If you had faith the size of a mustard seed

[Eliza10]

BobCatholic, it sounds like you are really going through a struggle and you feel bitterness. Take it to Mary - she knows bitterness and she understands. You seem quite sure that God does not take care of temporal needs but He does say, “Ask for anything, in my name, and I will give it to you.” But its not a magic formula, because God is wise, like a good Father, and does not give us every single thing we ask for in quick order because He knows that is not wise. If you ask Him for what you want/need and He is silent, or clearly says “no” or “later”, just keep asking. Like the reading this Sunday. Just be a big old pest! Scripture endorses that route. And God is kinder than the dishonest judge. And when you feel bitterness from God’s silences or “no”, then take it to Mary for help with that.

God took care of my temporal needs that I described above. Bit by bit, not in one big amazing present [which of course I sort of fantasized would be the answer] but bit by bit, and not in ways I would have planned. In fact, I went with my plans a lot and ran into dead-end walls. God wanted me to learn to seek His direction, and to also trust my contemplations when His direction was not clear. And Mary helped me quell the bitterness that came from my situation which was not a just one.

God allows us unjust hardships at times but He will give us the grace to handle it, and I have found there are always priceless lessons that come from the hardship - eventually, even though it just plain feels like a burdensome struggle when we are in the thick of things. But, “Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof.” Its true.

And you *do have enough faith; I am sure you have more than two molecules in there, when you think of it. You have at least *a mustard seed’s worth of faith - it shows in your posts, in spite of the bitterness, so I am calling you out there. You probably need more trust, and if your trust jar is empty then just stick it out there for God to fill. And you may not get a giant heaping helping of trust, but you will get, for sure, enough trust to get through this day, and tomorrow stick your cup out there to get the graces for the next one. It like climbing a mountain without looking up at the distance you have to go. Just one step at a time. After a time, you will notice how far you’ve come, and see how God helped you get there.

 

[Eliza10]

One more thing, BobCatholic, you mentioned the location of the Garden of Eden and that is something I have wondered about too. What I read, said of it, is that it is now a barren windswept desert of sand. That makes sense - paradise it was, before sin - then, after? God made the garden for Adam and Eve, then sin entered and they left. And topography changes with time, and the Flood would have changed things. So the location is there, its just not a beautiful garden anymore, at all. So that answer makes sense. Here I found someone explaining it on a quick search (I don’t think its Catholic, but this looks good anyway): neverthirsty.org/bible-qa/qa-archives/question/where-was-the-location-of-the-garden-of-eden/ (If anyone has a better link about the garden-now-desert, please post it!)

 

[the_phoenix]

Once when I was newly divorced and struggling with practical challenges of being a single Mom, I was very worried about future events - where we would live, how I would afford to live, where my son would go to school. I knew God would take care of me, but the anxiety welling up inside was making it hard to focus on day to day tasks and decisions to make. I kept trying to make the anxiety go away, because Jesus says always, “Be not anxious.” But why wouldn’t it go away? I *knew *that I had enough faith. That was not the problem. Then, I remembered the Divine Mercy Sunday Mass I had been to a month or two before, and gazing at the picture of Jesus. That was it! It wasn’t faith I needed (as I knew) - it was trust. Sometimes that’s the “more” that we need, and that’s what I needed. I took out my little Divine Mercy card and gazed at that picture and affirmed those words. “I trust in You”, and asked and trusted Jesus to give me the grace to trust more. And He gave me that grace, and His peace that passes all understanding.

So I think we were told those words about the mustard seed because faith is such a vital spiritual key, and its probably natural for us to worry we don’t have enough of that key ingredient. Compared to the size of your whole body, you only need enough faith* that size.* And in the worst of times, you certainly have that much, I am sure, so there is no need to ever feel we have not enough.

Wow.

Wonderful reflection, Eliza, and it sure does resonate with me today.

So today, I was out walking on a nature trail, thinking about the current challenges in my life, and found myself surrounded by a flock of chickadees. Where I am, chickadees tend to be tame because the parks sponsor a program called “Hand Feed a Chickadee.”

But I had nothing to give them, and so simply stood there as one especially friendly bird hopped from branch to branch as close to me as he could get … and then suddenly flitted down onto the path next to me. The chickadee and I stood together on the path like two friends.

A few people came along the trail, scaring the bird a little ways back into some nearby branches … Then, a man who was hiking alone stopped to talk to me, seeing the chickadees still close by. “Yeah, they’ll come right up to you. Why don’t you hand feed them?”

“Because I have nothing to feed them with,” I answered.

At that point, the man opened a small container filled with birdseed and gave me some. I thanked him, he went on his way, and then several chickadees took turns flying onto my hand, grabbing a seed or two, and flying off again.

Sometimes, God even provides the seeds … literally.

 

[BobCatholic]

Exactly my point… duality will get us only as far as confusion…

Duality is how God is behaving. Generous big time, my cup overflows with all the blessings in the spiritual realm. Cheap, chinsey, begrudging in the temporal realm, can’t even keep a steady job. I can’t even transition into a better field that is more stable, due to the catch-22 (no experience, no job, no job, no experience)

my suffering could have been greater had Providence not acted. It is that which I hoped you would take from my testimony.

I saw the opposite, God stepped away and let the bad stuff happen.

Also, I’ve learned that it is not necessary for me to fully know God–what is important is that God knows me.

How does God “know me” if he won’t even talk to me? I’m not expecting a booming voice, or some thunder flashing thing, I’m expecting that small voice that whispers comfort.

Knowing that He is my Father,

What kind of father?

I see him as the cold, distant father from “Jumanji” - watch that movie. In that movie, the father character is cold and distant, and the son never felt loved. When playing the game Jumanji, the son got sucked into the game’s world for 26 years. When he came back to the regular world, he went to see the factory his father owned. It was closed and abandoned. The homeless guy living there told him that after he disappeared, his father spent everything to find him and basically gave up on everything, only looking for him. THAT sounds like God the father. Cold and distant to me, but he loves me.

 

[BobCatholic]

You seem quite sure that God does not take care of temporal needs but He does say, “Ask for anything, in my name, and I will give it to you.”

Where does it say that?

But its not a magic formula, because God is wise, like a good Father, and does not give us every single thing we ask for in quick order because He knows that is not wise.

God is limited by his will. If something is not in his will, it is evil, and he will not give it to me.

Steady employment for me? Must be evil. That’s why he wont’ give it to me.

And God is kinder than the dishonest judge.

The context of that reading was asking God for justice. God plays “keep away” and we must pester him relentlessly to get justice.

Not about asking for temporal needs.

You probably need more trust, and if your trust jar is empty then just stick it out there for God to fill.

He won’t fill it if it is not in His will.

 

[BobCatholic]

One more thing, BobCatholic, you mentioned the location of the Garden of Eden and that is something I have wondered about too. What I read, said of it, is that it is now a barren windswept desert of sand. That makes sense - paradise it was, before sin - then, after? God made the garden for Adam and Eve, then sin entered and they left. And topography changes with time, and the Flood would have changed things. So the location is there, its just not a beautiful garden anymore, at all. So that answer makes sense. Here I found someone explaining it on a quick search (I don’t think its Catholic, but this looks good anyway): neverthirsty.org/bible-qa/qa-archives/question/where-was-the-location-of-the-garden-of-eden/ (If anyone has a better link about the garden-now-desert, please post it!)

Actually nobody knows where the Garden of Eden is. Due to the flood the earth’s surface changed, what was a river before, could be a desert, and vice versa.

Another source put it in the middle of a body of water. ldolphin.org/eden/

 

[Eliza10]

Wow.

Wonderful reflection, Eliza, and it sure does resonate with me today.

