Well, why don’t you want children? Do you have the impression that God is calling you to His service in the single life? If so, then give up dating and all else that pertains to preparation for marriage and develop your vocation. Do you fear that you may be inadequate to take care of children? In that case, join the rest of the world. If only parents who were fully ready to take care of children had them, there would be no more children. Do you suffer from some serious illness of body mind or soul which would really make it impossible for you to be an adequate parent? In that case it would also prevent you from being a full marriage partner, and you should not pursue marriage (including dating). So the question of what you do if you don’t want children is only part of the much larger question, “What is God calling you to do with your whole life?”
Discern your vocation. Stop thinking about what you want to get out of life. Start thinking about how God is calling you to serve Him.
I have never once in my life wanted children. The thought of it makes me extremely unhappy. I have had dreams before that I was pregnant or had children and all I kept thinking was that my life was ruined and that I wanted to get rid of them. I like children, but I do not want any of my own, ever. This is not a new feeling. I have always felt this way. Because I don’t want children I know that I would not be that good of a parent and children deserve the best. Since I wouldn’t give that, I am not having children. It would not be fair for a child to come into the world when the parents didn’t even want it. The thought of having kids makes me so unhappy. I just am not the parent type. Now, I am a good Christian and I am nice to kids and get along with them but I don’t want any for myself. I think it would be wise for me never to have kids. I can’t explain the feeling I have, but I guess some people are just better without children and I happen to be one of them. I can’t help the way I feel.
I’m not prying, so tell me nothing about your disease, however:
I recommend therapy.
[BIBLEDRB]Mark 12:25[/BIBLEDRB]
[BIBLEDRB]Matthew 22:30[/BIBLEDRB]
I have been seeing a counselor for years. She has helped me more than you know. Juliane, are you saying I should seek therapy to want kids?
The sole purpose of dating is that it lead to marriage. So there would be no point to dating. Have you considered a different vocation?
I don’t recommend dating unless you are ready for marriage.
I am going to become a groomer. I’m getting my license for it. I want to work with animals because I love animals. Right now I am with somebody, have been for about a year and a half. I love him very much. I really don’t know where to go from here as he told me he would like to marry me someday. He doesn’t want kids either. I would love to marry him, but neither of us are open to kids so I know that its probably not an option, and that hurts me a lot. What should I do?
I understand exactly what you’re saying, but its not necessarily a fear. I am not scared of having children, it’s that I don’t want them. I’m not interested in raising or taking care of a child for the next 18+ years. Just not my cup of tea. I don’t understand why, but the thought of it just turns me off from the whole idea of having a family. I really just have no desire to have children. Its weird I know.
Not weird. SELFISH. Read that over again. You’re just not interested in having any obligation to any person, at all, ever. You sound like my mother, and I agree with you, if that’s your attitude, you should not have children. Being the kid of that person sucks. But know what? You can’t marry either. Because that’s a level of obligation second only to parenthood. You should stop dating. You don’t understand what you are doing. You should explore with your counselor why and how you ended up so incredibly self-centered.
Wow, what an insult to priests!
No, but I believe that every one of us is born with a desire to reproduce inside of us. It’s a God-given gift. Some people seem to have been left out of this, but I believe it’s because of a failure in THEIR OWN parents, sometimes the result of abuse in childhood, or other family dysfunctions. Have you explored this with your counselor?