looks”…and maybe her sister could help her with that, and maybe she couldn’t. Maybe they’d each have to confide in someone else about those things. My point is that both could find her own situation hard in its own way, even if her sister might not be the best one to work it through with.

I think it ought to be OK to come here and say “this situation is hard for me”. That should be something someone can do without hearing “what’s so hard about that?” let alone “what kind of person are you, that you find that hard?”

As for I recognize that that is a larger grief than mine…and I wouldn’t be offended if someone said that to me, I suppose I could recognize that if she were trying to hijack a thread by a childless OP by saying, “oh, I know just how you feel, I’ve been wanting a daughter forever and I got six sons, instead”. I would hope she’s understand if the OP of a thread on how hard it is to be childless were to say “sorry, no, that is not the same thing.” But otherwise, I don’t know why it would be necessary to tell someone who is having a hard time that you’re dealing with something that is a lot worse, that’s all I’m saying.

This is one of those situations where I don’t agree with the OP in actual experience–I only have boys and would have been happy to have many more without a single daughter–but where I certainly know many women who feel as she does. One of the difficulties of her situation is that she has so much to be happy about that it is hard to admit that there is anything about her life that she finds hard. Still, I think we get past these things by finding someone to admit them out loud to. Sharing a problem and having it understood, even if there is nothing to be done about it, has this way of making a problem smaller.

As I said before, I think she’ll do well to be able to explain to her sons what she would change about her situation and what she would NEVER change…that is, she wants a daughter IN ADDITION to her sons, not just for herself but so that her sons could have a sister, but that she’d never trade a single one of her sons for anyone else, no matter what! They do need to hear that, and if they do, that will be something good that might come out of her having posted here.

 

[Lucky7]

I’ll try one more time.

You can find a situation difficult and say that it is difficult without making it someone else’s fault. A girl who has nice but average looks and a gorgeous sister that everyone falls all over is going to find that difficult, and I think she ought to be able to say so without hearing a lot of platitudes or that she looks fine and could have it a lot worse. The situation also isn’t her sister’s fault, it isn’t her fault, it isn’t anyone’s fault, and she doesn’t need to think it is in order to find the situation difficult. A situation can be hard without there being anyone in particular who deserves *blame *about it. And yes, if the sisters are close, of course the sister that everyone falls all over could say, “I like everyone telling me I’m pretty, I know there are a lot of advantages to having looks that people like, but it is hard not knowing if anyone would like me if I didn’t have looks”…and maybe her sister could help her with that, and maybe she couldn’t. Maybe they’d each have to confide in someone else about those things. My point is that both could find her own situation hard in its own way, even if her sister might not be the best one to work it through with.

I think it ought to be OK to come here and say “this situation is hard for me”. That should be something someone can do without hearing “what’s so hard about that?” let alone “what kind of person are you, that you find that hard?”

As for I recognize that that is a larger grief than mine…and I wouldn’t be offended if someone said that to me, I suppose I could recognize that if she were trying to hijack a thread by a childless OP by saying, “oh, I know just how you feel, I’ve been wanting a daughter forever and I got six sons, instead”. I would hope she’s understand if the OP of a thread on how hard it is to be childless were to say “sorry, no, that is not the same thing.” But otherwise, I don’t know why it would be necessary to tell someone who is having a hard time that you’re dealing with something that is a lot worse, that’s all I’m saying.

This is one of those situations where I don’t agree with the OP in actual experience–I only have boys and would have been happy to have many more without a single daughter–but where I certainly know many women who feel as she does. One of the difficulties of her situation is that she has so much to be happy about that it is hard to admit that there is anything about her life that she finds hard. Still, I think we get past these things by finding someone to admit them out loud to. Sharing a problem and having it understood, even if there is nothing to be done about it, has this way of making a problem smaller.

As I said before, I think she’ll do well to be able to explain to her sons what she would change about her situation and what she would NEVER change…that is, she wants a daughter IN ADDITION to her sons, not just for herself but so that her sons could have a sister, but that she’d never trade a single one of her sons for anyone else, no matter what! They do need to hear that, and if they do, that will be something good that might come out of her having posted here.

I think you and I are just going to have to agree to disagree. I think if the OP was worded differently from the start I would feel differently about her particular OP.

