Ignored by my own sponsor

[Vinnie_Louisa]

I was assigned a sponsor when I began RCIA, and she basically has had as little to do with me as possible – she shows up at the meetings when she can, but hasn’t made any attempt to get to know me. And she barely speaks to me in our meetings.

Is this normal for assigned sponsors? I originally was going to have a Catholic friend be my sponsor, but she ended up needing to be at her own parish on Sunday mornings (she teaches a class). But I know my friend would never have simply shown up out of some sort of obligation, but otherwise had nothing to do with me.

And honestly, that same friend, even though she isn’t my official “sponsor” has done more to bring me into the Church through her example and friendship (and answering questions) than my actual sponsor has.

 

[Shin]

I would try and get a new one.

 

[damooster]

Well, to start, I think you should talk to your sponsor about this. Maybe she doesn’t realize that her actions (or, in this case, inactions) are bothering you and if approached about it, may be more willing to help. Maybe she has something going on in her life and doesn’t have anyone to help her (and you could be that someone).

If that doesn’t help, I’d talk to your RCIA director. This person was assigned to help you, and if she isn’t doing that, the director needs to know about it. Sponsors are very important to our growth and I can’t imagine having a sponsor like one you described.

But I would absolutely talk to your sponsor first as a courtesy. No one would like to be blindsided about this.

Good luck!

 

[KarenElissa]

Nope, not normal. I had a sponsor assigned to me and she was wonderful! I didn’t have huge expectations, but she was encouraging through the process and we still meet for lunch occasionally.

You should definitely talk to your RCIA director.

 

[SacredHeartFan]

While on this subject, can a priest or deacon be a sponser?

I would talk to your sponser though. If she continues tell her very politely that you whish to find another sponser.

 

[puzzleannie]

I will exercise charity here and assume that no one ever bother to instruct the sponsor in her duties and expectations, and from that I further deduce that very few members of that parish know or care what RCIA is and what is involved, and further, that because of that lack of knowledge the welcome extended to new Catholics is not what it should be. For that I apologize on behalf of all the “RCIA ladies” and gentlement who like me are at least partially responsible for that state of affairs.

I also have to give her credit for at least showing up regularly, that part we are still working on. By all means continue to go to your good friend for questions and support. Try asking your sponsor a direct question, or asking to speak with her for a few minutes after your session. It may be that you will have to take the lead, as she also may be wary of speaking out of fear of saying the wrong thing. Congratulations and welcome home, by the way, and at least take comfort in knowing you will be part of her Christian education!

 

[Adenauer]

I was assigned a sponsor when I began RCIA, and she basically has had as little to do with me as possible – she shows up at the meetings when she can, but hasn’t made any attempt to get to know me. And she barely speaks to me in our meetings.

Is this normal for assigned sponsors? I originally was going to have a Catholic friend be my sponsor, but she ended up needing to be at her own parish on Sunday mornings (she teaches a class). But I know my friend would never have simply shown up out of some sort of obligation, but otherwise had nothing to do with me.

And honestly, that same friend, even though she isn’t my official “sponsor” has done more to bring me into the Church through her example and friendship (and answering questions) than my actual sponsor has.

Ask to for another sponsor. Often times it seems that people get corralled into being sponsors or they do it to be part of an “in click” within their parish.

 

[Vinnie_Louisa]

Thank you all for your answers and comments.

I don’t think it’s worth getting another sponsor so late in the process when it’s now less than three months until the Easter Vigil. It this were, say, last October or November, I might would have been more inclined to ask for another sponsor. But not now.

I will try to get her to talk more with me. It may help, it may not. But either way, what kind of sponsor she is will not impact my coming into the Church.

Keep us both in your prayers, please.

 

[Shin]

Hmm, but does sponsor become god parent?

If so long term.

Prayers! Do your best!

 

[Vinnie_Louisa]

Hmm, but does sponsor become god parent?

If so long term.

Prayers! Do your best!

I don’t have a godparent. I’m already baptized. Hopefully, she would be a friend after RCIA, but it may not happen.

 

[Junebug999]

Hi Vinnie Louisa – I am having the same problem, only with a friend I had asked to be a sponsor. Please do talk with your RCIA leader. I talked with our Educational Director today at our parish and she will make sure there is a backup for me since I do not expect my sponsor to show up the next time she needs to.

The RCIA leaders have been so helpful – all of them, and our deacon and his wife, that I haven’t really missed having an individual sponsor. BUT this experience has taught me just what kind of sponsor I will be someday.

God Bless you, and I will keep you in my prayers. You will be in my thought Easter Vigil also as we swim that river!

 

[damooster]

Thank you all for your answers and comments.

I don’t think it’s worth getting another sponsor so late in the process when it’s now less than three months until the Easter Vigil. It this were, say, last October or November, I might would have been more inclined to ask for another sponsor. But not now.

I will try to get her to talk more with me. It may help, it may not. But either way, what kind of sponsor she is will not impact my coming into the Church.

Keep us both in your prayers, please.

I have to say, I feel bad that you have to “settle.” My understanding is that the sponsor plays a big role in your spiritual development. Aren’t they supposed to vouch for your readiness during the Rite of Election, for example?

I hope it works out for you.

 

[Shin]

The Lord will provide!

He gives just enough. Her friend is helping!

 

[Vinnie_Louisa]

I have to say, I feel bad that you have to “settle.” My understanding is that the sponsor plays a big role in your spiritual development. Aren’t they supposed to vouch for your readiness during the Rite of Election, for example?

I hope it works out for you.

I don’t see why she wouldn’t vouch for me. That’s not really the issue here. She’s certainly been witness to my own conversion.

