I want my mommy and my blankie. (Another single's rant)

[dakotagirl]

So basically I just need some wise words to encourage me in my (possible) vocation, whatever it is. I know there are good Catholic men out there, but the kind I like, well with complete honesty, I don’t think they exist. The problem is that I dwell too much on past relationships and fret MAJORLY about what I could/should have done, whenever I start to think that maybe it’s me who’s the problem and I’m asking too much or whatever. I’m terrified that I’m not being open to God’s will. It’s so frustrating.
With that said, most of the time I LIKE being single. There. I said it. I do hate to shock people so very much, but I don’t actually want children (they are overrated and germy), and men have some qualities that irritate me, like apparently being sex-focused (or so I’m told). In addition, I just like being able to do merrily do my own thing. But once again, I’m terrified that I’m not doing God’s will, and feel like I should be studiously hunting for a man. I know the Church doesn’t have an official teaching on singleness as a vocation. Does anybody have any advice for me?? Thanks to all.

Dakotagirl

 

[Eucharisted]

Some advice:

You might be called to the religious life, where you’ll marry Jesus.

Not all men are sex obsessed; only the perverts and the worldly are. There are many chaste men in the world.

Let God handle everything. He wants to you lead to Himself, by whatever way that is: marriage, religious life, single life. Trust in Him and persist in prayer like the widow in that parable.

 

[dakotagirl]

That’s the other thing I should have mentioned. I don’t feel AT ALL called to the religious life. I would go insane if I were restricted like that. I’ve even looked into convents and planned how I might feasibly soon enter a convent but the answer I keep getting from above is definitely NO. I don’t think of Jesus as a potential spouse at all the way friends of mine who are called to be religious do.

 

[whatevergirl]

*Spend some extreme quiet time with the Lord, dakota. Not necessarily in prayer, but listening for His voice and where He might be leading you. Sometimes, it isn’t obvious at first, but keep listening, and I know that you will find the vocation He has for you.

Mother Teresa didn’t immediately go to India, for example. She explored different avenues before she felt God calling her there. Likewise, you might go through a series of things that don’t seem to be leading anywhere concrete, but if they are of God, those things will pave a path to your ultimate vocation.

I will be praying for you. :hug1:*

 

[Gardenman]

Some people just aren’t meant to be married. I’m definitely one of them. Nothing wrong with that at all. You can still be perfectly happy as a single person and a good Catholic as weel.

I briefly considered religious life, but that wasn’t for me, either. Numerous reasons, but I did come close at one point.

Like yourself, I never wanted children. It’s not that I don’t like them. I do. I just don’t think I would be a good parent…or spouse. I have a whole slew of nieces and nephews and am a part of all their lives, so I’ve sort of got a bit of the “parenting” thing going on. I do things with them and very much enjoy being the “cool Uncle” !

As was mentioned above, not all men are sex-obsessed. That’s a fallacy and a stereotype.

There ARE ways you can enjoy certain aspects of the religious life without actually BEING a religious. Many of the orders (male and female) have “associate” programs where you interact with them and their ministries in a vast variety of ways. This can be very fulfilling and the orders are always grateful for help.

EVERY parish has SOME sort of group or organization you can join that will let you be instrumental on ANY level in the various ministries of the Church or even such things as choir, youth programs, etc. etc. The decline in vocations has really increased the possibilities for the lay person as far as active roles in the faith is concerned. You can be as involved as you wish. They are always grateful for members and the rewards can be great.

You’re not an oddball by any means. Neither am I. There are LOTS of single Catholics out there who live perfectly happy, moral, and productive lives ! (And you can still have your blanky, too ! LOL ) (AND your mommy, if she’s still around !!! )

 

[dakotagirl]

Thank you for the prayers. Someone told me that people get their vocations at baptism. If this is true, then, I should KNOW my vocation by now, because I have already given it a lot of thought and effort…

 

[dakotagirl]

Some people just aren’t meant to be married. I’m definitely one of them. Nothing wrong with that at all. You can still be perfectly happy as a single person and a good Catholic as weel.

I briefly considered religious life, but that wasn’t for me, either. Numerous reasons, but I did come close at one point.

Like yourself, I never wanted children. It’s not that I don’t like them. I do. I just don’t think I would be a good parent…or spouse. I have a whole slew of nieces and nephews and am a part of all their lives, so I’ve sort of got a bit of the “parenting” thing going on. I do things with them and very much enjoy being the “cool Uncle” !

As was mentioned above, not all men are sex-obsessed. That’s a fallacy and a stereotype.

There ARE ways you can enjoy certain aspects of the religious life without actually BEING a religious. Many of the orders (male and female) have “associate” programs where you interact with them and their ministries in a vast variety of ways. This can be very fulfilling and the orders are always grateful for help.

EVERY parish has SOME sort of group or organization you can join that will let you be instrumental on ANY level in the various ministries of the Church or even such things as choir, youth programs, etc. etc. The decline in vocations has really increased the possibilities for the lay person as far as active roles in the faith is concerned. You can be as involved as you wish. They are always grateful for members and the rewards can be great.

You’re not an oddball by any means. Neither am I. There are LOTS of single Catholics out there who live perfectly happy, moral, and productive lives ! (And you can still have your blanky, too ! LOL ) (AND your mommy, if she’s still around !!! )

Thanks, doll. This is very encouraging.

 

[dakotagirl]

No more advice?..crud, I should have put “sex” in the title.

Whatevergirl: I did some xtreme prayer today and it was a-maz-ing.

 

[whatevergirl]

No more advice?..crud, I should have put “sex” in the title.

Whatevergirl: I did some xtreme prayer today and it was a-maz-ing.

Oh great! I prayed a lot tonight too…focused, calm. I stopped complaining:blush:,and I feel so much lighter.

*Jesus will carry you through…again, sometimes we think that there is this one masterful destination we have to arrive at in life, but life is made up of mini destinations, and if God leads you to each one, to build towards a great one…that is perhaps what we are to learn. It might be marriage for you, might be that you are to remain single. I think that if you keep listening for God’s whispers each day, you’ll be on the right path. Following God, that’s everyone’s destination. I think secularly, we get caught up in agendas, and what we should be doing. Just living each day in thanksgiving to the Lord, and living FOR Him, is a vocation in and of itself…

Here’s to getting quiet and listening for the Lord. *

 

[ac_claire]

Dakota, I agree with those who advised you to pray and listen to the voice of God. If you can, it might help to start spending some time with the Blessed Sacrament. If you’re like me, it’s hard sometimes to commit to the “holy hour” that is so recommended. You can start with 15 minutes maybe and work your way up to more time as the Spirit leads you. I do know for certain that God will reveal His will for you if you ask with a sincere heart and then listen patiently for his response.

I don’t know what your calling is, but there is such a thing as the concescrated single life. Opus Dei is one place you can look for more info. I also found a couple sites online…

The Single Lay Vocation

Is the Single Life a Vocation?

Hope that helps!

 

[Belgarion]

No more advice?..crud, I should have put “sex” in the title.

Whatevergirl: I did some xtreme prayer today and it was a-maz-ing.

 

[vocatio]

“He and I” by -Gabrielle-Bossis was recommeded to me by my pastor during confession yesterday. He said it’s rich and was said to be the second best book written in its time right after the “Story of a Soul”. He said it was at the Catholic book store. She was single and after asking Christ should she become a religious he told her to stay where she is. Sometimes God calls us to be chaste in our single life.

amazon.com/He-I-Gabrielle-Bossis/dp/2890398072

 

[Norseman82]

This is the part of your post that stood out to me:

but I don’t actually want children (they are overrated and germy)

I don’t know how deeply that sentiment is, but please remember that in Catholic marriage one is supposed to be open to children (that is one of the marriage vows - to accept children lovingly). Perhaps that is why you are having a hard time attracting a good Catholic male? Remember, “good Catholic men” (at least those who have not yet received their AARP card in the mail, and maybe even those who have) most likely want children. Now, I’m not one of those quasi-Calvinists who believe that God has our lives pre-planned form before birth, but I also know that if a person really loves God and asks His protection and aid in living out a faithful life, He will be providential (there is a part of the CCC that speaks to the fact that how God allows free will yet still is providential is a mystery).

Perhaps you are sending out signals that you don’t want kids, and the “good Catholic men” see that and are moving on to a woman who wants kids in accord with Church teaching on marriage? Or, maybe God is protecting the “good catholic men” from the heartbreak of marrying a woman only to find out she does not want kids and your situation may change when you decide that you are open to children after all?

The above two points are just my speculation, but they are things to chew on.

 

[mrpathetic]

I know the Church doesn’t have an official teaching on singleness as a vocation. Does anybody have any advice for me?? Thanks to all.

Dakotagirl

Actually, the Church does have an official teaching on the single life as a vocation. It is a valid life state, and has equal dignity as the others states (vowed and promised.)

There are two types of singles: transitional and committed. A transitional single is someone who would eventually like to enter the promised or vowed state. A committed single is someone who does not want to take on the promised or vowed state, now or in the future.

Right now, you are a transitional single, Dakotagirl, but you are trying to make the change to a committed single. And that can be tough step to take. I have a good, good friend who recently realized that this is his calling, after years of trying to make the transition to marriage.

But don’t fret. Committed singles can still lead a life of holiness. Committed singles are encouraged to lead a life of prayer and ministerial service. They are not supposed to lead the life of a “swinging single”; we are Christians, not pagans.

Of course, you are required to lead a life of celibacy, because the only sexual relations permitted in our faith are for those vowed in marriage. Every life state has sacrifices that are required - celibacy is the sacrifice you need to make, if this is indeed your vocation.

p.s., are you sure that you are not called to the religious life? Many who think they are called to committed single, are really being called to the consecreated life.

 

[Norseman82]

Actually, the Church does have an official teaching on the single life as a vocation.

Source?

There are two types of singles: transitional and committed. A transitional single is someone who would eventually like to enter the promised or vowed state.

You forgot to mention “married” state, unless you are classifying that as a subset of “vowed”, as in marriage vows.

 

[mrpathetic]

Source?

You forgot to mention “married” state, unless you are classifying that as a subset of “vowed”, as in marriage vows.

The Diocese of Columbus, Ohio has an excellent source of information on vocation of single life. See it here:

stbrigidofkildare.org/singlelife.htm

Yes, vows of marriage are one category of vows. There is also vows to the religious life, which would still be a possibility of Dakotagirl.

 

[Norseman82]

The Diocese of Columbus, Ohio has an excellent source of information on vocation of single life. See it here:

stbrigidofkildare.org/singlelife.htm

I checked your link, and all I found was an article by a layperson in a parish website, not the diocesan website, so I don’t think that equals “official church teaching”.

On the other hand…

I did follow the links to teh Columbus diocesan website and clicked on their vocations link:

seekholiness.com

I looked around, and saw nothing about singleness as a vocation. In fact, if you click on “vocations” and then “states of life”, it only mentions - in this order - marriage, Holy Orders, and “Religious or Consecrated Life”.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

The kind of man you’d have to hunt down probably doesn’t want to be caught.

No need to rant about being single. Being single frees you to do a lot of things that married and religious people cannot do because of obligations and circumstances. Lots of heroic and amazing things can be done in society by people who are unencumbered with family. And on the way, you may meet a kindred soul.

Never say never. Just not right now.

And you may decide eventually there are worse things in life than germs, and you may want a child.

Just live your life happily and in God’s friendship now. Getting to know who you are and what you want and what God wants of you will go a long way to guiding you where you should be.

Being single isn’t the worst thing in the world. Thinking you have a soulmate and being thrown back on the singles pile by someone you trusted is worse. You’re being smart. Cautious and true to yourself. Just start each day with a prayer: God, what will You have me do today?

Each day you live like that will take you where you need to go.

 

[mrpathetic]

I checked your link, and all I found was an article by a layperson in a parish website, not the diocesan website, so I don’t think that equals “official church teaching”.

On the other hand…

I did follow the links to teh Columbus diocesan website and clicked on their vocations link:

seekholiness.com

I looked around, and saw nothing about singleness as a vocation. In fact, if you click on “vocations” and then “states of life”, it only mentions - in this order - marriage, Holy Orders, and “Religious or Consecrated Life”.

OK, then try this link, entitled “Vocations to the single life” - can’t be any more explict than that:

catholicyouth.freeservers.com/vocations/single_life.htm

To quote:

“But the single life is just as much a vocation, a divine call, as any of the other states. The Church needs lay Catholics who work in the world, but who can dedicate themselves to their work and the spread of the Gospel, without having to worry about supporting a family. So God calls certain people to the single life in the world.”

I work with youth in my parish and diocese, to help them discern their vocational calling. I make it very clear to them, that the single life is valid vocation, and one to which they have to be open. If God is calling them to this vocation, then it is their responsibility, to answer that call.

 

[Norseman82]

OK, then try this link, entitled “Vocations to the single life” - can’t be any more explict than that:

catholicyouth.freeservers.com/vocations/single_life.htm

To quote:

“But the single life is just as much a vocation, a divine call, as any of the other states. The Church needs lay Catholics who work in the world, but who can dedicate themselves to their work and the spread of the Gospel, without having to worry about supporting a family. So God calls certain people to the single life in the world.”

I work with youth in my parish and diocese, to help them discern their vocational calling. I make it very clear to them, that the single life is valid vocation, and one to which they have to be open. If God is calling them to this vocation, then it is their responsibility, to answer that call.

Again, one webmaster/author writing on a website of an obscure organization does not necessarily equal offical Church teaching. Besides, is the author a Church official or just some anonymous independent blogger? Plus, the CCC references he quotes say nothing about singleness being a vocation; in fact, the only states of life that I have heard the CCC call a “calling” or vocation are marriage and “virginity for the sake of the kingdom”, which is further defined as priestly ministry or consecrated/religious life.