I want a family

[mrpathetic]

What do I have to do to ask God for a loving husband and healthy baby?

Consider this option. Ministry can be a tremendous way to serve the Lord, and to meet new people as well. You may want to start work in a ministry, that attracts people in your age bracket. Youth ministry tends to attract people in the early adult years; you may want to start working there. Or perhaps the jobs ministry, RCIA, or some other ministry which is popular with young people.

Maybe through this ministry, you can do the Lord’s work, and find a Catholic man to settle down with. Talk to the person who coordinates the ministerial work at your parish; I am sure that they need help, and would be willing to help you as well.

 

[Bataar]

Consider this option. Ministry can be a tremendous way to serve the Lord, and to meet new people as well. You may want to start work in a ministry, that attracts people in your age bracket. Youth ministry tends to attract people in the early adult years; you may want to start working there. Or perhaps the jobs ministry, RCIA, or some other ministry which is popular with young people.

Maybe through this ministry, you can do the Lord’s work, and find a Catholic man to settle down with. Talk to the person who coordinates the ministerial work at your parish; I am sure that they need help, and would be willing to help you as well.

About the only group at the church I go to is Knights of Columbus and as far as I can tell, the youngest one is in his 60s.

 

[HopeInChrist]

Hi all,

I don’t know if this has already been said, as I’ve only skimmed through, but as in my case, the right person could be there, and you just don’t see it. It wasn’t until I was in crisis that I saw somebody that I never would have considered dating as a potential mate. I was not really attracted to him, and found him to be a bit too “nerdy” for my taste. But when times got tough for me, he showed me his true colors, and I fell in love. We were married in an absolutely gorgeous ceremony. The life I live with him (and our 2 year old daughter) is not overly exciting, but it is stable and loving. Those of us that believe that Prince Charming is going to ride up on his white horse, should look at the stable boy a little more closely, too!

In His Love,

Hope

 

[SaltySirena]

Haven’t read the whole thread, but have skimmed a lot of it.

Become the kind of woman who attracts the kind of man you want. Prayer is good, but sitting around doing nothing but praying, waiting for your “real” life to start, is a bad strategy.

Finish your education. Find a good job and be successful at it. Save money for your future. Be a responsible adult, active in your church, and you will attract a responsible, faithful man who wants someone who can be a true partner and really understands the challenges of making a living and staying true to one’s values at the same time.

 

[insideitall]

I’m trying to make this as un-pretencious as possible, no offense to anyone intended - this is my take on it:

• Instead of the focus being on how everyone else is dating/getting married/having kids, and seeing what you don’t have, look at what you can do for yourself. Pray more? Volunteer more? Exercise more? Make yourself as “well rounded” as possible. (Well gee, I never thought I’d use that phrase again outside of college apps…) Plus, you’ll probably have more fun. You’ll have more things to talk about with your current friends, and maybe you’ll make new friends in the process. Maybe they’ll have other single friends. In fact, if those stats someone quoted earlier are correct, chances are pretty good they’ll know other single people!
• If your parish doesn’t have a singles group, it doesn’t mean there aren’t any singles there! Become more involved in ministry in general. Maybe you’ll meet someone who has a single friend! If all else fails - no offense to old fogies, but maybe your parish really is full of em - and you’re not super attached to your parish, and there are others within a similar distance, check those out, too. Check out your diocese’s website for diocese or state based singles groups, as well.
• Change up your routine. If you take public transit to work, get off a stop earlier and walk, or take a different line/route. If there are alternate routes to drive that don’t take significantly longer, switch that up too. Go somewhere different to eat lunch (regardless of whether you buy or bring).
• As other people have said, be open to the possibility that maybe you weren’t meant to have a family.
• Really, I think it’s ultimately a “stop worrying” thing.

Most of us were brought up to think that “one day” “your soulmate, mr/miss right” will come along and everything will be happily ever after. And of course, there’s only ONE soulmate. Out of everyone in the entire world. Once I started really thinking about that, it seemed kinda silly. Anyone remember those “make your own story” books? (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choose_Your_Own_Adventure - there were many others like this) Depending on what you chose, you could end up with any number of situations and endings. A dichotomous key, sort of, for literature! I like to think of life this way - that yes, we have free will, so we can choose any of those paths, and since God knows everything, he knows the ending to every possible combination of things that can happen and places we can end up. Maybe we have to go the roundabout way to get where He wants us. And as a result of the infinity number of paths, there are many possible “soulmates” out there - you just have to cross paths at the right time.

