This is fraught with difficulty. The church needs to teach what is right. It is right and just may come to mind.
God’s mercy has no bounds but this does not justify teaching “half-truths” nor hopeful understanding. Living this knowledge is again different. I do not wish to imply the church is of two minds, she is not. There is a distinction between what is true of the faith and that for which we hope.
When someone commits suicide or dies in an act which must be construed as gravely sinful then prayer for them is requested. Actually, unless one dies as a recognized martyr prayer is requested. Why would we ask for prayer when the moment of death has passed? Because God is eternal and makes time exists. God is outside of time, time is a creation of The Creator.
I think of this as virtue and love exist beyond time, outside of the events of the lives that experience and commit to charity, love and virtues. These touch our soul. So, Purgatory may have those for whom the merit of death in itself was consequent to the remission of mortal sin. Ask St. Joseph about this, it may well be him who hears some of these confessions at the time of death.
The church can not teach that those with unconfessed mortal sin can enter heaven, as this would be an untruth. The church does teach that God’s mercy is boundless and that prayers for the dead can be efficacious. So does she say that what she teaches is untrue? No, she teaches that God’s ways are mysterious but that we can know and follow the way to salvation. Don’t turn to the right nor the left but remain on the narrow path. Pray for those who have gone before with faith that God loves them and your prayers are still applied to the salvation of your loved ones souls. But do not live with unconfessed mortal sin as if this were not risking eternal death.
I hope my poor grasp of English allowed for something consonant with your posting to come across. This is a terribly difficult matter.
