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SuperLuigi
Guest
She’s got a lead with a neighbor fella, so she’ll see how that goes.
Otherwise, moving is extreme in this day and age. One can invest time and effort into a decent Catholic dating site.
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Otherwise, moving is extreme in this day and age. One can invest time and effort into a decent Catholic dating site.
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SuperLuigi
Guest
Great points, DG!
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JorduSpeaks
Guest
I know what you mean. I just turned thirty about a month ago with no girlfriend or anything to indicate that I have anything of value to offer someone in a relationship. The only ones who’ve ever seemed interested in me were actually online prostitutes and webcam strippers who prey on lonely men like me.I say that anyone that is sad that they are still not married but has at least gotten to experience what it is like to share mutual love with someone… to have actually been in a relationship (whether the experience was more good or bad) should be thankful for that because it is not as unusual as you might think that some people have never and may never even get to experience that. I am 29 and I have never even had a girlfriend. That is painful. But I don’t blame God. I keep trying… failing too but I keep trying
Nobody is entitled to a significant other. Bad things happen to good people. Read The Book of Job. Hope I am not too blunt but I already explained my situation so I think a lot of people should be more thankful for theirs.
Sometimes I would give almost anything to have had even a bad relationship in the past. Maybe if I had been coupled up with someone who made me miserable I could appreciate being single a little more.
I don’t expect that I will ever find someone. I simply haven’t had the life experiences necessary to develop the proper skills for maintaining a healthy relationship. Nor do I have the level of self-confidence that would enable me to leave an unhealthy relationship. I’ve also more or less decided that “blind dating” isn’t a good idea for me. It just isn’t healthy for me to keep putting my personal worth up for referendum.
I respect you for your decision to keep looking. That takes a level of strength and resilience I no longer possess. For now, I’ll just continue to pray that God takes this longing from my heart. He hasn’t done it yet, but maybe he’ll change his mind if I keep at it.
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pessimist
Guest
I wish I could offer advice but I’m plagued with my own insecurities and fears. I have this highly complicated relationship with the opposite sex. Apparently I’m an enigma.
Women have always had this ambivalence toward me; they don’t know if they love me or hate me. My own girlfriend is like that.
“How can you be so aware of my feelings and so sensitive and understanding and thoughtful, then turn round and be this thoughtless egotistical prick?”
What can I say? I’m full of contradictions. Just trying to figure it out it like everyone else.
Good luck guys.
Women have always had this ambivalence toward me; they don’t know if they love me or hate me. My own girlfriend is like that.
“How can you be so aware of my feelings and so sensitive and understanding and thoughtful, then turn round and be this thoughtless egotistical prick?”
What can I say? I’m full of contradictions. Just trying to figure it out it like everyone else.
Good luck guys.
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nickybr38
Guest
If I didn’t love children so much, and if I didn’t so desperately desire a family of my own, I’d be where you are.
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JorduSpeaks
Guest
My desire of a family of my own is one of the desires I want God to take from me. If it’s not going to happen, no good can come from wanting it.If I didn’t love children so much, and if I didn’t so desperately desire a family of my own, I’d be where you are.
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nickybr38
Guest
Absolutely, desiring such things and not receiving them can lead to bitterness, resentment, unhappiness, envy, jealousy, etc.
But unfortunately I feel God gave me those desires in the first place. I didn’t start desiring them until I asked God to reveal my vocation. >.< It would be strange now to say: No. I don’t agree with you. Take it away now.
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maryjk
Guest
I am 29 and I have never even had a girlfriend. That is painful. But I don’t blame God. I keep trying… failing too but I keep trying
My husband was 26 when he met me.
He was 28 when we married.
That was 22 years ago.
Being 30, and unattached isn’t that out of the ordinary.
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JorduSpeaks
Guest
Being 30 and unattached isn’t out of the ordinary, but being 30 and having been unattached your entire life – despite not wanting to be – is highly out of the ordinary.
