M
Memaw
Guest
Thank you for being so open and honest with your feelings. If I read you correctly, it seems to me you were let down more by your family than by the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church did not have 25 years, you said you had sporadic CCD training. Even full time CCD training is not enough, ( I know, I taught CCD for 20 years.) The parents are the primary teachers and the Church helps. I could easily see the difference in my students that were taught at home too.In my earlier post - # 446, I gave a brief overview of my Catholic experience. Anyway, my specific reasons:
Therefore - and perhaps sadly - I have no serious interest in rejoining the CC. I enjoy reading everyone’s insights in the quiet privacy of my study; however, as of today, I do not see myself going through the RCIA program or any other Revert program. Were I to re-attend the CC, I would calmly sit in the back - worship quietly and shake hands politely. But I will never actively participate in the life of the CC. The CC had its chance and sadly, at least for now, my heart is closed to any reconciliation or reconnecting. Perhaps, in 15 years - God will change my heart - I have read some insightful books from a devoted MI aunt (P. Madrid & M. Kelly) that keep a flicker of hope alive.
- I only learned duty and forced obedience to outward obligations and duties expected of me as a Catholic - attend Mass and go to Confession.
- I never learned or believed that I mattered to God or to any other person in the Church. I was simply another person in the pew.
- I often learned to look down upon/despise/hate those who were spiritually different than me.
- I never learned about a God of love. But I did grow up with a God of rules, expectations, duties, etc. Never felt I could measure up and live a good Christian life - so why try? I have always felt put down by the Parable of the Talents.
- I was always discouraged from asking any Q’s about the Catholic faith - with parental ridicule, hostility, anger - the basic message I learned growing up was “Shut up and follow the program. You’ll understand it when you are older.”
- Growing up, I rarely experienced any compassionate love of Jesus from other people - or my extended family of Catholics.
- At best, I had a sporadic CCD education - no sustained, patient explanation of the Church’s teachings, practices and reasons for them.
- I often learned that my personal ambitions were bad and that I had to follow God at all costs. Whenever I spoke about a personal struggle, I always heard “Obey God”. I have experienced mostly Catholic judgment and rarely the love that I hear about.
- Bottom line, I feel the Catholic Church had 25 years to present sound explanations to me for its’ doctrines & model a loving Jesus to me with fewer judgments and more acceptance of me as another sinner created in God’s image seeking to be like Christ.
I am involved with a church-affiliated 12-step program where I am loved, accepted and valued for me. Regardless of what church I may attend in the future, I will be a good attender, daily reader of God’s Word and seek to reflect Jesus every day to everyone.
I believe you have a deep down desire to return to the Catholic Faith and now that you are an adult, you have to decide for yourself if you love Jesus enough to come home to HIM. You know HE loves you, HE died on the Cross for you. Don’t worry about anything or anyone else. Just you and HIM. I always suggest to come to visit HIM in Church often, quietly set there with HIM in the Blessed Sacrament. Feel HIS presence and LOVE. Ask the Blessed Mother to take you in her arms, spiritually, and pray for you. Love her, you can’t love her more than Jesus does. Open up your heart and give God chance to help you overcome your anger. God Bless and prayers, Memaw