Im Bisexual

[JoArtist]

I’m hearing that it is not just the fact that you are bisexual, but the fact that the noise level of your temptation is exceptionally high. That must be very difficult. I would think that level of sexual tension, that is the excitement of seeing someone as attractive on more than a casual passing-notice basis would be very tiring.

I have a great many male friends, and quite a few of them are priests. When we are going to have a private conversation, we either meet where someone not in the room with us nevertheless knows we are there and could peek in at any time or else we just plain meet in public, like in a restaurant. My husband always knows and is always invited. As it happens, I don’t think I meet any of my female friends under different circumstances. We have private conversations, but never in a place that we would have an opportunity to “do” anything. Very often, we meet in a group. That is not by design, it is just how it is. Women are especially likely to socialize in groups–you know, bookclubs and whatnot. Maybe you could have a social life far more like mine than you know. But I do understand where that might be like a strict diabetic trying to work at See’s.

That would be very hard. I don’t know what could be like that for me, except maybe to have a long list of food allergies: you know, no eggs, no dairy, no gluten, no alcohol, no this, no that. It would make social events so hard that I’m sure I’d be less social, even though I’d miss the human contact. I’d probably resent that being “good” required more privation for me. The energy required to “be good” while being social would be too high to do it often. Yeah, I think I can imagine the basic idea. Very hard.

Actually funny you bring up Sees because I just happen to be deathly allergic to chocolate. Well it is just hard to have more than a few friends moving as often as I do. Right now I have two friends who I can hardly get together with. Like at the moment my husband has been gone for 5 weeks for his job and I have only been able to get together with my friends a few times. Depending on the situation you sometimes go a little crazy, like I have been lately with the lack of human contact… especially when people go out in groups out here, they are getting plastered at bars. The plight of always living in military areas.

 

[jessiepie]

I just turned 19 and recently accepted that I’m bisexual, and have been since I was very little (my earliest memories are from when I was 6, always drawing pictures of pretty girls because I found them really attractive). When I was 11, I accidentally stumbled across bdsm porn online, and I got addicted to it. Over the years I’ve tried to stop but it’s been really hard. I’m wondering what to do, (BESIDES talking to a priest, that’s one thing I wont do). I haven’t told anyone about it besides my brother, and I’m at a loss. Any advice would be really appreciated. Thank you.

Honey, you don’t even know what you are. You started viewing pornography when you were just starting puberty and forming your sexuality. Your sexuality has been “perverted” by pornography. It has been proven that pornography rewires your brain and changes the way people are sexaully. There’s good news though, your brain can be fixed

1. Try covenant eyes or some other blocking service
2. Put a picture of jesus near your computer
3. Sprinkle holy water throughout your home
4. wear a St Benedicts medal
5. Do a rosary novena for chastity
6. Pray the St. Michael every time you feel tempted
7. seek spiritual guidance
8. find an accountability partner
9. think of your future spouse. Would you want him in those positions you see on screen? Would you want him to see you in those positions? Remember the dignity of the people in pornography. Would you want your future spouse viewing pornography while you’re married?
10. Find a healthy habit to replace the times you typically view pornography.

I leave you with this warning, Our Lady of Fatima stated that more people will go to hell for sins of the flesh than any other sin…
you are not alone. The devil has found a perfect way to decieve and lead people away via pornography. I will pray for you!

 

[JoArtist]

Honey, you don’t even know what you are. You started viewing pornography when you were just starting puberty and forming your sexuality. Your sexuality has been “perverted” by pornography. It has been proven that pornography rewires your brain and changes the way people are sexaully. There’s good news though, your brain can be fixed

1. Try covenant eyes or some other blocking service
2. Put a picture of jesus near your computer
3. Sprinkle holy water throughout your home
4. wear a St Benedicts medal
5. Do a rosary novena for chastity
6. Pray the St. Michael every time you feel tempted
7. seek spiritual guidance
8. find an accountability partner
9. think of your future spouse. Would you want him in those positions you see on screen? Would you want him to see you in those positions? Remember the dignity of the people in pornography. Would you want your future spouse viewing pornography while you’re married?
10. Find a healthy habit to replace the times you typically view pornography.