So today, I was out walking on a nature trail, thinking about the current challenges in my life, and found myself surrounded by a flock of chickadees. Where I am, chickadees tend to be tame because the parks sponsor a program called “Hand Feed a Chickadee.”

But I had nothing to give them, and so simply stood there as one especially friendly bird hopped from branch to branch as close to me as he could get … and then suddenly flitted down onto the path next to me. The chickadee and I stood together on the path like two friends.

A few people came along the trail, scaring the bird a little ways back into some nearby branches … Then, a man who was hiking alone stopped to talk to me, seeing the chickadees still close by. “Yeah, they’ll come right up to you. Why don’t you hand feed them?”

“Because I have nothing to feed them with,” I answered.

At that point, the man opened a small container filled with birdseed and gave me some. I thanked him, he went on his way, and then several chickadees took turns flying onto my hand, grabbing a seed or two, and flying off again.

Sometimes, God even provides the seeds … literally.

Aw, I love your story and I happen to love chickadees. What a kind man that was. I am so glad you saw something that was helpful or good in what I said. Yes, God really provides. God gave me just enough grace and peace to take the sting out/make it through one day at a time, rather than a big fluffy box of graces and cures to match the size of my worry that i woudl have been more than happy to accept. But looking back I see those long days/months/years of struggles as the best gift ever, that I would not trade in for. I am glad for the injustices and misjudgments from others, and all of that, because for me it took those difficulties to learn to trust, and for me it took a long time.

I believe the process of struggle can be gotten over faster if one accepts one’s present reality. I had a hard time accepting my reality and the injustice of it, and non-acceptance of the reality God has you in today just drags the problem out. So my advice is, focus on acceptance. And for most of us, this means praying, “God, I know I should accept my circumstance and accept waiting for your help, but I just can’t. Please - not because I deserve it, but because of who You are - give me supernaturally the spirit of acceptance that You woudl desire me to have, because I cannot muster it.” That will help you move forward a lot quicker! (You still pray/pester for your desired outcome, but you accept right now where God has you today: lacking in what you want/need.)

It is easy, now that that difficulty has past, to rejoice in that past difficulty because of the fruit: that wonderful gift of learning to trust God, which prepares me for future difficulties. Of course when you are in the difficulty you are in no mood to rejoice. But God will put peace in your heart, peace that makes no sense, even if you are not happy.

May God will bless you with peace and encouragement in any difficulties you may be experiencing.

 

[Eliza10]

Actually nobody knows where the Garden of Eden is. Due to the flood the earth’s surface changed, what was a river before, could be a desert, and vice versa.

Another source put it in the middle of a body of water. ldolphin.org/eden/

This is true, we can’t know how the earth changed. I had not heard of the underwater theory before. I guess there are many! I favor the desert one (which I had heard somewhere elsewhere previously) not only because it seems worse than being buried under water, but because in the time of the prophets (according to Ezekiel - pretty good authority) it had become a waste, desolate. Seems to me it would just stay that way.

Wouldn’t it be cool if they dug deep into the spot where its thought to be and found evidence of it once being rich soil? They could sell bottled bits of that deep old Eden soil, and probably get rich on that!

 

[the_phoenix]

Hi BobCatholic,

I’ve recently returned (not sure for how long) from taking a long break from CAF. You’re still here, and I remember you.

And in this thread, you’ve seen me post a testimony … which you will rightly say, was a blessing in the spiritual realm (though, I experienced it in the physical realm). And to an extent, I can see where you’re coming from. Based on my own life experiences, for one thing …

Then there was St. Bernadette, who suffered from a physical ailment, but did not seek a miracle cure from Lourdes water because she recognized that this kind of a cure was not for her, but for others. And the Fatima children were asked if they were willing to suffer in this life before being taken to Heaven. Did you know that Jacinta actually died the kind of death she was most afraid of? She died alone. Our Lady when she appears does not promise happiness in this life.

