I would be more "open to life" if I could get my tubes tied!

[constantconvert]

He told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply, not everyone, but that’s beside the point. The point is, the fact that it’s “just not my thing”, coupled with financial concerns, coupled wih the fact that my husband and I would be miserable, are all sufficiently serious reasons to avoid having more than 3 children. I am so tired of people on here thinking you have to be practically dying or living on the street to avoid more children. That’s just not what the Church teaches. The fact is, I would be in misery with 4 kids, as would my husband. Thats reason enough right there. This second one almost broke me And since NFP just isn’t that reliable, there is no way we are going to try for a third, because when NFP DOES fail us, we may only end up wih 3, but the drawback is that we can’t try for the 3rd we actually want oh well.

All the super mom’s out there who would be happy with 7 kids, congratulations and pat yourselves on the back, but I am sick to death of people on here getting all judemental because some moms don’t want a baker’s dozen. It’s not like I’m using contraception or anything, sheesh!

I empathize with what you’re saying. I’m 45 and I do not want any more children. You may be thinking, well, you’re not very fertile at your age so you don’t have as much risk, but I’m scared to death he/she might have Downs or some other disability which is highly likely at my age. I’m in a terrible marriage, we can’t afford it, etc. I can’t even practice NFP because my cycle has always been irregular!!! That is what it looks like from MY perspective.

BUT GOD

But God sees things differently. Does things differently. His ways are higher than our ways, his thoughts are not our thoughts. It is in times of resistance, when we wonder where the heck he is and what he’s doing, times when we can’t believe this is happening to us that he gives us the best graces. That’s when we need Him most. That’s when we rely on him most. That’s when we surrender to his will, and he gives us wonderful, beautiful graces. I’m not trying to sound stoic or like a martyr, I’m just saying that to move toward union with God a lot of times we have to give up what we want.

Believe me, I’m not judging you. When you’re trying to trust God in ways that will have a huge impact on you and the lives of your children, this is where the rubber meets the road

 

[Debora123]

This is so funny because as baffling as you find MY perspective, I find yours equally so. The idea that being open to one or 2 or even 3 children should mean that I am open to 4, 5, 6, 7 children doesn’t follow for me. I am open to having one husband, one dog, one rack of baby back ribs, 2 feet, etc. I simply don’t want or need any more of these things. Having more than one husband or dog or more than 2 feet, while a seemingly good idea to some people, is really not my thing. You say that about having more than x number of kids and Catholics look at you like you’re the devil.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

If I get pregnant after having my tubes tied, I shall buy a lottery ticket.

Did you ever see the episode of “I didn’t know I was pregnant?” With the peri-menopausal woman, who was 45, hadn’t had her period in 5 months prior to conceiving, and had had a tubal years prior?’

She had a boy, his name was “Hunter”

 

[PatriceA]

If I get pregnant after having my tubes tied, I shall buy a lottery ticket.

Tell that to one of my good friends that had her tubes tied and just found out she’s pregnant.

 

[Rita77]

???

**I think you are misunderstanding “open to life.” The way the church uses it, it is not your general attitude towards having kids or how many kids you have, but rather lovingly accepting children from God. In essence it means that each and every marital act must be “open to life.” As in you put nothing in the way. **
I understand that sometimes we feel stretched to the limit. But your post made me a little uncomfortable. What if you try for your girl (planning on getting your tubes tied after) and you get another boy? Cannot risk 4, what happens if you have twins while trying for a girl and then getting your tubes tied?

great points Jilly4ski!

 

[LaSainte]

Respectfully, how do you know that you would be so miserable with 4 children?

For the same reason I know I would be miserable as a heart surgeon or living in Siberia or putting my head in a vise. You say you would be unhappy doing any of those things and nobody thinks twice, but a woman says she doesn’t want 4 kids and people act like she should have her ovaries confiscated. It’s not for everyone. Are those my choices? 19 kids or a nunnery?

 

[Rita77]

For the same reason I know I would be miserable as a heart surgeon or living in Siberia or putting my head in a vise. You say you would be unhappy doing any of those things and nobody thinks twice, but a woman says she doesn’t want 4 kids and people act like she should have her ovaries confiscated. It’s not for everyone. Are those my choices? 19 kids or a nunnery?

no one here is saying you have to have so many kids or else not even the Church. you problem is that you don’t trust nfp as a way to space children. some of us trust it and don’t care how many kids we have. accept it for what it is and move on.

 

[Havard]

For the same reason I know I would be miserable as a heart surgeon or living in Siberia or putting my head in a vise. You say you would be unhappy doing any of those things and nobody thinks twice, but a woman says she doesn’t want 4 kids and people act like she should have her ovaries confiscated. It’s not for everyone. Are those my choices? 19 kids or a nunnery?

Jesus was very clear that following him would be hard. I mean, how do you think faithful Catholics with same sex attraction feel?