I leave you with this warning, Our Lady of Fatima stated that more people will go to hell for sins of the flesh than any other sin…
you are not alone. The devil has found a perfect way to decieve and lead people away via pornography. I will pray for you!

Although I think that most of this is pretty good advice, telling someone they don’t know what they are is presumptuous. Saying their mind can be fixed is also a little presumptuous. Most people who struggle with bisexuality or homosexuality deal with it for all their life. I know I had my first bisexual thoughts at around 6 or 7 and I didn’t even know what it was called until I hit high school. Now I am in my 30’s, married, and I am still dealing with same sex attraction. The most effective way to deal with it is to manage these feelings, not assuming you can get rid of them.

There is a really high depression and suicide rate among those who go through counseling aimed at changing their sexual orientation.

 

[ceciliatherese]

Although I think that most of this is pretty good advice, telling someone they don’t know what they are is presumptuous. Saying their mind can be fixed is also a little presumptuous. Most people who struggle with bisexuality or homosexuality deal with it for all their life. I know I had my first bisexual thoughts at around 6 or 7 and I didn’t even know what it was called until I hit high school. Now I am in my 30’s, married, and I am still dealing with same sex attraction. The most effective way to deal with it is to manage these feelings, not assuming you can get rid of them.

There is a really high depression and suicide rate among those who go through counseling aimed at changing their sexual orientation.

same thing with me.

 

[JoArtist]

same thing with me.

Sometimes it takes a bisexual to understand bisexuality… most people just don’t understand it fully… they mean well, but it is a hard to understand all it’s facets if you have not experienced it.

 

[mariafransisca2]

Learn about chastity
chastityislove.blogspot.com/

I have same sex attraction but I don’t consider myself to be homosexual or bisexual.

I just shun it off, and consider it a weakness and a cross. I tend not to look at women in the face, I cast my eyes down.

Jesus loves you.

If you love Jesus you have everything, if you don’t have him, you lose everything.

Heaven is our goal. Be holy and be a saint.

Read Saints Books
saintsbookscatechisms.blogspot.com/

Learn about your faith
everycatholicblog.blogspot.com/

Go to confession frequently. Love Jesus with all your heart, mind, and soul. And love your neighbor as yourself.

You might want to read my testimonial regarding homosexuality
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=578722

Homosexuality and bisexuality is a mortal sin.

Same sex attraction, when is not regarded or shunned off, even though is still there is a venial sin.

I know this because I’m still struggling with it, even though I go to weekly confession and have regular confessors

 

[Rkdajr]

How about if one wanted to pursue a friendship with a person of the same-sex whom they happen to have a crush on? That’s the case for me - there’s a girl in my youth group whom I find cute, and since her personality is what I’m attracted to, then it seems like she would have the characteristics that are found in a good friend. I don’t have any friends that are girls, just guys, and I wouldn’t be looking for a friendship with her to ogle or date her.

And I don’t find it wrong to identify as bisexual if one were to ask. I don’t have to consider it as part of my whole identity as a person, but I certainly wouldn’t call myself straight. This also probably won’t be a favorable view, but I don’t really consider my bisexuality as only weakness or curse; what I have found is a feeling of appreciation for the beauty of both sexes and something different than just attraction. That doesn’t mean I will allow myself to think or look at women sexually, it’s just I feel like there is a certain…redeeming attribute about it. You don’t have to agree with me.

 

[ceciliatherese]

How about if one wanted to pursue a friendship with a person of the same-sex whom they happen to have a crush on? That’s the case for me - there’s a girl in my youth group whom I find cute, and since her personality is what I’m attracted to, then it seems like she would have the characteristics that are found in a good friend. I don’t have any friends that are girls, just guys, and I wouldn’t be looking for a friendship with her to ogle or date her.

And I don’t find it wrong to identify as bisexual if one were to ask. I don’t have to consider it as part of my whole identity as a person, but I certainly wouldn’t call myself straight. This also probably won’t be a favorable view, but I don’t really consider my bisexuality as only weakness or curse; what I have found is a feeling of appreciation for the beauty of both sexes and something different than just attraction. That doesn’t mean I will allow myself to think or look at women sexually, it’s just I feel like there is a certain…redeeming attribute about it. You don’t have to agree with me.

