I'm a horrible Catholic

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MSParrott

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After reading another post on this forum, it got me to thinking just how awful a Catholic I am.

Here is part of my post:
If I am in public, I hardly ever do anything so as not to be “noticed” - I do make the sign of the Cross when I pass a Church, but honestly sometimes try to mask it from others. I hate myself that I do that, because in my heart (and mind) I am reminded that Jesus said if we deny Him, He will deny us. This is something I really, REALLY need to work on. 😦 But when I am in Church or home, or even on this site, I am totally at ease.
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I feel like a hypocrite! I mean, I DO believe in God and all the Church teaches, it’s just when I am out in public I get embarrassed and now I feel like all the changes I have been trying to make in my life (going back to Church regularly, going to Confession regularly, saying the daily Rosary, praying for others) are moot if I am not overcoming this! This is really, bothering me and I need some guidance as I feel that now when I pray God is probably not wanting to hear from me because of this! :crying:

I know probably no one has this problem but me, and I don’t deserve guidance, but how can I get through this? What is wrong with me? I am going to speak with my priest on Saturday, but what do I do in the meantime? Part of me is embarrassed to even admit this, but I’ve got to do something.
 
Your certainly not a horrible Catholic!🙂

You say that you recently came back to Church, the Sacraments and daily prayers, so in my very humble opinion, your just not at a point of comfort with youself and your faith yet, and hey, thats OK! It’s going to take some time before you are comfortable and ready to profess your faith to the world. You will be surprised, that as time goes by, you will become more comfortable with the whole concept of public displays of your faith and you will be proud of your faith and your beliefs and you will defend it. The secular world doesn’t make it easy on people of faith either. It is doing all it can to block God out of our lives and to make it look as though there is something wrong with us, but trust me, it’s not us!

I went through a similar expierience myself when I came back to the faith. I sat in the back of Church, praying quietly and barely singing in an audible voice, not wanting to be seen or to stand out. I wasn’t comfortable for whatever reason. Maybe it was the guilt of being away for to long. but as time went by, I kept going to Church, prayed, studied my faith, read books, and I soon became very comfortable and am now pretty vocal about my beliefs. I am now a member of the Confraternity Of The Passionists, the Knights Of Columbus, and just a regular parishoner to. I can’t do enough for God and my Church. I am a new man!🙂

So be patient with yourself. It will all come into focus and it will all be a wonderful transformation!👍
 
why do you have to make the sign of the cross when passing a church? Just curious, and if you didn’t for osme reason, I fail to see how that makes you a bad, or sinful person.

I don’t think you are denying Jesus by not making a sign of the cross by every church you pass…that doesn’t sound like a lot of fun!🤷
 
MSParrott said:
I feel like a hypocrite! I mean, I DO believe in God and all the Church teaches, it’s just when I am out in public I get embarrassed and now I feel like all the changes I have been trying to make in my life (going back to Church regularly, going to Confession regularly, saying the daily Rosary, praying for others) are moot if I am not overcoming this! **This is really, bothering me and I need some guidance as I feel that now when I pray God is probably not wanting to hear from me because of this! :crying:

I know probably no one has this problem but me, and I don’t deserve guidance, but how can I get through this? What is wrong with me?**
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I have some good news for you. You are doing great, and as such, the devil is attacking you. If you were not giving a good effort to live as God wants you to, the devil would be leaving you alone.

We all have our faults. The fault you are struggling with is called “human respect”. It is the fault that makes us think “what will they say if I do this or that”. Many people have this fault… it is very common Don’t worry too much about it, just fight it. Think of it this way: Each time you are tempted to not make the sign of the cross or some other external devitional practice, just do it anyway as a sacrifice. If you fail to do it, don’t worry about it. It is a slight venial sin. Each time you give into human respect, confess it in confession. That way you will gain grace that will strengthen you against that fault (whenever we confess a sin, we are given grace to strengethen us against that particular sin).

At first, don’t focus too much on the times you fall into this fault, but instead focus on your victories - the times that you do what you ought when you are tempted not to. After a while, this fault will gradually fade.

Everyone has faults that they struggle with. Don’t let this fault of yours get you down. I have no doubt that the devil is magnifying this fault in order to discourage you. He sees the effort you have been giving lately and he is scared. He is using all of his tricks on you in order to discourage you. That is actually a good sign.

Hang in there, you are doing great 👍
 
Give yourself time. You have apparently only recently become more devout. This is new to you and you aren’t entirely comfortable with it. That’s OK! You will grow into a comfort zone.