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nickybr38
Guest
Yup. People see someone who is 30 and has never been in a serious relationship as somehow ‘damaged’ and ‘high risk’. I know. I’m there too. Those who are more experienced avoid people like us because it IS strange and different and rare.
I THINK girls have more leeway in this area than males though. I think it’s because there is still an underlying idea that girls are SUPPOSED to be innocent in our culture, despite how much people would argue there isn’t.
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maryjk
Guest
I was his first girlfriend. The first girl he took home to meet his mom.
Now it wasn’t 30, he was 26. But it was also over 20 years ago.
I am saying that waiting for the right woman is better than being attached to a number of different people.
And women are starting to realize this.
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Galbin
Guest
My dh had never had a gf before he met me. And he was 30 at the time. We are now married.
And no, I didn’t think he was a freak.I also had a very good friend who spent all his 20s worrying about never meeting anyone. Whenever he liked a girl she never liked him, and when a girl liked him he never liked her. So he despaired and got depressed a lot. Well, he finally met a lady on a dating site when he was like 30/31. They got married two years ago and she is now pregnant. So it’s not too late, guys. Please don’t give up.
LaughingBoy1503
Well-known member
I cannot give up. I know it is harder but not impossible to find a woman who might be interested in me. I even told the last woman that I went out on a date with that I have never been in a relationship and she still went out with me. We just ended up agreeing that there was no chemistry.My dh had never had a gf before he met me. And he was 30 at the time. We are now married.
I also had a very good friend who spent all his 20s worrying about never meeting anyone. Whenever he liked a girl she never liked him, and when a girl liked him he never liked her. So he despaired and got depressed a lot. Well, he finally met a lady on a dating site when he was like 30/31. They got married two years ago and she is now pregnant. So it’s not too late, guys. Please don’t give up.
That is exactly how the last 11 years of my life have been. Every time I like a woman, she does not like me and every time a woman likes me, I don’t like her for some reason. The only ones who I think our interest was mutual… One moved away soon after because her dad got a job far away (I was 18 and she was 16) one turned out to be a little liar who I could not trust and the last one also had to move far away to go to college. Been a rough road. Hence my “Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all so quit complaining” attitude about relationships and marriage.
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underacloud
Guest
If those are God’s plans for you, and you truly feel they have become “obvious”, then follow them. God has plans for you, and knows what is best for you.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you
and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
If one of my children said to me “dad, I won’t love you anymore unless you buy me that toy”, I can assure you I will not be buying them that toy.
Remember that it is commanded: “Do not put the Lord your God to the test”.
Here’s a thought…
Your desire for rewards now and not in the afterlife may be a root cause of God with-holding the very thing you ask for. While God is willing to give us all manner of good things in this life, what He wants ultimately is for each of us to fix our minds and hearts firmly on Him. If He gave you this loving spouse you seek, your contentment with this earthly “reward” (more likely distraction) may make you even less likely to fix your mind on God. You may not be getting what you want because it will lead you further from God, not closer.
Seek God first. Seek His will. Follow His plans into the prosperity that He has planned for you.
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simonmic
Guest
I’m 47 and will never find a partner, let alone a wife, but good luck to you. Hope you find someone. See, People need people more than God in reality, though most won’t admit it. The communication isn’t there with God.
All the best to you and don’t give up as i have
All the best to you and don’t give up as i have
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lily22
Guest
Sounds like you are on the right track.
There are almost no good men worth marrying. Most have lust due to infiltration of pornography. Women are not good for marrying because they turned themselves into men and worship jobs, independence, and money.
I would sell everything you have and teach Catechism, and pray to Jesus (use the name of Jesus, specifically) that your spouse will come ASAP.
Fasting and prayer.
Anna the prophet I think got married when she was in her 80’s in the bible.
There are almost no good men worth marrying. Most have lust due to infiltration of pornography. Women are not good for marrying because they turned themselves into men and worship jobs, independence, and money.
I would sell everything you have and teach Catechism, and pray to Jesus (use the name of Jesus, specifically) that your spouse will come ASAP.
Fasting and prayer.
Anna the prophet I think got married when she was in her 80’s in the bible.
