I woke up to find an unwelcome object in my kitchen

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Margarete_Faust

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Last night I woke up to my roommate’s friends being obnoxiously loud in the kitchen. Since I tend to be a tired person who has had loud roommates in the past, I can usually solve the problem by just going back to sleep, so no confrontation needed. Since it’s finals week at my university, and I don’t have that many finals to take (I am a graduate student) I assumed that my roommate assumed that I could be bothered on a weeknight on this particular week. Anyway, I woke up again and heard strange references to a doll in the kitchen. “I can’t believe you bought a blow-up doll”, “Is your roommate going to freak out when she sees this?”. After I heard all of this, my ability to fall asleep left me altogether.

I got up sometime after they had left (at 3:30 am, mind you) and found that there was indeed a blow-up doll in the kitchen. Now, my roommate is the kind of person who would find blow-up dolls to be funny. I know absolutely nothing about her sex life. What I do know about her is that she is agnostic and preaches the word “tolerance” a lot (you know, as in abortion is a form of tolerance, and supporting gay marriage is a form of tolerance). In spite of the fact that we are as different as night and day, we have been able to maintain harmony in our roommate relationship.

At the same time, I AM offended by this blow-up doll being in the kitchen. I am sure it’s place there is temporary, and that no one did anything with it last night other than to treat it like some huge stuffed animal that they adopted as a friend. I know I will speak to her about her friends being over that late on a weeknight during finals week, but how do I address the doll? I feel like I am going to get a “tolerance” argument thrown at me somehow. In any case, please pray for me (and the conversion of my roommate).
 
I can understand your disgust…

I would open her bedroom door and just put it in her room. When she says something, just say what she has in her room is her business. What is in the kitchen is both of yours.
 
You know the problem with blow-up things? They leak. They deflate.

Surely the blow-up doll has a leaky seam somewhere. Or it can be helped to have a leaky seam. Then it can collapse into a little unobtrusive puddle of plastic before being pushed aside.
 
I would dress it up like a saint and then wait for your roommate to find it.
 
catholicanne said:
I would dress it up like a saint and then wait for your roommate to find it.
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As much as I like that idea, I feel like it would only encourage her to desecrate the image of the saint, making the situation a little more problematic…
 
Nan_S said:
You know the problem with blow-up things? They leak. They deflate. Surely the blow-up doll has a leaky seam somewhere. Or it can be helped to have a leaky seam. Then it can collapse into a little unobtrusive puddle of plastic before being pushed aside.
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👍 I was thinking the same thing! All kinds of accidents can befall those things…

Especially in the kitchen surrounded by sharp objects and sources of heat.

The Chinese are not known for their high quality sex toys 🤷
 
Margarete_Faust said:
… but how do I address the doll? I feel like I am going to get a “tolerance” argument thrown at me somehow. In any case, please pray for me (and the conversion of my roommate).
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Tolerance does not mean getting walked on. You can tell her that for as long as you SHARE the apartment, that you need not walk on each other, and must be mutually respectful of shared space. The way to do this is to treat common areas as personally neutral - that means that you won’t hang a crucifix in the kitchen, and she won’t bring in her blow up toys. But in your private space of the apartment, you may bring into that space anything that is specific to your own personality and preferences.
Nan_S said:
You know the problem with blow-up things? They leak. They deflate.

Surely the blow-up doll has a leaky seam somewhere. Or it can be helped to have a leaky seam. Then it can collapse into a little unobtrusive puddle of plastic before being pushed aside.
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I cannot believe that moral, Christian, mature people are even suggesting that vandalism is a reasonable means of resolving this situation. Way to go folks - let’s teach our young people how to solve problems and deal with conflict by way of destroying the property of others!!! 👍

:rolleyes:

~Liza
 
Margarete_Faust said:
As much as I like that idea, I feel like it would only encourage her to desecrate the image of the saint, making the situation a little more problematic…
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Maybe dress it up as Santa Clause. Who had so little relationship to Saint Nicholas in American culture that there can be no real desicration.
 
