T
therese14
Guest
I read somewhere in the bible that it is better for Judas not to have been born than to be in hell.
I also read somewhere in St Alphonsus Liguori sermon about a person in hell wishes not to be born.
I used to long very much for heaven, and it was attainable for me. The tide has turn not in my favor though, I feel like now I am a changed person and cannot bear my crosses anymore. I do not want to offend the Lord, I do not want to hate him forever in hell, but if I am unworthy of heaven, can I just ask to be not existed?
I remember the feeling in the year 1000 where I don’t exist… It feels happier than constantly fearing of hell everyday because of my sins. I guess my dysfunctional family has a lot to do with this… And 90% of the reason I am discouraged, is because I do not have saints family like St Therese of Lisieux. I love her very much though.
Because I am terribly hurt by my father and brother, I fear male figure, and I am traumatized about marriage. I don’t feel holy enough to be a nun, and I fear marriage. I fear all males except for male saints, I guess.
I am constantly let down by them… And I guess the only thing I can think of is to go to a far away place to seek Christ on my own. A place like Calcutta, may be a good place for me just to be alone with Christ.
Can I ask God not to have existed rather than to hurt him and be in hell? I do not want to hate him forever there. I just don’t feel holy enough to be in heaven…
Please pray for me…
I also read somewhere in St Alphonsus Liguori sermon about a person in hell wishes not to be born.
I used to long very much for heaven, and it was attainable for me. The tide has turn not in my favor though, I feel like now I am a changed person and cannot bear my crosses anymore. I do not want to offend the Lord, I do not want to hate him forever in hell, but if I am unworthy of heaven, can I just ask to be not existed?
I remember the feeling in the year 1000 where I don’t exist… It feels happier than constantly fearing of hell everyday because of my sins. I guess my dysfunctional family has a lot to do with this… And 90% of the reason I am discouraged, is because I do not have saints family like St Therese of Lisieux. I love her very much though.
Because I am terribly hurt by my father and brother, I fear male figure, and I am traumatized about marriage. I don’t feel holy enough to be a nun, and I fear marriage. I fear all males except for male saints, I guess.
I am constantly let down by them… And I guess the only thing I can think of is to go to a far away place to seek Christ on my own. A place like Calcutta, may be a good place for me just to be alone with Christ.
Can I ask God not to have existed rather than to hurt him and be in hell? I do not want to hate him forever there. I just don’t feel holy enough to be in heaven…
Please pray for me…