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JorduSpeaks
Guest
I’d like to speak in defense of TeachCatechism because I’m pretty sure I have an idea how she feels. It’s not that she doesn’t love God. It’s that she is losing faith in God, meaning she is losing trust.
The Bible is full of promises that God makes to the faithful that she feels he has not lived up to. These promises range from the specific (It is not good for man to be alone) to the general (Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find). She feels that these promises have been broken, that her trust has been betrayed. When you love someone, listening to them lie to you hurts all the more.
I’m not saying this line of thinking is correct, only that it is understandable. This is not about her putting God to the test. This is about God putting her to the test. All relationship counselors agree: if you test the people you love, you only drive them away. An omniscient God should know that.
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Xantippe
Guest
lily22 said:
“Anna the prophet I think got married when she was in her 80’s in the bible.”
Actually, no. She was widowed young and was a widow for many years.
From Luke 2:
“There was also a prophet, Anna, the daughter of Penuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying.”
“Anna the prophet I think got married when she was in her 80’s in the bible.”
Actually, no. She was widowed young and was a widow for many years.
From Luke 2:
“There was also a prophet, Anna, the daughter of Penuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying.”
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Xantippe
Guest
JorduSpeaks said:
“The Bible is full of promises that God makes to the faithful that she feels he has not lived up to.”
What’s the chapter and verse for “God’s going to give every Christian woman a fantastic Christian man” or “God’s going to give every man a fantastic Christian woman”?
In the OP’s case, the verse would have to be something like “God’s going to give TeachCatechism a fantastic Christian man who has never been divorced, is not an unmarried or divorced single father, is not that much older than TeachCatechism, and doesn’t expect a SAHM wife.” The OP has a very specific list of expectations. I’m not saying she’s wrong to have such a specific list, but the longer the list is, the less likely it is she’ll find anybody. By choosing to stick to her list, she may be choosing a lifetime alone. God isn’t doing that to her.
“The Bible is full of promises that God makes to the faithful that she feels he has not lived up to.”
What’s the chapter and verse for “God’s going to give every Christian woman a fantastic Christian man” or “God’s going to give every man a fantastic Christian woman”?
In the OP’s case, the verse would have to be something like “God’s going to give TeachCatechism a fantastic Christian man who has never been divorced, is not an unmarried or divorced single father, is not that much older than TeachCatechism, and doesn’t expect a SAHM wife.” The OP has a very specific list of expectations. I’m not saying she’s wrong to have such a specific list, but the longer the list is, the less likely it is she’ll find anybody. By choosing to stick to her list, she may be choosing a lifetime alone. God isn’t doing that to her.
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PennyinCanada
Guest
I agree with mommamaree. Although you describe yourself as pious and devout, what you are communicating is bitterness and resentment.
I grew up with an alcoholic mother and she was always nursing bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness. It made me hide in my room from her and stay away from her. I am so grateful that I came into the Church as an adult and had confession and the Eucharist. I watched how bitterness and resentment poisoned a soul, how it just clinged and was difficult to get rid of and poisoned the relationships around her. It is a very dark hole to be living in and I was certainly affected too since I couldn’t just leave being her daughter and little. No one rescued me either. One day God did, and I’m so grateful.
Please let God into your heart to heal it. The very person who can mend this and bring a fullness of life and joy is the one you’re threatening to leave. “To who can we go? You have the words of eternal life!” This is the scripture that should be on your lips every day. This should take priority in your life, like when the doctor says you have cancer, you drop everything and say “What’s next?” Just like cancer, it will eat you from the inside out. Can you not see the fruit? Resentment and bitterness are not your friends, they are destroying you and crippling you. You and I are here to love God and bring blessing upon the world, and our time here is short. Eternity is very very long, and we all will have to go through the fire of God when we die, and see what is left on the other side. Gold, silver, wood and straw. Only gold and silver make it through. What are you working on today? Don’t let bitterness and resentment be your master one more day. Today is the most perfect day for it to leave. The grace I wish for you!
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