Ignored by my own sponsor

[mystagogia]

Mystogia,

This comment is directed to you. Yes, you have to have a sponsor. It is necessary. They stand up for you when you are being confirmed.

You have been told to seek some kind of alternative solution for your RCIA issues, because it is not normal to have the process delayed for years. Now you tell us that you do not have a sponsor. It seems to me that you are being unnecessarily stubborn, and insisting on criticizing the whole process when your process isn’t working right.

What? I wasn’t aware that saying, “I don’t have a sponsor” is a criticism of RCIA. I see now thanks to you that I have another thing to ask about when I get back.

 

[Angels_Unaware]

What? I wasn’t aware that saying, “I don’t have a sponsor” is a criticism of RCIA. I see now thanks to you that I have another thing to ask about when I get back.

I know you weren’t criticizing RCIA by saying you don’t have a sponsor. That’s the point- you should be! Not criticizing RCIA, but whatever is going on in your situation. You should enter the Church before you deploy overseas to a hostile situation, and you need a sponsor right away. It’s an adult godparent.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

I was assigned a sponsor when I began RCIA, and she basically has had as little to do with me as possible – she shows up at the meetings when she can, but hasn’t made any attempt to get to know me. And she barely speaks to me in our meetings.

Is this normal for assigned sponsors? I originally was going to have a Catholic friend be my sponsor, but she ended up needing to be at her own parish on Sunday mornings (she teaches a class). But I know my friend would never have simply shown up out of some sort of obligation, but otherwise had nothing to do with me.

And honestly, that same friend, even though she isn’t my official “sponsor” has done more to bring me into the Church through her example and friendship (and answering questions) than my actual sponsor has.

The Sponsor formation process most likely poor or lacking at your parish. I would speak with the pastor or Director and explain the situation and let them know that you have another Sponsor. Speak with her and make sure she is willing to be there for the Rites.

 

[TravisandJill]

Hi there!

I too and entering the church in a few months and we dont have a sponser yet. We will probably just be assigned one…

I am so sorry that you are having a difficult time with your sponsor

 

[pdsgirl]

Ughhhh …The same thing happened to me. I would have preferred my husband being my sponsor, but since I gave birth the second week of RCIA he watched the babe while I went to class. They assigned me a sponsor who was very nice, but she was like yours…attended sporadically and even missed the Rite of Acceptance, Sending and Election! I felt very hurt when we were to go in front of the Bishop at the Rite of Election and my sponsor no showed and did not even notify the RCIA director. The director asked my husband to step in for her. When it came time for Easter Vigil and Confirmation my husband was always prepared to step in, but she showed up. I wish I would have had the heart to say something to the director because I had no connection with this person, but I was concerned with hurting her feelings and not my own (I should mention that she went through RCIA the year before). That is the only part of the RCIA process that let me down. I would talk to the director and see if you could get her replaced. Good luck

 

[ckansa]

Hi,

Your RCIA Director needs to know about this and handle it. If she/he hasn’t already observed what you describe, you need to make her aware. You may feel uncomfortable talking to your sponsor directly. As a Coordinator of RCIA myself, I would want to know about such situations so that I could do my part to make you feel comfortable with the sponsor - or, perhaps, assign a sponsor who would be more attentive. It may be the case that the sponsor wasn’t properly prepared to assume the role.

Nevertheless, you do not have to continue this way - talk with your RCIA Director - soon.

God Bless & and welcome to the Catholic Church warts and all.
Connie

 

[Vinnie_Louisa]

Okay, update… it’s official.
My sponsor literally disappeared after the Easter Vigil and I haven’t heard from her since!
(At least she was there at the Easter Vigil.)

I have one really good piece of advice for would-be RCIA sponsors. If you don’t plan on committing to this – REALLY committing to this like you should – don’t bother becoming a sponsor. There’s nothing wrong in not being a sponsor if that isn’t for you. But PLEASE don’t volunteer and then just sort of be there in name only for the rites (and sometimes skip the rites). You obviously don’t understand what being an RCIA sponsor is all about.

Now for the better news. I made four other friends in RCIA and we getting together about every 3-4 weeks or so. So I’ve got people at church who know me, and I think that’s probably pretty good since so many new Catholics get abandoned after Easter.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Okay, update… it’s official.
My sponsor literally disappeared after the Easter Vigil and I haven’t heard from her since!
(At least she was there at the Easter Vigil.)

