I'm a gay guy. Should I marry a woman?

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Hey, all! Just to give a little context: I’m a recent college graduate and single. I also love my Catholic faith.

I am gay/have SSA.

For a long while, I’ve felt attracted to the idea of having a same-sex relationship. I have attempted this before. I KNOW that this is against church teaching, and I do not want to lead myself to sin.

But my point in mentioning that is I REALLY wish I could have a romantic and meaningful relationship with another man. I feel relationship-oriented. The deeper issue is that I simply DO NOT want to have a lonely life. I don’t want to be alone. Let’s face it: In today’s American culture, marriage is often the ONLY way of finding lasting, meaningful relationships. A single person often doesn’t have much hope, even in the Church, unless they want to join a monastery or intentional community (which are not easy to find).

I have ZIP/ZERO sexual attraction to women. But since I don’t want to be lonely, and since I like the idea of family, and since I find the idea of forsaking sexual relations (in general) to be VERY burdensome, should I ATTEMPT MARRIAGE WITH A WOMAN?? A priest recommended I give women a chance. I didn’t think this was very in-tune with what homosexuality actually is, but I don’t blame him — he’s not from America or Europe.

This is a serious question.
 
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No. I highly recommend watching “the Desire of the Everlasting Hills”.

May God bless you on the path. And my apologies. I always thought you were a woman. 😊
 
This too. My sister married a gay man who didn’t disclose his true self. It ruined her life. Literally.
 
Here is my serious answer: nope. It wouldn’t be right or fair to any woman.
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Why not? It’s not like I’d be intent on cheating on her…

I’m not saying I would marry just any random woman at all MERELY for the sake of having a family. Obviously, there would have to be a solid relationship first, and some sense of “falling in love.”

After all, most Catholics who preach anti-LGBT relationships often say that marriage and love is MORE than just sexual (physical) attraction. Hmmmm…
 
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Here is my serious answer: nope. It wouldn’t be right or fair to any woman.
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Also, this seems more sensitive to the woman’s needs. That’s fine.

So do you have any other recommendations? Or do you think gay persons/people with SSA should just live alone?
 
My opinion doesn’t matter. If you are Catholic and you are serious about your faith, you know what the Church asks of you. I am not going to be drawn into a debate. I answered your question.

I suggest you watch the video that was suggested to you by pianistclare.
 
I personally would not want to marry a man with zero physical attraction to me.
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So, again, this is from the perspective of the hypothetical woman in question.

So, if you would, pretend you are a Lesbian woman: Would you think it impossible to marry another man?
 
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@(name removed by moderator)

TBH, while Courage seems like a good fit for many, I get a very depressing vibe when I think about it. What is Courage doing that helps with the feelings of loneliness?

I understand Courage is in line with church teaching. But is it doing much more besides encouraging celibate lifestyles?
 
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Yes. Who wants to live a lie?
You can have PLENTY of close friendships. Life is not all about sex, and even if you had a family…you would have precious little time for amazing sex with toddlers or a baby around.
Even with the best sex ever…I wouldnt trade it for my soul.
Think of all the celibate religious: are they less?
Of course not.
 
If my attraction was for women only then I would have serious concerns about causing pain to a man who loved me and needed to feel a sense of physical attraction from me.

I suppose if both were SSA and open about it then it would at least be an equal relationship.
 
Its “from the perspective of a woman” because she is the straight one of the relationship, hoping for a totally straight man. And you have Zero/Zip attraction to women.
 
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But this sounds an awfully lot like homosexuality/being a “gay person” is a certain TYPE of person, rather than just one aspect. In other words, even though I don’t usually feel sexually attracted to women, sexuality in general is much more fluid.

It’s not like there are “straight people” over here and “gay people” over there.

So I guess I’m asking, should I not at all be OPEN to marriage? Does marriage always require sexual attraction? Is there love in marriage even without sexual attraction? Is not sex possible even when physical attraction is not all that’s meant to be?

Are older couples 50 years down the road still physically in love?
 
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I’ve seen these.

And I like Fr Mike a lot!

He takes a very sensitive approach.

I’m not sure it’s really addressing my issue though.
 
It’s not like the woman wouldn’t know about me.

I wouldn’t hide my SSA from her.

Again, I’m sure MANY women would not want to be in that place. But let’s assume another woman would be open to the marriage. The question assumes the woman is open. I never said anything about hiding anything from her.
 
Well your Catholic faith should tell you that you’re never alone.

The same or more intimacy is to be had/developed by a lively interior life with God than with one’s married spouse of the opposite sex.

It just takes more work, more prayer, more insight, more contemplation, more sacrifice.

So our Catholic faith REJECTS the idea that you would be truly alone.

Don’t screw up someone else’s life just because you “don’t want to be alone”. That would be an act of selfishness, where your supposed priorities are assigned a higher importance than some woman you finagle into a “marriage”.

Marriage is about total self gift, a self emptying in order to “give God more room to work within us”.

So love your Catholic faith more and study more deeply about what it really says about marriage.

Marriage isn’t about us…it isn’t about you…it’s about God.
 
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Well that would be for a couple to discern. Being open is definitely the way to go. Obviously not everyone will feel like me about it.
 
Love (married love) is wanting the ABSOLUTE best for the other person. If you as a SSA male married a straight woman just to not be lonely, have a family you are NOT wanting the absolute best for that woman because you are having her settle for someone that is not the very best for her.
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Soooo let me get this straight (lol punny). Someone that is the “very best for her” is someone who is sexually attracted to her? I’m confused.

Again, I wouldn’t be hiding my SSA from her.
 
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