If God loves me why won't he send a spouse?

[Galbin]

Yes I would rather never marry. Mom and dad should be together, not me. Not interested in being a stepmother or the responsibilities including drama and financial. Dated a few dads, never again.

Ah, okay. That makes sense.

 

[Joie_de_Vivre]

Marriage is overrated

 

[Vico]

It’s obvious God has plans for me to be alone the rest of my life and not sure why. I’m actually considering leaving the church because of this issue because it bothers me so much.

I wanted nothing more than to find “the one”. In high school I waited patiently for guys to ask me out but it rarely happened. The few guys who asked me out were in the special education class and mentally challenged. Since I was an honors student I didn’t see this as compatible though was polite about it. I had one guy I liked and we were friends for a few years before dating. He talked me into things I knew were wrong and I said okay because I wanted a boyfriend badly. He dumped me right after. This was a pattern throughout college and past college (I didn’t date anyone else in high school)where either way I would be dumped so why do it? However most of the guys were guys I didn’t like but was so desperate to have a boyfriend I dated. Men like an alcoholic who saw nothing wrong with abortion (he paid for three) or a con artist who was also a pimp (tried to recruit me but luckily I was too strong for this). I would try meeting decent men but they didn’t want me because they usually had someone else or not into dating. I would spend hours crying because I wasn’t getting dates. When friends and relatives started getting married I would cry and usually not attend the weddings. Why celebrate something I’ll never have?

Years later I tried singles groups and online dating and failed. Outside of undesirable men with anti Christian values, I mostly got ignored. This has gotten worse the older I get because men now want younger and all that seem to contact me are much older and men with kids who are either divorced or never married the mom. Why should I have to settle on trashy men when I never got a good one (except one ex)to begin with? Why didn’t God send me a spouse when I asked him for one? I’ve always been devout and never hurt anyone yet God sees fit to hurt me and no idea why. I know evil women who abused men yet never suffered. The irony is I am pretty so why men would bypass is something that makes no sense.

God certainly loves you, but God does not give whatever a person asks for. Not everyone will marry, nor should and also it is possible that it is good for you to marry and that the time is not right yet to discover that person. Physical appearance is not the main factor in choosing a spouse, but rather affinity of faith and moral ideals. That person also must be looking to marry.

 

[Galbin]

Marriage is overrated

Why do you say that? Are you unhappy in your marriage? Sorry for that.

God Bless.

 

[maryjk]

It’s obvious God has plans for me to be alone the rest of my life and not sure why. I’m actually considering leaving the church because of this issue because it bothers me so much.

Do you feel that the Church is holding you back?

 

[Brendan_64]

I think that romantic notions of find that ‘one true love’ have caused a lot of harm and heartache. The notion of that one special person, a soul-mate, is a false notion. These ideas have nothing to do with what God wants. Romantic love is a modern concept and not one upon which marriage has been traditionally based on, and not one that is borne out in reality either. The reality is that we actively find someone (one of many possibles) who we like, feel attracted to, and then we work at building love between us.

It is up to us to find, not a soul-mate, but someone suitable. We also have to be realistic about who we are, and what we have to offer, and to not set expectations that are too high. Finding a partner is, like many things in life, about having to compromise and settle for what is realistic, rather than what is our ideal.

God is not there to satisfy our romantic desires by sending us our one true love.

 

[nickybr38]

I think that romantic notions of find that ‘one true love’ have caused a lot of harm and heartache. The notion of that one special person, a soul-mate, is a false notion. These ideas have nothing to do with what God wants. Romantic love is a modern concept and not one upon which marriage has been traditionally based on, and not one that is borne out in reality either. The reality is that we actively find someone (one of many possibles) who we like, feel attracted to, and then we work at building love between us.

It is up to us to find, not a soul-mate, but someone suitable. We also have to be realistic about who we are, and what we have to offer, and to not set expectations that are too high. Finding a partner is, like many things in life, about having to compromise and settle for what is realistic, rather than what is our ideal.

God is not there to satisfy our romantic desires by sending us our one true love.

Stop it with all this logic and reasonable thinking.

 

[pianistclare]

It’s obvious God has plans for me to be alone the rest of my life and not sure why. I’m actually considering leaving the church because of this issue because it bothers me so much.

When friends and relatives started getting married I would cry and usually not attend the weddings. Why celebrate something I’ll never have?

I’ve always been devout and never hurt anyone yet God sees fit to hurt me and no idea why. I know evil women who abused men yet never suffered. The irony is I am pretty so why men would bypass is something that makes no sense.

