I want a daughter! :'(

[Lucky7]

There are two things going on here. What the OP actually wrote in her original post and the reality of the situation.
Over and over posters have defended what was said in the original post and tried to minimize the gravity of the statements made and their potential impact on the children. This is what I have a HUGE problem with. The original statements are extreme. They sound like someone who is deeply dissatisfied, deeply disappointed, deeply upset and frustrated by the gender of her children.
I can accept and I believe the OP didn’t express herself well and that these are not her true feelings about her children. I know they are not.

I’m not so convinced looking back at the OP. She said she was mourning this since finding out the twins were boys. That was at 17 weeks pregnant. Now she is 35 weeks pregnant. I’m having a hard time believing that this post was an aberration. She’s been feeling this way for the last 18 weeks of her pregnancy. I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest she get counseling.

 

[aloe]

From your post I know you love your kids very much and are in the thick of double the hormones right now. If these feelings persist after birth get counseling. Getting counseling could help on how to best handle those feelings of, in your words mourning/frustration/disappointment/being crushed, within yourself. It can also help on how you relate with your DH and with your kids so it doesn’t trickle down to them - your relationships with each of them and as a family all together, when in their own home or in public. Those are very deep feelings you have had for years now (you said you tried for a girl 4 times now) and can impact you and each person who loves you for years if not handled.

 

[tortilla5]

OP you don’t need counseling, you don’ tneed to apologize to anyone how you are feeling. I am the mother of 3 beautiful daughters. When I found out my 3rd was a girl I had the same feelings you did. Did it mean I didn’t want my daughter? NO! Did it mean I would love a boy more? NO! All it meant was that my hopes for a boy were dashed.

When I found out I physically could no longer have children I did have to come to terms with never having the joy of raising a son (or any more children for that matter). I also understood my husbands loss of never having a son. Mourning the loss was very real. It is a different kind of mourning but it nevertheless is still mourning. For someone to tell me that I don’t have the right to feel sadness about that…well, I am not going to go there.

This in NO WAY took any joy away from us having daughters or any love away from my daughters. God has blessed me with three wonderful daughters that I was meant to raise. They completely fulfill my calling to be a mother. I completely understand how you feel and there is nothing wrong with the way you feel and I know you love your children. I hope I don’t make this thread any worse by posting but I seemed that you were feeling bad about having genuine feelings about wanting a girl. Please don’t and when you see the faces of your two beautiful boys you will thank God for “unanswered prayers” just like I do. (that Garth Brooks song makes me cry everytime) God Bless you and your family.

 

[7armyrugrats]

OP you don’t need counseling, you don’ tneed to apologize to anyone how you are feeling. I am the mother of 3 beautiful daughters. When I found out my 3rd was a girl I had the same feelings you did. Did it mean I didn’t want my daughter? NO! Did it mean I would love a boy more? NO! All it meant was that my hopes for a boy were dashed.

When I found out I physically could no longer have children I did have to come to terms with never having the joy of raising a son (or any more children for that matter). I also understood my husbands loss of never having a son. Mourning the loss was very real. It is a different kind of mourning but it nevertheless is still mourning. For someone to tell me that I don’t have the right to feel sadness about that…well, I am not going to go there.

This in NO WAY took any joy away from us having daughters or any love away from my daughters. God has blessed me with three wonderful daughters that I was meant to raise. They completely fulfill my calling to be a mother. I completely understand how you feel and there is nothing wrong with the way you feel and I know you love your children. I hope I don’t make this thread any worse by posting but I seemed that you were feeling bad about having genuine feelings about wanting a girl. Please don’t and when you see the faces of your two beautiful boys you will thank God for “unanswered prayers” just like I do. (that Garth Brooks song makes me cry everytime) God Bless you and your family.

A true voice of reason! I agree whole heartedly.

 

[sweetpetunia]

Faith, welcome! And best wishes for your pregnancy and delivery! I also want to assure you that even mothers who have not mourned the non-fruition of a long-dreamed of daughter or son can empathize with feelings of loss related to our hopes and dreams.

For some women, the loss of a birth plan dream is also a disappointment, especially for mothers who dreamed of a natural home birth and ended up with an emergency cesarean. Disappointments come in many shapes and sizes, and not only are they completely normal, they are also amoral in and of themselves. (See St. Thomas Aquinas). It is only when our will is involved that our feelings become moral or immoral. You sound like a wonderful mother to me, and I don’t believe that you will willfully harbor or act on feelings of resentment towards your twin boys. From what I understand, you are mourning the loss of a dream, not the existence of your sons And I am going to assume, based on the precedent of confessing your feelings (Wow! That’s going over and above!), that if you actually did have attachment issues postpartum related to hormones, you would seek help—you sound like you’re awesome like that! Congrats again, and God bless your growing family.