I was a Bridesmaid in a Non-Catholic wedding--was it SIN?

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Last summer I was a bridesmaid for one of my best friend’s wedding. It was held in a Episcopal church. My friend is Catholic and her reason for marrying outside the church was that her current husband had been previously divorced.

I can’t recall whether she asked me to be in the wedding before OR after her decision to marry outside the Church. At the time I committed to being in the wedding, I didn’t realize that I should be concerned either way with her decisions regarding marrying in a Catholic (or non-Catholic church). I just thought I was being a supportive friend and was excited to be in the wedding.

However, I do recall having a conversation with her regarding her plans to marry outside the Church. I gently urged her to not deny her faith and to have her current husband seek the annullment. They also had 2 years to plan for it because that was the length of the engagement. She ignored my advice and went ahead to schedule a wedding in a Episcopalian church.

In ANY event, a few months before her wedding last summer, I read on this forum that it was scandalous for Catholic to be in non-Catholic wedding ceremony. The reasons stated including bearing false witness and giving the appearance of supporting something basically immoral (e.g. marrying a divorced man).

At that point I really didn’t know what to do! I had already bought the dress and was “officially” in the wedding. I went through with the ceremony as planned.

I just don’t know if what I did was sinful or not. I did have the knowledge from this forum of the problem with being in a wedding party of a non-Catholic, but I am not sure if I should have backed out at that point. Backing out would have devastated my friend and probably would have upset the wedding plans.

Was are my responsbilities regarding this situation? Do I have to confess that I was in this non-Catholic wedding? I am really uncertain.

Thanks for your help and insight!
 
I had this same question in my mind and I was going to start a thread on it! Weird. A friend of mine that is Catholic is planning a June wedding outside the church. She wants me to be a bridesmaid - she is my oldest and one of my closest friends, like a sister. (she was in my wedding) I am heartsick over it. I’ve tried convincing her otherwise -she won’t budge. 😦 I don’t know how I could explain to her that I couldn’t be in it. She wouldn’t understand…

Sorry, this is sort of hijacking. Ignore me. :o I hope someone can offer some more help than I’m being 😃 !
 
It’s not a sin to be a bridesmaid or groomsman in a non-Catholic wedding per se. But if the husband or wife is Catholic and marrying outside the Church, then that’s where you have problems. Being a bridesmaid or groomsman at such a wedding (or participating in it in any other way – doing readings, etc.) is objectively a mortal sin, since it at most involves being an accessory to the couple’s sin of adultery/fornication (which is what an invalid marriage is – no different from merely living together) and at least involves giving scandal. So yes, I’d say confess it. I can’t make a judgment on how culpable you were; that’s for a priest to decide.

And to youngCatholic and Celia – sometimes, in order to be a friend, you have to risk losing a friend. The only right thing to do in a situation like this is not be in the wedding and explain clearly why. Yes, they’ll probably be upset, and unfortunately it could end your friendship, but it could very well plant a seed too. Surely you both care about your friends’ souls. Would y’all want to be friends with them on their terms and see them lost eternally? Or would y’all want to be friends with them on God’s terms and see them enjoying eternal happiness? Think about it.
 
Are you kidding me? Its not a sin. Its good that you let her know where you stand but I don’t think its supporting the decision to marry outside the Church so much as just wanting to be there for your friend. Any reasonable person will understand.
 
How can any behavior be “objectively” a mortal sin, when the definition of mortal sin requires conditions to be met that are in themselves subjective?

If a person doesn’t even realize they are sinning, and have done nothing intentional to actively avoid hearing the Truth on it, then it cannot possibly be mortal sin – by definition!

Alan
 
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AlanFromWichita:
How can any behavior be “objectively” a mortal sin, when the definition of mortal sin requires conditions to be met that are in themselves subjective?

If a person doesn’t even realize they are sinning, and have done nothing intentional to actively avoid hearing the Truth on it, then it cannot possibly be mortal sin – by definition!

Alan
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Of course it is objectively a mortal sin - it is serious matter. The culpability is not there is the person doing it either does not know that it is serious matter or is not giving full consent. That is why it is “objectively” mortal.

It appears to me that if someone actually asks about the sinfullness of this in a forum like this, then they already know inside themselves that it is not right. They should refuse to participate in the “wedding”.