Don’t feel that you need to have a family in order to be happy. I think that’s a big burden we place on each other, and family/friends often don’t help by constantly nosing around about the topic. If there are certain well-meaning people in your life who make you feel depressed about it, talk to them and ask them to lay off… in the kindest way possible, of course!

 

[Bataar]

Don’t feel that you need to have a family in order to be happy. I think that’s a big burden we place on each other, and family/friends often don’t help by constantly nosing around about the topic. If there are certain well-meaning people in your life who make you feel depressed about it, talk to them and ask them to lay off… in the kindest way possible, of course!

I don’t know if it’s a family I need to be happy, but it’s definitely something. I kind of feel like King Haggard in The Last Unicorn at times.

 

[mrpathetic]

About the only group at the church I go to is Knights of Columbus and as far as I can tell, the youngest one is in his 60s.

There are no other laity organizations at your Church? No office of outreach ministry, SVdeP, youth ministry, faith formation - nothing? I highly doubt that.

I bet if you walk in to the parish office tomorrow morning, and state “I am interested in working in x ministry”, they will find something for you, or someone to help you. In fact, they will probably say “Come with me - we have been waiting for you!”

Mind you, these might not be social organizations - but ministry is not just for meeting other Christians. It is carrying out our Baptismal promises, to love and serve the Lord, and His people. If you meet fun, interesting, compatible people as part of your ministry - that is the bonus.

 

[TraderTif]

I don’t know if it’s a family I need to be happy, but it’s definitely something. I kind of feel like King Haggard in The Last Unicorn at times.

:bounce: Oh, that is my FAVORITE movie!!!

Sometimes I’ve felt that way. And even more so when I’m arranging my enormous unicorn collection…

But, usually, I think of myself more like a Schmendrick…with Molly hair.

 

[Rose71]

I think the ‘don’t act desperate’ advice is given too freely sometimes!

I am single and to be prefectly honest - I have become so afraid of ‘scaring’ men off that I am forever being told that I scare them off anyway - by coming over as so independent and not making it abundantly clear that I am available

All very confusing - especially as some men seem brainwashed by the media-pushed idea that all women over 35 are just walking biological clocks who are absolutely paranoid about finding love (that Bridget Jones has a lot to answer for) and if you as much as smile, say hello and treat them with the warmth and respect basic good manners should demand, they start getting hot under the collar and defensive and act as though ‘how’s it going’ was actually ‘give me a baby NOW’

In my case, RC could equally well stand for Romantically Clueless

 

[Sr_Sally]

To answer your question:

Prayer For a Partner
O my Savior, who died for my redemption, I beseech you by the infinate merits of your Precious Blood, to grant me the necessary light and grace to choose the partner with whom I can best work out my eternal salvation. Mary, my Mother, obtain for me this grace by your most powerful intercession. St. Joseph, patron of Christian families, pray for me.

Pray, pray, pray!! DO NOT SETTLE for someone just because you want to have a family!
If it is God’s will for you to be a wife and mother-He will make it so. Just be patient and listen to God’s voice. By God’s grace you will find a good Catholic man!

I want to question the whole idea of ‘settling’ for a spouse. Of course, you don’t want to marry the first (or next) person that comes along, but I think we in the Western world sometimes have an exaggerated idea of romance. We want our spouse to be perfect, rather than real.

If the person you are with is Catholic, strong (ie, not whiny or lazy), principled, positive, and you have things in common–why not work with that? Don’t wait for someone who is also beautiful/handsome, makes tons of money, or has this that or the other specific requirement. I am NOT saying that any of you singles have. I know that the requirements I gave are hard to find. But I see young women turning down nice men because they aren’t flashy or a ‘trophy’ in some way. I then see other women marry the man who is that ‘status’ guy only to be unhappy and divorced soon enough.

I will pray for all of you longing for marriage and family. My husband and children are my greatest blessings and joy!

 

[TraderTif]

All very confusing - especially as some men seem brainwashed by the media-pushed idea that all women over 35 are just walking biological clocks who are absolutely paranoid about finding love (that Bridget Jones has a lot to answer for) and if you as much as smile, say hello and treat them with the warmth and respect basic good manners should demand, they start getting hot under the collar and defensive and act as though ‘how’s it going’ was actually ‘give me a baby NOW’

In my case, RC could equally well stand for Romantically Clueless

And I totally agree about the “Romantically Clueless” bit.

