Thank you all so much for your continued prayers…they are certainly helping. My faith has grown tremendously.
My wife and I will continue to go to counciling once a week. It has opened my eyes as to how I did not meet her needs…she feels that I controlled her, didn’t listen to her, and said hurtful things to her…this bothers me greatly, because I never knew it…
Now, she says that she has suppressed her feelings for so long that they just are not there.
It has been nothing but miscommunication and a very busy life…we shared an amazing love for the first 7 years or so.
She now has a lot of hurt, resentment, and anger…with no feelings for me.
I ask that you please continue to pray for her and us…I know that it helps and is much needed.
Please pray for her heart to find forgiveness because there can be no love where her current pain resides.
Thank you all!!!
In Christ,
Chris
Chris:
One reason I’m not crazy about marriage counseling is what I’m hearing here - “I didn’t meet her needs… She feels I controlled her, didn’t listen to her and said hurtful things to her…That she has suppressed her feelings for so long that they just aren’t there.”
And, what I’m not hearing - That we can never really meet each others needs, because only God can; How we can communicate our needs, wants and desires to our mates without bossing them around; That men aren’t telepaths and just won’t know what their wives/fiancees/girlfriends want unless their wives/fiancess/girlfriends tell them; That men, esp. when we’re tired, have the attention span of gnats, and that doesn’t mean we aren’t listening; That both men and women say hurtful things to each other when arguing, and that part of life is learning to let go of the hurt and pain from previous arguments and to not keep from adding to that hurt by giving whatever your loved one says in the latest argument the most loving exculpatory explanation possible. and, Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a commitment, an act of the will, a binding together where 1+1=3 because God is part of the equation.
I didn’t hear anything about how you and your wife could heal your relationship, and how your wife could have healing within the relationship. All I heard was you being torn down. You probably made plenty of mistakes - We all do - but Marriage counseling shouldn’t be “Open Season on Chris” with the “caper” being your wife now feels justified in leaving this pitiful, sobbing pool of humanity named “Chris”.
Tell them both that you’re there because you love your wife and you want the marriage to work, and that you’re willing to do whatever it takes short of losing your relationship to Christ, or your humanity, to keep this relationship together and to make this marriage work. then, Ask your wife if she wants to make the marriage work, and is willing to try to make it work, realizing that you can change some things and others you can’t (
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus or Shortened one paragraph version above). and, Don’t be afraid to ask the therapist what goal she has in mind, what she feels a successful outcome would be.
I hope this turns out to be helpful.
Your Brother and Servant in Christ, Michael