That being said - how can anyone be excited and happy for a friend who is embarking on a life of adultery?
 
It appears to me that if someone actually asks about the sinfullness of this in a forum like this, then they already know inside themselves that it is not right. They should refuse to participate in the “wedding”.
QUOTE]

I know it wasn’t right to be in the wedding, but I didn’t have full knowledge of this until a few months before the wedding. At that point I had already given a year’s committment to being in the wedding party and doing all the things associated with being a bridesmaid-- buying dress, funding the shower, etc.

I read the info on the forum a few months before the wedding. In my mind it was “too late” to simply back out of the committment. I just don’t know what my culbabibiity is. Is this something I should discuss with a priest?
 
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Celia:
I had this same question in my mind and I was going to start a thread on it! Weird. A friend of mine that is Catholic is planning a June wedding outside the church. She wants me to be a bridesmaid - she is my oldest and one of my closest friends, like a sister. (she was in my wedding) I am heartsick over it. I’ve tried convincing her otherwise -she won’t budge. 😦 I don’t know how I could explain to her that I couldn’t be in it. She wouldn’t understand…

Sorry, this is sort of hijacking. Ignore me. :o I hope someone can offer some more help than I’m being 😃 !
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Celia, you are a in a better position that I was in making this decision. You have more knowledge! You can actually say “no” and state your case with more knowledge than I had at the time. Better be up front now than get yourself into a potentially sinful problem!
 
That being said - how can anyone be excited and happy for a friend who is embarking on a life of adultery?

I wasn’t happy and excited for her embarking on a life of adultery. At the time she got engaged, she didn’t know where she was getting married. I think she thought about the whole annulment process and that was when I encouraged her to pursue it and talk with a priest. I can’t recall if we had to conversation before of after I committed to being in the wedding party. I meant that I was happy for her because she was my friend and she was planning a wedding, the details of which did not emerge until later, when she decided to marry outside the Church.
 
YoungCatholic,

Do not concern yourself in such trivial matters about wether this is sin or not. In some occassions, Love overcomes Law. Promoting love, spreading happiness, there is no sin to be found here, further, you are an innocent party.

Ask yourself, what God would punish you for wanting to ensure your friend has a good wedding and a happy life? - Do you really think God cares? His children are dying, people are killing each other, we ignore our starving neighbours, we threaten and are sucumbing to a world of violence and misery…

Help the poor, support those who need it, and most of all, love!
 
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Youngcatholic:
. . .I read the info on the forum a few months before the wedding. In my mind it was “too late” to simply back out of the committment. I just don’t know what my culbabibiity is. Is this something I should discuss with a priest?
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Please do talk to a priest. Your conscience is clearly in conformity to the Church’s teaching regarding the objective sinfulness of your action - or inaction when you had the information that you should rightly have acted upon. You acted at least unwisely - if not determinedly sinfully. You haven’t starved anyone nor have you killed anyone ;), but you have supported through human respect, however reluctantly, a friend in an immoral act when your witness might have at least caused a seed to be planted that could bear fruit in future years.
 
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Youngcatholic:
Celia, you are a in a better position that I was in making this decision. You have more knowledge! You can actually say “no” and state your case with more knowledge than I had at the time. Better be up front now than get yourself into a potentially sinful problem!
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I know, you’re right… I’ve looked online for any more answers and I’ve only found the differences of opinion similar to those on the thread so far. I think I’m going to have to email my priest and ask him about it and then just do whatever he recommends. I can’t seem to figure this one out on my own. :confused:
I don’t know if she’ll forgive me for not being a part of her wedding. 😦
 
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Celia:
I know, you’re right… I’ve looked online for any more answers and I’ve only found the differences of opinion similar to those on the thread so far. I think I’m going to have to email my priest and ask him about it and then just do whatever he recommends. I can’t seem to figure this one out on my own. :confused:
I don’t know if she’ll forgive me for not being a part of her wedding. 😦
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Celia, please read this article about “human respect” (I’ve included a brief excerpt here):

aquinas-multimedia.com/catherine/Columns/steichen/humanrespect.html
Human respect a sin? Weren’t we supposed to treat all men with respect, because we see Christ in them? Could it mean, “Have I failed to show human respect?” No, that was not the sense of it. Baffled but unwilling to expose my ignorance, I kept my confusion to myself—out of human respect.
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I didn’t learn what the term meant, though, until I encountered it as an adult and came to understand it as one of the most universal of human failings. Human respect does not mean treating others with proper esteem; it means adopting their standards for fear of their disapproval, even when that involves abandoning the standards of Christ. In the susceptible young, we call it “succumbing to peer pressure.” In the media, we call it political correctness, and it mirrors our social corruption.
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Youngcatholic:
I know it wasn’t right to be in the wedding, but I didn’t have full knowledge of this until a few months before the wedding. At that point I had already given a year’s committment to being in the wedding party and doing all the things associated with being a bridesmaid-- buying dress, funding the shower, etc.

