I'm a gay guy. Should I marry a woman?

  • Thread starter Thread starter catholic1seeks
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
I havent read this whole thread… Pray tell, what’s your solution?
 
As long as one has some sexual, physical, emotional etc attraction to the spouse AND one has the DESIRE to work towards a perfect holy marital union then I really don’t think there is any problem.

This solution solves the problem some is mentioning regarding leaving the wife for a homosexual lifestyle or marrying for loneliness etc
But also solves the other side of the problem with some suggesting that you have to be almost perfect before you can marry otherwise you are living in a “lie” or somehow unfair to your spouse. All of us have imperfections. The important point is that we desire to be perfect not to actually be perfect. So no, one doesn’t need to be perfectly 100% OSA to marry (in fact how is that perfect anyway?)
 
Last edited:
“catholic1seeks said:
But this sounds an awfully lot like homosexuality/being a “gay person” is a certain TYPE of person, rather than just one aspect. In other words, even though I don’t usually feel sexually attracted to women, sexuality in general is much more fluid.

It’s not like there are “straight people” over here and “gay people” over there.
Click to expand...
No, not as a complete description of the person´s soul - we are not only sexuality. But we have sexuality, and a attraction for the different sex is the base of the sexual marital attraction. It´s not all, but also not unimportant.
So I guess I’m asking, should I not at all be OPEN to marriage? Does marriage always require sexual attraction? Is there love in marriage even without sexual attraction? Is not sex possible even when physical attraction is not all that’s meant to be?
Click to expand...
No, yes, yes and yes.
No, you don´t have to be open for every vocation out there that´s not your vocation. I´m not open to religious life because its not my vocation. Everything fine. Yes, the decision to marry requires sexual attraction for your spouse. It´s part of living this vocation. No, not every kind of love plays out in a sexual way - but the sexual part shuld still be there. Yes, you´re not always “in the mood” and still do it out of love. But this doesn´t mean a compkete lack of sexual attraction.
Are older couples 50 years down the road still physically in love?
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

I trust many I heard on this topic who say yes and hope my marriage will include this in 50 years, too. And even if not - “why should I be able to do XY now if I maybe can´t do it later then?” is simply weird. No one would do anything then, and you can´t just start at the middle point of a lifelong history.

Don´t make someone very sad because of holding something back in marrieg you will never be able to give. It´s hard to believe for me that you consider this - and, sorry if this sounds harsh, but is sounds a bit self-centered for me. It´s all about “can I?” and not "“Am I right for the woman?”.You may be not able to find this close relation ship like marriage with more than you can give (non-sexual love) but this future woman would be able to find more - a marriage with non-sexual and sexual love for her. You should be able to see what the best option for the woman would be.
 
Last edited:
Lia said:
This is what SSA people have been doing for centuries. I don’t see a problem with it. You should start dating women, most people are slightly bisexual anyway, you might find someone you are attracted to. Just don’t lie to a potential wife if you plan on being with her in the long term.
Click to expand...
Just like there are horrible marriages with sexually unsatsified women for centuries. Not really a good option.
 
guanophore said:
They have also been entering the seminary since the beginning of those.
Click to expand...
That is arguably the reason why the Church is in the state it is today. Right after Vatican II, so many homosexual men were smuggled into the seminary and pushed through to ordination. It isn’t good to ordain someone who has a disorder that isn’t sorted out.

“In the light of such teaching, this Dicastery, in accord with the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments, believes it necessary to state clearly that the Church, while profoundly respecting the persons in question[9], cannot admit to the seminary or to holy orders those who practise homosexuality, present deep-seated homosexual tendencies or support the so-called “gay culture”[10].”

-CONGREGATION FOR CATHOLIC EDUCATION

Instruction
Concerning the Criteria for the Discernment of Vocations
with regard to Persons with Homosexual Tendencies
in view of their Admission to the Seminary and to Holy Orders
 
semper_catholicus said:
That is arguably the reason why the Church is in the state it is today. Right after Vatican II, so many homosexual men were smuggled into the seminary and pushed through to ordination.
Click to expand...
You’re leaving out all the heterosexual men who bailed on the priesthood after Vatican II to go get married.

If there is some priest who is able to faithfully serve the Church AND maintain his celibacy for his whole life, then he’s a good priest regardless of whether he is gay or straight. Priests who can’t maintain celibacy are a big problem for the Church regardless of whether they are gay, straight or swing both ways.
 