 

[remjsmom76]

Pray. I did and I always tell people GOD was our matchmaker.

I met my hubby at church. He was the cute altar boy and he said I was the sexy reader. I guess. but still we were in that church for years and years. I had a crush on him for a long time. I still had boyfriends and I would ask myself during mass “HAVE I MET THE MAN IM GOING TO MARRY GOD” I would scan the mass and every young man I would pass I would say “NO, NOPE NOT HIM, NO, NO” and when I would pass my husband whom I even hadnt met something would tell me 'THATS HIM! YOUR GONNA MARRY HIM" I met him when I was 18 and we got married when I was 20. GOD was our match maker. You just have to listen very hard with your heart and your mind.

 

[akoso]

• Instead of the focus being on how everyone else is dating/getting married/having kids, and seeing what you don’t have, look at what you can do for yourself. Pray more? Volunteer more? Exercise more? Make yourself as “well rounded” as possible. (Well gee, I never thought I’d use that phrase again outside of college apps…) Plus, you’ll probably have more fun. You’ll have more things to talk about with your current friends, and maybe you’ll make new friends in the process. Maybe they’ll have other single friends. In fact, if those stats someone quoted earlier are correct, chances are pretty good they’ll know other single people!
• Really, I think it’s ultimately a “stop worrying” thing.

I couldn’t agree more. When I meet girls, I find they usually come off in one of two ways:

1 - like they’re looking for a husband / boyfriend and that’s one of their top priorities in life

2 - like their main focus in life is work, family, faith, extra-curricular interests, etc.

As crazy as it may sound, I always tend to be much more attracted to option #2. Maybe it’s the well-roundedness… maybe it’s because I love to converse and #2 has shown a range of topics of interest… maybe it’s because of the relaxed, enjoy things nature… maybe it’s because of the independence and confidence that this attitude demonstrates. It’s definitely not an isolated thing, but overall I have to agree with insideitall. Finding a soul mate is not like finding a car. It’s not something that you can put loads of effort into… it’s not something that you can say “I’m going to try to find one today”. It’s something that just happens… and not worrying or focusing on it will help facilitate it to happen (I believe).

 

[LongingForLight]

I have a little bit of a problem with the God’s will argument when it comes to marriage. Let’s say it’s God’s will that I am to, at some point, meet and marry person X. I follow (knowingly and unknowingly) God’s will to the T, but I never meet person X. See, person X has free will and did not follow God’s will, thereby destroying God’s perfect plan for me. Whenever I hear someone talk about how God’s will will be done, I can’t help but think, “Isn’t it God’s will that abortion be eliminated too?” Just because something is God’s will, doesn’t mean it will happen, unfortunately.

I firmly believe that God’s Will is more than just one plan for you. He has a plan for every possibility for your future that might be - in other words, infinite plans. His plan for your actual future is, of course, the only one that really matters (and of course, He already knows what that is as well, being as He is outside of time - so in that sense, He only has one plan, because only one plan “has already happened” from God’s point of view), but from your point of view - with many possibilities still ahead of you and your choices and those of any future husband yet to be made - you can trust that God will always have a plan for you and that you can’t somehow “go off the rails”.

And of course, God’s plan for you will only be completed in Heaven. You don’t know if you will get married before you die and are in Heaven, where you will not be married or given in marriage. However, marriage is only a precursor to what is to come in Heaven. Eventually you will enjoy a greater bliss than either marriage or children have to offer you in Heaven.

Which isn’t intended to minimize what you are going through now, BTW. “Big picture” is comforting to some people, and potentially frustrating to others. I don’t know you, so I thought I’d throw “big picture” out there, especially since I can’t give any practical advice.

And, uh, I’m sorry I can’t give any practical advice. I do feel for you.

 

[Hater_free]

I have a little bit of a problem with the God’s will argument when it comes to marriage. Let’s say it’s God’s will that I am to, at some point, meet and marry person X. I follow (knowingly and unknowingly) God’s will to the T, but I never meet person X. See, person X has free will and did not follow God’s will, thereby destroying God’s perfect plan for me. Whenever I hear someone talk about how God’s will will be done, I can’t help but think, “Isn’t it God’s will that abortion be eliminated too?” Just because something is God’s will, doesn’t mean it will happen, unfortunately.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, on your own understanding rely not; In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes, fear the LORD and turn away from evil; This will mean health for your flesh and vigor for your bones.” {Proverbs 3:5-8}

Hope this helps Bataar. God bless you & all on here & everywhere!!!