The Catholic Church has always maintained the historic Christian teaching that deliberate acts of contraception are always gravely sinful, which means that it is mortally sinful if done with full knowledge and deliberate consent (CCC 1857). This teaching cannot be changed and has been taught by the Church infallibly. If you decide to reject the Church teaching and make up your own rules, I sincerely hope you have a change of heart. I will try to remember to pray for an abundance of God’s grace in your life.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

For the same reason I know I would be miserable as a heart surgeon or living in Siberia or putting my head in a vise. You say you would be unhappy doing any of those things and nobody thinks twice, but a woman says she doesn’t want 4 kids and people act like she should have her ovaries confiscated. It’s not for everyone. Are those my choices? 19 kids or a nunnery?

But there is no comparison between having 3 children, having been called to be a mother, and becoming a heart surgeon! I know you are merely being dramatic here, but I just want to have you look at this arbitrary number of blessings you have decided will be enough. It makes no sense to say, I will have 3 children but not 4, not under any circumstances, no how, no way. 4 instead of 3 children does not stretch a family’s love and cause it to deplete.

I can understand people who want NO children more than I can understand the idea of having 2 or 3 children but not under any circumstances being open to 4. I’m not saying you should have 4 children, mind you, but what is the reason?

Since your title makes no sense either, maybe I should just let it go…

 

[gardenswithkids]

…but a woman says she doesn’t want 4 kids and people act like she should have her ovaries confiscated. …

No, no!! We really don’t want to confiscate your ovaries. Nor do we want to cut your falopian tubes. They’re your ovaries and your falopian tubes–please take care of them! Keep your body parts healthy and free from harm, no matter how many children you want.

 

[LucyLight]

Some people simply cannot handle more than lets say 3 children. Of course some couples can handle 10. This could be do to mental health, energy levels, age etc. Some people are more aware of their limit than others. If you feel that you can barely handle the two that you have than its reasonable to think that one more would be your limit. Who knows maybe when you have the third you’ll realize your can handle one more. Just take it one kid at a time. But for some couples having a limit is prudent.

 

[mark_a]

Ironically, this is true. I have 2 boys under 3. I am 35. I would like to try for a girl, but I know myself, and 3 is my absolute MAX. As it is, I am utterly exhausted. The thing is, if I try for a girl and get pregnant, then what if NFP fails after that? I can’t risk it. The only thing I can do is practice NFP from now until I am no longer fertile. That way, if I get pregnant, it won’t be a disaster. So assuming NFP works as well as the people on here claim, I will have only 2 kids, whereas if I could just have one more and then have my tunes tied, I would probably do that. I just cannot risk having 4, so I will probably end up with only 2 instead of the 3 I would actually like. Ironic isn’t it?

Just in case you didn’t know, there is an ethical way to “try for a girl”. The onemoresoul website is a good starting point.

 

[LaSainte]

Did you ever see the episode of “I didn’t know I was pregnant?” With the peri-menopausal woman, who was 45, hadn’t had her period in 5 months prior to conceiving, and had had a tubal years prior?’

She had a boy, his name was “Hunter”

Wow! She really SHOULD buy a lottery ticket!

 

[LaSainte]

But there is no comparison between having 3 children, having been called to be a mother, and becoming a heart surgeon! I know you are merely being dramatic here, but I just want to have you look at this arbitrary number of blessings you have decided will be enough. It makes no sense to say, I will have 3 children but not 4, not under any circumstances, no how, no way. 4 instead of 3 children does not stretch a family’s love and cause it to deplete.

I can understand people who want NO children more than I can understand the idea of having 2 or 3 children but not under any circumstances being open to 4. I’m not saying you should have 4 children, mind you, but what is the reason?

Since your title makes no sense either, maybe I should just let it go…

Money- cannot send 4 kids to college, maybe not even 3. A college degree now is compulsory. It’s like a high school degree was in the 60s. I need to be able to send them all to school.

Sports/activities-can’t afford for 4 kids to do gymnastics/play teeball/learn piano or whatever it is they are good at.

I guess I could just pick the smartest one or two and send them to school and the other two can flip burgers, take the most talented one or two and let the rest watch from the sidelines, etc.

Travelling is very important to me, as is getting my PhD in French literature and teaching at the university, publishing my work, traveling, etc. Yes, I have personal needs that do not involve wiping bottoms and leaning up spit up.

I am not fond of children. I ADORE my 2 boys, but other people’s kids make me angry- I am just not a kid person. 2 is fine, 3 is pushing it, 4 is just annoying.

I can barely get out of bed in the morning as it is. I haven’t slept through the night in almost 4 years. I’m effing tired! After my 2nd son I cried almost every day for months. I know my limits. If I had twice the number of kids I do now I would jump off a bridge.

Trust me, I want to be an amazing mommy to 2 maybe 3 kids TOPS, not a ******, angry, crying, broke mess of a mommy to 4 kids. After my last baby I actually hoped something would go wrong during the c-section that would accidentally sterilize me!