Yes, people should be able to come in here and vent that something is hard in their lives. People responding to it should also be able to reply with a post with things they think an OP should keep in mind even if it isn’t just a pat on the head. I still think that hearing some tough words (and I stil believe that not all of what robwar said was an attack) isn’t going to kill someone and might actually help if they are willing to hear it.

I have been thinking more about her situation and I do feel badly for her. I just cant imagine wishing for anything but a healthy child. I can understand some disappointment, but some of the words in the OP seem pretty darn harsh and deep-seated. I have to wonder whether there is more going on there.

 

[Lucky7]

I would seriously bet that in 10 year the OP would have some lingering feeling of wanting a girl but without a doubt would not traded one of her boys for a girl.

This is not about what life situation is worse.Give her a break. Sh has 4 boys at home and getting ready to have twins, that is hard for me to even imagine and it will be very overwhelming for a while.

I hope so. I have heard of many folks who feel “gender disappointment” for a long time and have heard of children who have been messed up because they were brought up by a parent who considered them the “wrong” gender. If it was just a passing disappointment with the OP, I would think that her OP would read very differently…and I’m guessing that’s why many folks have responded the way they did.

 

[TheDoors]

May the Lord bless the loving mother with six sons and yet more love to give!

 

[7armyrugrats]

Wow women, we really ARE vicious to each other aren’t we? Why is everybody so sensitive now a days? Can’t anyone ever just accept that all of us have “issues” from childhood that will always be blamed on our mothers and how we perceive they felt about us? None of us seem to be able to win, and it appears we do it to ourselves. Men aren’t complaining that their fathers screwed them up, it’s us ladies who are complaining our mothers screwed us all up and accusing this mom of harming her sons’ emotions as well! Did it ever dawn on us that maybe, just maybe, we are all being overdramatic? Geez, cut her some slack! Or she may very well begin praying to NOT have this type of atmosphere in her home instead!

Seriously, I was the fifth of six kids. Four of us were girls. The two boys were 12 years apart. growing up I thought for sure the boys were favored over us girls. At the same time that I felt this, I had siblings tell me that I was the favorite kid and I just knew that I was the most hated. Any family with more than one kid is going to have at least a minimal amount of jealousy, rivalry, whatever. But as grown ups we need to acknowledge it for what it REALLY is and then LET IT GO.

I am so glad that 5 of mine are boys and only 2 (so far) are girls. I don’t know how my poor mama has survived all the drama! And yes, I prayed so hard for my daughters, love tfem as much as I do my boys, and would never change them. Still, battle scars and war stories seem to happen more among a group of women gathered together than any group of veterans! Where is the compassion?

 

[7armyrugrats]

May the Lord bless the loving mother with six sons and yet more love to give!

So absolutely true!!! How lovely and thoughtful

 

[einna]

Wow women, we really ARE vicious to each other aren’t we? Why is everybody so sensitive now a days? Can’t anyone ever just accept that all of us have “issues” from childhood that will always be blamed on our mothers and how we perceive they felt about us? None of us seem to be able to win, and it appears we do it to ourselves. Men aren’t complaining that their fathers screwed them up, it’s us ladies who are complaining our mothers screwed us all up and accusing this mom of harming her sons’ emotions as well! Did it ever dawn on us that maybe, just maybe, we are all being overdramatic? Geez, cut her some slack! Or she may very well begin praying to NOT have this type of atmosphere in her home instead!

Seriously, I was the fifth of six kids. Four of us were girls. The two boys were 12 years apart. growing up I thought for sure the boys were favored over us girls. At the same time that I felt this, I had siblings tell me that I was the favorite kid and I just knew that I was the most hated. Any family with more than one kid is going to have at least a minimal amount of jealousy, rivalry, whatever. But as grown ups we need to acknowledge it for what it REALLY is and then LET IT GO.

I am so glad that 5 of mine are boys and only 2 (so far) are girls. I don’t know how my poor mama has survived all the drama! And yes, I prayed so hard for my daughters, love tfem as much as I do my boys, and would never change them. Still, battle scars and war stories seem to happen more among a group of women gathered together than any group of veterans! Where is the compassion?

Totally agree:thumbsup: