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Emptytundra
Guest
I was baptised Catholic, but have been skeptical, agnostic, and indifferent about religion since I was very young. Lately the notion that we are all just sacks of meat and one day none if it will matter has become rather depressing - while it might be true, it seems unhealthy for individuals and for societies to acknowledge it as such. I want to believe there is more to life and the universe than food and sleep and television. I have been thinking seriously about suspending disbelief and attempting to return to Catholicism or at least Christianity, which will be difficult for a number of reasons.
One major impediment for me is the idea of worshipping a God who would allow people to suffer in hell for all eternity. I know apologists have filled libraries addressing this question and that people like Jimmy Akin and Trent Horn have provided some useful, concise responses. But I remain unconvinced. For me it is not just an abstract question (well what about Hitler… etc.) but rather something very personal. My father grew up Catholic, went to Catholic schools, and had a basic familiarity with various arguments for God’s existence. He just remained unconvinced. I don’t think this was the result of arrogance or intransigence, but rather the conclusion he reached after considering the arguments. He remained an atheist until he died, and I specifically recall an incident when he was near death and he emphatically told someone at the hospital that he did not want to see a priest or anything like that. Apologists will say that people can be reconciled with God in ways that we don’t understand, and we can be hopeful of anyone’s salvation, but this seems like a cop out aimed at evangelizing to people like me. An honest assessment from a Catholic perspective would probably be something like yeah we can never be sure but he is probably in hell. And the idea of offering praise to an omnipotent entity when there is even a possibility that he would allow good people to go to hell because they honestly remain unconvinced by Christian apologetics is very unappealing. Even if I could bring myself to believe in such a God, and to fear Him, I don’t know that I could will myself to love him.
If anyone has any insights or recommend reading I would be grateful. Thank you and I’m sorry the post was so long, or if I posted it in the wrong place.
One major impediment for me is the idea of worshipping a God who would allow people to suffer in hell for all eternity. I know apologists have filled libraries addressing this question and that people like Jimmy Akin and Trent Horn have provided some useful, concise responses. But I remain unconvinced. For me it is not just an abstract question (well what about Hitler… etc.) but rather something very personal. My father grew up Catholic, went to Catholic schools, and had a basic familiarity with various arguments for God’s existence. He just remained unconvinced. I don’t think this was the result of arrogance or intransigence, but rather the conclusion he reached after considering the arguments. He remained an atheist until he died, and I specifically recall an incident when he was near death and he emphatically told someone at the hospital that he did not want to see a priest or anything like that. Apologists will say that people can be reconciled with God in ways that we don’t understand, and we can be hopeful of anyone’s salvation, but this seems like a cop out aimed at evangelizing to people like me. An honest assessment from a Catholic perspective would probably be something like yeah we can never be sure but he is probably in hell. And the idea of offering praise to an omnipotent entity when there is even a possibility that he would allow good people to go to hell because they honestly remain unconvinced by Christian apologetics is very unappealing. Even if I could bring myself to believe in such a God, and to fear Him, I don’t know that I could will myself to love him.
If anyone has any insights or recommend reading I would be grateful. Thank you and I’m sorry the post was so long, or if I posted it in the wrong place.
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