When I first became devout, I started going to daily Mass, but I didn’t tell anyone. I attended Adoration and hoped no one would see me entering the church. I bought myself a rosary and kept it hidden.

Now, it’s 4 years later, and my faith is the main thread in the fabric of my life. It is so much who I am that I can’t hide it, don’t want to hide it. I don’t care if people know that I go to daily Mass or see me enter church during the day, and I leave my rosary, in plain view, on the end table out of convenience. My husband said to someone the other day, that I am very Catholic, and I took that as a huge compliment.

So, the point is, don’t be so hard on yourself. You are a new person, and it takes time to grow into your new self and feel comfortable with it.
 
MS Parrott, I know what you mean. But I don’t think it’s a failure, in a sense, to evangelize. I can’t bear witness effectively to what I haven’t been totally converted to. Conversion can be a very loooong process.

I could force myself to make the sign of the cross in front of my co-workers, but what good would it do if I felt a bit self conscious (still prideful, eh?)?

For me, I need to work less on trying to be the brave Catholic, fearlessly showing the world what I believe (self-centered), and work more on true conversion and humility, simply asking God, more and more, to be reflected onto others through me (Christ-centered).

So don’t get down on yourself, the devil likes it when you do that. I find it comforting, in a strange way, that God already knows what kind of a Catholic I will eventually become (and I want to be a great one someday!). Sorta helps me to want to trust and love Him more in the present.

-Tim
 
Pax_et_Caritas said:
I have some good news for you. You are doing great, and as such, the devil is attacking you. If you were not giving a good effort to live as God wants you to, the devil would be leaving you alone.

We all have our faults. The fault you are struggling with is called “human respect”. It is the fault that makes us think “what will they say if I do this or that”. Many people have this fault… it is very common Don’t worry too much about it, just fight it. Think of it this way: Each time you are tempted to not make the sign of the cross or some other external devitional practice, just do it anyway as a sacrifice. If you fail to do it, don’t worry about it. It is a slight venial sin. Each time you give into human respect, confess it in confession. That way you will gain grace that will strengthen you against that fault (whenever we confess a sin, we are given grace to strengethen us against that particular sin).

At first, don’t focus too much on the times you fall into this fault, but instead focus on your victories - the times that you do what you ought when you are tempted not to. After a while, this fault will gradually fade.

Everyone has faults that they struggle with. Don’t let this fault of yours get you down. I have no doubt that the devil is magnifying this fault in order to discourage you. He sees the effort you have been giving lately and he is scared. He is using all of his tricks on you in order to discourage you. That is actually a good sign.

Hang in there, you are doing great 👍
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Excellent response!..
…you are indeed doing great, MSP! We are all struggling and failing on some level or other and the very first step to overcome it is to recognize it and begin trying anyway to do something about it. And no sooner do I overcome my problem in one area then another crops up and I need deal with that, or try to. We are all indeed journeying towards Unity with God and that journey is not complete until we arrive in Heaven…I really have a BIG problem if I think I dont have any problems…
Pax et Caritas in the response above said it all…and you hang in there MSP - you are indeed doing great:thumbsup: …Blessings and regards…Barb:)
 
I have had the same problem as you, but I have found that by just letting God do His work in me, day by day, I have come to the point that I don’t care what other people think about me. I don’t flaunt my faith, nor do I try to push it on others, but I am honest about it and people know where I stand. I had nothing to do with this, it was God alone who took the embarrassment and fear from me. Pray and surrender to the Lord daily and try to relax and let your faith grow naturally. It will. You will occasionally slip and fall, but God will always be there to pick you back up again. And don’t try to compare yourself with other Christians. Everybody has had to struggle, nobody is perfect.
 
I don’t think you’re horrible. I find you really charitable.
As for your struggles, I understand. Right now, I’m just feeling down. I don’t know; there are lots of reasons and there are no reasons.

Do keep praying; don’t lose hope.
 
MSParrott said:
After reading another post on this forum, it got me to thinking just how awful a Catholic I am.

Here is part of my post:
If I am in public, I hardly ever do anything so as not to be “noticed” - I do make the sign of the Cross when I pass a Church, but honestly sometimes try to mask it from others. I hate myself that I do that, because in my heart (and mind) I am reminded that Jesus said if we deny Him, He will deny us. This is something I really, REALLY need to work on. But when I am in Church or home, or even on this site, I am totally at ease.