I have one really good piece of advice for would-be RCIA sponsors. If you don’t plan on committing to this – REALLY committing to this like you should – don’t bother becoming a sponsor. There’s nothing wrong in not being a sponsor if that isn’t for you. But PLEASE don’t volunteer and then just sort of be there in name only for the rites (and sometimes skip the rites). You obviously don’t understand what being an RCIA sponsor is all about.

Now for the better news. I made four other friends in RCIA and we getting together about every 3-4 weeks or so. So I’ve got people at church who know me, and I think that’s probably pretty good since so many new Catholics get abandoned after Easter.

I’m so sorry you were abandoned. It does seem that this person felt she only needed to be there as a ‘stand-in’ for the rites and that your real sponsor was your friend. I am glad to know that you now have other Catholic friends that you can meet with and are finding a home in your parish.

 

[dashso40]

When I did RCIA, my sponsor was so nice…brought me to her house a few times…very sweet…talk to RCIA director…

 

[Disciple96]

I was assigned a sponsor when I began RCIA, and she basically has had as little to do with me as possible – she shows up at the meetings when she can, but hasn’t made any attempt to get to know me. And she barely speaks to me in our meetings.

Is this normal for assigned sponsors? I originally was going to have a Catholic friend be my sponsor, but she ended up needing to be at her own parish on Sunday mornings (she teaches a class). But I know my friend would never have simply shown up out of some sort of obligation, but otherwise had nothing to do with me.

And honestly, that same friend, even though she isn’t my official “sponsor” has done more to bring me into the Church through her example and friendship (and answering questions) than my actual sponsor has.

First, allow me to apologize for the inexcusable rudeness of your sponsor. At least, that’s how it sounded to me. Maybe she’s shy? In any case, she should make an effort, for the sake of the Kingdom, if not for friendship.

Second, allow me to extend my own hand in friendship. If you ever want to talk about the conversion process (which is scary and wonderful and many other things besides) or have questions (I can try to answer and if I don’t know, I can find out), or just want to discuss something, please contact me. Send me a Private Message here or post something or visit my blog or something. All right?

I’m a sponsor for a dear friend of mine and I have attended every class with her except one that we missed and once when I was out of town. We go to Daily Mass at EWTN when we can and we talk about Catholicism and swap info and books and practically live and breathe Holy Mother Church. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. (I have to miss Mass at my own parish too, but I don’t have the obligation to teach anything there, so it doesn’t interfere.)

Welcome almost home and I’m glad you’re making the journey. The Church is a beautiful Mother, even if all her children don’t act very pretty some of the time.

 

[Disciple96]

Hi Vinnie Louisa,

I have worked with RCIA for over a decade. I have been a sponsor many times … So I will just echo others that you should speak with your sponsor …

Just to give you a slightly different perspective … I can tell you that not every paired sponsor/candidate is a great pairing … some really hit it off - always a blessing, others struggle - they just don’t have the chemistry or mutual interest …

…Snipped reluctantly and purely for space…]

God Bless you and enlighten your journey of faith …

I just wanted to say that this is one of the most insightful, balanced and wise responses to any post I’ve ever read. And I wanted to tell you so, YADA. I wish I’d had a sponsor like you when I swam the Tiber. I pretty much swam it by myself.

(Well, by myself except for, of course, my Guardian Angel. And the Blessed Mother. And the Holy Spirit, of course. And Christ, goodness, can’t forget Christ Himself. And, oh, you get the picture.)

 

[Disciple96]

Mystogia,

This comment is directed to you. Yes, you have to have a sponsor. It is necessary. They stand up for you when you are being confirmed.

You have been told to seek some kind of alternative solution for your RCIA issues, because it is not normal to have the process delayed for years. Now you tell us that you do not have a sponsor. It seems to me that you are being unnecessarily stubborn, and insisting on criticizing the whole process when your process isn’t working right.

Wow. I didn’t think Mystagogia’s reply was that harsh and critical. But this one, I don’t know…

“Ve haf ways, Mystagogia (if dat’s your real name),.vays of makink you find an alternatif solution for your issues! Ach-tung!”

Sheesh. No more caffeine for somebody.

 

[Disciple96]

What? I wasn’t aware that saying, “I don’t have a sponsor” is a criticism of RCIA. I see now thanks to you that I have another thing to ask about when I get back.

Alas, Mysty One, we don’t all exercise the virtue of patience or discernment before we type out replies and we don’t count to ten Hail Mary’s before we hit “Submit” or else you wouldn’t have experienced what you just did.

I do think you need a sponsor, but all you have to do is talk with your priest about it. It’s probably a simple matter. I rather doubt that he will bite your head off about it like happened here.