It seems that the good news for you is that you recognize your cup is overflowing with spiritual blessings. And that you have been patiently enduring for years.

And yes, that can sound like cold comfort … and cold comfort stinks. I would say that a big part of this cold comfort comes from the fact that man’s charity has grown cold in these times. The whole job market thing clearly seems to demonstrate that … while I don’t know your situation, it certainly seems to me that you shouldn’t have to go through what you’re going through, if people were decent enough to give others, to give each other, a chance.

This ain’t Heaven, and they don’t call this place a “valley of tears” for nothing.

As for God communicating with you, He communicates with each one of us in a personal way. What I’m seeing in this thread is that people are interested in you and doing their best to offer words of support and encouragement, and that can be a way for God to communicate. Do you ever go into a Eucharistic adoration chapel, and ask Jesus your questions there?

You remind me of Jacob, wrestling with God.

I would say, continue fighting the good fight!

 

[the_phoenix]

Wow Eliza,

I absolutely love your chickadee image! Is that your artwork?

Thank you very much for your kind words. Yeah, I can be a slow learner sometimes when it comes to trust, and God is sooo patient with me!

Your words on acceptance of the situation is a wise way to look at things.

Also helpful to me are Charlie Johnston’s words: “Acknowledge God, take the next right step, and be a sign of hope to those around you.”

Sometimes figuring out the next right step can be a challenge. And yes, trust can be quite a challenge … it’s one thing to say you trust, another to really mean it and live it. With “taking the next right step,” you do the little that’s right in front of you, trusting that because you’ve acknowledged God, He will work even with the mistakes you make, so that “all things work together for the good of those who love God.”

 

[BobCatholic]

This is true, we can’t know how the earth changed. I had not heard of the underwater theory before. I guess there are many! I favor the desert one (which I had heard somewhere elsewhere previously) not only because it seems worse than being buried under water, but because in the time of the prophets (according to Ezekiel - pretty good authority) it had become a waste, desolate. Seems to me it would just stay that way.

Wouldn’t it be cool if they dug deep into the spot where its thought to be and found evidence of it once being rich soil? They could sell bottled bits of that deep old Eden soil, and probably get rich on that!

I disagree with the “desolate and waste” part. God placed an angel to guard the garden. if the Garden of Eden was a waste and desolate place, that angel failed in their job and will be punished. The gates of hell overcame the Garden of Eden which had heavenly protection. Something is not right about that.

I believe the Garden of Eden is hidden. Hidden in such a way that we cannot find it, using temporal means. Perhaps it is invisible? Or shifted into a parallel universe where it is present here?

 

[BobCatholic]

Then there was St. Bernadette, who suffered from a physical ailment, but did not seek a miracle cure from Lourdes water because she recognized that this kind of a cure was not for her, but for others.

Why did she see it that way? Was it a private revelation from God?

And the Fatima children were asked if they were willing to suffer in this life before being taken to Heaven. Did you know that Jacinta actually died the kind of death she was most afraid of? She died alone. Our Lady when she appears does not promise happiness in this life.

Correct. Life here only has the cross. No pleasant things are guaranteed here.

This ain’t Heaven, and they don’t call this place a “valley of tears” for nothing.

True.

As for God communicating with you, He communicates with each one of us in a personal way. What I’m seeing in this thread is that people are interested in you and doing their best to offer words of support and encouragement, and that can be a way for God to communicate.

And I really appreciate it. God doesn’t want to do temporal things so he tells/suggests/encourages/inspires others to do it.

Do you ever go into a Eucharistic adoration chapel, and ask Jesus your questions there?

Yes. I get silence, nothing more. I wish he could give me some suggestions on how to overcome the bad job market.

You remind me of Jacob, wrestling with God.

I would say, continue fighting the good fight!

Thanks! I only hope God doesn’t body slam me He is the HHW (Heavenly Heavy Weight) champion.

