This is a spinoff of another thread. Some of the comments were stressing me out, so I decided to create my own thread.
I only have a two year old and a four year old so maybe I am missing something and I’ll understand when they’re older. I do not understand the mentality that I, as a mother, would be devastated that my child chooses not to be Catholic and follow the Church’s teachings. Doesn’t free will come into play here? We will raise them the best way we know how but the ultimate decision is up to them. I understand that by virtue of their baptism they will be Catholic for life, but if they choose to reject that - it’s their soul. That has nothing to do with me.
To me it seems like the child is seen as an extension of the parents and is not seen as a unique individual. I have some issues in my past that might be clouding my thinking, but that to me is disturbing.
Feel free to tell me I’m wrong, I am trying to understand.
All Catholic parents should live out the promises made at the time of infant Baptism. The child (children) will be raised Catholic. This will require a good example being set by both parents. Take them to Mass when they’re young. Be good role models to them every day. No, not everyone is perfect but marriage has its ups and downs. Sometimes, dealing with your spouse and your kids can be stressful. Give them rules to follow regarding their behavior at home: like how to deal with their siblings, fairness and doing chores. And guidance about how to deal with problems at school. Just let them know you care and want to hear about anything that’s bothering them.
As they are growing, be prepared for questions. Questions about relationships and other things on their minds. Watch what they do and follow what they become interested in. Ask them about homework and how things are going in school. Things might be fine for a while, but be prepared for “I got into a fight” or hearing about being bullied.
What I find disturbing is the idea that some parents consider their children adults and out of their hands when they turn 18. Your children are still family when they become adults. You are still their parents. It might turn out that after they leave home, they may want to come back because they lost their job. Not uncommon.
You should tell them you are still available even after they start their own families, for advice or other help. Bottom line: You and your spouse shaped your kids on their way to becoming adults. Both of you were a big part of their lives. That should not end after they get married and have kids of their own. Catholic families generally beget Catholic families, and there are aunts, uncles, in-laws and other relatives that should be part of it.
And one really big problem regarding dating and marriage is a lack of dialogue between both families. Too often, boy meets girl, he’s hot, she’s hot, let’s hop in the sack, live together - gotta have a test drive - and then get married – maybe. Mom or dad need to sit their young adult down and ask them the practical questions: "Where will you live? How will you support each other? Do you have reliable transportation? Have you saved any money so if the car breaks down or one of you gets ill, you’re not paying 18% interest to pay the bills? Then tell them they should talk to a priest. Why? Because, too often, after the ceremony, one or both realize they married a total stranger. After all the fun and sex, they didn’t even try to find out if they were really compatible people. "Oh my God! My husband is a total jerk, a drunk, inconsiderate, wants to spend most of his free time with his buddies and not include me, or ‘doesn’t want to hear it’ when I had a bad day at work, and does not know how to have an intelligent argument that does not involve calling me names.
Fact: The majority of people who live together before marriage end up getting divorced. Marriage is not to be entered lightly. It’s a commitment.
As Catholics, we should prepare our children for life so they can do their best and avoid making mistakes to the best of our ability. Divorce, in most cases, does not ‘just happen.’ Instead of “Hello, mom? Me and Janet are getting divorced” followed by, “Well, it’s your decision - whatever.” It should be a case where your son or daughter or even daughter-in-law can call you and ask for advice to help both of them avoid divorce.
I heard a priest on Catholic Radio talk about his wild youth. How he stole things, got into trouble with the law, insulted his parents, and his mother prayed for him. She put her trust in God and his father stood with her. Then, their prayers were answered. By the grace of God he woke up one day and saw that the way he was going was wrong. It led to nothing good and he cried and cried. He asked for forgiveness. Then he was led to the Church and then, became a priest. He still has his tattoos.
Your children do have free will but it is your responsibility to raise them as Catholics and be there for them during their formative years, guiding them and modeling good behavior. Yes, they may give that up and decide not to be Catholic anymore later on. But that means you should pray for them. Other mothers and fathers have turned to God in those cases. That is the right thing to do. To trust in God. Their souls are at stake.
God bless,
Ed
It is a far greater gift to squander than the gifts we squander through a life of crime and drugs.