lizaanne said:
Tolerance does not mean getting walked on. You can tell her that for as long as you SHARE the apartment, that you need not walk on each other, and must be mutually respectful of shared space. The way to do this is to treat common areas as personally neutral - that means that you won’t hang a crucifix in the kitchen, and she won’t bring in her blow up toys. But in your private space of the apartment, you may bring into that space anything that is specific to your own personality and preferences. I cannot believe that moral, Christian, mature people are even suggesting that vandalism is a reasonable means of resolving this situation. Way to go folks - let’s teach our young people how to solve problems and deal with conflict by way of destroying the property of others!!! 👍 :rolleyes: ~Liza
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Oh c’mon now…a little humour.

For the record I was not SERIOUSLY suggesting comitting a sin was the answer.

To be helpful to the OP…how about de-flating it and storing it somewhere? It is a shared item, no? Then maybe you can invite some people over (like your priest or your parents…or their parents) and ask that it remain in storage.
 
Armor_of_Light said:
Oh c’mon now…a little humour.
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I personally don’t find the situation humorous at all. A sex toy was left in this woman’s kitchen – would it still be funny if she found a phallic shaped device on the table? I don’t see this as being any different.

By laughing at this situation and joking about it, one is essentially saying that it’s not important and is dismissing the OP’s concern as trivial and something to laugh about.

Sorry, but I don’t find this to be funny in the least. Guess I’m just a prude.

~Liza
 
just tell her your uncomfortable with it and to please remove it to her room or entirely.
 
this is no good!

if my daughter my son, my cousin friend anybody have to see this thing in her house i never will be happy about it.

i don believe this good for you. i would say never thouch this doll whatever. you don know what they do with it or why.

you say to her you don approve of thise. and you know apreciate it in your kitchen
 
lizaanne said:
I personally don’t find the situation humorous at all. A sex toy was left in this woman’s kitchen – would it still be funny if she found a phallic shaped device on the table? I don’t see this as being any different. By laughing at this situation and joking about it, one is essentially saying that it’s not important and is dismissing the OP’s concern as trivial and something to laugh about. Sorry, but I don’t find this to be funny in the least. Guess I’m just a prude. ~Liza
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I don’t think you are a prude…I agree that finding a sex toy in the middle of a common living area is not acceptable.

Situation= not funny.
Suggestions on how to deal with it= attempt at funny.
 
lizaanne said:
I personally don’t find the situation humorous at all. A sex toy was left in this woman’s kitchen – would it still be funny if she found a phallic shaped device on the table? I don’t see this as being any different.

By laughing at this situation and joking about it, one is essentially saying that it’s not important and is dismissing the OP’s concern as trivial and something to laugh about.

Sorry, but I don’t find this to be funny in the least. Guess I’m just a prude.

~Liza
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I we were dismissing her concerns, you would be correct; but humor is not automatically a dismissal. The op should put the doll in her roommate’s room, and ask her to not put stuff like that in the common areas of the house.

This suggestion was already given, and it’s a good one. Then, someone said something funny. Why not get a good laugh about it once a good suggestion’s been given?
 
Put it in her bed under the covers with a note that says, “I found your “friend” drunk and naked in the kitchen.”
 
Thanks for the responses! My roommate did get out of bed in the last hour, and when I got to the kitchen, I did find her in the act of cleaning up everything from the kitchen (the beer bottles, the doll, etc). She kind of looked at me sheepishly and admitted she and her friends bought it jointly ($40 down the drain, if you ask me) on a whim. She even admitted it was a stupid idea (but more from a financial point of view). We talked about it and she seemed to be cool about leaving it in her room.

A note on the vandalism suggestions: the thought did cross my mind, but it would have given her the justification to go after my stuff too, especially more sacred things like my Bible, my rosaries, and my Orthodox Christian icons. She has a skeleton key to her bedroom and can lock the door (we live in a very old house), while my bedroom key has been missing long before I moved in.
 
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