I feel like a hypocrite! I mean, I DO believe in God and all the Church teaches, it’s just when I am out in public I get embarrassed and now I feel like all the changes I have been trying to make in my life (going back to Church regularly, going to Confession regularly, saying the daily Rosary, praying for others) are moot if I am not overcoming this! This is really, bothering me and I need some guidance as I feel that now when I pray God is probably not wanting to hear from me because of this! :crying:

I know probably no one has this problem but me, and I don’t deserve guidance, but how can I get through this? What is wrong with me? I am going to speak with my priest on Saturday, but what do I do in the meantime? Part of me is embarrassed to even admit this, but I’ve got to do something.
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you are not a horrible Catholic.I think you are a very good,nice Catholic.You do not always HAVE to make the SOTC at a church-you can just talk to Jesus in your heart and tell him how much you love him in the Blessed Sacrement.(which is what I do)God knows what you mean even without external signs.However,if you are just embarressed,then please remember that it doesn’t matter in the slightest what others think of you-ONLY what God thinks.Be proud of the Lord-you are lucky to know him,and if people dont see this,they are very silly!Hope this helps.
 
CatholicMC said:
why do you have to make the sign of the cross when passing a church? Just curious, and if you didn’t for osme reason, I fail to see how that makes you a bad, or sinful person.

I don’t think you are denying Jesus by not making a sign of the cross by every church you pass…that doesn’t sound like a lot of fun!🤷
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It’s not a sin if you don’t, but it’s nice to show reverence to the Blessed Sacrament when you pass a Catholic church. One of our churches sits at a very busy intersection, and I’m not about to take my hands off the steering wheel in order to make the SOC. :eek: But still, I try to nod at least.

For the OP, you are doing fine. Returning to the faith is a process, it’s not all-or-nothing. Don’t let the devil lie to you and condemn you for your efforts. Keep on keepin’ on, and God bless! 👍
 
Thanks everyone for your kind words. I’m sorry for not having responded sooner - I just needed a day to kind of get myself back together.
why do you have to make the sign of the cross when passing a church? Just curious, and if you didn’t for some reason, I fail to see how that makes you a bad, or sinful person.
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My sister had told me about this years ago and she said that it’s important to acknowledge Jesus in the Eucharist when passing a Catholic Church, so I’ve always done so. No one ever told me it was something that had to be done, it’s just something that has stayed with me and I just thought it was a respectful thing to do.
I have some good news for you. You are doing great, and as such, the devil is attacking you. If you were not giving a good effort to live as God wants you to, the devil would be leaving you alone.
Click to expand...
We all have our faults. The fault you are struggling with is called “human respect”. It is the fault that makes us think “what will they say if I do this or that”. Many people have this fault… it is very common Don’t worry too much about it, just fight it. Think of it this way: Each time you are tempted to not make the sign of the cross or some other external devotional practice, just do it anyway as a sacrifice. If you fail to do it, don’t worry about it. It is a slight venial sin. Each time you give into human respect, confess it in confession. That way you will gain grace that will strengthen you against that fault (whenever we confess a sin, we are given grace to strengthen us against that particular sin).
Click to expand...
At first, don’t focus too much on the times you fall into this fault, but instead focus on your victories - the times that you do what you ought when you are tempted not to. After a while, this fault will gradually fade.
Click to expand...
Everyone has faults that they struggle with. Don’t let this fault of yours get you down. I have no doubt that the devil is magnifying this fault in order to discourage you. He sees the effort you have been giving lately and he is scared. He is using all of his tricks on you in order to discourage you. That is actually a good sign.
Click to expand...
Thanks for this - I never knew about human respect in that way. It’s actually kind of comforting to know that I am not alone.

Like another poster mentioned, I have always compared myself to others, and in doing so, it has always kind of highlighted my short-comings. Perhaps I am a bit scrupulous as well. It just really scares me to imagine God not hearing me or not wanting anything to do with me - that and the thought of going to hell are my absolute worst fears. I know that none of us are worthy of His love and His grace, I just so don’t want to do anything to offend Him or to make Him stop loving me. But in reading everyone’s posts, I know that He is greater than any despair we may have - I just have to remind myself that this is true, even for me.

You know, I feel a real gratitude for having found this forum. I get so much “spiritual food” from here and learn new things every time I come. It’s a blessing to be able to bear my soul and not be judged, but to be given advise from other members of the Church. I know this is going to be an on-going battle, but hopefully it is one that can be overcome.
 
jpjd said:
When I first became devout, I started going to daily Mass, but I didn’t tell anyone. I attended Adoration and hoped no one would see me entering the church. I bought myself a rosary and kept it hidden.