 

[jcrichton]

Duality is how God is behaving. Generous big time, my cup overflows with all the blessings in the spiritual realm. Cheap, chinsey, begrudging in the temporal realm, can’t even keep a steady job. I can’t even transition into a better field that is more stable, due to the catch-22 (no experience, no job, no job, no experience)

I saw the opposite, God stepped away and let the bad stuff happen.

How does God “know me” if he won’t even talk to me? I’m not expecting a booming voice, or some thunder flashing thing, I’m expecting that small voice that whispers comfort.

What kind of father?

I see him as the cold, distant father from “Jumanji” - watch that movie. In that movie, the father character is cold and distant, and the son never felt loved. When playing the game Jumanji, the son got sucked into the game’s world for 26 years. When he came back to the regular world, he went to see the factory his father owned. It was closed and abandoned. The homeless guy living there told him that after he disappeared, his father spent everything to find him and basically gave up on everything, only looking for him. THAT sounds like God the father. Cold and distant to me, but he loves me.

Hi Bob!

…no, the duality is yours; God does not deal in dualities. Your experiences have lead to believe that God ignores you on a temporal level.

Your spirituality is there (I saw it from the beginning, just as Eliza expressed it); however, you think that spirituality must translate to wellbeing in the temporal realm…

…here’s an old allegory: there were two Monks traveling back to their Monastery: a wise old Monk and a young novice; they came to a crossing at a riverbed. There was a young woman there, who could not swim; she needed to cross the river. The old Monk refused to aide her and called to the novice to follow him. The novice, seeing that it was nightfall, feared for the lady’s safety and placing her on his shoulders brought her to the other side of the river. They parted company. As the Monks reached their Monastery, the wise one began to sternly reprove the novice; reprimanding him for allowing a woman to touch him and counseling him to seek cleansing (physical and mental purging/punishment). The novice, simply replied: “It is interesting that you continue to carry her; I left her behind, at the riverbed.”

Bob, what we carry with us can blind us, hinder us, and even make us ill physically. God, our Father, cares for us. All of us. Everything that we are. Our heart, mind, spirit–everything is His and His Concern. Give up your struggle. God is near you–He Suffers through you. Offer your suffering to Christ. Let Him Carry you the rest of your Way.

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[BobCatholic]

however, you think that spirituality must translate to wellbeing in the temporal realm…

I see it as inconsistent. Why is God so generous in the spiritual realm but so stingy and cheap in the temporal? Why does God think that temporal well being is evil? What, giving something temporally means he has less to give? I thought God was infinite.

Give up your struggle.

I can’t. I’m required to struggle. God hasn’t made me exempt from the cross, so I can’t do this. it is not a choice for me. I’m not a masochist who enjoys suffering, I’m actually not wanting to suffer.

Let Him Carry you the rest of your Way.

Temporally? I can’t trust him to do that.

 

[HelenRose]

I have also thought a lot about this and I wonder if the sin of Adam and Eve can be similar to the effect that an abusive alcohol parent can have on a child. His parents may be acting out their childhood. The child is not responsible for the actions of his parents. But the action can be, and often is, carried on throughout many generations and even if the child manages to end the cycle there are still scars and pain that continue.

It is as if by turning their back on God by not trusting Him and disobeying Him, Adam and Eve started the ball rolling that has brought so much heartache and pain to mankind.

(this is a rough analogy I realize but I couldn’t think of an other.)

 

[the_phoenix]

Why did she see it that way? Was it a private revelation from God?

Here’s a link to an article that might help shed some light on St. Bernadette’s approach to suffering:

catholicherald.co.uk/commentandblogs/2015/02/11/st-bernadette-teaches-us-how-to-embrace-suffering/

Correct. Life here only has the cross. No pleasant things are guaranteed here.

Some people’s crosses are bigger than others. Some of us are given pleasant things to enjoy (and dare I say, to share?) It’s a mystery. That said, the cross comes to all of us eventually. St. Augustine had two things to say about this:

“God had one son on earth without sin, but never one without suffering.”
and
“There is no greater misfortune than the good fortune of sinners. He who does not suffer now will have to suffer hereafter.”