I think so too. Bisexuality attraction isn’t gross or evil. It’s not bad unless you act on it. It can actually be pretty enlightening, and can help you see the beauty of people more.

 

[mariafransisca2]

I think so too. Bisexuality attraction isn’t gross or evil. It’s not bad unless you act on it. It can actually be pretty enlightening, and can help you see the beauty of people more.

Be careful though, I said it is a venial sin if you don’t consent to it. Having the attraction, and not consenting to it. Meaning, not enjoying it and say, My Jesus Mercy, or Jesus have mercy on me! Have a boundary between lust and chastity. The boundary is chastity. As long as you look at her chastely, while admiring her beauty, that is allowed. But if lust comes in, it is better not to look at her in the face.

Yes, pursue a friendship. That’s a good idea! that means we love the person. Love is all Jesus ask. We need to love one another as Jesus has loved us

 

[mariafransisca2]

Here’s my letter to a friend, I don’t consider it a sin.

Sandra,

I used to have this friend, desy and she creeped me out.

I didn’t creep you out. Yay. I know my love for you is chaste and according to the will of God.

Lemme try to express my love for you.

I am no songwriter, but I can write lyrics. Chaste one

Sandra… you are like sandals.

Although very beautiful, and you too are funny and witty

I always laugh at your presence.

You are very feminine and motherly.

I love you as a mother, daughter and sister.

You love your family and friends

That’s what I like about you

Love… that’s what’s matters to you

The same goes for me

Reff:
I wish I can see you again.
See you face to face and say
I love you so, dear friend.
You mesmerize me
By your personality.
Think you’re witty too.
Didn’t know that word. Now it’s my favorite

I am no comedian
But I think our personalities just match
We are destined to be friends
Now and forever

Even though we are from different descendent
I am chinese and you are not.
My mother always taught me, about how important race is.
Not for me, for me love is what matters.

I am happy that you have John
Who loves you as you are
And I am happy that he’s in love with you
The love that you deserve

To bad brother John. Why do you take her so soon?
Without having to say goodbye
Or say a word longer than one or two.

I wish I can be where you are
Although I dislike NYC or Jakarta
I wish we can just meet and talk

I do wish to be a nun.
When I do I will pray for you.
Now and until the hour of my death.

Amen.

Why do we have the amen?

I wish I can go to europe and be with my love and life, Jesus.

Enjoy the nature. Live a peaceful life. Free from all distractions. Free from all, concupiscence .

I want to life a chaste, unworldly life for Jesus.

I want to speak Italian! What a beautiful Language. Latin also.

Or, I can go to the states and make a difference on youth and children, why do I choose the states?

I have to be honest, firstly, because you are there, and I can meet you.

Secondly, because I find it easier to express myself in english, plus all the catholic resources I have that I want to share is in english.

So I have no idea how to share it with my indonesian peers. I find english fascinating.

Indonesian language is very limited and not as beautiful as english.

The Catholicism is also richer in the states, because they are more intelligent. The Church. And all.

Maybe from the states then I can go back to Indonesia, if I have the donation, I’ll build houses for the poor using that donations.

But I don’t know, I’m still so young and I have NO idea how to move to the states. Besides, I am still clueless as to how to get my degree.

All I know, I want to bear fruit for Jesus. Bear fruit in the lives of others. So that I may share the love that Jesus has given me, to all who need it especially children and youth, but also adults. So that they may find Jesus, who is their source of happiness in life. And may attain heaven.

If you read the live of Mother teresa, or watch her movie, you will be inspired to do the same.

Our lives can have enormous impact on others. Our love, particularly, love of God and love of neighbor.

Our neighbor need our love and help. There are many people who are lonely, who feels empty in life, albeit having all the world can offer.

They need the love of Jesus that heals. They need Jesus.

I love you. God loves you more

You are very pretty, feminine, and witty.

When I was in your class I find you funny as well, I always laugh at your simplicity and honesty.

May the merciful Jesus bless you

---

It is called LOVE.