Now, it’s 4 years later, and my faith is the main thread in the fabric of my life. It is so much who I am that I can’t hide it, don’t want to hide it. I don’t care if people know that I go to daily Mass or see me enter church during the day, and I leave my rosary, in plain view, on the end table out of convenience. My husband said to someone the other day, that I am very Catholic, and I took that as a huge compliment.
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My goodness, I had to look to see who posted this because it’s the exact story I have. I also came back to the Church 4 years ago. I lied to my husband 4 years ago when he asked me if I were going to Mass everyday…about 15 minutes later I went to him and told him I lied and I was going everyday. I was embarrassed praying in restaurants (although he, at the time non-Catholic, insisted that we do so), hid my rosary beads, and was very uncomfortable wearing my Crucifix when I had to attend a party with a whole bunch of people from my past.

Fast forward 4 years: I have no embarrassment whatsoever praying in restaurants, wearing my Crucifix, there’s a pair of Rosaries in nearly every room in the house…and yet, sometimes it’s still hard for me in a few instances to profess God’s love for us and how He is the only help for people…but the point is, I’m growing. We’re growing daily in our devotion to God. In 4 more years, I hope to be even farther than where I am now.

So take heart–what you’re going through is simply the stages it takes for growth to the Lord.

GladCatholic
 
Wait…are we supposed to make the SOTC in public? I usually just say the words under my breath. When i pass a Church i usually just nod my head a bit out of respect. I never considered myself to be denying Christ. If someone comes up to me and asks me if i’m Catholic i’ll always say yes.
 
MSParrott said:
I know probably no one has this problem but me, and I don’t deserve guidance, but how can I get through this? What is wrong with me? I am going to speak with my priest on Saturday, but what do I do in the meantime? Part of me is embarrassed to even admit this, but I’ve got to do something.
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The Lord sends troubled souls into your path. How will they know you are there for them unless by a sign (of the Cross). You might just call a fallen away Catholic back to the faith, or draw a non-denom or even non-believer to the faith. When it does happen, you will know God’s love and mercy.

Christ’s peace.
 
a quote that i like that i need to listen to myself is
“Live to please God, and not to please man.” Pretty simply put, but hard to do!
 
MSParrott said:
After reading another post on this forum, it got me to thinking just how awful a Catholic I am.

Here is part of my post:

I feel like a hypocrite! I mean, I DO believe in God and all the Church teaches, it’s just when I am out in public I get embarrassed and now I feel like all the changes I have been trying to make in my life (going back to Church regularly, going to Confession regularly, saying the daily Rosary, praying for others) are moot if I am not overcoming this! This is really, bothering me and I need some guidance as I feel that now when I pray God is probably not wanting to hear from me because of this! :crying:

I know probably no one has this problem but me, and I don’t deserve guidance, but how can I get through this? What is wrong with me? I am going to speak with my priest on Saturday, but what do I do in the meantime? Part of me is embarrassed to even admit this, but I’ve got to do something.
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Aw–don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s easy to change…go to Confession, if you feel this troubled by it, and then…repent…and then…DO WHATEVER IT IS YOU WERE FEELING EMBARASSED ABOUT. It’s simple.😉 I know it’s not that simple, but I used to walk by a large large as life statue of Jesus, and bless myself when I went for a walk back in PA. I at first, would make a gesture, as though I was doing something else…but I too, remember that verse…and I do not ever want to deny the Lord. So, I asked for forgiveness, and now, I make sure I never hide it. But, we don’t need everyone to see everything we do either…remember, the Pharisees prayed in public for everyone to see…the important thing is to not be embarassed by what we do for our Lord…gestures, prayer, talking about Him with co-workers…whatever it may be…

You are not a bad Catholic–you are human.🙂
 
BrooklynBoy200 said:
Wait…are we supposed to make the SOTC in public? I usually just say the words under my breath. When i pass a Church i usually just nod my head a bit out of respect. I never considered myself to be denying Christ. If someone comes up to me and asks me if i’m Catholic i’ll always say yes.
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Well, yes. No one will ask about your faith if you speak under your breath, or nod your head. Everyone on the bus is doing the same, but they’re not making the sign of the cross. Now, that’s something altogether different. :signofcross:

Christ’s peace.
 
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