The moment you did have full knowledge about this you should have told your friend that you simply cannot be a part of her wedding party. The committment you gave should have now been null and void. Yes, your friend would probably have been offended - better her than God!

I read the info on the forum a few months before the wedding. In my mind it was “too late” to simply back out of the committment. I just don’t know what my culbabibiity is. Is this something I should discuss with a priest?
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Since you found out about this “a few months before the wedding” and not a few days before, you had ample time to back out.
Should you discuss this with a priest? Yes, definitely. It 's always better to take anything we are not sure about to confession - we may never, in this life, know just how culpable we are, but confessing the action and asking for absolution will give us peace of mind.
 

I was a Bridesmaid in a Non-Catholic wedding–was it SIN?​

No. Participation in the worship of other Christian bodies is encouraged - just about the only thing one cannot do, is receive the Eucharist.

A detailed description of what is allowed can be found in this 1993 Vatican document:

http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/p...993_principles-and-norms-on-ecumenism_en.html

b) Sharing Sacramental Life with Christians of Other Churches and Ecclesial Communities
129. A sacrament is an act of Christ and of the Church through the Spirit. Its celebration in a concrete community is the sign of the reality of its unity in faith, worship and community life. As well as being signs, sacraments—most specially the Eucharist—are sources of the unity of the Christian community and of spiritual life, and are means for building them up. Thus Eucharistic communion is inseparably linked to full ecclesial communion and its visible expression.

…continue…]
 
…continued & ended]

At the same time, the Catholic Church teaches that by baptism members of other Churches and ecclesial Communities are brought into a real, even if imperfect communion, with the Catholic Church and that “baptism, which constitutes the sacramental bond of unity existing among all who through it are reborn… is wholly directed toward the acquiring of fullness of life in Christ”. The Eucharist is, for the baptized, a spiritual food which enables them to overcome sin and to live the very life of Christ, to be incorporated more profoundly in Him and share more intensely in the whole economy of the Mystery of Christ.

It is in the light of these two basic principles, which must always be taken into account together, that in general the Catholic Church permits access to its Eucharistic communion and to the sacraments of penance and anointing of the sick, only to those who share its oneness in faith, worship and ecclesial life. For the same reasons, it also recognizes that in certain circumstances, by way of exception, and under certain conditions, access to these sacraments may be permitted, or even commended, for Christians of other Churches and ecclesial Communities.
  1. In case of danger of death, Catholic ministers may administer these sacraments when the conditions given below (n. 131) are present. In other cases, it is strongly recommended that the diocesan Bishop, taking into account any norms which may have been established for this matter by the Episcopal Conference or by the Synods of Eastern Catholic Churches, establish general norms for judging situations of grave and pressing need and for verifying the conditions mentioned below (n. 131). In accord with Canon Law, these general norms are to be established only after consultation with at least the local competent authority of the other interested Church or ecclesial Community. Catholic ministers will judge individual cases and administer these sacraments only in accord with these established norms, where they exist. Otherwise they will judge according to the norms of this Directory.
  2. The conditions under which a Catholic minister may administer the sacraments of the Eucharist, of penance and of the anointing of the sick to a baptized person who may be found in the circumstances given above (n. 130) are that the person be unable to have recourse for the sacrament desired to a minister of his or her own Church or ecclesial Community, ask for the sacrament of his or her own initiative, manifest Catholic faith in this sacrament and be properly disposed.
  3. On the basis of the Catholic doctrine concerning the sacraments and their validity, a Catholic who finds himself or herself in the circumstances mentioned above (nn. 130 and 131) may ask for these sacraments only from a minister in whose Church these sacraments are valid or from one who is known to be validly ordained according to the Catholic teaching on ordination.
  4. The reading of Scripture during a Eucharistic celebration in the Catholic Church is to be done by members of that Church. On exceptional occasions and for a just cause, the Bishop of the diocese may permit a member of another Church or ecclesial Community to take on the task of reader.
  5. In the Catholic Eucharistic Liturgy, the homily which forms part of the liturgy itself is reserved to the priest or deacon, since it is the presentation of the mysteries of faith and the norms of Christian living in accordance with Catholic teaching and tradition.
  6. For the reading of Scripture and preaching during other than Eucharistic celebrations, the norms given above (n. 118) are to be applied.
  7. Members of other Churches or ecclesial Communities may be witnesses at the celebration of marriage in a Catholic church. Catholics may also be witnesses at marriages which are celebrated in other Churches or ecclesial Communities.
Sharing Other Resources for Spiritual Life and Activity