Yes we need to love one another as Jesus has loved us.
And I believe we can fall in love with a person of the same sex, without having to be a homosexual/bisexual. We can love that person with a chaste love.

Mother mary is the world’s first love.

I am in love with Mother Mary. I think she is the most beautiful person on earth.

And I love her. And she has answered, I am in love with you too.

So…

Love, that’s what’s matters. And Chastity.

Love one another with a chaste love.

Learn about chastity from Chastity Speaker : Jason Evert
youtube.com/results?search_query=jason+evert&aq=f

May the merciful Jesus bless you

 

[Audior]

Addressing the BDSM part, I struggled with the same thing and this really helped me out. It’s a completely objective, intellectual look at the motives behind it. I do not endorse the person who wrote it in any way, but she brings up some fantastic points and might help you find some underlying motives. She addresses why she thinks so many Christians struggle with it. It won’t give you a solution but will probably help you understand the WHY behind what you do. Make sure to take it with a grain of salt, but I hope it helps you get over it like it has helped me; it’s all about finding proper, non sexual intimacy with friends and family .

vekquin.com/articles/bdsm-new-church.html

 

[EasterJoy]

I think so too. Bisexuality attraction isn’t gross or evil. It’s not bad unless you act on it. It can actually be pretty enlightening, and can help you see the beauty of people more.

Another problem is that people pick up on it unconsciously when you recognize them as sexual people. If you think about the difference in an 80 year old man when a young waitress flirts with him compared to the same man with a waitress who acts like he’s dead, I guess that will illustrate what I mean. People perk up when they sense that you see them as attractive, even if they know you’d never in a million years think to proposition them yourself. They mirror that openness to the idea of mutual attraction. They return that little sparkle. Harmless for most, but that can’t make it easier for a struggling bisexual!!

 

[Paul_theApostle]

ceciliatherese,

All of us in our life have our long journey to walk towards Heaven and hopefully become more and more closer to our Creator-God.

Our aim is to love God and grow in loving him more and more and loving eachother,as Jesus said “if you love me you will keep my Commandments”

With regard to Sexuality,God created male and female with also a boundary for Sexual activity only to be performed in Sacred Matrimony.

Man and women are under assaults from temptations of the flesh in the forms of Adultery,pre-marital sex,self-sex abuse masturbation and Same sex homosexual sexual relations.

In the Bible the Apostle Paul states in certain Cities women gave up Natural relations with men to enter into Unnatural relations with other women and also that men burned with lust for other men and performed shameful acts.

Dear soul,as we all try to become Holy and keep to the Commands of our Lord.please know that for us to love eachother as brothers and sisters is ok,but if we were to follow our desires of our bodies,we may find ourselves really disregarding Gods natural law and find ourselves deviating very much from Gods plan for us and from becoming Grace filled beings.

To follow God and do the right thing is ours and your choice,if we choose to put our energy into following Him and in doing the right thing in the end God will take care of our weaknesses and temptations and ill desires and he will transform us into the people we are meant to be with pure hearts and pure desires and Joy in knowing that we are following Gods way ,and the right way.

So if u choose to remain on the Christian path,learn about the Faith and whats right and whats wrong and know that God can heal us and transform our weaknesses and set us aright.

Peace ,God be with you

 

[crazzeto]

I just turned 19 and recently accepted that I’m bisexual, and have been since I was very little (my earliest memories are from when I was 6, always drawing pictures of pretty girls because I found them really attractive). When I was 11, I accidentally stumbled across bdsm porn online, and I got addicted to it. Over the years I’ve tried to stop but it’s been really hard. I’m wondering what to do, (BESIDES talking to a priest, that’s one thing I wont do). I haven’t told anyone about it besides my brother, and I’m at a loss. Any advice would be really appreciated. Thank you.

My wife has the same adversion talking ot a priest, while I don’t personally understand it (they are here to help us get to heaven after all) I will respect your feelings. This is leaves us with the basic question, what do you want out of life? Do you really want to live life to the fullest? I would suggest that if the answer is yes, then the best way to do that is to live every day for Christ.

