I'm a gay guy. Should I marry a woman?

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Briwerr said:
Nor is there evidence of homosexuals taking on shamanic roles. There are still functioning primitive and shamanic societies; none show such practices.
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That’s not true. For example, Vladimir G. Bogoraz (1865-1936) studied the North Siberian Chukchi and in addition to being recognized by the St. Petersburg Academy of Science for his work, he participated in expeditions with the American Museum of Natural History which surveyed and collected information about peoples in the North Pacific. According to his book, The Chukchee (American Museum of Natural History, 1904):
A separate branch of Chukchee shamanism, dealing with the perversions of sexual sense…refers to that shamanistic transformation of men and women in which they undergo a change of sex in part or even completely. This is called “soft man being” (yIrka’g-la’ ul-va’rgin); “soft man” (yIrka’g-la’ ul) meaning a man who transforms into a being of a softer sex. A man who has changed his sex is also called “similar to a woman” (ne’uchica)…

The most important of the transformations is, however, the change of sex. The “soft man” begins to feel like a woman. He seeks to win the good graces of men, and succeeds easily with the aid of the “spirits.” Thus, he has all the young men he could wish for, striving to obtain his favor. From these he chooses his lover, and after a time takes a husband. The marriage is performed with the usual rites, and I must say that it forms a quite solid union, which often lasts until the death of one of the parties.
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Thanks I missed that. It is so hard to browse through these threads with long responses on the phone app.
There he states it very clearly. Then to review my answer which I won’t edit for the sake of authenticity as long as she knows about it and is ok (many women today are ok with it) then the OP should consider it. But I cannot as a stranger on the net just tell him to go find some woman and get married.
I think Darklight had a great point - first he needs to relax and not worry about fixing the relationship status right now.
Many young women today are fluid too I don’t think he will have a hard time finding a woman to like him or understanding him.
 
Thorolfr said:
So why would I be in any way responsible if I saw a hungry person and allowed them to starve to death because I didn’t feed them when God allows another three million children to die of malnutrition every year when he could have prevented it? It seems like a case of “do as I say, not as I do.”
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God wills us to be His hands and feet in the world. Jesus is God; He came into the world to follow His example. If you see someone that is starving and don’t feed him, it simply means you don’t love your neighbor. The whole point of your existence on earth is to learn the lesson of love.
Thorolfr said:
And in the case of homosexuality, if this is indeed a disordered attraction which a person is not responsible for having, then why would God not prevent this person from having this attraction when He could easily have done so?
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It’s a matter of free will and choosing good over evil. A thief may be attracted to stealing your money. God gives a thief the grace to say NO to himself and choose not to act on his attraction. But ultimately the person is free to be a thief, or to not be a thief, regardless of his attraction to your money.
 
Gab123 said:
It’s a matter of free will and choosing good over evil. A thief may be attracted to stealing your money. God gives a thief the grace to say NO to himself and choose not to act on his attraction. But ultimately the person is free to be a thief, or to not be a thief, regardless of his attraction to your money.
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So the relationship I have with my partner of 20 years is the same as someone stealing? :roll_eyes:
 
Gab123 said:
God wills us to be His hands and feet in the world. Jesus is God; He came into the world to follow His example. If you see someone that is starving and don’t feed him, it simply means you don’t love your neighbor. The whole point of your existence on earth is to learn the lesson of love.
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Since humans are still failing to love their neighbors and feed those who are starving so that millions continue to die of malnutrition every year, isn’t God in any way responsible for all those who still starve to death because of the inaction of other humans? That would be like saying, “I saw someone starving but was expecting someone else to take care of it, and even though they didn’t, I’m not responsible for this person starving to death.”
 
You identified yourself by a slogan invented by the world. You’re not gay, you are a man that can make choices. But the fact that you said you are sexually attracted to men is no different than another man saying he’s attracted to other women except his wife. So it’s an attraction that is not lawful or good, so instead of dwelling on the attraction, give it up altogether by avoiding even the remote chance of falling into it. A man is only a thief when he chooses to be a thief. Pedophiles are sexually attracted to children. Nobody is born a pedophile just like nobody is born a thief. These are psychological developments that are built upon fantasies in the mind and choices.

We all have to be careful, because seeking God by merely following the law is a recipe for disaster. Here’s a brief talk by Archbishop Sheen on the difference between merely keeping commandments, and really living a life serving God out of love for God:
 
I’m pretty sure I mentioned more than once that I’d be having sex and open to children.

But if I wasn’t clear, I hope I am now!

Even more basic, neither would I marry a woman whom I had NO attraction to. I assume there would be some attraction. It wouldn’t be random, after all.
 
You identified yourself by a slogan invented by the world.
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Most of our words come from the “World.”

