I was a Bridesmaid in a Non-Catholic wedding--was it SIN?

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Young Catholic,

I’m not young, but I’m a new Catholic. I married twice. My current husband and I are entering the Church together.

So I learned as much as I could about marriage and annulments. Reading the Ask an Apologist forum, aka AAA, was a great help - I read all the posts back to the very beginning!

YC, yes, it was a sin. Whether it was mortal or venial is between you and God, via your confessor.

Other posters have pointed out that participation in a non-Catholic service is OK as long as you don’t take communion - but that is not the issue here. It was a sin because, by your participation, you actively supported them in their adulterous marriage.

Celia, here’s a statement to practice in the mirror:
“You are my friend and I love you. Because of that, I do not want to help you do something that will exclude you from the Eucharist, and send you to hell. I’d rather see you in Heaven.”

Both of the invalidly married couples seem to be afraid of the annulment process…

God bless both of you. I’ll pray for you and your friends.
 
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nucatholic:
Are you kidding me? Its not a sin. Its good that you let her know where you stand but I don’t think its supporting the decision to marry outside the Church so much as just wanting to be there for your friend. Any reasonable person will understand.
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I agree!
 
I think most of you are right that I should discuss my culpability with a priest. Yes, I think what I did was a mortal sin, but my participation in it was limited by my initial lack of knowledge, then I felt it was “too late” to back out of something I had already committed to. In any event, I have to clear my conscience and talk with a priest. Thank you.
 
I checked with my priest and he said it is not a sin but a matter of conscience. He is a very traditional priest and I trust his judgement in this matter. My level of involvement…remains to be seen.
 
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Celia:
I checked with my priest and he said it is not a sin but a matter of conscience. He is a very traditional priest and I trust his judgement in this matter. My level of involvement…remains to be seen.
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The key distinction is between one who attends, and one who participates as an official witness to the wedding.

A bridesmaid is not normally an official witness – one of the two who sign the marriage documents as witnesses. Typically, that is done by the best man and the maid or matron of honour. When a Catholic marries a non-Catholic in a non-Catholic ceremony, without the permission of the Church, then no Catholic may act as an official witness to that ceremony. There is no prohibition against attending the ceremony, though,and as I noted, a bridesmaid, or usher or other groomsman, does not serve as such a witness. Then it indeed does become a question of conscience.

At this link to the page for the 1 March 06 “Our Sunday Visitor”, in the left hand “In This Issue” column, as the question of the week, a good discussion of this question is found.

Blessings,

Gerry
 
Gerry Hunter:
The key distinction is between one who attends, and one who participates as an official witness to the wedding.

A bridesmaid is not normally an official witness – one of the two who sign the marriage documents as witnesses. Typically, that is done by the best man and the maid or matron of honour. When a Catholic marries a non-Catholic in a non-Catholic ceremony, without the permission of the Church, then no Catholic may act as an official witness to that ceremony. There is no prohibition against attending the ceremony, though,and as I noted, a bridesmaid, or usher or other groomsman, does not serve as such a witness. Then it indeed does become a question of conscience.

At this link to the page for the 1 March 06 “Our Sunday Visitor”, in the left hand “In This Issue” column, as the question of the week, a good discussion of this question is found.

Blessings,

Gerry
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Gerry, what you say is very interesting, thank you for the explanation. I was not aware of the difference between “official witness” and an attendant. As a bridesmaid, would I be lumped in the attendant category? When you say “a matter of conscience” I am still not sure if what I did was a sin. After giving more thought to it, it certainly would have ended the friendship had I backed out of my bridesmaid position the month before the wedding. However, as said before, I was participating in an adulterous wedding ceremony.
 
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Youngcatholic:
Gerry, what you say is very interesting, thank you for the explanation. I was not aware of the difference between “official witness” and an attendant. As a bridesmaid, would I be lumped in the attendant category? When you say “a matter of conscience” I am still not sure if what I did was a sin. After giving more thought to it, it certainly would have ended the friendship had I backed out of my bridesmaid position the month before the wedding. However, as said before, I was participating in an adulterous wedding ceremony.
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If you were not a signatory to the marriage documents, you were not a witness, just someone who attended.

The best place to discuss the action would be in confession. Nothing to lose; grace to be gained, whether it’s a sin or not.

Personally, I think it is significant that the friendship and relationship would have ended. That could not justify being an official witness, but a featured attendant is not a witness, as noted. Ending the relationship would have removed any possibility of perhaps guiding the couple to regularizing their marriage in the eyes of the Church, should that opportunity present itself.

It’s always a tough situation when we are called upon to show love for people, when we cannot offer approval for the situation in which they have placed themselves.

Blessings,

Gerry
 
Gerry Hunter:
Personally, I think it is significant that the friendship and relationship would have ended. That could not justify being an official witness, but a featured attendant is not a witness, as noted. Ending the relationship would have removed any possibility of perhaps guiding the couple to regularizing their marriage in the eyes of the Church, should that opportunity present itself.
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You make a great point. I think we are sometimes too quick to run away from challenges, or to avoid or push away others when they are not at the same place we are.

Looking to the future, the beliefs and feelings of others must be realistically be considered if we truly consider them “lost sheep” and intend to play some role in assisting the Good Shepherd to find them in the future.
It’s always a tough situation when we are called upon to show love for people, when we cannot offer approval for the situation in which they have placed themselves.
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The most dramatic example I’ve seen was at the Marriage Encounter weekend that Julie and I went to. At the end of the weekend, just before Mass, the priest was explaining how he couldn’t give Communion to the non-Catholics among us. He actually cried while explaining how it is about our belief system and he wishes he could share Communion with all the couples who have just been the weekend together. That was the only part of the weekend from which some of us were excluded, and it visibly pained him to do that excluding.

Alan
 
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