These statements lead me to believe that the Prince of lies really wants you.
So far, you have been patient in waiting for God’s will. This infuriates the devil.
He would love it if you bailed on God because He didn’t jump when you asked. Remember when Jesus was tempted and mocked by the devil? **Don’t fall prey to this. **

We celebrate the weddings of others because we wish them well. It is supremely selfish to say “I can’t be happy for you, because I’m not in your shoes.” Envy is one of the things that got Adam & Eve booted out of God’s grace. We must never begrudge others their happiness.

God never hurts anyone, He is the Divine Physician, He heals, and He makes all things new.

Physical beauty is a gift, yes. Thanks be to God that you are attractive. Work on making your thinking and opinions humble and you will be even more attractive.

At this point, after reading all your posts and all the replies…these first statements by you are very telling.

You are mad at God. All of us do that at times out of frustration. I pray that you really didn’t mean all these things.

I think some time in Adoration, and a good reading the Gospels would go a long way to a bringing you to a place of peace.
We’re not devout to get something in return, UNLESS the thing you want in return is eternal life.
God doesn’t hand out presents of people for our enjoyment or personal use.

I hope you find what you are seeking. But honestly, and I say this with great compassion: get focused on what really matters and you will see what God will do for you.
God bless you during this most holy of seasons…
Peace.

 

[Luvz2travel]

Teach,

I’m 43 to and never married. Judging from my past dating life it appears unlikely that I ever will be. I have my own issues namely a money pit house that’s thrown me into debt. why my lot was to suffer I don’t know either. I’ve tried to live a good life as well. I was bullied as a kid and dated my share of abuser what a be’s and manipulators. I don’t care about marriage anymore. It’s still painful when I see other couple with kids and happy families but since for whatever reason God wants me single. I did everything I reasonablely could to find a christian partner in life and since it hasn’t worked out in my present cercumstances I’ve chosen to let the idea of marriage drift away slowly but surely. Sometimes we just don’t have a choice and have to let things take their course. I don’t say it isn’t hard but I’ll say I would have dated a few guys who I later found out where not as good prospects as I thought so I have been saved a little heartache here and there. That guys are interested in the end in a good woman is really their loss no yours. Being single it hard but being married to the wrong person so I gather would be hell. I’d rather take the single road if it gives me peace of mind. Prayers.

 

[TeachCatechism]

Luvz2travel you are so right. Luckily I have a full life but would like a partner. I do have a friend I am interested in but for now he is dealing with his own issues to be a great partner.

 

[Havard]

Luvz2travel you are so right. Luckily I have a full life but would like a partner. I do have a friend I am interested in but for now he is dealing with his own issues to be a great partner.

What’s the KofC presence like in your area? The organization is full of good Catholic men. Many are married, but I know plenty of single knights. They often accept help from women at their fundraisers and social events, and some councils have womens’ auxiliaries.

 

[Galbin]

I think that romantic notions of find that ‘one true love’ have caused a lot of harm and heartache. The notion of that one special person, a soul-mate, is a false notion. These ideas have nothing to do with what God wants. Romantic love is a modern concept and not one upon which marriage has been traditionally based on, and not one that is borne out in reality either. The reality is that we actively find someone (one of many possibles) who we like, feel attracted to, and then we work at building love between us.

It is up to us to find, not a soul-mate, but someone suitable. We also have to be realistic about who we are, and what we have to offer, and to not set expectations that are too high. Finding a partner is, like many things in life, about having to compromise and settle for what is realistic, rather than what is our ideal.

God is not there to satisfy our romantic desires by sending us our one true love.

I think the opposite. The people I know who ‘settled’ for someone they weren’t truly in love with are the ones tempted to cheat or who feel very unhappy. Believe you me, soulmates/true love does exist.

 

[90Domer]

It’s times like these where I could matchmake with my nice, never-married single guy friends. And yes, totally platonic, as we act like siblings (I never had a brother) when they are over.

I have to admit that I now hear about more people divorcing than ever before, and it is always a blow. Marriage is great if you find the right life partner. However, as in any vacation it takes a lot of discernment. Keep praying. God always knows what is best.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

I say that anyone that is sad that they are still not married but has at least gotten to experience what it is like to share mutual love with someone… to have actually been in a relationship (whether the experience was more good or bad) should be thankful for that because it is not as unusual as you might think that some people have never and may never even get to experience that. I am 29 and I have never even had a girlfriend. That is painful. But I don’t blame God. I keep trying… failing too but I keep trying

Nobody is entitled to a significant other. Bad things happen to good people. Read The Book of Job. Hope I am not too blunt but I already explained my situation so I think a lot of people should be more thankful for theirs.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Marriage is overrated

:dts:

No it isn’t.