And I really appreciate it. God doesn’t want to do temporal things so he tells/suggests/encourages/inspires others to do it.

God indeed seems to prefer working in ordinary, natural ways to supernatural, miraculous ones.

Yes. I get silence, nothing more. I wish he could give me some suggestions on how to overcome the bad job market.

At this time in my life, while I am getting some prayers answered, it seems I’m also getting silence on the big question of ye olde job market and what to do, including when I visit the Adoration Chapel. Normally I tell people, “Acknowledge God, take the next right step, and be a sign of hope to those around you.” Now it would be really nice to know what exactly the next right step is, wouldn’t it? I’m told that it’s to do the little that’s right in front of you every day, and trust God for the rest. Simple, but not easy, eh?

Thanks! I only hope God doesn’t body slam me He is the HHW (Heavenly Heavy Weight) champion.

…
…
…

 

[the_phoenix]

I have also thought a lot about this and I wonder if the sin of Adam and Eve can be similar to the effect that an abusive alcohol parent can have on a child. His parents may be acting out their childhood. The child is not responsible for the actions of his parents. But the action can be, and often is, carried on throughout many generations and even if the child manages to end the cycle there are still scars and pain that continue.

It is as if by turning their back on God by not trusting Him and disobeying Him, Adam and Eve started the ball rolling that has brought so much heartache and pain to mankind.

I just recently saw there was an article written about how certain kinds of trauma like growing up in an abusive home can embed itself in the brain and then pass through the DNA to one’s children … thus, the effects of generational sin can even apparently manifest in the physical realm in the most basic of ways.

As for Adam and Eve … exactly so.
Which is why in salvation history, it was so important that
Mary said “Let it be done to me according to thy word.”
and Jesus said, “Let not my will, but thine, be done.”
Trust and obedience.

 

[BobCatholic]

I have also thought a lot about this and I wonder if the sin of Adam and Eve can be similar to the effect that an abusive alcohol parent can have on a child. His parents may be acting out their childhood. The child is not responsible for the actions of his parents. But the action can be, and often is, carried on throughout many generations and even if the child manages to end the cycle there are still scars and pain that continue.

It is as if by turning their back on God by not trusting Him and disobeying Him, Adam and Eve started the ball rolling that has brought so much heartache and pain to mankind.

(this is a rough analogy I realize but I couldn’t think of an other.)

Yup. and the child is held temporally responsible for the sins of his/her alcoholic parents. Even though the child is not responsible (temporally or spiritually) for the sins.

In the same way, we are temporally held responsible for the sins of Adam and eve. We are not responsible (temporally or spiritually) for the sin.

 

[BobCatholic]

Here’s a link to an article that might help shed some light on St. Bernadette’s approach to suffering:

catholicherald.co.uk/commentandblogs/2015/02/11/st-bernadette-teaches-us-how-to-embrace-suffering/

I can’t even atone for my own sins, much less the sins of others.

“God had one son on earth without sin, but never one without suffering.”
and
“There is no greater misfortune than the good fortune of sinners. He who does not suffer now will have to suffer hereafter.”

Exactly what I meant. The only thing guaranteed in this life is the cross. Nothing else.

God indeed seems to prefer working in ordinary, natural ways to supernatural, miraculous ones.

He seems to avoid working through the government, and employers, and government employers.

At this time in my life, while I am getting some prayers answered, it seems I’m also getting silence on the big question of ye olde job market and what to do, including when I visit the Adoration Chapel. Normally I tell people, “Acknowledge God, take the next right step, and be a sign of hope to those around you.” Now it would be really nice to know what exactly the next right step is, wouldn’t it? I’m told that it’s to do the little that’s right in front of you every day, and trust God for the rest. Simple, but not easy, eh?

