I will be happy when X

  • Thread starter Thread starter JamalChristophr
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
J

JamalChristophr

Guest
I’ve been thinking about this sort of thing for awhile. For those of you who are married, did you think to yourself before marriage, “I will be finally happy, when: I am married.” And did you find it to be true? Can you share your experiences with me on this topic.

I am a single guy and have been for a really long time (never married)…and I often have this thought mentioned above. I know that it may be rather poorly founded, based on anecdotal evidence 🤷 and my lack of ever actually obtaining “x”, so I can’t really say with much certainty that such a belief is even remotely true.

So do you married people have anything to tell me on this note. Am I wildly off base in such a belief? Surely it must be true in some manner, otherwise people would not seek marriage and stay married, so on and so forth…

Maybe we could add to this question the broad concept or line of thinking that perhaps we all share, "I will be happy, when: x " What do you guys think on this? Is it just a recurring loop we find ourselves in until we actually get to Heaven?

I suppose idealists may have the most difficult time in this life. Thanks for answering!
 
Hi Jamal :),

I wanted to answer you while I had some thoughts right at the top of my head…😉

I think that it’s “normal” to actually think this, when you’re looking to get married.

I’m pretty sure that I was thinking this, when I was younger and I was looking to get married myself.

From everything that I’ve read about books on relationship and marriage though throughout the years, the thinking is that we’re not supposed to put everything onto our spouse to make us happy, or to put everything on to another person to make us happy.

We’re supposed to rely on ourselves for our own happiness.

What I’ve learned too, is that we should have a balanced life, to have a happy life.

What that means, is that we shouldn’t rely on our spouse for everything.

Some people do that, where when they get married, they kind of disappear in a sense where their friends no longer hear from them.

We have to find a way to split up the time that works for each us, but the point is to split the time up in a way so that we’re dividing up the available time that we have for activities so that nothing and no one is neglected. 🙂
 
I think you have to be a happy person FIRST.

Then you have a shot at making another person happy and being happy together.

Nothing is more attractive than joy.

SO many of the threads here relate stories of people who are miserable. Mostly because they are miserable about their spouse. People who are incredibly invested in making their spouse happy daily, find that happiness comes back to them so many times over.

But once a person decides that their partner is a jerk, a loser, or bad…guess what? Misery. Misery that can often be remedied by thoughtfulness, compassion, and kindness.

Peace,
Clare
 
I also suppose “happiness” is a rather ambiguous term that is hard to pin down and perhaps isn’t exactly what we are shooting for as followers of Jesus in this life, but we all desire to be “happy” nonetheless.
 
JamalChristophr said:
I also suppose “happiness” is a rather ambiguous term that is hard to pin down and perhaps isn’t exactly what we are shooting for as followers of Jesus in this life, but we all desire to be “happy” nonetheless.
Click to expand...
Jesus never said He expected people to be unhappy or miserable.
Joy is a big thing in the Gospels.
 
pianistclare said:
Jesus never said He expected people to be unhappy or miserable.
Joy is a big thing in the Gospels.
Click to expand...
I agree. But I’m guessing you would also agree that there are different ways to define terms such as 'joy", “happiness”, and “blessedmess” etc.

Anyways, let’s try and not digress too much for the OP… :manvspc: at least not for a few more posts. lol
 
JamalChristophr said:
I agree. But I’m guessing you would also agree that there are different ways to define terms such as 'joy", “happiness”, and “blessedmess” etc.
Click to expand...
Not really. Contentment and satisfaction are pretty much the same thing.
Happiness is a state of mind. It’s not stuff, or dependent on other people.
 
It’s never a good idea to pin all your happiness on one earthly thing, not that most of us aren’t guilty of doing this. I have a friend who is single and unhappy but is really trying to focus on other things, getting married isn’t a cure all for unhappiness but I think it’s fair to say it can sometimes be a good fix for issues like loneliness.
 
I think people with an “I will be happy when…” mentality will NEVER be happy.

I will be happy when…
  • I get the promotion
  • I get married
  • I have kids
  • I buy my dream house
  • I can quit my job
  • My spouse does X or Y
  • I have enough to retire
  • I lose weight
whatever it is you are chasing will not satisfy you, so then you will chase something else.

Happiness cannot be found in other people or in things. Happiness comes from within. Jesus has quite a lot to say about it in the Gospels, actually. It’s what we call the Beatitudes.

If someone isn’t happy with themselves, they won’t be happy period. It’s important to focus on why you aren’t happy or why you think a (spouse, job, car, home, boat, whatever) will make you happy.

It takes a lot of work and self-actualization to climb that mountain, summit it, and figure it all out. We’ve all been there, thinking X or Y will be the thing or event that changes everything and makes us magically happy.

Nope.
 
JamalChristophr said:
Maybe we could add to this question the broad concept or line of thinking that perhaps we all share, "I will be happy, when: x " What do you guys think on this? Is it just a recurring loop we find ourselves in until we actually get to Heaven?
I suppose idealists may have the most difficult time in this life. Thanks for answering!
Click to expand...
Loop, yes. If we live only in the past or future, we will loop through the “I will be happy when…” until the day we die. Living in the present is the only way to break that cycle. Not to say that living in the present will make you happy, it won’t. There is much unhappiness in the present. However, living in the present means that you won’t miss a smidgeon of happiness should it come you way (for me it’s looking at a honeybee doing its work on a flower).