Some links to here ecumenical material from the USCCB are here:

http://www.usccb.org/seia/ecumenismpub.shtml ##
 
Joan M:
Of course it is objectively a mortal sin - it is serious matter. The culpability is not there is the person doing it either does not know that it is serious matter or is not giving full consent. That is why it is “objectively” mortal.

It appears to me that if someone actually asks about the sinfullness of this in a forum like this, then they already know inside themselves that it is not right. They should refuse to participate in the “wedding”.

That being said - how can anyone be excited and happy for a friend who is embarking on a life of adultery?
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What about serious matter, full knowledge and intent?

Are these not required for a sin to be mortal?

Can it be objectively serious matter, but without full knowledge and intent and thus objectively not a mortal sin? Please correct me if I’m wrong on this.

Thanks,
Alan

edit>> When you mentioned that anyone asking the question must feel guilty, you are suggesting that a person does not seek to have a more fully informed conscience by the help of knowledgeable posters such as yourself. I thought one major reason for a Catholic forum was to compare notes on our understanding of Church teachings?
 
Gottle of Geer said:
## I was a Bridesmaid in a Non-Catholic wedding–was it SIN?

No. Participation in the worship of other Christian bodies is encouraged - just about the only thing one cannot do, is receive the Eucharist.
. . .[etc.]
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All true, but not to the issue which is not per se one of attendance at a non-Catholic wedding (or any other non-Catholic church service); it is about being a participant (bridesmaid) at the wedding of a Catholic in a non-Catholic church where in the Catholic member is marrying a divorced man.
 
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AlanFromWichita:
What about serious matter, full knowledge and intent?

Are these not required for a sin to be mortal?

Can it be objectively serious matter, but without full knowledge and intent and thus objectively not a mortal sin? Please correct me if I’m wrong on this.

Thanks,
Alan

edit>> When you mentioned that anyone asking the question must feel guilty, you are suggesting that a person does not seek to have a more fully informed conscience by the help of knowledgeable posters such as yourself. I thought one major reason for a Catholic forum was to compare notes on our understanding of Church teachings?
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Alan, I think we are saying much the same thing in different ways.

I think the post VII habit of not using the word “Mortal” comes in here. There are only two types of actual sin - venial and mortal. If the matter is serious, the sin is mortal. But - to be culpable of the mortal sin, we must know that it is and consent to do it. In Moral Theology the terms are “formal sin” and “material sin”.

Just because the person committing the sin did not know, or did not freely give consent does not change the fact that the sin is a mortal sin - the serious matter did not change. The sin is still mortal, but the person is not culpable.

As for your last comment - I think that it is far better for a person to approach a good priest for matters of the conscience. I have seen far too many debates here and in other forums where it is clear that many of the posters do not know Catholic teaching and only post their opinions. The Catechism of the Catholic Church is available on-line and many questions would not need to be answered if the inquirer read the relevant sections.

I have also seen posters asking questions in the Ask an Apologist section. this is good - but too often they get their answer there, but insist on starting a thread on it in Moral Theology or somewhere else - perhaps hoping for an opinion that corresponds with their own. Most of us posters are not experts, and at least some have very strange ideas of what the Church teaches!! Looking for answers to moral theology questions from non-experts can lead to confusion.

I have found, in my own life experience, that when I feel the need to ask someone if something is a sin, it usually is! We tend to feel uncomfortable about doing something and it is frequently our conscience jabbing us!!
 
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