And actually, I don’t go through the Rite of Election, per se. I’m a candidate. I participate in the Call to Continuing Conversion.

 

[pamnbam]

Try not to feel too bad–I no longer have/did not have much contact with my sponsor after 5+ years; he was an ex-boyfriend of mine. He was away at college during much of my RCIA; he made it once during Lent and again on the Easter Vigil. I learned a lot from him and his family about Catholicism simply by watching their interactions with other people and by attending Masses and other classes by myself. Most of the knowledge I cultivated myself–I’m still learning, hence my presence on this site.

So you may have to trudge through it all “alone,” but remember, you’re never really alone. You can join adult education classes, become active in your parish, and who knows, maybe one day you can become an RCIA sponsor yourself and help another new convert.

Sorry you’re having such a difficult time. Best wishes!

 

[Angels_Unaware]

I was assigned a sponsor when I began RCIA, and she basically has had as little to do with me as possible – she shows up at the meetings when she can, but hasn’t made any attempt to get to know me. And she barely speaks to me in our meetings.

Is this normal for assigned sponsors? I originally was going to have a Catholic friend be my sponsor, but she ended up needing to be at her own parish on Sunday mornings (she teaches a class). But I know my friend would never have simply shown up out of some sort of obligation, but otherwise had nothing to do with me.

And honestly, that same friend, even though she isn’t my official “sponsor” has done more to bring me into the Church through her example and friendship (and answering questions) than my actual sponsor has.

I think it probably is common. My sponsor was nice but there was a lot of shuffling around in RCIA and since I converted I have never seen or spoken to him again.

Just don’t worry about it. You have a good Catholic friend. She really is your sponsor in heart, and maybe she can go through the vigil with you. If not, just let it go. It will not be important once you enter the Church.

 

[YADA]

I don’t have a godparent. I’m already baptized. Hopefully, she would be a friend after RCIA, but it may not happen.

Hi Vinnie Louisa,

I have worked with RCIA for over a decade. I have been a sponsor many times … So I will just echo others that you should speak with your sponsor …

Just to give you a slightly different perspective … I can tell you that not every paired sponsor/candidate is a great pairing … some really hit it off - always a blessing, others struggle - they just don’t have the chemistry or mutual interest …

Some sponsor/candidates become life long friends - … for others the relationship is cordial but not enduring in a meaningful life changing way …

In my experience I have had some candidates who wanted lots of involvement. They would meet for coffee, want to share meals and family time. But then there are others - those who have really wanted very little involvement. They really did not want to meet other than at the RCIA sessions.

For the sponsors [especially those who are assigned] it is a balancing act … being present and available but not too pushy, too in your face … being a resource not another stumbling block …

Often the sponsors wait for the candidate to give the clues as to the amount of involvement …

Hence the encouragement to speak with your sponsor … perhaps they feel like you only need the local representation. They see that you are looking to your friend [and your initial choice as a sponsor but who can’t be the local rep] as your inspiration and source of information … they don’t want to intrude in an unwelcome manner … perhaps they are really honoring your choice …

Perhaps they are new to being a sponsor and are reluctant to take the initiative to ask you for contact outside of the weekly meetings [which as you know are is a big time committment].

Perhaps they are having some personal issue [in the last two years of my work with RCIA I have had a husband hospitalized in the CICU - I can tell you that many may have thought I fell off the face of the earth but my first care was for him - not the Wednesday sessions ]

Speak, openly and candidely about what you want and need in a sponsor … find out what experiences [etc] you have in common … and if the fit is not good … then either seek a new sponsor or consider yourself as having two sponsors … one [your friend] with whom you have a connection with, who was your first choice and who is able to answer yoru questions, who illustrates the Christian life and who can walk the journey with you [except the public rites of the parish]

and the one who can attend the formation sessions with you … be present for the public rites, is able to answer questions if necessary and one who probably wants to do all the right things for you - even if they seem overwhelmed …

God Bless you and enlighten your journey of faith …

 

[mystagogia]

When I came to RCIA and sat down with the deacon to fill out the forms, the question came up, “Do you have a sponsor?” I told him I didn’t have one; that I had made the decision and come down there all by myself.

I’m not sure who my sponsor is, or even if I have one. Maybe he penciled himself in, I don’t know. Does everybody have a sponsor, or do some people not have sponsors?

I guess since this point has always been kind of ambiguous I’ve never thought about it or seen the need of a sponsor. If I have a question I just ask around from the many life-long Catholics that I respect in my parish. Thankfully there are a lot of them.

 

[Angels_Unaware]

Mystogia,

This comment is directed to you. Yes, you have to have a sponsor. It is necessary. They stand up for you when you are being confirmed.

You have been told to seek some kind of alternative solution for your RCIA issues, because it is not normal to have the process delayed for years. Now you tell us that you do not have a sponsor. It seems to me that you are being unnecessarily stubborn, and insisting on criticizing the whole process when your process isn’t working right.

 

[margya]

Thank you all for your answers and comments.

I don’t think it’s worth getting another sponsor so late in the process when it’s now less than three months until the Easter Vigil. It this were, say, last October or November, I might would have been more inclined to ask for another sponsor. But not now.

I will try to get her to talk more with me. It may help, it may not. But either way, what kind of sponsor she is will not impact my coming into the Church.

Keep us both in your prayers, please.

You can ask your Catholic friend to be your sponser for the Easter Vigil. You do have a choice in your sponser. You can a have proxy/stand in until the time. If you feel more comfortable with your friend, then do it. Normally, I am still learning about the RCIA process, that sponser assigned until the period of Purification and Enlightment(Lent). It is at this point that you have the opporunity to choose your sponser for the Easter Vigil.