Context is key. If you think someone identifies as “gay” means they are fully-embracing of the gay “lifestyle” (whatever that may mean), then I do not think you have much experience with the typical gay person.

Regardless, I provided more than enough context on this thread for what I mean by “gay.” Even the title of the thread suggests that I am not actively pursuing sexual relations with other men.
 
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Thorolfr said:
So the relationship I have with my partner of 20 years is the same as someone stealing?
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In the sense of choosing evil over good. God gives us free will and grace to empower our will to choose good over evil. Virtue is only possible when vice is a choice.
 
No it doesn’t.

The Church teaching is that we say yes to God’s invitation with all our heart, mind, soul, strength, all of us in other words.

And we keep saying Yes in the full and beautiful complete until we die.

That’s being like Jesus. That’s loving God.

Our Lord’s humanity may have wanted to side step the will of God because that humanity wasn’t attracted to the Cross, to the bloody bloody scourging…but this lack of attraction didn’t stop Our Lord from living an unreserved Yes.

That’s the teaching of the Church about marriage. Attractions aren’t superordinate.
 
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Gab123 said:
You identified yourself by a slogan invented by the world. You’re not gay, you are a man that can make choices. But the fact that you said you are sexually attracted to men is no different than another man saying he’s attracted to other women except his wife. So it’s an attraction that is not lawful or good, so instead of dwelling on the attraction, give it up altogether by avoiding even the remote chance of falling into it. A man is only a thief when he chooses to be a thief. Pedophiles are sexually attracted to children. Nobody is born a pedophile just like nobody is born a thief. These are psychological developments that are built upon fantasies in the mind and choices.
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Any time there is a discussion about anything that has to do with homosexuality here in CAF, eventually, gay people always get compared to thieves and pedophiles and we’re told that we are more likely than others to be promiscuous and be unable to form long-lasting and monogamous relationships. We’re told that we are more likely to be mentally ill, get STDs like HIV, and that the feelings we have for those of the same sex are not real love but only lust.

And the people who say these things will probably claim that they are doing this out of love for us.
 
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Has nothing to do with the post I was replying to.

That user said that I was leading myself to hell by living a gay lifestyle.

That’s not, exactly, my state, as evidenced by my thread.

But also, just stop accusing me of not following the “Truth” or “church teaching.” It’s getting old.
 
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You think that having a committed relationship of 20 years as “choosing evil”??

That’s pretty simplistic, even by the Church’s standards. The Catholic Church rejects all extra-marital sexual activity.

Most pastors*** will tell you that committed Christian same-sex couples have very good elements, even if they are not perfect. But no relationship is perfect. We are all on a journey.
 
catholic1seeks said:
Even the title of the thread suggests that I am not actively pursuing sexual relations with other men.
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In your initial post you said that for a long while you felt attracted to the idea of having a same-sex relationship and that you really wished you could have a romantic and meaningful relationship with another man. It just sounds like you’ve been toying with the idea, toying with temptations. Temptations are tricky, and the more you ponder them the more they grow…
The deeper issue is that I simply DO NOT want to have a lonely life. I don’t want to be alone.
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You could start by getting a pet. Dogs make great companions. And on a human level, you can find friendships that do not involve sexual intercourse. But you could also look at people as more than just bodies. A woman is a person, not a body.
 
A woman is a person, not a body.
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Very true. Not sure where I said contrary.

Thanks for the pet idea. I’ll consider that. “It’s not good for the man to be alone,” said God in Genesis. Animals was his answer to that… Oh wait… 🤔
 
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catholic1seeks said:
Most pastors*** will tell you that committed Christian same-sex couples have very good elements, even if they are not perfect.
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There’s nothing good about mortal sin, regardless of what some pastors say (and where are those pastors leading their flocks??)
 
The choice is ultimately your own. However, if, as you say, you have no sexual attraction toward women, my view is it would be unfair to both you and the woman whom you marry if you decide to do so. Now, it MAY be possible to fall in love with a particular woman even if one is gay. But I don’t think that is what typically happens, and I believe you are setting yourself up for misery, not to mention cheating, if you marry someone whom you have no emotional or sexual connection with to avoid loneliness. You would do better to cultivate friendships with people you care about: maybe this is not an ideal substitute for marriage, but it is better than leading a double and deceptive life.
 
Well the still true point is at the heart of your thread: you can’t be faithful to the teaching of the Church by marrying without saying a full yes, which you admitted you can’t, given all the other laundry list of issues and reservations you’ve given us.

Your position fails a 10th grade test of logic. We can’t help you get out of that iron triangle.

This thread is well past exhausted.
 
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An elementary mistake: To conflate “grave matter” with “mortal sin.” Only by knowing one’s heart do we know if one is actually in the state of mortal sin.
 
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