This I fear though, is probably one of the most difficult (and simplest ironically) persuites known to man. It is difficult only is so far as at times it can make us feel like we should do something so contrary to what everything inside is telling us. But the plain truth is that God would never ask us to do something contrary to our nature, rather it is our passions which can lead us to action contrary to our nature if left unchecked.

So my advice is, first decide what you want in life, and decide how much you want it. I hope what you want in life is to be with Christ, and I hope you want it so bad you would mortify (*note, this doesn’t just mean literallly beating your self) your self, or even die to have it. If so, then perhaps the ideal mortification is dening this “bi-sexual” passion which wishes to consume you. This can be a great mortification, indeed dening sexual passions is one of the most difficult things to do, many would find it easier to literally beat them selves.

When you master this passion, I can tell you you will feel a closeness with God that will so suprpass your desires for sex with both genders that you’ll look oddly on your old desires (even if on some level you still struggle with it, and on some level you might the rest of your life). I know that’s how I feel about manythings associated with my life before my reversion to the church.

 

[smichhertz]

I just turned 19 and recently accepted that I’m bisexual, and have been since I was very little (my earliest memories are from when I was 6, always drawing pictures of pretty girls because I found them really attractive). When I was 11, I accidentally stumbled across bdsm porn online, and I got addicted to it. Over the years I’ve tried to stop but it’s been really hard. I’m wondering what to do, (BESIDES talking to a priest, that’s one thing I wont do). I haven’t told anyone about it besides my brother, and I’m at a loss. Any advice would be really appreciated. Thank you.

He ceciliatherese,

I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. Rest assured, I’m praying for you. I do not struggle with same sex attraction, hence I cannot offer much advice except to say remember always that you are loved by God and that you are His daughter. He does not give you any cross that you can’t overcome, so trust in Him and you will be fine.

I can say, that in my struggles with impurity I have found the following helpful:

1. Frequent Communion and Confession This is absolutely the best thing you can do to defeat any sin. Go to confession weekly, even if you haven’t committed any serious sins. It gets you into the habit of examining your conscience more often. Also, it helps you start to nip sins in the bud by recognizing what starts. Daily mass is always a good idea, if you can, try and go to mass every day.

2. Pray the rosary daily There is no better weapon against impurity than the rosary. I honestly didn’t really make much progress with my own struggles with impurity until I started praying the rosary daily. Then I moved in leaps and bounds.

3. Make the sign of the cross whenever you have a lustful thought Firstly, it trains you to rely on God rather than yourself. Too often when fighting this sin, people make the mistake of thinking they can beat it on their own. St. Phillip Neri once said “When it comes to impurity, it is the cowards who are victorious” meaning that the people who are humble enough to recognize they are powerless against impurity are the ones that ultimately conquer it in the end. Secondly, it’s a good psychological trick that forces you to recognize impure thoughts as they occur. If you are spiritually “swatting away” lustful thoughts the second the occur, the chances of you acting on them grow slimmer over time.

4. Get a spiritual director / regular confessor I can understand the hesitation of talking to a priest about this. That’s fine, but you should at least have a regular confessor. This way, rather than just getting the same speech every time you go to confession, you’ll get building advice. Besides, when you have a regular confessor, then there’s an accountability. There have been many times where I didn’t commit a sin solely because I just didn’t want to have to tell my spiritual director. It’s an extra motivation to help you break a vice!

Hopefully, some of that helps. Best of luck, you are in my prayers!

 

[smichhertz]

I feel for you. I am a bisexual myself and it is a very hard plight and highly misunderstood. This site is probably not the place to go to look for help. I asked a question like this under an old name a while back and got ripped apart and harassed… The biggest thing I have found that has helped me is finding someone who you are comfortable talking with about this (kind of an accountability partner). I would be very careful when picking this person out, because if it gets out, you can deal with great hostility and even hatred from the community. I don’t mean to scare you, I just learned this the hard way. Prayer is helpful as well. These feelings of same-sex attraction may never go away (they haven’t for me), but they have become more manageable in time. Another word of advice would be to NOT go to a catholic homosexual support group, the homosexual community tends to be very hostile to bisexuals. I hope that this helps!