 

[Allegra]

What are you going to do if you got pregnant again and got girl twins?

One of the things my mother always said was that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Lots of things can change in life. I wouldn’t stress out about the exact number of kids you are going to have. If you and hubby feel ready to try for that girl, go for it! God has a plan for us and it works best if we try follow His plan and not our own. Lots of posters have given good and true advice about NFP and babies. I emphatically suggest that you not mutilate your reproductive organs. (And those tube pregnancies are absolutely real and happen much more frequently than winning the lottary. My mother’s coworker had to have a baby removed because of that. It was devastating because she lost the baby and she couldn’t get pregnant ever again. She also nearly died from the complications and an infection afterward.

 

[LaSainte]

But there is no comparison between having 3 children, having been called to be a mother, and becoming a heart surgeon! I know you are merely being dramatic here, but I just want to have you look at this arbitrary number of blessings you have decided will be enough. It makes no sense to say, I will have 3 children but not 4, not under any circumstances, no how, no way. 4 instead of 3 children does not stretch a family’s love and cause it to deplete.

I can understand people who want NO children more than I can understand the idea of having 2 or 3 children but not under any circumstances being open to 4. I’m not saying you should have 4 children, mind you, but what is the reason?

Since your title makes no sense either, maybe I should just let it go…

Money- cannot send 4 kids to college, maybe not even 3. A college degree now is compulsory. It’s like a high school degree was in the 60s. I need to be able to send them all to school.

Sports/activities-can’t afford for 4 kids to do gymnastics/play teeball/learn piano or whatever it is they are good at.

I guess I could just pick the smartest one or two and send them to school and the other two can flip burgers, take the most talented one or two and let the rest watch from the sidelines, etc.

Travelling is very important to me, as is getting my PhD in French literature and teaching at the university, publishing my work, traveling, etc. Yes, I have personal needs that do not involve wiping bottoms and leaning up spit up.

I am not fond of children. I ADORE my 2 boys, but other people’s kids make me angry- I am just not a kid person. 2 is fine, 3 is pushing it, 4 is just annoying.

I can barely get out of bed in the morning as it is. I haven’t slept through the night in almost 4 years. I’m effing tired! After my 2nd son I cried almost every day for months. I know my limits. If I had twice the number of kids I do now I would jump off a bridge.

Trust me, I want to be an amazing mommy to 2 maybe 3 kids TOPS, not a ******, angry, crying, broke mess of a mommy to 4 kids. After my last baby I actually hoped something would go wrong during the c-section that would accidentally sterilize me!

 

[LaSainte]

What are you going to do if you got pregnant again and got girl twins?

One of the things my mother always said was that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Lots of things can change in life. I wouldn’t stress out about the exact number of kids you are going to have. If you and hubby feel ready to try for that girl, go for it! God has a plan for us and it works best if we try follow His plan and not our own. Lots of posters have given good and true advice about NFP and babies. I emphatically suggest that you not mutilate your reproductive organs. (And those tube pregnancies are absolutely real and happen much more frequently than winning the lottary. My mother’s coworker had to have a baby removed because of that. It was devastating because she lost the baby and she couldn’t get pregnant ever again. She also nearly died from the complications and an infection afterward.

This is why we will just use NFP until I am no longer fertile. Hopefully it will only fail once! If it doesn’t fail, that’s probably for the best anyway.

 

[LaSainte]

Just in case you didn’t know, there is an ethical way to “try for a girl”. The onemoresoul website is a good starting point.

If we were going to go for it, I would absolutely do this!

 

[LaSainte]

Some people simply cannot handle more than lets say 3 children. Of course some couples can handle 10. This could be do to mental health, energy levels, age etc. Some people are more aware of their limit than others. If you feel that you can barely handle the two that you have than its reasonable to think that one more would be your limit. Who knows maybe when you have the third you’ll realize your can handle one more. Just take it one kid at a time. But for some couples having a limit is prudent.

Yes! I do not understand how people who don’t even know me are so cavalier about suggesting I not limit my children. If they knew me, they would not be saying this.

 

[agapewolf]

I think people would be more sympathetic to you here if you weren’t so oppositely overly dramatic in all of your hyperbole.

No one said anything about you have umteen kids. no one here is judging the amount you have.

No, YOU don’t have to send your kids to college. They can get scholarships and Grants. YOU don’t have to have them in every sport, activity, and piano lessons.

You are bringing up scenarios here that are so ridiculous even in their basis.

Your title seems to be saying “Huh…take THAT God…see what you made me do? Because you make me follow this rule, I’m NOT going to help you make another human being”.

You can’t fool God. Getting your tubes tied, by definition, would be not only “not open to life” it would be completely closed off from His spiritual fruitfulness and grace. It would make you and your spouse objects for each other.

And counting on NFP to fail…but you don’t think it will fail more than once, makes absolutely no sense.