Jesus never promised us happiness in this life (that is for the next life). But he also tried to live in the present as best he could.
 
I agree with 1ke.

It is not healthy/wise/easy to tie happiness to something so big. Compared to many of my friends, I got married late - 28 years old. I think I was a pretty happy single guy. I tied my happiness to things like:

my team winning
going out with friends
going to church
volunteering to be a catechist
getting a good job
traveling (was part of my job)
 
JamalChristophr said:
I’ve been thinking about this sort of thing for awhile. For those of you who are married, did you think to yourself before marriage, “I will be finally happy, when: I am married.” And did you find it to be true? Can you share your experiences with me on this topic.

I am a single guy and have been for a really long time (never married)…and I often have this thought mentioned above. I know that it may be rather poorly founded, based on anecdotal evidence 🤷 and my lack of ever actually obtaining “x”, so I can’t really say with much certainty that such a belief is even remotely true.

So do you married people have anything to tell me on this note. Am I wildly off base in such a belief? Surely it must be true in some manner, otherwise people would not seek marriage and stay married, so on and so forth…

Maybe we could add to this question the broad concept or line of thinking that perhaps we all share, "I will be happy, when: x " What do you guys think on this? Is it just a recurring loop we find ourselves in until we actually get to Heaven?

I suppose idealists may have the most difficult time in this life. Thanks for answering!
Click to expand...
I think there is some truth to this idea. Though I think you should be relatively happy before you get married. That said, I certainly feel much happier and more fulfilled than when I was single. That’s part of the point of a vocation though. The Lord wants us all to be happy in our vocations. As a single person I always desired marriage. I was happy before I married. But I am definitely happier now.
 
JamalChristophr said:
I’ve been thinking about this sort of thing for awhile. For those of you who are married, did you think to yourself before marriage, “I will be finally happy, when: I am married.” And did you find it to be true? Can you share your experiences with me on this topic.

I am a single guy and have been for a really long time (never married)…and I often have this thought mentioned above. I know that it may be rather poorly founded, based on anecdotal evidence 🤷 and my lack of ever actually obtaining “x”, so I can’t really say with much certainty that such a belief is even remotely true.

So do you married people have anything to tell me on this note. Am I wildly off base in such a belief? Surely it must be true in some manner, otherwise people would not seek marriage and stay married, so on and so forth…

Maybe we could add to this question the broad concept or line of thinking that perhaps we all share, "I will be happy, when: x " What do you guys think on this? Is it just a recurring loop we find ourselves in until we actually get to Heaven?

I suppose idealists may have the most difficult time in this life. Thanks for answering!
Click to expand...
I think marriage like anything else has it’s pros and cons. It can be wonderful but I imagine it does take a lot of work to keep it that way as well as sacrifices. Being single has it’s draw backs too. No one to help navigate life or share things with. Having put myself out there and found nothing but dead ends I took myself off the marriage search and am resigned that if GOD wants you single that’s just the way it will be. Some days I’m really sad about other it I’m more worried about getting by and don’t even notice. Prayers and best of luck.
 
Really excellent answers, everyone. It seems to me that there are different types of “happiness”, some wholely spiritual and not touchable by external “happenings” in our day to day lives and others more according to our human nature and tending towards being transient.

For example, Our Lady was reported to say to Saint Bernadette, “I do not promise you happiness in this life but in the next.”

I think everyone has touched on some truths here.
 
Luvz2travel said:
Having put myself out there and found nothing but dead ends I took myself off the marriage search and am resigned that if GOD wants you single that’s just the way it will be.
Click to expand...
Yes, the same thought has occurred to me too. But then on the other hand, maybe it’s a matter of being heroically patient- either way, it takes abandonment to God’s Will and taking one day at a time. That is my general game plan anyways.

It take a lot of faith (for me, anyways) to always see God’s benevolent Will in all the circumstances of our lives.
 
JamalChristophr said:
Yes, the same thought has occurred to me too. But then on the other hand, maybe it’s a matter of being heroically patient- either way, it takes abandonment to God’s Will and taking one day at a time. That is my general game plan anyways.

It take a lot of faith (for me, anyways) to always see God’s benevolent Will in all the circumstances of our lives.
Click to expand...
Yes it’s a daily struggle sometimes.
 
JamalChristophr said:
Yes, the same thought has occurred to me too. But then on the other hand, maybe it’s a matter of being heroically patient- either way, it takes abandonment to God’s Will and taking one day at a time. That is my general game plan anyways.

It take a lot of faith (for me, anyways) to always see God’s benevolent Will in all the circumstances of our lives.
Click to expand...
True. God has a sense of humour though. Especially in this area. I very much wanted to find a wife when I was in my late teens/early 20’s. When I was 24 I decided to abandon myself to God’s will and give religious life a try. That wasn’t for me but I met my wife during the time I was doing that.
So basically when I wasn’t trying to find a wife at all…one was prettymuch dropped into my life by the Lord. 😃
 
AdamPeter said:
True. God has a sense of humour though. Especially in this area. I very much wanted to find a wife when I was in my late teens/early 20’s. When I was 24 I decided to abandon myself to God’s will and give religious life a try. That wasn’t for me but I met my wife during the time I was doing that.
So basically when I wasn’t trying to find a wife at all…one was prettymuch dropped into my life by the Lord. 😃
Click to expand...
That’s awesome. God is indeed funny sometimes. The ripe old age of 24, huh? Wow, you must have been nearing retirement by then, I’m thinking. :stretcher:
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top