I wish I could trust God in temporal things. I’ve been let down so many times in the temporal realm that I don’t even bother asking for help (in temporal things) anymore, clearly asking offends God so much he doesn’t bother answering yes. I pray for others and just leave it at that. My prayers for my own needs automatically get a no anyway.

 

[jcrichton]

I see it as inconsistent. Why is God so generous in the spiritual realm but so stingy and cheap in the temporal? Why does God think that temporal well being is evil? What, giving something temporally means he has less to give? I thought God was infinite.

Hi, Bob!
…we keep missing each other…

Let’s see… a sheltered child never outgrows incompetence… that child is forever dependent upon the parent/s or guardian/s; it would take huge fortitude and immense determination for such a child to travel beyond the orbit on which he/she has been embedded.

…oh yeah, then there’s that pesky Faith–if God were provide Believers all of their temporal needs, would there be a limit to what “Believers” would demand as “Providence” and would there be any real Faith in God?

I’ve worked with people whose IQ is appalling–yet, in their own minds, they are geniuses. I have had to constantly play the fool in order to get along with them and continue in my employment… does that mean that they are truly smart or that I must put up with their mindlessness in order to survive–sometimes on a day job?

God’s dealing with us is quite similar–He cannot reward/benefit Believers on grounds of Faith, devotion, fervor, zealousness or reciprocity… to do so would render the Believers’ Faith, fidelity, loyalty, and Fellowship void. It is the argument presented to God by Satan in the book of Job: ‘…sure, give the man everything he wants and he’ll swear he Loves/Serves YOU!’ (paraphrased)

…God* is *infinite–consider Satan’s challenge to Jesus: ‘if you are the Son of God, serve me!’ Satan sought to have Jesus adore/worship him in order for Satan to acclamate Jesus’ Divinity… he started from the point of asserting that Jesus was Claiming to Be God; Satan new that the “proof” Jesus would offer would cause Him, the Divine, to Serve (exist below) the creature. Perhaps, in our quest to exist with God we are, unknowingly, challenging His Divinity and requesting that He become our lowly servant: ‘share the wealth or else…’

In my eyes Mom was the most devote person in the world–quite close to the Virgin Mary; why would God allow her to suffer any pain or trouble? This loving woman began her trek with God at quite an early age (six, or perhaps even younger)… she should not have suffered the loss of her only baby girl; she should not have ended up with the poor excuse of a man as her spouse; she should have had a huge loving family to support and grant her all her desires (which, knowing Mom, you would fully agree: she never entered a beauty salon, never wore makeup, never drank, smoked, used drugs, never even painted her nails–not even the “natural” or clear nail polish; she was a Mom to her children [even after they got married and had children of their own, she would still take care of them and their families]… there’s so much more I can say…); sadly, she lived a poor life, devoid of pleasures and those “quality of life” amenities. In spite of it all, her Faith never wavered; she saw the Hand of God keeping her from going under… one of her interesting saying was “No hay mal que dure 100 años ni cuerpo que lo soporte.” It would translate to ‘There’s no malady that would last 100 years nor body that could withstand it.’ Basically, it boils down to reason: God understands that we are weak and needy–He Provides for us either through resources or strength.

I can’t. I’m required to struggle. God hasn’t made me exempt from the cross, so I can’t do this. it is not a choice for me. I’m not a masochist who enjoys suffering, I’m actually not wanting to suffer.

Temporally? I can’t trust him to do that.

No… we are missing each other, again…

Give up your struggle against God.

Renounce your acquired doubt and logic. Allow the Holy Spirit to Enlighten you and Guide you to the Fullness of God–start by re-reading our exchange… you would find, as I have, that you have a deeper intimacy with God than you give credence to; Jesus is the Author and Finisher of Faith, it is He Who sustains you; it is He Who can impart greater Understanding… but you must accept that (as the old Borgs would say) “resistance is futile;” give everything to God–do not exist in a duality.

Maran atha!

Angel