If anything, marriage is undervalued in society. :yup:

 

[SuperLuigi]

It’s obvious God has plans for me to be alone the rest of my life and not sure why. I’m actually considering leaving the church because of this issue because it bothers me so much.

Leaving the Church over this would do more harm than good.

I wanted nothing more than to find “the one”. In high school I waited patiently for guys to ask me out but it rarely happened. The few guys who asked me out were in the special education class and mentally challenged. Since I was an honors student I didn’t see this as compatible though was polite about it.

 

[TeachCatechism]

What’s the KofC presence like in your area? The organization is full of good Catholic men. Many are married, but I know plenty of single knights. They often accept help from women at their fundraisers and social events, and some councils have womens’ auxiliaries.

The K o C I know are all married. I do know a few single Catholic men so maybe in time something will develop. One is a guy I already am friends with.

 

[PennyinCanada]

It’s obvious God has plans for me to be alone the rest of my life and not sure why. I’m actually considering leaving the church because of this issue because it bothers me so much.

This really bothers me.
I know many guys from school who were in Catholic families, some had a Catholic education until high school. No doubt their parents pinched every penny to get them that privilege. Then, something happens at about 15 years old. Church becomes stupid and they quit going. Many I know went on to university and enjoyed that privilege. They married too, outside the Church, had kids and never came back. I chatted with their moms and followed their sad stories, stories that repeat with every generation it seems.

Now you want to blame God for the choices of young men? Young men who received so much yet decided to abandon God? I’ve seen in your posts how you have used the phrase “that’s not fair”, but you may be guilty of it yourself. You don’t know what grief and sorrow God has carried for these men who were offered every blessing and they abandoned Him. He may have had wonderful plans but we as sinners often don’t raise our eyes to God to do our very best to remain in that plan. If I were you, I would sit in a dark room, ask God if you could spend some time on His lap, and have a cry together, for men and women both who were offered graces and eternal life through the Church, and they thought the world offered something better. Spend some time comforting our good Lord who suffered so much for our benefit and has received so little love in return. Even we in the Church have loved him little because as soon as things don’t go our way, we have our little tantrums too. Ok, we’re human and frail, but we can go to confession and say how poorly we love God and would He give us extra graces to get through. He would have tears of joy to do so. This is the grace I wish for all of us this season.

 

[Joie_de_Vivre]

Why do you say that? Are you unhappy in your marriage? Sorry for that.

God Bless.

Because I studied Catholic theology.

These statements lead me to believe that the Prince of lies really wants you.
So far, you have been patient in waiting for God’s will. This infuriates the devil.
He would love it if you bailed on God because He didn’t jump when you asked. Remember when Jesus was tempted and mocked by the devil? **Don’t fall prey to this. **

We celebrate the weddings of others because we wish them well. It is supremely selfish to say “I can’t be happy for you, because I’m not in your shoes.” Envy is one of the things that got Adam & Eve booted out of God’s grace. We must never begrudge others their happiness.

God never hurts anyone, He is the Divine Physician, He heals, and He makes all things new.

Physical beauty is a gift, yes. Thanks be to God that you are attractive. Work on making your thinking and opinions humble and you will be even more attractive.

At this point, after reading all your posts and all the replies…these first statements by you are very telling.

You are mad at God. All of us do that at times out of frustration. I pray that you really didn’t mean all these things.

I think some time in Adoration, and a good reading the Gospels would go a long way to a bringing you to a place of peace.
We’re not devout to get something in return, UNLESS the thing you want in return is eternal life.
God doesn’t hand out presents of people for our enjoyment or personal use.

I hope you find what you are seeking. But honestly, and I say this with great compassion: get focused on what really matters and you will see what God will do for you.
God bless you during this most holy of seasons…
Peace.

Sometimes pain is necessary to make us stronger.

:dts:

No it isn’t.

If anything, marriage is undervalued in society. :yup:

Marriage is considered a marker of adulthood, that is clearly an unCatholic viewpoint stemming from it being overvalued. That said it is still possible for marriage to be undervalued if we are talking about different definitions.

 

[mwncheesehead]

Didn’t read all your comments in this thread, Teach, but are you willing to move anywhere to find a good man? I have aunt that’s about your age, and never married, but it seems like she’s kinda set in her ways, and the “perfect guy” for her has to be pretty perfect. I’m not saying lower your standards, but he may not necessarily be down the street from you either.

Also, don’t blame God and threaten to leave the true faith over this; it’s not worth it. God has a plan for everyone…it’s our job to find out that plan and execute it.