Last edited:
I’m not going to hijack this thread by getting into an argument with you about an unrelated topic on which, as usual, you’re taking an extreme trad viewpoint.

:roll_eyes:

Have a nice day!
 
Last edited:
In this case, it’s the Vatican taking the “extreme trad viewpoint.”
 
Well I watch daytime soaps & I’m straight… single guy but I have no plan to get married at all.
 
Any marriage…ANY marriage…
is not the solution to loneliness.
Every day on these boards we read about people who are terribly lonely in their marriages.
Loneliness is a gaping maw in one’s being.
Fill that with purpose, love of God and others, and productivity. Fill your life.
No one person is going to be or SHOULD be responsible for curing what is ails you or is lacking in your life. That’s too big of a burden. One that you yourself don’t want to carry. So think hard before hoisting it upon someone you don’t genuinely love.

That would be cruel, and unchristian.

_Your posting has very much changed since you first joined. On the old CAF you were decidedly a different type of poster. I read (didn’t have an account) many of your posts. _

_I’m asking with all due respect. Do you have a room mate? Has this account been hacked? _
it just seems so out there…

never mind, Just thinking out loud…🤔
 
Last edited:
You know what’s more devastating?

Eernal damnation for giving in to illicit and immoral homosexual desires…

OP, suffering in this life is nothing compare to the joy we are promised in the next.
Click to expand...
I don’t deny that homosexual lifestyle can be sinful. But Jesus is the ultimate shepherd, and he knows the deep reasons why people enter the lifestyle. As evidenced on this thread, it’s hard enough to be gay in the Catholic Church. I can’t imagine being gay outside the Catholic Church AND having any natural desire whatsoever to remain single and celibate for life.

I’m not pulling the self pity card. Don’t mistake me. I know everyone has a cross. But what I’m saying is, I think many of us who don’t really know what it’s like to be gay or LGBT simply throw all of them in the category of “sinner” (I know that’s NOT what you’re saying, but hang with me for a sec). And so it becomes easy, at least, to have black-and-white hard rules. We don’t soften the standards, but I think we have to understand that everyone is in a particular situation in life. I wouldn’t be surprised if many in the Kingdom of God are those persons who ARE in same-sex marriages. Christ surprises us.
 
Last edited:
That is arguably the reason why the Church is in the state it is today. Right after Vatican II, so many homosexual men were smuggled into the seminary and pushed through to ordination. It isn’t good to ordain someone who has a disorder that isn’t sorted out.
Click to expand...
One of the kindest, most pastoral, most understanding, and smartest priests I know is gay.

Please don’t spread this falsehood.

Besides, it’s not really helpful in the context of this thread.

However, it’s good to know you’re suspicious of people with SSA. I’ll keep that in mind when I read your responses on this thread. 👍
 
Last edited:
At first, reading the responses, I agreed with them. But now I think of it, asexual people are in relationships. How is this any different?

They are both not sexually attracted to each other but still love each other. I also think that sexuality is more fluid than some think…it’s a complex thing.

I think it would be best, if you ever decided to try dating women, to find someone who is comfortable with this.

The most important thing to do would be to pray for discernment. What do you think God wants you to do? Is religious life fully ruled out yet? I’ve heard that religious view their life not as isolation, but as a brotherhood. A family. Perhaps more research into different vocations could be helpful for discernment as well. God bless.
 
_Your posting has very much changed since you first joined. On the old CAF you were decidedly a different type of poster. I read (didn’t have an account) many of your posts. _

_I’m asking with all due respect. Do you have a room mate? Has this account been hacked? _
it just seems so out there…

never mind, Just thinking out loud…🤔
Click to expand...
What???

I don’t see how any of those comments are helpful.
 
misstherese said:
At first, reading the responses, I agreed with them. But now I think of it, asexual people are in relationships. How is this any different?
Click to expand...
It is not. Someone who is not able to feel sexual attraction for the spouse should not marry, no matter if the cause is SSA, asexuality or not being attracted to the specific person.
 
Now, now, don’t make a straw man.

I don’t blame you if you didn’t read all the posts, because there are A LOT (even just for me).

But the presumption is NOT that I wouldn’t have any attraction whatsoever. I’m not just going to marry a random woman. What I did say in the OP was that I don’t have any attraction to women, generally, but that was to express the extent of my SSA (so that people would actually consider my experiences for what they are, and not merely read me as “confused” or “bi”).
 
With all respect, it doesn´t matter. Not feeling sexual attraction for a woman is a reason to not marry a woman.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top