JoArtist,

I’m so sorry to hear that that was your experience. Sometimes discussion can get a little heated and users can sometimes mistakenly project their own faults and failings onto others. Not everyone on CAF is like that, and I hope your experiences are more positive in the future.

 

[jessiepie]

Although I think that most of this is pretty good advice, telling someone they don’t know what they are is presumptuous. Saying their mind can be fixed is also a little presumptuous. Most people who struggle with bisexuality or homosexuality deal with it for all their life. I know I had my first bisexual thoughts at around 6 or 7 and I didn’t even know what it was called until I hit high school. Now I am in my 30’s, married, and I am still dealing with same sex attraction. The most effective way to deal with it is to manage these feelings, not assuming you can get rid of them.

There is a really high depression and suicide rate among those who go through counseling aimed at changing their sexual orientation.

salifeline.org/can-pornography-use-become-an-actual-brain-addiction/
candeohealthysexuality.com/brain-science-of-sexual-addiction/

These studies and more accessed on www.pornharms.com illustrate how pornography use changes the way the brain functions and creates a desire for deviant sexual behavior whether it is BDSM or same sex attraction.

I will pray for you

 

[JoArtist]

salifeline.org/can-pornography-use-become-an-actual-brain-addiction/
candeohealthysexuality.com/brain-science-of-sexual-addiction/

These studies and more accessed on www.pornharms.com illustrate how pornography use changes the way the brain functions and creates a desire for deviant sexual behavior whether it is BDSM or same sex attraction.

I will pray for you

I never said that I struggled with pornography. My point is that you don’t have to watch porn to have same sex attraction and to assume that is what must of caused it isn’t necessarily true. It is a mistake to assume that your sexuality will change if you try hard enough… not always the case. Too many end up killing themselves, going into depressions, or just giving into their attractions when they don’t succeed in changing their sexual preferences.

 

[PaulinVA]

I’m hearing that it is not just the fact that you are bisexual, but the fact that the noise level of your temptation is exceptionally high. That must be very difficult. I would think that level of sexual tension, that is the excitement of seeing someone as attractive on more than a casual passing-notice basis would be very tiring.

EasterJoy, that was a very compassionate post.

I was trying to form a response but yours is better than anything I was going to say. I find it interesting that it’s the level of temptation that is the problem. I don’t go through life thinking of every woman I see as a potential sexual partner. I already have a wife, so I don’t entertain thoughts of other women. Perhaps that’s a learned behavior.

 

[EasterJoy]

I find it interesting that it’s the level of temptation that is the problem. I don’t go through life thinking of every woman I see as a potential sexual partner. I already have a wife, so I don’t entertain thoughts of other women. Perhaps that’s a learned behavior.

I think the “decibel level” or power of our sexual desires or interests probably has a lot in common with our other appetites…some aspects genetic, some in our upbringing, some cultural or environmental, some in how we learned to self-soothe, some in the current state of our health and relationships, and some based on recent habit…and so and so on. IOW: some things we can control, some we can’t, and it’s not always clear what those things even are.

Passions aren’t a bad thing, per se…at least, they seem to go hand-in-hand to so much about us that is generous and creative. It is only when the evil one uses them to turn our thoughts to *doing *wrong or changes our attitudes towards what is right and what is wrong, or enslaves us to our own wants that we have a moral problem on our hands. Other than that, passions can of course present problems, but more as emotional or mental trial than a moral one.

I’m saying this in the hopes that people who find their passions emotionally or mentally tiring or distracting or whatever will at least not beat themselves up about whether they are moral failures. I don’t think it is a moral fault that when one person can see the sexual attractiveness that God put into both men and women, or that one sees it only in one’s own gender. It has the potential to be a profound trial, not seeing any sexual attraction in the opposite sex can be an insurmountable obstacle with regards to marriage, but simply having one outlook or another is not a moral fault.

Some might interject that a man with a deep-seated desire for other men cannot become a priest, but let’s face it: a man whose desire for women is similarly deep-seated is not a good candidate for life-long celibacy, either. When the sound of our sexual desire is consistently very loud, it is probably not a good idea to put the strain and duty of Holy Orders on top of that, considering that falling into scandalous sin has much greater repercussions for a priest than for other Catholic men.